Thank you so much! The chat went really well, he’s absolutely mortified that he didn’t realise just how uncomfortable I was about it all. He has been increasingly irritated by her messages and had already discussed it with one of the guys in the group. Turns out they had stopped replying to her so much as she had been clingy with a few others in the group… all male!!! She’s obviously having a moment, self esteem issues and maybe lonely but she’s been more out of order than I thought. Boyf now realises he’s not been the best judge of character.
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Hi Guys sorry for jumping on someone’s thread but for some reason I can’t create one! Anyway, I wanted to ask if anyone thought I was over reacting about this.
my bf of 1 year(he’s 28 I’m 34) has his parents authorised on his bank account. He asked them the other day to draw £30 out for his brothers birthday however they’ve took it upon themselves to look at his balance and look at what we have been spending in the last month. (I transfer money into this account too and we use just the one) They called him and went mad at him on the phone asking why he’s spending so much money etc and why we are we using the overdraft. Not that I have to explain to anyone but jan is a hard month for everyone and we used a little of the overdraft due to unexpected expenses. I’m really really annoyed about it guys like really. Not only that. They called his brother and told his brother too who then called him to have another go. Please can you tell me if I’m over reacting??? Xx
my bf of 1 year(he’s 28 I’m 34) has his parents authorised on his bank account. He asked them the other day to draw £30 out for his brothers birthday however they’ve took it upon themselves to look at his balance and look at what we have been spending in the last month. (I transfer money into this account too and we use just the one) They called him and went mad at him on the phone asking why he’s spending so much money etc and why we are we using the overdraft. Not that I have to explain to anyone but jan is a hard month for everyone and we used a little of the overdraft due to unexpected expenses. I’m really really annoyed about it guys like really. Not only that. They called his brother and told his brother too who then called him to have another go. Please can you tell me if I’m over reacting??? Xx
Absolutely not over reacting. I'd be fuming! He's a grown adult and therefore his finances have nothing to do with his parents. They had no place to go snooping! Why does he even have them authorised on his bank? I would be getting that removed ASAP. Why does a grown man need his parents on his bank?
Not overreacting AT ALL!! No idea why, as a grown man, he has them authorised on the account and as now you are using it as a joint account, surely he should’ve given you consideration and asked if you were ok with them still being on there? They overstepped by snooping and to pull him up on it (as well as the brother) it’s very invasive. The apron strings need cutting and remove them immediately.
No you aren’t over reacting at all.
questions: why are his parents authorised to have that kind of access to his bank account? What’s the reason behind that?
is the money connected to them in any way? Are they giving him money? If so, why?
why can’t your boyfriend give his brother birthday money directly? Why are the parents involved at all?
what has it got to do with the brother?!
what was your boyfriends response to all of the above?
Both parents or just one? I think it's weird, unless there is a reason he hasn't told you about. Like it's a business account or he can't manage his own financial affairs.
Honestly, I'd leave them on and open another account without their knowledge, and gradually filter money across to the new one.
You seem like a lovely person to me first of all because you clearly have had empathy and for this girl and her past situation. Your bf more likely is just a good guy who's too nice to tell her it's getting a bit much and she is now even subconsciously or not taking advantage. But the very fact you've wrote here means it's now having an impact on your lives and needs addressing. Hope you can sort it x
I don't think you are over reacting and I hate when men say, you are 'going off on one' when you are simply asking a question...why are they having a drink together if the child is so ill? Who was she with when ex called to house? If it was me I would be just ringing from outside, saying I need to get back can you please fetch her Teddy or whatever. As others have said wouldn't have had a big issue only that he kept it from you and then lied about it.
This is plain weird, I do this on my 10 year olds Revolut account!!! Set up your own new accounts and as someone else said move the money out gradually and just leave that as a dormant account with £50 or something in it in case you want to use it in the future. This sounds like acute control, alarming!
The daughter was at home with her (now separated from) partner. This thread was a while ago and we've had loads of problems since, seems like it was some sort of plan with the behaviour we've had to endure since.
Any update on this @Phil McCrackin ??
Hi sorry work has been manic. Ok so I spoke to him/and argued about this. And he tells me he doesn’t care that his parents have access to his account and yes they shouldn’t have looked but it’s his parents are they were worried after seeing the minus figure. I said they wouldn’t have seen this minus figure if they did what you asked and just drew out the £30. Honestly I said oh whatever well we aren’t using that account for our personal spend anymore and any money I give you towards the bills I will give you in cash. Came up with compromise however I’m still so annoyed about it. He just comes across as such a wuss and scared of standing his ground at 28. Might leave him honestly 
That’s exactly what I’ve said I’m doing going forward. Prob won’t last that long with him tbh as he’s such a baby and weirdly too close to his family. Not that there is anything wrong with that just bit too much for me. Nothing is private. Grr x
Leave him. He sounds like an absolute looser. Plus, his family sound like creepy, too close for comfort oddballs.Hi sorry work has been manic. Ok so I spoke to him/and argued about this. And he tells me he doesn’t care that his parents have access to his account and yes they shouldn’t have looked but it’s his parents are they were worried after seeing the minus figure. I said they wouldn’t have seen this minus figure if they did what you asked and just drew out the £30. Honestly I said oh whatever well we aren’t using that account for our personal spend anymore and any money I give you towards the bills I will give you in cash. Came up with compromise however I’m still so annoyed about it. He just comes across as such a wuss and scared of standing his ground at 28. Might leave him honestly
That’s exactly what I’ve said I’m doing going forward. Prob won’t last that long with him tbh as he’s such a baby and weirdly too close to his family. Not that there is anything wrong with that just bit too much for me. Nothing is private. Grr x
Hey Guys just going through an annoying time at the moment with him. Can’t even explain how bad is parents are in his grill constantly and he lets them. So just before they decided to take money out the account he was prescribed anti depressants and obv he had to tell his parents about this 
so they decided to talk to his uncle who was once prescribed them to get more info about them. He didn’t have a good experience with them so obv they were like omg you shouldn’t take them they can change your personality and you can’t drink on them omg something will happen to you if you do etc etc etc (I’ve been on them for 7 years and get pissed every weekend but he doesn’t listen to anything I say, would rather go off and listen to mummy and daddy) anyway so obv he was off work. Which caused a massive issue in the family even though he gets sick pay. His work has contacted him to say that they need to do an occupational assessment before they can allow him to go back to work (obviously! And for obv insurance purposes and to cover there back and to genuine provide support if needed) and let me tell you the shear panic now going through the family and they are coming to have a sit down chat with him about how he must go back to work and this is a worrying time for everyone. Hahahah. Honestly. Wtf! There like your going to loose your job and loose your house and then you’ll be homesless on the street. I really need get rid dont i?? Xx
Sorry for the long post just need to vent to normal people ha
so they decided to talk to his uncle who was once prescribed them to get more info about them. He didn’t have a good experience with them so obv they were like omg you shouldn’t take them they can change your personality and you can’t drink on them omg something will happen to you if you do etc etc etc (I’ve been on them for 7 years and get pissed every weekend but he doesn’t listen to anything I say, would rather go off and listen to mummy and daddy) anyway so obv he was off work. Which caused a massive issue in the family even though he gets sick pay. His work has contacted him to say that they need to do an occupational assessment before they can allow him to go back to work (obviously! And for obv insurance purposes and to cover there back and to genuine provide support if needed) and let me tell you the shear panic now going through the family and they are coming to have a sit down chat with him about how he must go back to work and this is a worrying time for everyone. Hahahah. Honestly. Wtf! There like your going to loose your job and loose your house and then you’ll be homesless on the street. I really need get rid dont i?? XxSorry for the long post just need to vent to normal people ha
It seems like they're just waaaaaaaaaay to overly involved and he's too happy with letting them be. My MIL is quite involved, likes to know everything that's going on and has an opinion on everything. When we lived at hers she even opened my post/parcels! I drew the line at that and told her flat out she needs to keep her nose out. I figured it would go one of two ways - she'd either listen, realise she's overstepped the mark and change her behaviour, or on the other hand she'd dispute what I'd said and it would lead to arguments, nothing would be resolved etc. I was lucky that she listened (although on occasion she still does overstep the mark).Hey Guys just going through an annoying time at the moment with him. Can’t even explain how bad is parents are in his grill constantly and he lets them. So just before they decided to take money out the account he was prescribed anti depressants and obv he had to tell his parents about this
Sorry for the long post just need to vent to normal people ha
I think you just need to be completely frank with them. With your partner too. I'll be honest, it's a bit weird. And if they can't accept that then that's their problem and you have to decide whether you want to continue in that situation or leave it. Other than his intrusive parents, is your relationship generally okay? Is it so good that you could learn to see past this to continue on together? Or is it so intrusive and irritating that it's changing how you feel about your relationship altogether?
Thank you for your reply. Tbh is this was the only reason I’d tell them myself but the relationship isn’t great anyway. He’s defensive, jealous, sometimes paranoid, wimpy, worries about everything, doesn’t stand up for himself, takes everything to heart and is like jekle and Hyde.
(Christ, sorry! )And I will be honest here, my ex fiancé is a finance director, always put me first, stood up for himself, never questioned me, was never jealous. Treated me like an absolute queen, gave me a beautiful home and a Porsche etc and I left because I felt like I needed to find myself a little bit and tbh my bf has made me realise what I had a couple of years ago and what I’ve lost. He’s just the complete opposite. And I think I’m maybe trying to mould him into my ex 
xThank you for your reply. Tbh is this was the only reason I’d tell them myself but the relationship isn’t great anyway. He’s defensive, jealous, sometimes paranoid, wimpy, worries about everything, doesn’t stand up for himself, takes everything to heart and is like jekle and Hyde.
I am sorry about them opening your post I would go mental at that!
In that case, it sounds like you know the answer yourself. You shouldn't ever change yourself to meet somebodies needs, and similarly, you can't change somebody to meet yours. It sounds like he's hard to communicate with and maybe struggles with how to express how he's feeling/what he wants? But those are his issues and not your problems to fix! If you're not happy, and you don't see the situation changing then there's no shame in admitting that and walking away. Your feelings are important and if there's a chance there might be someone else out there who can make you feel more fulfilled, loved, whatever then take it.Thank you for your reply. Tbh is this was the only reason I’d tell them myself but the relationship isn’t great anyway. He’s defensive, jealous, sometimes paranoid, wimpy, worries about everything, doesn’t stand up for himself, takes everything to heart and is like jekle and Hyde.
I am sorry about them opening your post I would go mental at that!
So why on earth are you even still with him? Seriously?! I can’t decide if your posts are genuine or what but lord, just sort yourself out. You don’t sound as if you even particularly like your boyfriend, let alone anything else.Thank you for your reply. Tbh is this was the only reason I’d tell them myself but the relationship isn’t great anyway. He’s defensive, jealous, sometimes paranoid, wimpy, worries about everything, doesn’t stand up for himself, takes everything to heart and is like jekle and Hyde.
I am sorry about them opening your post I would go mental at that!
If it's crossed your mind to get rid of him , the relationship is on it's way out .
His parents sound like a nightmare, and it doesn't sound like he helps matters
His parents sound like a nightmare, and it doesn't sound like he helps matters
Honestly these posts are genuine
your right I need to kick myself up the arse. Just having a look at flats on Rightmove. Then maybe will speak to my ex in due course once I’m settled 
Do you want to work things out with your ex?Honestly these posts are genuine