ASD Toddlers

[watermelon sugar]

I have no advice but I just wanted to let you know that it is absolutely not your fault. Just because he is 3 and not necessarily born during the pandemic and lockdowns didn’t mean he didn’t grow up through it and that can affect any child. My niece is 4 and she could speak before the pandemic hit and the whole thing, not being in school etc has made her pick up mannerisms and lose all confidence so the school have picked it up and took it my brother and SIL. any child any age would be affected by the last few years so don’t blame yourself!

i agree with the others though that nursery might be what he needs! Being around other children really helps bring them along. But if you’re really concerned speak to your HV, when I’ve had doubts over my 2 yo my HV has been great x

 

[Livelife01]

Does anyone ever look at friends toddlers who are ‘developing typically’ and get sad/jealous at what life could have been like for themselves if their child didn’t have ASD?
I feel so bad when I do this but I can’t stop and want to stop, I know it doesn’t change anything and I know ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ but it doesn’t stop me getting sad.
We’re not long into the journey of getting a diagnosis so hoping I’m just going through the motions and these feelings will be temporary, would help if I had other friends who had ASD children.

Yes , all of the time. My son was an ivf pregnancy and I made friends with two other girls who were also ivf and due same around time as me. We talk daily and they say everything what their sons are up to. Altho my son is clever in his own right, our feelings are completely valid. I worry more about the future than anything else.
One good thing is that we’re getting the support early, my friends just look at me gone out when I say about my boy, or they’ll say he’ll catch up. Which I’m sure he will, but .
Don’t feel bad, use this thread if you need a chat. We are early doors for our boy, he only got referred to community peads last month. Xx

 

[Livelife01]

Advice please

my daughter is 19 months old and I think she’s displaying some autistic traits for example:

she can only say dada, mama, nana and yeah
She doesn’t really understand what we say
Eye rolling occasionally
Likes to spin things
Likes fiddling with her hands

But she gives us eye contact and loves playing and interacting with us she’s a very happy toddler but I’m just getting a bit scared that she might have autism.

My cousin is on the spectrum and I saw how much he struggled as a child but now he’s an adult he’s absolutely thriving. But I don’t know how bad autism could potentially be.

Autism displays differently in girls so if you have any concerns then I would contact your health visitor. They may say watch and wait as it still is quite young to refer. Eye contact is just one trait and lots of autistic children have eye contact and can interact.

What I’ve learned in the last 6 months is that no two autistic people are the same and there’s absolutely nothing to be scared of, but I understand as I was in the same place as you in November.

Does she respond to her name? X

 

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

Does anyone ever look at friends toddlers who are ‘developing typically’ and get sad/jealous at what life could have been like for themselves if their child didn’t have ASD?
I feel so bad when I do this but I can’t stop and want to stop, I know it doesn’t change anything and I know ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ but it doesn’t stop me getting sad.
We’re not long into the journey of getting a diagnosis so hoping I’m just going through the motions and these feelings will be temporary, would help if I had other friends who had ASD children.

There’s times I feel the exact same, when I see my child at nursery wanting to be by himself and as he’s non verbal he can’t make conversation with other kids and I really wish he could just be involved like all the other kids

 

[maytoseptember]

@Livelife01 My boy had a language explosion around the age of 3.5-4

He started talking at around 15 months and baby babbled before that and he's pretty much caught up now I think.
Can I ask what other interests your little hyperlexics have had? We are loving flags at the minute.
It's funny because he can read but he doesn't seem to enjoy reading. It's just something he can do. He does love being read to though 🩵

That’s very relatable! I remember thinking that hyperlexia was his main autistic trait too.

And he still can’t really be arsed to read and he’s just turned 8

 

[QueenThea]

Has anyone had a new baby and their ASD toddler has taken no notice of them, like the baby doesn’t exist? I thought it might be because it’s all new to them but baby is 3 months old now and still no notice. I know it’s not the end of the world on the grand scheme of things but it makes me said I don’t have any pictures of them close together.

sorry I’ve only just discovered this thread but this comment really stood out to me.
when my daughter was born my son literally acted like she didn’t exist. All our first photos of the two of them are him and then us putting her car seat in at the last minute. But now they’re 7 and 4 and absolutely thick as thieves and absolute best friends. But it maybe took till
She was a year old for proper meaningful interactions. So I suppose my comment is just to say as much as things feel overwhelming and heavy at times nothing is permanent and their relationship will evolve.

I always thought she brought him on and helped him but he does the same for her. We’re always told how much she includes kids who maybe otherwise wouldn’t be and she isn’t in the slightest bit bothered by any perceived ‘differences’. She’s got a friend with selective mutism and says it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t talk because she’s fun -which makes my heart burst but Im also sure my daughter talks enough for 10 people so she probably doesn’t notice

 

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

He was about 2 and a half/3 when he first said “daddy” “car” etc but it took him a while longer to say “mummy.” He could say “chocolate” before he could say mummy (priorities ). I found the words began to come more when he started nursery, it really helped bring him on to be around other children and adults. Before then he would just scream for things and we had to guess what was wrong with him/what he wanted.

Is your little one receiving speech and language therapy? x

We finally had our initial meeting with speech and language it’s now just a wait to see if it gets going I’ve tried a lot of the tactics she informed me about so I’m hoping he gets somewhere at least before he starts reception next year x
---

Hi everyone!
Just wondering how everyone is getting on? My son has just turned 3 and slowly improving day by day. He’s still classed as non verbal, says lots of singular words and sings all the songs from miss Rachel but no real communication.
Going to try and get an EHCP sorted for when he starts school next year x

My son got giving his EHCP just before they finished for summer, he will be doing his second year at school nursery (he’s in mainstream) next week and they’ve finally been able to get him a 1-1 hoping it helps him with his development x

 

[Emsie]

Sorry I should have said that we are pursuing an autism diagnosis. Our referral has been prepared by nursery and sent off already.
I'm not clinging to any type of hyperlexia, I'm not even sure if I believe in the types tbh but I do know it lies on the autism spectrum and our main sign of autism is hyperlexia if that makes sense 🩵
He started talking at around 15 months and baby babbled before that and he's pretty much caught up now I think.
Can I ask what other interests your little hyperlexics have had? We are loving flags at the minute.
It's funny because he can read but he doesn't seem to enjoy reading. It's just something he can do. He does love being read to though 🩵

 

[peachhes]

I honestly despair. Many parents actually struggle to be taken seriously with concerns like these when their children are under 3, because so much depends on their ability to socialise and children don’t typically start playing until they’re around 3/4 years old, so they’re talking a lot of shite. Shocking that they said that to you. Lockdown could definitely be a factor in your son’s case. x

I never once said I ‘blamed’ lockdown, I just thought it could be a factor mainly with the lack of mixing with other kiddies. I immediately deleted my mumsnet account as I can’t be arsed for Judgey Julies like that it was the sly shaming disguised as help which p*ssed me off the most!

He’s only just turned 3 as well so it’s not like he’s nearing 4 or anything and school age.

 

[LittleMy]

If you’re concerned, definitely speak to your GP or Health Visitor who can then put in a referral for an ASD assessment. Waiting lists are usually long unfortunately (can only imagine they have increased due to Covid but it probably varies depending on where you are too). But it’s always good to get them on the list if you’re worried sooner rather than later. 3 years is around the age when it would usually be picked up by caregivers as neurotypical children are learning to socialise with peers around that age. Nursery staff will definitely pick up on anything too, and it can help to bring your child on so much.

I have two sons with autism diagnoses and they are like chalk and cheese. With my eldest it was very obvious from around 15 months. He displayed all the textbook signs of development delay and autism. He wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 3 and a half and is almost 7 now. He attends a mainstream school with additional supports in place. My youngest on the other hand did not display the same signs. He was developing typically and we had no concerns until he was about 2.5. HV referred him on and the assessment was done under Covid restrictions/lockdown and via telephone and video appointments. He received his diagnosis last year just before he turned 4.

Go with your gut. You’re his parent and you know him better than anyone. Best of luck to both of you.

 

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

My HV, local children’s centre and nursery deputy manager all made my sons referrals to a paediatrician, we got referred back in July and he had his appointment back last month and officially got put on the ASD pathway and we are awaiting his referrals. I had to push and push for help, I had all professionals harassed because I knew my child needed the help. You can also request a new HV, I did because she tried to tell me my child’s traits didn’t matter just because he liked all food and not just beige food my gp couldn’t put any referrals in until paediatrician had sent over the letters from our meeting but my best advice is don’t give up, let them know your fighting for your child and bring it up as much as you can whether that’s requesting meeting with nursery or HV’s constantly, we see our HV every 3 months and she is amazing since we asked for a swap.

 

[maytoseptember]

I agree that the biggest problem is ableism. A lot of people can’t even be bothered to try to understand. But knowledge is power. I think it would have helped me to know I was autistic growing up. I never fitted it. I also agree with what you say about ‘early intervention’. It can be stressful for the child.

Knowledge is power - exactly! I love that phrase and have always lived by it.

I also think I’m autistic and it would have made such a difference to my life if I’d known who I was, why I’ve always felt different and like I didn’t fit in. That’s why I resent ableist attitudes (that you see everywhere!) that tell parents that “labelling” kids is wrong, and it’s far better to go through life undiagnosed than shoulder the stigma of an official diagnosis. It’s wrong.

 

[Dollenganger]

Hey!
Not all that much has changed really, still no proper words, still not much understanding etc, and it’s frustrating to me as I feel like it’s somehow my fault! I feel defeated as we do try to bring him on with his instructions/words etc but it doesn’t seem to work. I think he struggles with fine motor as well as he won’t hold a pen/thread laces/zippers etc.

He’s dropped hours at nursery to literally an hour a day as he is tending to seek out an adult for a bit of comfort which they can’t deal with (apparently)
We started the process for ASD /SALT quite early on after joining nursery so things are in progress now for school next year.
My son still doesn’t really follow instructions, but he’ll bring you what he wants and he understands when it’s shoes on/coat on and things like that.
Definitely chat with your HV and voice your concerns as if there are any ‘issues’ (hate that word!) it will really help to get any support at a younger age. Our nursery worked with the HV to put in the referrals to SALT which took 3 months for a telephone appt, and this week we got a letter saying our ASD test referral had been accepted and we’d been placed on the waiting list we were told to make sure everything referral wise (if req) is in before they’re 3/4 else they won’t get the help they need at school.

Also deffo ask for the hearing test like you’ve said as we had this and they said his hearing is absolutely fine, so it’s something to rule out and you can focus on the next steps.

I hope that helps a little bit x

Hi, I just wanted to say that it does not sound very good that your nursery have made your son drop to one hour a day. How is that supposed to help him when he starts school next year?

They should be trying to accommodate him instead of making their lives easier and what they are doing, frankly sounds discriminatory. I’d be looking for another nursery who treats their paying customers better, personally.

I’m glad to hear that your request for assessment has been accepted though - that’s great news.

Also, please don’t blame yourself. I used to feel this way about one of my children who really didn’t pick anything up, no matter how hard I tried. I used to blame myself and think that maybe I didn’t read her books well enough(!)

 

[beyondtired]

I really feel for you big hugs. My daughter is 6 and she has ASD. For a good few years when she was younger I was made just to feel like a really shit parent saying she’s just naughty (Meltdowns over smells and loud noises), she’s lazy (For not talking understanding instructions).... but I just knew mother’s instinct and all that, that this was something else.
Now she’s older I’m being honest I do find it harder, physically (being heavily pregnant doesn’t help lol). But me and my partner were saying this just last night we feel we can cope better with her meltdowns now and her quirky ways.
Just like the arseholes on mumsnet we still experience the know it alls and tutting when out... a loudly stimming 6 year old in an adapted pram is a lot more noticeable. But we move!
I’ve found an amazing group on fb that have been a huge support for myself... even when you just wanna rant there’s no judging just other mums and dads all in the same boat navigating life with their Neurodiverse little ones in a neurotypical world

 

[Peaches_xox]

This is comforting. I stupidly went to mumsnet first and just got absolutely annihilated over it, saying it’s my own fault and I’ve missed a huge window of intervention and it’s shocking he’s not had help before now and so on….
We’ve only really considered him being autistic in the past maybe 6 months - the biggest thing for us is his speech. The nursery he’s going to are aware of his speech delay/our concerns so hopefully it all works out. Thank you so much xx

You haven’t missed a huge window of intervention at all! Like I said my son has just turned 6, when he started school (during lockdowns) there was concern but it was news to us as nothing they said we saw at home, we couldn’t work out if it was due to the lockdowns or it was something so we gave it time. Some things have improved but he has some real barriers with his learning - mostly writing. Even though he has no diagnosis he’s still on the schools SEN register and gets additional support when required and we’re looking into an assessment now. Those people on mums net are twats

 

[hettywainthroppp]

Had multiple meltdown crying sessions already this week over him starting nursery in 2 weeks I’m just so worried he’ll crumble…. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t play with things how you should do, doesn’t always understand things.. I’m just mega concerned they won’t know how to deal with him he’s not naughty or boisterous he just doesn’t listen

My little one was the same when he started nursery, and I felt exactly the same way as you. The nursery were fab, they put a 1:1 in place for him immediately, they got all the intervention teams involved, he was already under the speech and language team, but the nursery will be your left arm in terms of support. They have access to so many services.
Your little one will be absolutely fine once he starts, they are seeing more and more children with developmental delays due to lockdown, so they are very quick to snap into action.

Nursery was the making of my little boy and he’s come on so much since he started. 2020 he was barely saying a word, two years later he doesn’t stop

 

[Dollenganger]

Hi @peachhes

I have been in your shoes and I remember it well. All the soul-seaching about autistic traits. Worrying when you realise that your child has a bunch of traits, but also thinking "well he doesn't have these other traits so maybe I'm worrying for nothing!" and just feeling so conflicted about it all. It's such a scary time. And I can tell you know, I delayed getting advice for such a long time: (1) because I was scared and (2) because people used to reassure me by saying "ah don't you worry, he'll wake up one day and he'll be talking in complete sentences!" I wanted to believe that so I kept waiting and waiting...

Ignore that bollocks you hear about "early intervention" and how important it is. I hate the term "early intervention". To be frank, if you child is autistic they are autistic, and no intervention is going to mould the autism out of them.

Also, don't be afraid of autism. If anything, I recommend that you check out some accounts on social media that are about real families living real lives and not all that dry, doom-and-gloom articles full of medical language that only concentrate on the deficits of autism. My advice is do try to get into the system and get your child seen by a paediatrician. These things take a long time so there's no point waiting. Also, ignore any rubbish you hear about "labels" and worrying that your child will have a "label" forced upon them. It's so offensive.

My son is autistic. He was diagnosed just after he turned 5 but I had been pretty sure he was autistic for a good 9-12 months prior to that. He doesn't stop talking. He is incredibly clever. He has a brilliant sense of humour. He tells me he loves me every day. He really does make me so proud. Yes, he struggles socially and with anxiety, I'm not going to pretend that life is perfect, but that's true for any family.

The hardest thing about raising an autistic child is other people He is brilliant and I wouldn't change him, but I would change the world FOR him, if that makes sense.

I agree that the biggest problem is ableism. A lot of people can’t even be bothered to try to understand. But knowledge is power. I think it would have helped me to know I was autistic growing up. I never fitted it. I also agree with what you say about ‘early intervention’. It can be stressful for the child.

 

[Rmd0609]

What is it specifically if any ?
All kids are different and yours will be able to do things theirs can’t as well it works both ways! Don’t be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you want what’s best for your child.

Well today for example i went to the zoo with friend and her daughter who’s 3 months older than my 2 year 4 month old.
Her daughter engaged the whole time looking and pointing saying which animals she loved and wanted to see next, said when she wanted a drink or a snack and generally walked round nicely keeping close to her mum.
My daughter is pretty much the opposite currently, but I know that she will grow and learn in her own time it’s just hard seeing other children do things so easily that your child struggles to.

 

[Livelife01]

Yes my toddler is hyperlexic, numbers and letters she always excelled, started nursery just after her second birthday and was reading over her teachers shoulders as they typed updates on the tablet, utterly freaked them out! She can identify letters (upper and lower case) and numbers out of sequence, subitise 1-10 etc but we did notice that with words she doesn’t understand phonics and blends, she’s using a photographic memory to memorise the patterns.

She’s ASD and ADHD, PDA subtype specifically, also a Gestalt language processor.

As an aside, if you have even a suspicion that your child may be on the spectrum please consider pursuing assessment and also applying for or asking the nursery to apply for an EHCP, both are incredibly hard to get ahold of for children who present in a more neurotypical manner, especially once they master masking, and the older they are the more dismissed they become. It’s an absolute travesty to see how many children are being left behind and needs ignored as they go through the education system and getting ahold of diagnosis and care plan prior to starting school has much higher success rates.

My son is also is hyperlexic I believe. He knows his numbers and letters, he’s 2 but classed as non verbal. He is also a GLP, will sing along with miss Rachel all the time!
My son has been getting support from nursery and now on the ASD pathway.
---

sorry I’ve only just discovered this thread but this comment really stood out to me.
when my daughter was born my son literally acted like she didn’t exist. All our first photos of the two of them are him and then us putting her car seat in at the last minute. But now they’re 7 and 4 and absolutely thick as thieves and absolute best friends. But it maybe took till
She was a year old for proper meaningful interactions. So I suppose my comment is just to say as much as things feel overwhelming and heavy at times nothing is permanent and their relationship will evolve.

I always thought she brought him on and helped him but he does the same for her. We’re always told how much she includes kids who maybe otherwise wouldn’t be and she isn’t in the slightest bit bothered by any perceived ‘differences’. She’s got a friend with selective mutism and says it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t talk because she’s fun -which makes my heart burst but Im also sure my daughter talks enough for 10 people so she probably doesn’t notice

This is great. Thank you

 

[Livelife01]

My HV, local children’s centre and nursery deputy manager all made my sons referrals to a paediatrician, we got referred back in July and he had his appointment back last month and officially got put on the ASD pathway and we are awaiting his referrals. I had to push and push for help, I had all professionals harassed because I knew my child needed the help. You can also request a new HV, I did because she tried to tell me my child’s traits didn’t matter just because he liked all food and not just beige food my gp couldn’t put any referrals in until paediatrician had sent over the letters from our meeting but my best advice is don’t give up, let them know your fighting for your child and bring it up as much as you can whether that’s requesting meeting with nursery or HV’s constantly, we see our HV every 3 months and she is amazing since we asked for a swap.

So glad you’re getting the help now you need. Regarding the food, this is ridiculous. My son literally eats everything you put infront of him, he is an amazing sleeper and has no problems at all with transition. But he lacks eye contact, can’t follow instructions and doesn’t respond to his name much. Luckily the HV that did his review says she believes her son is autistic and was missed as a child but now she feels that they don’t need a diagnosis, as they manage ok. So I think that’s why she understood our concerns. The waiting list times are just horrendous. Xx