Ashley Cain

[Cantturn222]

It’s a terrible sad thing to see unfold online
She is desperately in need of counseling they need to take time away from social media and grieve privately
All the bike rides all the grave visitors multiple times daily
I think the big party at the grave was very uneasy to watch
All the other family’s grieving over their little ones other people paying respect at their graves were you want a quiet peaceful few moments to your self not a big party with so many people so many cars the grave is so over the top imagine family’s who don’t have the big support or money to buy endless supplies of teddy's Balllons flowers ect
I know people grieve differently but this is so extreme

 

[Kingdonkey]

Came on to say the same really. I absolutely cannot imagine what it is to be in their shoes, but have just seen the party in the cemetery. How many others need to go be at a graveside to be confronted by all of that. Possibly parents in the same boat too. So distressing..why on earth there is so much noise..its wrong

 

[Anon1989]

I just hope for Saf’s sake she doesn’t see this page. If she’s as fragile as you all think she is then reading this will definitely do her more harm than good . She probably has enough going on and could do with a bit of kindness and compassion.

 

[Huds1234]

I just hope for Saf’s sake she doesn’t see this page. If she’s as fragile as you all think she is then reading this will definitely do her more harm than good . She probably has enough going on and could do with a bit of kindness and compassion.

but no one has been mean? Saying someone needs support and that their actions could impact someone else isn’t wrong.
Maybe seeing it would give them a little perspective

 

[Anon1989]

but no one has been mean? Saying someone needs support and that their actions could impact someone else isn’t wrong.
Maybe seeing it would give them a little perspective

I didn’t say anyone had been mean - I’m just unsure how they would gain perspective from the opinions of people who have never experienced the loss of a child. My little one is my world, I’d have no idea how to even begin to comprehend living without them. They’re trying to find their way through it - they won’t always get it right but there is no one size fits all method for dealing with the loss of a baby.

What I saw of them as a family was 2 parents who would have given absolutely anything they could to save their daughter’s life… and a little girl who fought her hardest to be able to stay with them as long as possible.

 

[Noonoosanne2]

I just hope for Saf’s sake she doesn’t see this page. If she’s as fragile as you all think she is then reading this will definitely do her more harm than good . She probably has enough going on and could do with a bit of kindness and compassion.

Nobody has been unkind or mean we are showing genuine concern & also they choose to share all of this on social media so people are going to comment. I also see if from the families of the other people in the cemetery & how they would feel if they had turned up for quiet time and there was a party happening, i like them both a lot and I am seriously concerned about where this is going

 

[Romeo1]

Unpopular opinion but they seem like a family who loves music and dancing and celebrations and colour. It's not for me but I think this is how they wanted to celebrate azaylias life.azaylia dances with them from when she was born. So maybe it was the only fitting tribute to her they wanted.. I totally get what u saying about other ppl going to cemetery but it seems they left it untill late in the evening and it is only a few hours for one day. She will never be one again. And it's the first birthday without her, the firsts are hard. I just feel so heartbroken for them. Cannot imagine the pain.

 

[Emra77]

Ashley and saf aren’t really ever pictured together. I remember the funeral. A picture of them both walking to the grave. He was holding an umbrella and Saf was kind of gripping on to his elbow. No hand holding, no embracing etc.
the grief seems to be very separate.
I haven’t lost a child but in my professional life worked with many people who have. Many couples don’t survive such a loss.
I clearly remember one case of parents being told their child hadn’t made it. The father immediately withdrew his hand from the mother. It happens sadly.
I feel the graveyard stories distasteful when they showed other fresh graves with little decorations. To me it felt a little out loss is greater etc.

 

[Anon1989]

Ashley and saf aren’t really ever pictured together. I remember the funeral. A picture of them both walking to the grave. He was holding an umbrella and Saf was kind of gripping on to his elbow. No hand holding, no embracing etc.
the grief seems to be very separate.
I haven’t lost a child but in my professional life worked with many people who have. Many couples don’t survive such a loss.
I clearly remember one case of parents being told their child hadn’t made it. The father immediately withdrew his hand from the mother. It happens sadly.
I feel the graveyard stories distasteful when they showed other fresh graves with little decorations. To me it felt a little out loss is greater etc.

I think in a few of Ashley’s posts in the early days of Azaylia’s illness he talked about how the Drs had fobbed them off with it being colic or constipation and they’d had to fight so hard to be taken more seriously. I’ve felt the same as them when I’ve taken my little one to the GP, it’s like I immediately have to explain why I think I’m not being a neurotic mother. I suspect it must be hard not to feel guilt/resentment that they didn’t bang the doors down to the hospital to have her seen sooner - and whether the outcome could have been different if they’d known weeks earlier what they were dealing with. They can’t blame themselves or each other for that though.

I so desperately wish it could have played out differently for Azaylia she seemed such a bright, happy baby. Cancer sucks!

 

[Noonoosanne2]

Unpopular opinion but they seem like a family who loves music and dancing and celebrations and colour. It's not for me but I think this is how they wanted to celebrate azaylias life.azaylia dances with them from when she was born. So maybe it was the only fitting tribute to her they wanted.. I totally get what u saying about other ppl going to cemetery but it seems they left it untill late in the evening and it is only a few hours for one day. She will never be one again. And it's the first birthday without her, the firsts are hard. I just feel so heartbroken for them. Cannot imagine the pain.

Not an unpopular opinion we all have our own views & opinions thats why we are all here & I respect everyone’s views I think we all agree that we just want these two to grieve and be there for each other and we worry they are just going to crash and burn I really do wish sometimes that there was no social media.

 

[Walnutss]

I didn’t say anyone had been mean - I’m just unsure how they would gain perspective from the opinions of people who have never experienced the loss of a child. My little one is my world, I’d have no idea how to even begin to comprehend living without them. They’re trying to find their way through it - they won’t always get it right but there is no one size fits all method for dealing with the loss of a baby.

What I saw of them as a family was 2 parents who would have given absolutely anything they could to save their daughter’s life… and a little girl who fought her hardest to be able to stay with them as long as possible.

Everyone can have an opinion it's an opinion site. I've had loads of deaths granted not a child never once have I set a disco up at a graveside. You put it online expect people to judge it

 

[Romeo1]

Not an unpopular opinion we all have our own views & opinions thats why we are all here & I respect everyone’s views I think we all agree that we just want these two to grieve and be there for each other and we worry they are just going to crash and burn I really do wish sometimes that there was no social media.

Absoloutly x x one thing we can all agree is they love her very much and hope they look after each other in this awful time

 

[Walnutss]

The NHS is a joke sometimes no the funding for nhs is a joke sorry. I would be channelling my energy into awareness

 

[Anon1989]

Everyone can have an opinion it's an opinion site. I've had loads of deaths granted not a child never once have I set a disco up at a graveside. You put it online expect people to judge it

That’s fair enough - I never intended to deny anyone their opinion, was just offering an alternative one. How she manages to get out of bed every day amazes me - I’d just want to hide away from everything.

 

[Noonoosanne2]

That’s fair enough - I never intended to deny anyone their opinion, was just offering an alternative one. How she manages to get out of bed every day amazes me - I’d just want to hide away from everything.

No I know you didn’t what I meant is yours isn’t an unpopular opinion at all. I couldn’t get out of bed either I’d be an absolute wreck I just want to scoop Saf up and hug her

 

[BelfastCc]

My heart goes out to both Saf and Ashley loosing a child in any circumstance is cruel and hard to comprehend as it’s not the way of nature. Most parents who’s child die end up divorcing as it is such a difficult time. I know we do only see snippets off their life however it’s extremely noticeable that Ashley unfortunately does not have the same love or compassion as Saf for their relationship. The funeral gave off very cold vibes - I feel Saf is struggling massively, she insists she doesn’t want to take medication etc which is fair everybody has a choice but I think she’s trying to cope the same way as Ashley.

even when you look back at birthday or Mother’s Day post they seemed to be forced there was no real compassion for Saf. I give it a few months after the charity picks up and they will go their separate ways. The only thing keeping them together is the grieving journey. I pray for both & hope they find happiness.

 

[Pollie]

Watching Saf blowing bubbles on her story then was so sad.

 

[Sln2404]

They all had their phones out at the cemetery recording every moment. It’s almost like half of them were there for the clout or attention and not even there for her.

 

[chloe165]

I think it’s very unfair for some to claim they are doing it all for attention rather than being for Azaylia, you can see they are both struggling. Ashley has lost his spark and does almost look like he’s living but there’s nothing behind his eyes. Saff is obviously upset and probably is struggling with the media attention as she gained these followers so maybe she feels that she has to document her journey because of her new followers?

I think unfortunately social media is a toxic place for anyone, it’s awful that a lot of people feel so reliant on it. I did feel uncomfortable watching some of the stories especially towards Azaylias final days. Having two children (one who is always in and out of hospital with heart disease) it got too much at some points and I had to put myself back from the black hole of social media.

i dunno I followed this quite closely as Azaylia was the most beautiful girl, and I think it definitely raised awareness into the cancer and getting those record donor requests was amazing. I do agree though that perhaps they should step back and feel the grief, as opposed to distracting themselves because bottling emotions is never good.

But regardless of what they chose to post, talk about, share etc, they will be going through torture each day without their baby and I do feel so awful for them both.

 

[Cdinvoice]

Everyone can have an opinion it's an opinion site. I've had loads of deaths granted not a child never once have I set a disco up at a graveside. You put it online expect people to judge it

I agree, I feel that Saff
Is a “little boy lost” she is being told to ride her bike to beat her grief/ mental
Illness! I’m sorry but she needs proper support, possible medication, let’s face it, it’s got to be the worst scenario of PSTD, I think Ashley drums in ….. exercise for mental wellness.
it’s a load of rubbish! She needs to do her.