I did not know that about Alan 🫢 Was that when Dennis was labouring in Germany with the lads?
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Lads.
I was in M&S earlier and bumped into Auntie Pat. A real-life Pat.
Delia Smith-esque bob, white padded coat with pleather traaazers and stacked heel boots. She was looking at the cold meat section and frowning. Probably thinking "If just one more person comes up to me and calls me 'Pat', they'll be sorry."
I was in M&S earlier and bumped into Auntie Pat. A real-life Pat.
Delia Smith-esque bob, white padded coat with pleather traaazers and stacked heel boots. She was looking at the cold meat section and frowning. Probably thinking "If just one more person comes up to me and calls me 'Pat', they'll be sorry."
Needless to say she had the last laugh
Auntie Pat asked me to let you guys know she's been in a fender bender, this photo was taken in the cubicle at A&E hence the 'shocked' look in her eyes. She was driving past the gym and was distracted by a couple of fit fellas in the car park, whoops!
Aunty Pat's given up on finding the perfect swimwear for her week in Corfu this summer, but she did spot her old Berlitz phrasebook in the loft when she was supervising Denis putting the Christmas decorations back up there. He gives her 3 weeks until the novelty wears off again.
Big Pam was telling her about this fancy new app called 'Duolingo' so she might give that a go while Denisis is at darts. She won't tell Big Pam though
It’s a shame because she really liked this swimsuit with a skirt which she got out of the Freemans catalogue. Here she is wearing it when they went to Gran Canaria a few years ago. However, Dennis found it in the laundry basket and thought it was an old rag so he used it to clean his work van.
Pat’s really getting excited about Corfu though. Whenever she sees the Jet2 ads on telly she sings along to them. And she updates her Facebook page (Patanddennis Monroe) daily with a countdown of the days until her holibobs.
Big Pam has been on that Ozempic lately and lost quite a bit of weight. But Pat can’t help but think she’s copying her style nowadays.
Does make Pat think about her younger days though, and the time she joined Big Pam at Greenham Common for a week. Pam was always more into that sort of thing than her; Pat liked the idea of it more than the reality. The nightly lentil casseroles were a bit much, although she did enjoy the community singing.
Pat's off on a Wimmin's discovery camp with Doreen, Bev, Kath, Pam and Big Lin. Look how happy she is living her best bra-free henna-tattooed life!
Dennis has been down the Slug and Lettuce every night after eating the Lite'n'Easy meals Pat has thoughtfully ordered for him.
Dennis has been down the Slug and Lettuce every night after eating the Lite'n'Easy meals Pat has thoughtfully ordered for him.
Pat better watch out as Lazy Kay (bad eyes) behind the bar has had an eye on him for a while and keeps offering him steak and kidney puddings “as they’ve ordered too many and will only go to waste”. She ran down the freezer shop as soon as she heard tell Pat was off! Dennis has been lapping it up; literally and figuratively, Pat’s going to see her arse when she sees the size of his when she gets back!
aunty pat wins the best actor academy award for her performance as j robert oppenheimer, hollywood, march 2024
Aunty Pat wanted Uncle Dennis's bush hat for greater authenticity, but he's wearing it for fishing and she's not sure when he's due back, so she improvised.
Pat’s brother David came to stay. They get on pretty well, except he’s much more liberal than Pat. He’s a retired geography teacher who cycles everywhere and makes his own cider. After a bit of homebrew they got the guitar out for a jam sesh and sung some Bob Dylan.
Gosh, yes, David's homebrew cider - it's really rather strong and during a lively rendition of "Blowing in the Wind", Pat knocked her pint flying all over herself and most of the conservatory - the rattan sofa needed a proper going over with the Febreeze afterwards.
No dramas though, Pat did a quick change into David's double denim and slept off the worse of it.
Dennis took this snap - definitely one for Pat's Moonpig birthday card for years to come!
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No dramas though, Pat did a quick change into David's double denim and slept off the worse of it.
Dennis took this snap - definitely one for Pat's Moonpig birthday card for years to come!
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Just noticed on this one - look, second right, there's that singer Pat likes!
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Aunty Pat's been getting increasingly concerned about coastal erosion and thinks Dennis could do a great job on this fixer upper bungalow further inland: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/141891929#/?channel=RES_BUY
Well that looks like a house murder took place in.
Pat reckons that once you’ve stuck down some laminate in every room and painted it teal with gold accessories, it’ll be much more stylish. Plus she’s going to stick up some funny slogan signs about it being wine o’clock. Dennis is a bit more reluctant to take on DIY since he lost part of a finger to a power saw when he was building his man cave.
I think you'll find it was his man cave. Now Pat has it as she needs an 'office' for her new venture selling her own unique brand of fast fashion items.
Yes, it's the usual Temu and Shein stuff but Pat reckons nobody will be any wiser.
Her 'office' is crammed floor to ceiling with stock.
Now she just needs a marketing campaign, a witty slogan and she's well on her way to her first million.
Dennis' suggestion of "Pat's Online Tat" hasn't gone down too well and he's only just back in the marital bed after two weeks solitary in the spare room.
She hedged her bets a bit mind. She’s thought that Ryan Gosling fella was bloody lovely since they saw The Notebook (Dennis wasn’t as keen and thought the girl in the film should have ended up with the other more traditionally handsome bloke).
ANYWAY! she hasn’t seen the Barbie film but she loved the photos of him from it so much that last summer she went and got her hair done like his in the film and got a snazzy t-shirt (she doesn’t know what it means, but she likes it!) and a pair of shades from the covered market!
