Being Ghosted

[HitchhikingGhost]

Happened a few times back in my online dating days. Things would seem to be going well, not just from my perspective but he would say similar. Then boom... Never to be seen again
I don't get it. Just say if youre actually not interested

 

[CarrieW24]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

 

[Blondie]

Been ghosted by ‘friends’ in the past. This one woman in particular, we hit it off on a parenting site, our kids were around the same age and eventually we became fb friends, we had a fair bit in common and I really had started to consider her as a real friend. We had even talked about meeting up one day. Talked regularly for a good few months and I didn’t notice anything off, until one day I realised she’d blocked me on everything. No idea why, was weird and it hurt a bit considering friends are hard to make in your adult years, but you move on from stuff like that. A while later she unblocked me, only realised because she popped up on the ‘people you may know’ thing, thought it was weird that she would unblock me as that would have been a conscious decision, but I didn’t really care enough to get in touch and find out why.

I have had that with a friend too (I say friend but she probably wasn't a real friend) . This one woman, known for years, kids get on so well. Actually at school together. We got on well too, similar personality and parenting style. One day she deleted me off all social media. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. I had no idea why as I haven't done anything wrong. She then goes round asking people why I am ignoring her
I haven't spoke to her about it and she has had plenty of opportunity to clear the air and speak to me about whatever her issue was but she hasn't so I've just been carrying on as normal. It's a shame some women can be so childish and not have a talk when something annoys them or whatever. We could have had a good friendship. Or so I thought. Looking back it was alway quite one sided, as in me making the effort.

 

[clueless]

I haven't been ghosted by a partner but I was kind-of ghosted by a couple of school friends back in the day, if you could call it that. The best of friends for years, then I come back to school after the New Year holidays and these couple of friends had decided to just not speak to me (and another friend) again. I did literally nothing to them, we'd spoken over the Christmas holidays, exchanged gifts etc... to this day I have absolutely no idea what it was about, but I think one of them was just a real madam. She was a bit of a control freak and always had to be the leader, I now think she was a bit of a narcissist, and the other friend had to go along with her. But it did really hurt me, when I'd always been a good friend to them.

 

[Peakyblinders]

This has happened to me and my friends a lot - was just wondering if anyone else had any stories? Love hearing peoples stories!

For those who dont know - Being ghosted is when you are talking to/seeing someone then all of a sudden they just either stop replying to you, igore you, or just delete you off everything - for NO reason!

 

[Peakyblinders]

God it’s good to know it’s not just me I have been ghosted a couple times but the main one I mentioned above was Terrible. Similar to what some of you guys said, he was all over me thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world, sending me flowers etc, telling my friends he wants to ask me to be his girlfriend but he thinks it might be too soon etc then BAM ignored. Ignored so many messages! Couple months later re appears with a sorry and claiming his mental state wasn’t right, said it’s the biggest mistake he’s ever made as I was the best thing that will ever happen to him,gave him the benefit of the doubt only for him to do it again haha! And now he still likes the odd Facebook pic. Men are so so so strange

 

[catscradle]

UGH. This is the absolute worst. I was ghosted by a guy...after 4 YEARS of knowing him. This was back in 2018 - thankfully I'm over it now but it was extremely hurtful and it honestly took me the best part of a year to fully get over it. This was when I was at uni and it was one of those really ambiguous 'situationships' that really aren't worth it - lots of hot/cold behaviour from him etc and in retrospect there were a lot of red flags.

The worst part about it was that I felt like I'd lost what I thought was a meaningful friendship (in hindsight, I know better) but at the time I was absolutely crushed for a while. He'd told me he felt what we had was special and that he'd always look out for me, that he cared for 'my welfare', and that he couldn't be happy if I weren't etc. I'd been to visit him this one time (we went to separate unis about an hour apart) and then after that visit I remember messaging him and that was the last I ever heard from him. I'd just asked him how he was or something like that and initially tried not to worry and thought he'd missed it but then a a few weeks/months later I confronted him again asking him if there was anything that was wrong and...silence. I still don't really know why he just decided to end things like that. Maybe because I didn't hop in bed with him that one time...

I was devastated for a good few months and thought I must have 'done something' to turn him off but things did get better. I religiously read two blogs - Post Male Syndrome and Baggage Reclaim (check them out!) which are about emotionally unavailable men and that's when it sort of clicked what I was dealing with. The love bombing, hot/cold behaviour etc... I finally got the courage to block him on my socials a year later...perhaps a small victory but it felt like a win nonetheless.

I've dated a little bit over the past year but nothing serious and tbh I'm happily single atm and just trying to focus on myself - finally get a grad job, work on my mental health, get therapy etc.

 

[Spencerskates]

I’ve had to semi-ghost someone before, I felt awful for it but he wasn’t getting the hint!

Our mutual friend had set us up and we went on a double date, got on well and agreed to go out just the two of us. He was quite full on before the date, and we were both just coming out of long term relationships, so I said I wasn’t looking to jump straight into something serious and wanted to take it slow, which he agreed to. After our date, it was his birthday the following week and I suggested going out for drinks with out mutual friend and his girlfriend, to which he said no, because he was hoping I’d come to his family meal and meet his parents, grandparents, sister and cousins . I said I wasn’t ready for that and maybe we should cool things off a bit if he is. He said no it’s fine, let’s just take it slow.

Fast forward a week later and he’d planned this elaborate, full day date, and was mad that I said I’d want to go home and change/spend some time alone between going out for brunch and a fancy dinner. It was at that point I realised it wasn’t going to work, called him to explain, he took it surprisingly well. Then I realised he hadn’t actually got the message properly and was still asking me out on dates.

THREE separate occasions I told him I didn’t think we should see each other any more and we wanted different things. Each time I thought he got it and then almost immediately asked me out again.

Eventually I had to block his number/social media etc because we were just going round in circles. I still feel awful about it though!

 

[User_name_100]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

Silence is your best weapon in this situation. It's hard yes but I doubt he'd give you the truth as to why he ghosted. He'll most likely try and speak to you in the future and you can slam the door in his face so to speak!

Sorry you went through this. Keep strong and I highly doubt it was anything you did. Even if it was, he should have at least ended the relationship with you instead of just ghosting. What a cowardly way out..!!

 

[Damntruthful]

Thank you. I feel like such a mug thinking of reasons why etc

That's the MO of men like that, break you down and push the boundaries to see how much they will get away with. Guaranteed of you ignore him he will have a bruised ego and be texting galore. Don't fall for it, he has shown you his true self, you deserve so much better.

 

[clueless]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

I feel the same way, and it’s exactly as you say, no closure. I had really hoped that my friend would have reached out to me on Facebook or something, even just to apologise for what she had done. That still hasn’t happened and probably won’t ever, part of me would love to ask her “what was that about?” as I was too soft and afraid of confrontation at that time. But I wouldn’t, I don’t want to be the one to reach out. I wonder sometimes if she ever thinks of me and feels bad, but probably not

Nowadays my attitude is that “well, why would I want someone like that in my life anyway?” but it still makes me a little sad when you see and hear of other people still having their school friendship circles.

 

[TheScarletgirl]

Like a lot of stories on here . I was dating a guy who i initially wasn't interested and never would of been . I was recovering from a stressful ordeal and this guy kept on chasing me and was my friends work colleague . after 6 months of talking and dating i didn't hear from him in days i had noticed a change in behaviour. He said he was stressed and couldn't do this anymore . I replied that he should have told me in person and NEVER heard from him again . I blocked him on everything he now has a kid with a girl who has known for 5 minutes.

 

[Lalla]

Happened to me a few times...

In the olden (pre dating sites) days I met a guy on a night out. Dated for about 3 weeks, spoke most days, then out of the blue he stopped calling. Left him a couple of messages, never heard from him again.

Another one was a guy I had known for a while as we all drank in the same pub. He'd always liked me but I was with someone else. About a year later bumped into him, we were both single, and he asked me out. Made all the arrangements (he was picking me up from mine) and he never turned up.
6 months later I heard from him, when he'd told me he was single he actually was only 'on a break' from his girlfriend. They split up for good a few weeks later but it took him months to pluck up the courage to contact me! In the end we went out for about 8-9 months. He was a shit boyfriend though and I ended up dumping him by text

I met a guy on a dating site who was an odd one...we had 3 dates in about 10 days, he was super keen then I text him to arrange a date and he said he was 'busy'...and then stopped replying. A few months later heard from him again, same thing. All in all I think I saw him about 12 times over the course of a year with massive gaps in between.

I would agree usually it is because they are dating loads of different women at the same time; or sometimes because they already have a long term partner and are just looking for a bit of side fun, get caught out and go to ground.

 

[PurpleRox]

I’ll be honest I have done this and I felt awful.
I met a guy online got on really well with him spoke daily for about3/4weeks. We arranged to meet and I became really insecure (Clothes not fitting-fat day, hair not going the way you wanted etc)
So I didn’t go
Just jumped back into my bed and turned off my phone. I eventually apologised but whenever ghosting comes up I think of this event and feel shame

 

[vodkandcokeplz]

When a man shows you who he is, believe him. Don't lower yourself to reply to someone who can't make time in their day to even send u a text. Nah....... Next. Block that asshole and hold your head high.

Thank you. I feel like such a mug thinking of reasons why etc

 

[ChloChlo]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

Definately!

My two experiences of it I used were a bit past the talking stage and they already happened to be in relationships. Put me off dating apps full stop. I met the latter one on POF. I cant say I've ever had a good POF experience. With being ghosted by someone you're dating, although it can knock one confidence, it is something you can probably expect to happen at some stage. And fuck, I've even ghosted people myself in the dating stages.

Being ghosted by friends though is a whole other ball game and more hurtful as it isnt something you expect to ever happen. I had never had a friend ghost me before until recently and I agree it is worse. I became particularly close to a girl a few years ago, we had never fallen out but noticed I was blocked during lockdown. No explanation. She hadnt blocked my partner and was still regularly liking pictures of our child he would post. I dont even want to cause an issue about it or be all beggy asking why! Even though I am curious, I dont want to degrade myself by acting like I'm arsed when she clearly isnt arsed about me. I would like to know what causes friends to ghost one another?

 

[ChloChlo]

Wikipedia says being ghosted is having contact stopped suddenly by a 'partner, friend or similar individual'. So, not just something that is exclusive to someone you are seeing. In my day, it used to be called 'being sent to Coventry' for some reason!

So, has anybody any stories of friends or family members doing this (not just the flaky blokes who haven't got enough respect to finish a relationship properly)?

My nan is terrible for it, I mentioned an aunt in the Toxic Relatives thread who since my mum died 11 years ago has taken it upon herself to act as a gatekeeper to my mums side of the family, it is almost like every conversation that she doesnt hear, she has to be filled in about, or she throws a strop, she went as far as walk past me and my siblings on my MUMS funeral, handing out flowers to everybody to throw on her coffin but us declaring "these are for family only". As I had an argument with her prior to my mum passing. However this aunt of mine seems to be able to sway my entire maternal family into sending me to Coventry. Including my own grandparents. My nan has straight up ignored me. My uncle (my mums brother) will block me from everything and my cousins wont speak to me. It really is odd, but it only happens when my aunt takes umbrage with me. She is very toxic and evil. Quite frankly she is known for being a bit of a twisted cunt.

 

[aimzalicious]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

I agree with everything you said - ghosting during dating is pretty normal, almost expected, in my friendship group. I've stopped doing it personally because I find it immature and I think the person just deserves to know that I'm not interested. I get really anxious to text them the truth but feel better about it when it's done, and the other person has always taken it well and they've all thanked me for being honest. I've actually even kept a friendship going with one of them I got along with, which is nice.

The best friend ghost has happened to me and to this day I'm still confused about it - this girl I had been best friends with since year 7, and in 2018 after over a decade of friendship and support, she randomly disappeared with no explanation. She never really used social media anyway, but just stopped replying to messages even when I'd seen that she read them. I did the same as you by thinking I would forgive her if she came back, but now if she ever messaged, I would explain politely how I feel and maybe even block her. We don't need "friends" like that in our lives.

 

[Peakyblinders]

UGH. This is the absolute worst. I was ghosted by a guy...after 4 YEARS of knowing him. This was back in 2018 - thankfully I'm over it now but it was extremely hurtful and it honestly took me the best part of a year to fully get over it. This was when I was at uni and it was one of those really ambiguous 'situationships' that really aren't worth it - lots of hot/cold behaviour from him etc and in retrospect there were a lot of red flags.

The worst part about it was that I felt like I'd lost what I thought was a meaningful friendship (in hindsight, I know better) but at the time I was absolutely crushed for a while. He'd told me he felt what we had was special and that he'd always look out for me, that he cared for 'my welfare', and that he couldn't be happy if I weren't etc. I'd been to visit him this one time (we went to separate unis about an hour apart) and then after that visit I remember messaging him and that was the last I ever heard from him. I'd just asked him how he was or something like that and initially tried not to worry and thought he'd missed it but then a a few weeks/months later I confronted him again asking him if there was anything that was wrong and...silence. I still don't really know why he just decided to end things like that. Maybe because I didn't hop in bed with him that one time...

I was devastated for a good few months and thought I must have 'done something' to turn him off but things did get better. I religiously read two blogs - Post Male Syndrome and Baggage Reclaim (check them out!) which are about emotionally unavailable men and that's when it sort of clicked what I was dealing with. The love bombing, hot/cold behaviour etc... I finally got the courage to block him on my socials a year later...perhaps a small victory but it felt like a win nonetheless.

I've dated a little bit over the past year but nothing serious and tbh I'm happily single atm and just trying to focus on myself - finally get a grad job, work on my mental health, get therapy etc.

I will have a look at those blogs - Sounds like you are handling this really well, well done definitely emotionally unavailable men.