Annoying things your work colleagues do all the time? #4

[earlgrey]

My company has generally nice people but there is one colleague who gives proper mean girl high school vibes, and I’m one of the many females in the company she seems to not like (talking to everyone in a group except me, leaving me out of updates and emails on my own projects, fawning over male colleagues, playing favourites, blanking others, coming to my table and talking over me to someone else, even dropping me out of projects she’s managing - other colleagues have experienced this freezing out kind of behaviour from her, all women). Amyway, she just won the company annual “kindness award” for the second year in a row.

 

[Rxt156]

I don’t know if I’m being overly negative or reading too much into this, but:

This morning the manager sent me an email the importance of some random ‘relationship cultivating’ training and how I need to take it because learning how to build relationships will help me with ‘my current role and overall career.’

I mean I have a decade experience in the industry including client facing experience. I don’t see the relevance of this training at this point of my career. I’ll take it to make sure I meet her requirements but I find it odd she’s sending me this after the ridiculous lecture.

She’s making it sound as though I’ve no interpersonal skills and need training or am the ‘bad seed’ in the team. She has access to my past feedbacks from prior role in the company and it’s 100% not the case. I think she’s just adding more fuel to the fire.

It sounds like this is getting personal now. She trying to tear you down.

 

[Hello Kitty]

People acting like children - A password has been changed on our system which stops us from accessing files until it's updated by myself or a senior manager. I have just told someone to let me know of any changes in future (which they should do anyway) and the response was 'it wasn't us, it was IT'

Ok fair enough but still great to have abit of communication. I'm not actually bothered that the password was changed, it's the fact that no one has told us and now we have to waste more time to sort it

 

[Heidi88]

This is so minor as I previously came from a very toxic work environment but my manager in meeting with me and say his manager refers to me as "she" rather than by my name. Where I come from this would be considered rude but he is from another country so maybe its cultural but I cringe every time I hear it.

He also tends to jump in and explain issues that are mine. I am reaching a block wall with one team and need issues escalated so he suggested we both meet with his manager to discuss next steps. All good but then he talks him through the issues. Issues that I have spent weeks trying to resolve and held many many meetings on and have spent time quantifying the impact of these issues and then he controls the meeting with his manager. All this work was 95% on my own and I didnt like him jumping in and it felt like he was trying to take credit. I jumped in where I could but felt like he was dominating the meeting. This is a massive issue that I have uncovered and I am only 5 months into the job. He did acknowledge to his manager that this has taken up a lot of my time.

These are very small compared to issues that i previously had and I quite like my company and role which is nice after working in a very toxic place for 18 months.

 

[Black.bird]

I have had such a strange work week.

A guy who sits a couple of desks away from me is going through a relationship breakup and has been bringing all his issues to work. He's been calling everyone - ex, friends, lawyer - from his desk phone, and because we sit in an open plan office, we can't not hear it. Things came to a head on Thursday, when he threatened her - we all heard him - then followed up the threat by email (sent from his work email address), which resulted in the police paying a visit. I feel extremely uncomfortable working alongside this guy now but thankfully will be at a client site from next week until I finish up in June. I will have to see him when I call into the office at the beginning and end of each day though. I always sensed he was a bit of an oddball but tend to come in, do my job and not get embroiled in the politics. All that happened on Thursday was he was cautioned, and the GM asked him if he'd like to take a few days to sort things out (he declined).

On Friday, one of our clients (the one whose home office I was working from a few weeks ago) skipped the country, owing thousands of dollars in fees. They started off well, paying full amounts due on time; but then when Covid hit they said they needed longer to pay invoices; then they started part-paying invoices until they stopped paying anything at all. Long story short, they owe money everywhere, the house has been cleared out and nobody knows where they've gone (just that they've left the country). For a small business, this is a huge hit.

To top it all off, I was asked to co-interview some candidates for a role. The guy I was working with on this is in his 20s and incredibly immature (after one of the candidates was leaving, he said to her that even if it didn't work out he'd love to take her for a drink [!!]). Anyway, my preferred candidate is fabulous - she has a great CV, impeccable references, is well-known throughout the industry and could do this job sitting backwards in the dark. My colleague has said a firm NO to her - "because if she can't control her weight, it makes you wonder what she's like in her job" (she is normal-sized, not that it should make one iota of difference!). She and one other woman (very attractive, minimal experience) who he favours, are returning next week for second interviews with the GM.

 

[TheGlossy]

It sounds like this is getting personal now. She trying to tear you down.

Yeah. I think something is not right at all.

I took this week to observe and her unreasonable behavior continued throughout the week as follows:

- The project lead and I submitted our report for her first review (my first one ever with her). She summoned us at 9am the following day asking for a call. She opened the call basically saying she read the first two lines of the report and didn’t like how they were phrased, so in her eyes, the work was not ready. She sent it back to us basically saying the work was crap after she read the first two lines of a 29 page document! She couldn’t even be bothered to go through the whole document before making a judgment. The project lead took it really hard and said it’s never happened in their 6 years of working together.

- We had our weekly 1-1 afterwards and she didn’t address what happened last week. She just talked a whole lot of BS about upcoming trainings for the team.

- I did not to go for lunch with the team this week as we all were in the office and she didn’t speak one word to me. It was just her and someone else going together. Coincidentally, this team member kept chasing me to go for a coffee. We did and right off the bat they were like ‘is everything OK in your personal life’? I never talk about my personal life and they’ve never taken an interest, so I find it bizarre they suddenly take a rather intrusive interest in my ‘personal life’.

Finally, per usual, we had our team meeting at the end of the week and she likes to categorize people in introvert/extroverts. She was talking about introverts and pointed at me. There’s not one call or one 1-1 we have where she doesn’t mention that I’m an ‘introvert’. I’m absolutely sick of it.

I’m honestly fed up at this point, so I’m just glossing over it all until I figure out my path. This job is in such a niche specialized area that it was a huge opportunity for me to significantly elevate my CV but she just ruined it all for me with her attitude. I cannot carry on like this. If I stay in this environment, my confidence will be shattered.

 

[Rxt156]

Yeah. I think something is not right at all.

I took this week to observe and her unreasonable behavior continued throughout the week as follows:

- The project lead and I submitted our report for her first review (my first one ever with her). She summoned us at 9am the following day asking for a call. She opened the call basically saying she read the first two lines of the report and didn’t like how they were phrased, so in her eyes, the work was not ready. She sent it back to us basically saying the work was crap after she read the first two lines of a 29 page document! She couldn’t even be bothered to go through the whole document before making a judgment. The project lead took it really hard and said it’s never happened in their 6 years of working together.

- We had our weekly 1-1 afterwards and she didn’t address what happened last week. She just talked a whole lot of BS about upcoming trainings for the team.

- I did not to go for lunch with the team this week as we all were in the office and she didn’t speak one word to me. It was just her and someone else going together. Coincidentally, this team member kept chasing me to go for a coffee. We did and right off the bat they were like ‘is everything OK in your personal life’? I never talk about my personal life and they’ve never taken an interest, so I find it bizarre they suddenly take a rather intrusive interest in my ‘personal life’.

Finally, per usual, we had our team meeting at the end of the week and she likes to categorize people in introvert/extroverts. She was talking about introverts and pointed at me. There’s not one call or one 1-1 we have where she doesn’t mention that I’m an ‘introvert’. I’m absolutely sick of it.

I’m honestly fed up at this point, so I’m just glossing over it all until I figure out my path. This job is in such a niche specialized area that it was a huge opportunity for me to significantly elevate my CV but she just ruined it all for me with her attitude. I cannot carry on like this. If I stay in this environment, my confidence will be shattered.

God she is an absolute cow that is just throwing her weight around. Absolutely toxic manager that should not be in charge at all. I hate when women do this when in positions of responsibility, totally confirming why lots of men think women don’t belong in management (bitchy/emotional).

I think she needs to be called out. Or reported. Or both. excuse my fast reply I just can’t hold in my rage

 

[toetoetoe88]

We’ve got a new person on our team who after being here nearly two months, just categorically is not right for the job. A combination of things that I’m just baffled by and have been fed back to upper management (we do a hybrid model, so sometimes you don’t see people for a week or so):

• She was sick on her first day. We found out after she emailed me at 1:00am the following day.
• She randomly took the Friday of her first week off for holiday to go to Brighton (not even mentioned at interview - pre-existing holiday is fine, just why would you not declare this so we can plan?) she’s also done this a few times without prior notice to anyone.
• She randomly decides to work from home without telling anyone - this is after she’s fed back to me she struggles at home as she gets distracted by her dog (because if you have a pet, you’re physically unable to work? Huh?)
• Last week her Teams status was away for two whole calendar days - this is after we explicitly said to reach out to the team for more training and shadowing (we’ve been asked to attend ad-hoc meetings for a few changes in process). I’ve sent her messages on Teams and they’re not acknowledged for almost full days.
• We have quite a high volume of compliance bookings to complete (think 20 - 40 minute meetings with external applicants for various programmes to make sure they’re genuine - we get high volumes of people chancing it for various visas), she’s been requested several times face-to-face and via Teams to get people booked in. Realistically she has a good number to last her over a two week period and would probably take a day to plan all the documents and get Teams meetings booked in advance. I can clearly see on our group spreadsheet its somehow taking her six hours to book….two appointments. For one day. No idea what she’s doing the rest of the days? Applicants need reasonable notice as well - we’ve had some complaints that the few she’s bothered to get in have had less than 24 hours notice.
• She’s also been claiming on her timesheet she’s working 9 - 5; when WFH she’s appearing around 11:00am, goes on idle for majority of the day and there is a tiny bit of movement around 4 before she disappears for the day. Office days (so few…) she’ll rock up around 10, gossip to everyone for a few hours and then pretend to look busy.
• On the group chat we often do daily check-ins - think “Morning, five in today, had a few no-shows, week is busy but free XYZ” - she never ever responds to these (thumbing up comments from me asking her to book people ASAP and to let me know in the chat to FILL THE WEEK - which she categorically isn’t doing)

Keep in mind she’s apparently had management feed back this behaviour, she shows the bare minimum of improvement and then some absolute nonsense.

It’s causing us more work in the long-run and for some reason they haven’t just ended her temp contract. I really don’t know why she hasn’t been let go - some of the managers have tried to be diplomatic and say “oh well maybe she needs something different on a daily basis to do” and “have daily calls with her to make sure she knows what she’s doing!!!!” -

Orrrrr she could just...use all of the extensive training and documents we have and actually do her job

 

[mozzarellagirl]

To top it all off, I was asked to co-interview some candidates for a role. The guy I was working with on this is in his 20s and incredibly immature (after one of the candidates was leaving, he said to her that even if it didn't work out he'd love to take her for a drink [!!]). Anyway, my preferred candidate is fabulous - she has a great CV, impeccable references, is well-known throughout the industry and could do this job sitting backwards in the dark. My colleague has said a firm NO to her - "because if she can't control her weight, it makes you wonder what she's like in her job" (she is normal-sized, not that it should make one iota of difference!). She and one other woman (very attractive, minimal experience) who he favours, are returning next week for second interviews with the GM.

and then men will complain that women use their looks to get things...
---

My TL is an army bore. He’s also strangely needy and can’t bear to be in the car alone. Usually, there’s another member of staff who he goes with and they just bore each other all day long but if he’s off, TL will announce, ‘right, you’re in with me today’ and you will be stuck with him.

Honestly, it’s living death. He will just bang on and on and on about the army (which he was in for about 5 minutes 25 years ago) or share his views - he calls it ‘imparting his knowledge’ - which are frequently borderline racist and sexist but he’s one of those people who tries hard to justify his views. A few months ago, he literally spent about 2 hours going on about rapists and police prosecutions and it was just soooo uncomfortable. With him, it’s not a conversation, he just blares at you.

Recently, he called me into his office to ask if I’d ever heard him say anything sexist or out of order. I wasn’t in a very good mood so I told him flat out yes and named the rapist stuff as an example. He then immediately started rehashing what he’d said! I was like wtf and just stood there, arms folded, and said ‘I’m not talking about this with you because it’s really uncomfortable’ and even after acknowledging that my body language was telling him I didn’t want to talk about it, he still tried to continue. Sake, man! Stop!

He‘s not really a bad person, he‘s just useless at interactions with people and tries to hide insecurity by being boorish but it’s flippin’ tiresome.

HOW is this allowed?!

 

[emmer_moans]

We’ve got a new person on our team who after being here nearly two months, just categorically is not right for the job. A combination of things that I’m just baffled by and have been fed back to upper management (we do a hybrid model, so sometimes you don’t see people for a week or so):

• She was sick on her first day. We found out after she emailed me at 1:00am the following day.
• She randomly took the Friday of her first week off for holiday to go to Brighton (not even mentioned at interview - pre-existing holiday is fine, just why would you not declare this so we can plan?) she’s also done this a few times without prior notice to anyone.
• She randomly decides to work from home without telling anyone - this is after she’s fed back to me she struggles at home as she gets distracted by her dog (because if you have a pet, you’re physically unable to work? Huh?)
• Last week her Teams status was away for two whole calendar days - this is after we explicitly said to reach out to the team for more training and shadowing (we’ve been asked to attend ad-hoc meetings for a few changes in process). I’ve sent her messages on Teams and they’re not acknowledged for almost full days.
• We have quite a high volume of compliance bookings to complete (think 20 - 40 minute meetings with external applicants for various programmes to make sure they’re genuine - we get high volumes of people chancing it for various visas), she’s been requested several times face-to-face and via Teams to get people booked in. Realistically she has a good number to last her over a two week period and would probably take a day to plan all the documents and get Teams meetings booked in advance. I can clearly see on our group spreadsheet its somehow taking her six hours to book….two appointments. For one day. No idea what she’s doing the rest of the days? Applicants need reasonable notice as well - we’ve had some complaints that the few she’s bothered to get in have had less than 24 hours notice.
• She’s also been claiming on her timesheet she’s working 9 - 5; when WFH she’s appearing around 11:00am, goes on idle for majority of the day and there is a tiny bit of movement around 4 before she disappears for the day. Office days (so few…) she’ll rock up around 10, gossip to everyone for a few hours and then pretend to look busy.
• On the group chat we often do daily check-ins - think “Morning, five in today, had a few no-shows, week is busy but free XYZ” - she never ever responds to these (thumbing up comments from me asking her to book people ASAP and to let me know in the chat to FILL THE WEEK - which she categorically isn’t doing)

Keep in mind she’s apparently had management feed back this behaviour, she shows the bare minimum of improvement and then some absolute nonsense.

It’s causing us more work in the long-run and for some reason they haven’t just ended her temp contract. I really don’t know why she hasn’t been let go - some of the managers have tried to be diplomatic and say “oh well maybe she needs something different on a daily basis to do” and “have daily calls with her to make sure she knows what she’s doing!!!!” -

Orrrrr she could just...use all of the extensive training and documents we have and actually do her job

Sounds like she is a right chancer... I wouldn't dare act like that but some folk do and get away with it. It's unfair.

 

[TheGlossy]

God she is an absolute cow that is just throwing her weight around. Absolutely toxic manager that should not be in charge at all. I hate when women do this when in positions of responsibility, totally confirming why lots of men think women don’t belong in management (bitchy/emotional).

I think she needs to be called out. Or reported. Or both. excuse my fast reply I just can’t hold in my rage

Thank you. I agree.

She needs to be called out and to be put in her place. She’s the type of person who got promoted to a senior level really quickly in her career and didn’t get to work on some critical soft skills. She lacks the emotional maturity & soft skills required for this management level. Her ego is highly inflated and she is under the impression she can do no wrong. This is the problem with people who progressed faster than they should have.

 

[Emsie]

We’ve got a new person on our team who after being here nearly two months, just categorically is not right for the job. A combination of things that I’m just baffled by and have been fed back to upper management (we do a hybrid model, so sometimes you don’t see people for a week or so):

• She was sick on her first day. We found out after she emailed me at 1:00am the following day.
• She randomly took the Friday of her first week off for holiday to go to Brighton (not even mentioned at interview - pre-existing holiday is fine, just why would you not declare this so we can plan?) she’s also done this a few times without prior notice to anyone.
• She randomly decides to work from home without telling anyone - this is after she’s fed back to me she struggles at home as she gets distracted by her dog (because if you have a pet, you’re physically unable to work? Huh?)
• Last week her Teams status was away for two whole calendar days - this is after we explicitly said to reach out to the team for more training and shadowing (we’ve been asked to attend ad-hoc meetings for a few changes in process). I’ve sent her messages on Teams and they’re not acknowledged for almost full days.
• We have quite a high volume of compliance bookings to complete (think 20 - 40 minute meetings with external applicants for various programmes to make sure they’re genuine - we get high volumes of people chancing it for various visas), she’s been requested several times face-to-face and via Teams to get people booked in. Realistically she has a good number to last her over a two week period and would probably take a day to plan all the documents and get Teams meetings booked in advance. I can clearly see on our group spreadsheet its somehow taking her six hours to book….two appointments. For one day. No idea what she’s doing the rest of the days? Applicants need reasonable notice as well - we’ve had some complaints that the few she’s bothered to get in have had less than 24 hours notice.
• She’s also been claiming on her timesheet she’s working 9 - 5; when WFH she’s appearing around 11:00am, goes on idle for majority of the day and there is a tiny bit of movement around 4 before she disappears for the day. Office days (so few…) she’ll rock up around 10, gossip to everyone for a few hours and then pretend to look busy.
• On the group chat we often do daily check-ins - think “Morning, five in today, had a few no-shows, week is busy but free XYZ” - she never ever responds to these (thumbing up comments from me asking her to book people ASAP and to let me know in the chat to FILL THE WEEK - which she categorically isn’t doing)

Keep in mind she’s apparently had management feed back this behaviour, she shows the bare minimum of improvement and then some absolute nonsense.

It’s causing us more work in the long-run and for some reason they haven’t just ended her temp contract. I really don’t know why she hasn’t been let go - some of the managers have tried to be diplomatic and say “oh well maybe she needs something different on a daily basis to do” and “have daily calls with her to make sure she knows what she’s doing!!!!” -

Orrrrr she could just...use all of the extensive training and documents we have and actually do her job

We had someone like this but when I got her on a project with me she was amazing, worked so hard and well, was logging in after hours. Then the project ended and she went back to the old ways. Bizarre behaviour! Shame really..

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

God she is an absolute cow that is just throwing her weight around. Absolutely toxic manager that should not be in charge at all. I hate when women do this when in positions of responsibility, totally confirming why lots of men think women don’t belong in management (bitchy/emotional).

I think she needs to be called out. Or reported. Or both. excuse my fast reply I just can’t hold in my rage

Worse are the ones who aren't in management but treat you like they think they are.



There is one person at work where I could quite happily dropkick my base unit out of the front window everytime their name pops up on an email header.

Does anybody else get emails where you only have to check if there's a name in the cc field to know that this is a) something that has never been your job, it's theirs, b) they're claiming that it's your sole responsibility and always has been, c) there is a deadline representing 5 months of work in approximately one and half hours and d) they've copied in your LM because they want you to get into trouble for not having done it? And, of course, the sender is somebody who does not have any authority to order you around like an office junior (not that this is acceptable, either) because actually, you've been promoted way above them and if anything, you have authority to tell them what to do?



Fortunately, my LM was already aware that this is their usual MO I'd made sure of that after they attempted to bully a new member of staff to the point of tears. So they're actually informing the LM of the way they behave to people who do not do confrontation in the usual shouting until somebody cries or resigns manner.


I wish I could put them on mute permanently, but it is vaguely entertaining to have my LM coming up and saying 'Jesus, Dragon, they're incessant, these emails - and so rude' - 'Uh, they're actually being polite because they've copied you into it; you should hear how they speak when there aren't any witnesses'.

 

[Lola Ruby]

When people start a Teams meeting minutes early, e.g. at 10:57 when it's due to start at 11:00. Why are you so keen

 

[HoGi]

When people start a Teams meeting minutes early, e.g. at 10:57 when it's due to start at 11:00. Why are you so keen

I work with a colleague who, pre covid when we were in the office 5 days a week, would come over at 10:55 and be like "HoGi are you going you join us?" I could see the meeting room from my desk. It's a 10 second walk. I don't need to get up and go in the 5 minutes before it starts

When we moved to teams for most meetings she would always join early! And she would message asking if you're joining if you weren't on bang on 11:00 like give me a second 15 people are joining at the same time and our company network/firewalls slows everything down!! And 9 times out of 10 by the time I got there the key person still hadn't joined.

 

[gummy-bear]

I work in interiors for a tech company. There is a constant battle of who went to the best university constantly. I didn’t go to a ‘proper’ uni but went to design school instead. I mentioned this today and someone said ‘being creative is probs more useful than being bright’ ! Charming

 

[no-no]

When people start a Teams meeting minutes early, e.g. at 10:57 when it's due to start at 11:00. Why are you so keen

When they do this and leave then X starts the meeting again, then leaves, and so on Even worse when the meeting has been cancelled.

 

[emmer_moans]

When they do this and leave then X starts the meeting again, then leaves, and so on Even worse when the meeting has been cancelled.

I never join early, doing small talk with the one other person who joins early is awkward. I join on time to avoid that.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

When people start a Teams meeting minutes early, e.g. at 10:57 when it's due to start at 11:00. Why are you so keen

I start the meeting without expecting anybody to join 15 minutes early purely because

a) sometimes somebody wants to ask me something off the record before everybody else comes online,

b) if I'm in the office, once my headphones go on, most people know to stay the duck out of my office since they were heard stomping in and bellowing at me about random shite whilst we were in the middle of confidential matters.

c) because there's always at least two technologically challenged people who are frantically posting 'What's the meeting link?' directly below where the meeting link has been shared in one of the three different places they've been given it and emailing on the work email I've closed down (because the computer needs all the free processor space it can get to run this bleeping pointless exercise) that 'It's not working'. There are frequent emails to IT if he's working at that time saying 'Got a PICNIC error with Fred Bloggs and his Teams account'. One day, somebody else will realise it's an acronym for Problem in Chair Not in Computer.



Oh, and d) It adds another 0.5 to my overtime claim, as I'm paid in half hour blocks and it's reasonable in the eyes of payroll to be available 15mins before the start of a meeting.

I also rather enjoy looking at the names of the people I can't abide that are waiting to get into the meeting and leaving them until the very last second.



I'm in a particularly misanthropic mood today because I've only just finished work and was constantly interrupted from before 7.30am by multiple people, none of whom actually needed to speak at me at all. They just wanted to make noise and feel acknowledged.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I never join early, doing small talk with the one other person who joins early is awkward. I join on time to avoid that.

I tell them that I'm going on mute/camera off until the start time because it's for sorting any IT issues, not for the meeting to start early when I don't want to talk to them. It seems to work well.