Beckiejbrown #3 Moan of Arc

[sunniva]

When I was a very mentally ill teenager I had some similar thought patterns to her. I was deeply deeply in my own world, consumed by my own thoughts and ideas, had an extremely strong sense of self, how unique I was, and thought nobody could ever understand how much I suffered. I didn’t have friendships or connections. I wasn’t that interested in other people tbh and couldn’t relate to them. To an extent all teenagers have this sort of occasional grandiosity and self-focus. But isolation and mental illness made it extreme for me, and probably for Beckie too.

But when I see her academic length recounts of the colours of her bedroom walls or talk of being broken up with 5 years ago, I just get so deeply uncomfortable because it’s like looking at a perpetual 16 year old who refused to develop or connect with the world. It’s like she’s stuck in that place.

It’s glaringly obvious she takes criticism as evidence for just how special she is. That people are just ~not understanding her brain~ or not realising just how hard her life has been. She genuinely cannot disconnect for a moment to look at her behaviour / thought patterns critically. Her only hope is years of therapy within an excellent therapeutic relationship to detangle this mess. The irony is her fixed mindset won’t even let her consider it. She has an almost religious conviction of how special and different she is.

 

[randallus]

Why would things have been any different if she had been diagnosed before going to uni/working in London? She does realise that autistic people go to higher education and work in cities all over the world? We’re not freaks of nature that need to stay inside and remain unseen by the masses.

 

[hellodarling]

regardless of Beckie's new found sexuality, what she is asking for isn't a partner, it's a kayaking coach. you can't put that on your dating profiles.

"must be a kayaker but specifically one who is better than me so you can teach me"

 

[beckilou11]

I have pretty much zero experience/knowledge of autism, so forgive my ignorance here and any offence caused… but Beckie seems to have a pretty high-functioning level of autism. She’s fully verbal, she can live by herself, she’s fully capable like a neurotypical adult in many respects. Why on earth would that impact her ability to drive?!
I’m also still confused about her saying that she may not have managed university if she’d known she was autistic. Yes it would make it harder - I suffered with mental health significantly at uni, and appreciate that it makes it a difficult experience - but she’s not suddenly completely incapable now she has been diagnosed.
She was living her life and being an adult quite proficiently before, and now suddenly it’s a miracle she can do anything?! Surely she wouldn’t have been capable of living alone for so long if she had this many issues.

 

[LolaCola]

There was a large glass of wine in one of the painting posts she shared. You're fucking hungover love, you don't need A&E.

 

[perpetualvictim]

One of the biggest tells that Rebecca has is talking about her problems with a smile on a face. She is positively delighted that the lift is out!!! Thrilled that her mother can't come for Christmas. Jumping for joy that she has to carry her kayak down one flight of stairs. Why? Because she now has something to complain about until the lift is fixed. And even when it eventually is fixed she can then complain about "lost time", "lost Christmas with my mother", "lost kayak sessions becausea of having to carry the kayak down that one flight of stairs especially with the bad legs she has". On a day when she doesn't have a migraine and ordinarily would have gone kayaking she then won't because of the damn broken lift and that one flight of stairs. She will take countless photos and videos of herself in her apartment and reference them 10 years down the line about a "lost Christmas with family in my apartment", "lost kayak sessions", how she looks fine in the picture but in face she wasn't because the lift was out. Even if her family were to visit her every Christmas for the next 20 years, this is the Christmas she'll remember. A sullied memory. One she wishes she could get rid of but can't because of "how her brain processes schtuff". She might even go so far as to have a bad leg day and be forced to remain in the building because she couldn't get down the flight of stairs. Oh no, how will A&E get to her for their weekly visit, what if there's a fire, are the stairs even safe - after all one could slip and fall, the noise from people walking up and down the stairs, the migraines from the anxiety and anger of the broken lift, the noise when the workmen come to finally repair it, the sudden silence once people no longer are waking up and down the stairs after her brain just about found a way to deal with it, how that silence hits louder and in a colour worse than the noise of the lift back in service, and on and on it goes. That's just the iceberg of the dilemma she's in. It's so bad she's cracked open a bottle of rosé at the risk of a "migraine". This is serious guys!!! We're in for something. Buckle up!

 

[sunniva]

I find it telling there are two questions she refuses to answer clearly

1) Why is NHS diasnosis is so vital, when there are other accessible means? She was threatening that ‘’people have died on this waiting list’’ (really? On the ADHD wait list? lol) but apparently she’s not desperate enough to just pay £800 privately and make a quick trip back to Scotland to get medication. My sibling did that literally 6 months ago.

2) What exactly an NHS diagnosis will give you? Do you think you’re getting a legal status? Special therapies? A little badge? You get nothing but controversial meds that may or may not work for you.

I also find it thoroughly hilarious that the migraines have suddenly reappeared the same day. You can just tell she was like ‘’fuck it it’s 2 years away’’ and drops the ADHD act on the spot back to the migraine sick bucket content it is then.

 

[sleepingskies]

Beckie: I want to erase my brain and forget my memories, everything is a trigger for me

Also Beckie: I have to document every single moment in my life and photograph/video it because Alzheimers

Make your mind up you daft attention seeking bint

 

[hellodarling]

Shoving a spoon into her eye socket. What a sight

hopefully it’s her favourite spoon

 

[nosy_girl]

This is such a bitch-eating-crackers thing to say, but the way she takes those Imigran sprays really irritates me. There's just something so annoying about how she throws her head back dramatically and then reacts as though she's been slapped in the face. I remember her taking one in her parents' kitchen and making it as theatrical as possible, probably hoping they'd pay attention, and they just ignored her and carried on talking about something completely unrelated

 

[Bonki]

Jesus christ! Imagine just saying "Nope" to someone trying to say good things will come, but she is not depressed or negative.. No no she is a REALIST

 

[Spinoza]

Oh my lord >.< When will she learn that adding another label to the collection does not mean people will see or treat her differently. Nor does it give her a free out of jail card. It doesnt mean people need to keep that in mind. It means that *you* know where your behaviour comes from so that *you* can change it (not to change your personality and become neurotypical but to stop being the arsehole)
You dont need the label to start working on yourself.
Life isnt going to be different. People are not going to care. It isnt going to have an impact on your social situation. It is not going to do what you hope because it is an unrealistic expectation.

 

[Spinoza]

I find it telling there are two questions she refuses to answer clearly

1) Why is NHS diasnosis is so vital, when there are other accessible means? She was threatening that ‘’people have died on this waiting list’’ (really? On the ADHD wait list? lol) but apparently she’s not desperate enough to just pay £800 privately and make a quick trip back to Scotland to get medication. My sibling did that literally 6 months ago.

2) What exactly an NHS diagnosis will give you? Do you think you’re getting a legal status? Special therapies? A little badge? You get nothing but controversial meds that may or may not work for you.

I also find it thoroughly hilarious that the migraines have suddenly reappeared the same day. You can just tell she was like ‘’fuck it it’s 2 years away’’ and drops the ADHD act on the spot back to the migraine sick bucket content it is then.

I think this proves that even if she has any headaches at all, they are your good ol' regular headaches. The ones you get when you are stressed or cried too much or drank too little. Pretty much any human being would get a headache after what she put her body through when reacting to the letter.

 

[HollyLeaf]

is she dense

baul baul

 

[pecan]

Oh my god she is so unbelievably negative! Every single positive thing that people are trying to say to her she is shitting all over them! I can’t believe anyone is still there to comment. I had a friend who is so much like Beckie and I soon realised how much of a massive drain it was on my own limited mental energy each day. It’s exhausting having someone like that in your life. “Love is not accessible” ???? She sounds like such a femcel it’s gross. Love is accessible Beckie, you’re just the most negative, condescending, pessimistic, self obsessed energy-leech so nobody wants to be around you! Being alone has nothing to do with whether or not she’s ND and everything to do with her awful personality.

 

[LolaCola]

Okay so i never believed she has migraines. Maybe she thinks she does, but she doesn't. The fact she just showed herself DOING A FUCKING HEADSTAND ON A PADDLEBOARD whilst "battling a migraine" seals it. I hope her doctors see this shit.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

...Aaaand now she's crying over the streetlight outside her parents' house being changed. She's lost it. Surely she's officially off the edge.

But we know she's now, she's over on Tik Tok appearing totally normal in her videos.

What the fuuuuuck.

 

[partyrocking]

Not the group waiting till she was gone to take the group picture lol.

 

[wordzalad]

Sorry, I fully believe she’s a liar. The doctor did not say “shut up” to her. Don’t believe that for a second.

also an 100 page document, what are the odds she referenced all her videos and linked to a playlist where she “stims” or whatever

 

[SilentQ]

Even if you ignore how petty her constant little complaints are, she still doesn’t see how dysfunctional it is to run to Instagram literally anytime she’s inconvenienced. So many stories start with “and another thing I’m upset about…” as if anyone actually watches her stories for any reason other than she’s a car crash. NO ONE CARES, BECKY.

Has she ever said anything genuinely positive? Even her “positive” stories are things like “I’m glad the poster fell off because I always HATED that poster.” Remember her gratefulness project last year? That simply became another way for her to complain. Every post was like “I’m grateful I finally stopped vomiting - I had a migraine all night and I haven’t slept or eaten anything” and “I’m grateful for the fact that I can play music to block out my noisy neighbors - they’ve been yelling and banging on things all day.”

Therapy wouldn’t help her because she thinks that seething about every little annoyance and inconvenience is “the way her brain works” and not a habit she’s cultivated herself. Yes, being autistic might make her more sensitive to things like noise, but ultimately she is still responsible for her own choices. But no, “50 people agree with me that it’s not weird to be literally crying because the street lamp near my parents now has a cooler-toned lightbulb.” She would rather think she’s right than admit she’s the problem.