Anti Christmas thread for those who need it 💗

[shadowcat5]

can relate to christmas being overwhelming. I always say I like Christmas and I suppose i do but part of me wonders whether I like the idealised version of it. Christmas itself is overwhelming and I hate the anticipation for the new year

 

[rainbowlemon]

Yeah I’m SO embarrassed I’ve been with my partner four years so he unfortunately knows all too well what she’s like but I won’t be spending another Christmas in such an environment as life is too short and I need to put myself first. Think we’ll be going on holiday next year. I’m sorry you have a toxic family too and I’m glad you’re strong enough to realise it. I will hopefully find similar strength. I hope you’ve had a wonderful day

Well done for deciding to take back your power. I hope you do go for the holiday next year.

Sorry if this isn’t the right thread for it. I do like Christmas and the build up etc and have enjoyed today mainly for my toddler

But i have BPD, and when i have a really good day, at the end of it i always get a terrible feeling of lowness and depression. I get it awful every christmas. I’ve had a really good day but i’m sat on my own now and i just feel really down and feel like crying. i’ve had the most awful year of my life and i’ve just spent last half an hour reflecting on that. i’m not looking forward to 2023 cos i’ve got a load of health issues i’m going through and i just feel bleh. It’s like i get a really bad crash after a good day it is odd. Always the worst on Christmas Day i find.

Sending you love Watermelon.

I also have/had BPD. Even when I was younger I would always feel the same after really good days out to a theme park for example.

I have seen your other posts. I know nothing I say can help but It's okay to cry. Life can be overwhelming. I hope you can get the rest you need in bed and remember you are so loved.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Update - Christmas has gotten a bit better for me since my last post. My very manic bipolar mother has calmed down since this afternoon no apology in sight but better than being in a very hostile environment. Just feel so bad for my partner he hasn’t done anything wrong

Sorry if i'm adding fuel to the fire, but if she is just making it so miserable for you please think about not going next year. Just because they're family doesn't mean that they can treat you how they want.

My family is toxic with a capital T. Not going today has been hard but I'm sure it would have been worse if I had gone back to london. You don't deserve to be in hostile environment.

 

[shadowcat5]

Can relate to hating it as a kid too. I was actually journaling about this last night as I couldn’t figure out why Christmas was so stressful and anxiety inducing for me. It’s because Christmas as a kid was so stressful. we had to go to my grandparents house as a whole family (3 adults children + partners and eventually 5 kids but started as 3) so the morning would be a mad rush to open presents, get dressed, have dinner and make it to nan’s by 2. Auntie as always late because she had to see her in laws so we’d be waiting an hour for her getting more and more wound up because the living room was full of presents for us kids. The adults didn’t want to be there and were stressed as well which I think is kids fed off of a bit. Then because she was late, my dad, who’s house id go to in the evenings, was pissed off because I wouldn’t get there until 7 and my mum had had me all day (not my fault but emotionally immature parents for you). I remember going to bed on Xmas day and just crying because I was just so stressed and overwhelmed. Add undiagnosed autism into that and it was just an absolute disaster. I remember feeling relieved when she died and we didn’t have to go there anymore. How awful is that?! I appreciate I sound really ungrateful but honestly it was just so stressful and the next day felt like a crash because we’d been so hyped up.

on the positive, at least I know and can protect myself a bit more now as an adult

 

[Saddlesoap]

Both my parents are dead and my sister lives 150 miles away. So every year I troop over to the in-laws with wife and kids. And the best thing you can say about that is I diplomatically tolerate the in laws. I just want to get home, climb into a snuddie push back the recliner and start reading the interesting book I got as a present. Instead I'm stuck here watching Home Alone 2 on terrestrial TV. Christmas just isn't about me though so I guess I've just to to endure. This is the absolute definition of a first world problem. There is just nothing to say that hasn't been said 1000s of times before. Nothing interesting happening, even my girls look bored shitless. I honestly don't recognise the happy clappy Hollywood Christmas I'm supposed to be having when compared with this fucking misery.

I know exactly how it will end as well. As usual she's catered for a small army and will insist on "doggy bagging" shit loads of sandwiches and cold chicken legs, which my wife will pressure me into taking so as not to upset her mum. Which means we will have a fridge full of manky food, which we don't need, to dispose of after tomorrow when the "favour" is returned and they will visit us to, "see the girls presents". I suppose at least at our place we have 21st century TV so I can at least watch what I want whilst fake smiling.

Urgh I'm going to the in laws tomorrow where no doubt I'll be made to feel very difficult for being a vegetarian. I've insisted we take a board game so at least I can be marginally entertained vs sitting watching crap TV.

 

[shadowcat5]

Sorry you're poorly, not pathetic at all, I've also had no texts, thought I would from someone, but nope! I've actually had lovely messages from folks on here, I don't know them, but it means alot.

same here. I am trying not to be hurt about it but I am. I’m trying to think of good things and stay positive. Had a lovely dinner that I managed to eat (havent eaten in a week), strictly is on now, gogglebox later and i bought my own presents so at least I’ve opened all things I love

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

I don't enjoy Christmas. I was relieved to read other people on this thread saying that even as a child they disliked it.

I remember as a child feeling immense pressure to put on a performance of being happy and grateful. My dad is also a bit of a histrionic narc at times so Christmas in our house always involved him having some sort of screaming meltdown. I found it all so stressful and overstimulating.

Now I try to keep it as low key as possible but it still brings up all these negative emotions for me. We had lunch with my family and it was relaxed and enjoyable, but when I got home in the evening I was low and very tearful. I think it's the pressure and the feelings of inadequacy that I wasn't good enough in some way, or I failed or let someone down. I would love to be released from all that. Even typing this post I'm harshly judging myself because I should be so grateful for my lovely family and lovely day. I'm also one of these people that tries to spend their emotions. So resisting buying tonnes of shit in the run up is also very draining.

I will be so relieved when it's all over.

Your post resonated with me. I have always hated Xmas and made to feel like a miserable old killjoy for not enjoying it and being glad when it’s over. As a child, my Father always managed to ruin it every year with outbursts of rage/temper and tantrums over nothing.

When I got married the thought of then having to adapt and ‘fake enjoy’ someone else’s family traditions made it worse somehow. Nobody truly understands how much it takes out of you.

This year my father is in the final stages of his life - ruined his brain and body with alcohol and he now has Korsakoff syndrome and is an a care home. I’m estranged from him and there’s only me and mum left in my family. Am very close to mum but we collectively decided to not do Xmas this year and opt out. I’ve upset my mother in law (but honestly she can fuck off - she got to see her golden boy) my father in law and husband have been great.

Not doing it, even in these circumstances has been a relief and I’d like to keep it up - but it won’t happen.

I will never understand all the fuss/expense and stress all for one day.

Love and solidarity to all who are in a similar place and thank goodness it’s over.

 

[Whatamadworld]

I am not necessarily anti-xmas, but I just don't get all the fuss for one or two days. I can see my family and friends any time of the year. I am no longer a kid and I do not have children, so maybe that's also an issue to why I feel the way I do, but doubtful.

However, I have felt like this for many years now. I can understand the sentimental value of it, but the commercialism of it all has definitely contributed to the turn off of it for me.

Also, I am not religious so for me it has no meaning in that regard, and without the religious aspect of xmas what is the point?

I would rather spend time having a good time in a warm climate this time of the year, but unfortunately it hasn't happened yet. I need to work on that I think.

 

[BigMavis]

My kids are with their dad this year so it always feels like just another day. Not even had a text off them so far.

That's quite sad, hope you're ok. They're probably swept up in it all, try not to take it personally lovely.

Sending love to everyone. Remember its only one day you've got this. A lot of people are just going through the motions and I feel for everyone struggling for whatever reason.

 

[velvetn0mates]

Sorry if i'm adding fuel to the fire, but if she is just making it so miserable for you please think about not going next year. Just because they're family doesn't mean that they can treat you how they want.

My family is toxic with a capital T. Not going today has been hard but I'm sure it would have been worse if I had gone back to london. You don't deserve to be in hostile environment.

Yeah I’m SO embarrassed I’ve been with my partner four years so he unfortunately knows all too well what she’s like but I won’t be spending another Christmas in such an environment as life is too short and I need to put myself first. Think we’ll be going on holiday next year. I’m sorry you have a toxic family too and I’m glad you’re strong enough to realise it. I will hopefully find similar strength. I hope you’ve had a wonderful day

 

[265]

IN my home, xmas is just another day with a couple of days off, since my Dad died yonks ago we gave up
on it. Personally I don't give a shit for xmas at all, however I'm just enjoying the Turkey and the home made
xmas pudding.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I used to really dislike Christmas, but I have grown to appreciate it more in the last year. My partner and I had a quiet Christmas, eating, drinking watching videos, and sitting in front of an open fire. It was nice.
Christmas has been tinged with sadness this year, a friend of ours who had been seriously ill, died on Monday. As he has no living relatives or left a will, my partner and I have been sorting out his paperwork, and clearing his flat. We have also got to arrange his funeral. I wish the painful recent memories of our friend, would fade into the background so that we can remember him, for the character that he was.
Despite the sadness, we had a good Christmas.

 

[Milktray]

Both my parents are dead and my sister lives 150 miles away. So every year I troop over to the in-laws with wife and kids. And the best thing you can say about that is I diplomatically tolerate the in laws. I just want to get home, climb into a snuddie push back the recliner and start reading the interesting book I got as a present. Instead I'm stuck here watching Home Alone 2 on terrestrial TV. Christmas just isn't about me though so I guess I've just to to endure. This is the absolute definition of a first world problem. There is just nothing to say that hasn't been said 1000s of times before. Nothing interesting happening, even my girls look bored shitless. I honestly don't recognise the happy clappy Hollywood Christmas I'm supposed to be having when compared with this fucking misery.

I know exactly how it will end as well. As usual she's catered for a small army and will insist on "doggy bagging" shit loads of sandwiches and cold chicken legs, which my wife will pressure me into taking so as not to upset her mum. Which means we will have a fridge full of manky food, which we don't need, to dispose of after tomorrow when the "favour" is returned and they will visit us to, "see the girls presents". I suppose at least at our place we have 21st century TV so I can at least watch what I want whilst fake smiling.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm off to the in laws now. I've not seen my own family. My dad died Christmas day, years ago. But hey, first question out of her lips will be 'have you seen your family' knowing full well that the answer is going to be no.

Instead, I'll be spending Christmas/boxing day with HER friends and partners family. It fucking sucks.

 

[Maid22]

this is probably a bit pathetic but not a single one of my friends has text to wish me merry Christmas. One of them lives abroad so won’t be awake yet so that’s fair enough and 2 have got kids so they are probably manic but the rest of them I’ve not heard anything. It’s now almost 6 o clock.
I’m on my own for Christmas because I don’t really get on with my family but it just goes to show how little people actually care. My own family haven’t text me despite that they know I’m up here on my own poorly. I’m always the one to make the effort at the best of times but it hurts they can’t even send a quick “merry Christmas” text.
the only people I’ve heard from are my mum and dad who I barely get on with. Am I really only stuck with those two in this world?

Eta: I like to think I’m a fair person and I know people are busy but I refuse to believe that people haven’t looked at their phone today.

Sorry you're poorly, not pathetic at all, I've also had no texts, thought I would from someone, but nope! I've actually had lovely messages from folks on here, I don't know them, but it means alot.

 

[Mamacita]

Usually not a huge fan of sitting about, getting uncomfortably full and drunk.

Apart from it's all I feel I can do this year as I'm so fucking ill and have been the whole weekend. We couldn't go visit family for Xmas, but will be going tomorrow or the day after, meaning I won't really be getting time to chill out before new years without feeling like death. Feel like I'm wasting the time off work.

Can't be arsed with new years either

 

[Saddlesoap]

Hope everyone is ok today on the other side.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I cracked and the water works started. Life goes on.

Both my parents are dead and my sister lives 150 miles away. So every year I troop over to the in-laws with wife and kids. And the best thing you can say about that is I diplomatically tolerate the in laws. I just want to get home, climb into a snuddie push back the recliner and start reading the interesting book I got as a present. Instead I'm stuck here watching Home Alone 2 on terrestrial TV. Christmas just isn't about me though so I guess I've just to to endure. This is the absolute definition of a first world problem. There is just nothing to say that hasn't been said 1000s of times before. Nothing interesting happening, even my girls look bored shitless. I honestly don't recognise the happy clappy Hollywood Christmas I'm supposed to be having when compared with this fucking misery.

I know exactly how it will end as well. As usual she's catered for a small army and will insist on "doggy bagging" shit loads of sandwiches and cold chicken legs, which my wife will pressure me into taking so as not to upset her mum. Which means we will have a fridge full of manky food, which we don't need, to dispose of after tomorrow when the "favour" is returned and they will visit us to, "see the girls presents". I suppose at least at our place we have 21st century TV so I can at least watch what I want whilst fake smiling.

Just some ideas from the top of my head.

Have you ever had Christmas at yours? Could you not alternate years? Do your own thing then the in laws the next. You could send the kids on their own? Could you only stay for a shorter time and not the whole thing?

 

[velvetn0mates]

I hate Christmas not because I’m lonely but the opposite. My mother always has to cause drama and scream and shout for nothing or go on about how much she hates my partner. It’s beyond embarrassing I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed Christmas

 

[watermelon sugar]

Sending you love Watermelon.

I also have/had BPD. Even when I was younger I would always feel the same after really good days out to a theme park for example.

I have seen your other posts. I know nothing I say can help but It's okay to cry. Life can be overwhelming. I hope you can get the rest you need in bed and remember you are so loved.

thank you rainbow i can always rely on you for a post that will make me smile. You’re so kind x

 

[velvetn0mates]

Update - Christmas has gotten a bit better for me since my last post. My very manic bipolar mother has calmed down since this afternoon no apology in sight but better than being in a very hostile environment. Just feel so bad for my partner he hasn’t done anything wrong