Am I being unreasonable?(advice on bfs family)

[Upintheair83]

Asking your friends to look up what she’s doing online is only going to make you feel worse. She has dogged your relationship from the beginning, you both need to block her, shut down your settings so new accounts can’t add or message you, and move on. I promise you, you’ll forget all about it in no time if you’re not seeing it. The same happened with my fiancé’s ex. I blocked her and her friends and got on with my life!

I bet nanan will come around once a baby is involved, and if she doesn’t, well she can’t have a relationship with her great grandchild. She may not like you but she needs to respect your relationship. Your other half should pull her up if she ever says anything discouraging to or about you. If it’s just Facebook comments I’d be minded to ignore it.

Thanks hun and I totally agree! I’m not on any social media now I shut it all down which is a shame because I have a lot of friends abroad and would love to see what my brother is up to. I admit that a couple or years ago I got abut obsessed with seeing what she was posting but now I don’t really bother. I only ask a friend when usually we have had a drink and have one of those stalks that everyone does but I totally agree and I know it serves no purpose at all. I only went on my boyfriends because of this dog group we are part of.
I never want to stop anyone seeing baby if I’m lucky and blessed enough to get pregnant but I know what you are saying, I won’t be rushing down to see them that’s for sure. I really would love nan to like me, I just don’t understand why she can’t be friends with me and Sophia- and I don’t get why Sophia doesn’t just move on!?
Thanks so much, it’s always nice to hear when people have had similar experiences xz

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Hey you sound more than reasonable and she should not of made contact with you or made personal comments. I would also be upset! The nan also seems quite rude and harsh aswell! I would defo be upset and u seem really nice like you’ve not done anything to cause this xx

 

[bellinibobble]

God knows, the behaviour of both of them is really bizarre and I’m sure most normal people would agree with you there. I think you’ve taken all the feedback on here on the chin with such good grace, I’ve no doubt some good karma is coming your way. It will work itself out I’m sure xxx

 

[Upintheair83]

God knows, the behaviour of both of them is really bizarre and I’m sure most normal people would agree

Hey you sound more than reasonable and she should not of made contact with you or made personal comments. I would also be upset! The nan also seems quite rude and harsh aswell! I would defo be upset and u seem really nice like you’ve not done anything to cause this xx

with you there. I think you’ve taken all the feedback on here on the chin with such good grace, I’ve no doubt some good karma is coming your way. It will work itself out I’m sure xxx

Thanks to you both for such kind words, I’m by no means perfect but iv always tried to be nice. As I have mentioned I was hurt very badly by my LDR and so I had a lot of empathy and sensitivity to their relationship. I didn’t fob it off as some silly romance as I could have done. I mean I think they had only met 3 times! It’s not that many times to still be so obsessed over someone is it really?!
And of course Iv been young and hurt before and so I did understand at times why she lashed out, I just don’t understand why she still tries to hang on to Joshua by remaining friends with his nan. I do wonder what will happen when she gets a boyfriend.
All I can do now is just accept it for what it is and just concentrate on myself and getting my confidence back.
I’m so overwhelmed by the advice as I thought only a couple of people would bother replying. it’s true when they say a problem shared is a problem halved! Xx

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Thanks to you both for such kind words, I’m by no means perfect but iv always tried to be nice. As I have mentioned I was hurt very badly by my LDR and so I had a lot of empathy and sensitivity to their relationship. I didn’t fob it off as some silly romance as I could have done. I mean I think they had only met 3 times! It’s not that many times to still be so obsessed over someone is it really?!
And of course Iv been young and hurt before and so I did understand at times why she lashed out, I just don’t understand why she still tries to hang on to Joshua by remaining friends with his nan. I do wonder what will happen when she gets a boyfriend.
All I can do now is just accept it for what it is and just concentrate on myself and getting my confidence back.
I’m so overwhelmed by the advice as I thought only a couple of people would bother replying. it’s true when they say a problem shared is a problem halved! Xx

Yep even just when other people understand it can make you feel ten times better nothing worse than feeling alone with a problem... xx

 

[Everdene]

I think you're a saint for putting up with this and still wanting to work things out for the better! Please tell Josh that he should be very thankful for landing such a great woman. 4 years of dealing with a crazy ex/vacation lover (and grandma...) I would've jumped ship a long time ago

I always have kind of admired and felt it would take a special bond to make a ldr work (like two different countries seeing each other a few weeks a year at best). But now I see the type of "special" it requires even if she felt betrayal for the sudden break up and him moving on quickly. Surely after 4 years she would not be this obsessed still with some man she barely knew in the flesh. And if she's so incredibly beautiful I find it very telling of her personality that she's hasn't been able to move on with someone else. She sounds like that obsessed gf meme. From her behaviour I thought you guys were maybe early twenties. Surely no 30 year old woman hangs on to a guy she met 3 times for more than 4 years while he's very committed to someone else?!?!?!

 

[laughing]

Think your bf needs to tell her to jog on.

Why is she messaging the nan four years after they spilt up having never ever met her.

Sounds a bit weird to me

 

[Upintheair83]

I think you're a saint for putting up with this and still wanting to work things out for the better! Please tell Josh that he should be very thankful for landing such a great woman. 4 years of dealing with a crazy ex/vacation lover (and grandma...) I would've jumped ship a long time ago

I always have kind of admired and felt it would take a special bond to make a ldr work (like two different countries seeing each other a few weeks a year at best). But now I see the type of "special" it requires even if she felt betrayal for the sudden break up and him moving on quickly. Surely after 4 years she would not be this obsessed still with some man she barely knew in the flesh. And if she's so incredibly beautiful I find it very telling of her personality that she's hasn't been able to move on with someone else. She sounds like that obsessed gf meme. From her behaviour I thought you guys were maybe early twenties. Surely no 30 year old woman hangs on to a guy she met 3 times for more than 4 years while he's very committed to someone else?!?!?!

Awwww it’s very kind of you to say those things. I’m no saint, I haven’t dealt with it all that great really because I let her knock my confidence and Iv for angry, hence why I posted this thread. She’s actually 10 years younger than me. And maybe if I’m honest I get insecure about that, but I always used that to be quite sensitive to her feelings too. You know, Iv been her age and Iv been hurt in love (many times) and I got it. It was when she started being so nasty and telling me how ugly I was that I lost all sympathy and started to get angry/ upset.
I mean she was I think 24 when it all started and she’s like 27/28 now. She’s old enough to know better. My mum said the same as you! She’s that beautiful no one wants her!
But she really is beautiful and I get why his nan tells her that. I just wish nan would get to know me. But as times goes on and since writing on this thread, I’m starting to slowly just let it roll off my shoulders and concentrate on getting my confidence back.
It’s not the end of the world if nan doesn’t want much to do with me. One day Sophia will prob get a boyfriend/husband and have a child and I think she will focus on other things. (Well I can but hope!)

Think your bf needs to tell her to jog on.

Why is she messaging the nan four years after they spilt up having never ever met her.

Sounds a bit weird to me

Yeh I find it weird too! Josh is no Brad Pitt!
She’s like that chick in fatal attraction! xx

 

[laughing]

Think you should ask your bf for the whole truth of their relationship.
Some thing does not ring true

 

[SunshineSally]

I'm going against the grain here but why are you letting this bother you? His nan should be able to be friends with whomever she chooses and if she makes a comment? So what. You just seem to be quite insecure and if you are not careful this will damage your relationship. Make a bigger effort to be friends with his nan and let the comments just wash over you. You need to toughen up.

 

[laughing]

Think this thread is a wind up.

 

[SunshineSally]

Think this thread is a wind up.

I think that you are right.

 

[Upintheair83]

I'm going against the grain here but why are you letting this bother you? His nan should be able to be friends with whomever she chooses and if she makes a comment? So what. You just seem to be quite insecure and if you are not careful this will damage your relationship. Make a bigger effort to be friends with his nan and let the comments just wash over you. You need to toughen up.

No it’s ok, you are entitled to your opinion. I asked the question for advice and that’s what I wanted. It’s def not a wind up, and maybe to some people it seems silly.But to me, it’s been really bothering me and I can’t help that, or apologise for that. I have very low confidence regarding my appearance and it’s been made worse by the horrible comments that were being posted to me by her. Admittedly I shouldn’t let it bother me; but it has. And in regards to his nan, I have tried making an effort but I’m met with nothing in return and I do feel quite uncomfortable.
Iv never said she should be friends with Sophia, the question asked was if I was being unreasonable in feeling this way about the situation. As you have said yes I am, then that’s fine and I take it onboard.

Think you should ask your bf for the whole truth of their relationship.
Some thing does not ring true

Well unless he’s gone back to Brazil in the last four years I don’t know how there is more truth to it!
To you it may not be a big deal but to me, it is. It’s knocked my confidence and I came on here to ask if I was being unreasonable in being upset about it. I don’t think there is any harm in that is there?
Obv you think I am being unreasonable and that is fine, we all are entitled to opinions and thy I posted on here

 

[SunshineSally]

One life lesson that you are yet to learn is not to give a damn what other people think. You need a huge dollop of self esteem and, one day in the future, you will look back at this period in your life and cringe. Life is far too short to worry what other people may or may not think.

His ex is probably feeling some bitterness towards you as you were whether you like it or not the other woman in their relationship. It doesn't matter how many miles were between them, they were a couple when you came on the scene. I'm not excusing her behaviour but you do need to try to see things from her viewpoint.

But, like I said, stop getting upset about this because it will make you ill and life is far too short for that.

 

[Upintheair83]

One life lesson that you are yet to learn is not to give a damn what other people think. You need a huge dollop of self esteem and, one day in the future, you will look back at this period in your life and cringe. Life is far too short to worry what other people may or may not think.

His ex is probably feeling some bitterness towards you as you were whether you like it or not the other woman in their relationship. It doesn't matter how many miles were between them, they were a couple when you came on the scene. I'm not excusing her behaviour but you do need to try to see things from her viewpoint.

But, like I said, stop getting upset about this because it will make you ill and life is far too short for that.

Thnx for the advice

 

[JD-Morgan]

I would just straight up ask his nan what her issue with you is and why she doesn’t make an effort.

 

[NapQueen]

Is it bad that my first thought was that she’ll probably be dead soon enough and you won’t have to worry about crazy ex anymore?

 

[Raininvain]

I wouldn't be having any confrontations with a pensioner, it will be totally turned against you and you'll not get a straight answer anyway. I think your boyfriend does not have your back/best interests at heart otherwise he would have told Nan and anyone else that you are his priority and to pack it in. It sounds very strange to me. It sounds like he might be still stringing her along in some way?

 

[Upintheair83]

I wouldn't be having any confrontations with a pensioner, it will be totally turned against you and you'll not get a straight answer anyway. I think your boyfriend does not have your back/best interests at heart otherwise he would have told Nan and anyone else that you are his priority and to pack it in. It sounds very strange to me. It sounds like he might be still stringing her along in some way?

I’m 110% certain that if he was stringing her along, she would be posting screenshots of conversations and sending them to my friends: family on Facebook or Instagram (She has done this in the past- sent nasty messages for them to pass on to me) , as I think Iv seen every correspondence between the two from her screenshots over the years, as she likes to regurgitate them. She would want me to see them.
Other than this me and Josh have a lovely relationship, and I’m happy.
He treats me well and we are as happy, do I think he should have stuck up for me more?! Of course I do. I would stick up for him.
The question was -am I being unreasonable in feeling this way?of being upset?
I have no intention of storming down to see his nan and demands answers.That’s not even me, or what I’m about. It wouldn’t even enter my head to do that and cause a scene.
I just found it sad that his nan was giving her a lot of attention, time and effort and yet she doesn’t bother with me, when I have tried. As I would love a relationship. I don’t think that’s a horrible thing to want.
If I’m honest I was more worried that his nan thought she was so stunningly beautiful and that I was the down grade. And that Josh deserves someone more beautiful. And I wanted her to get to know me as a person and not a face.
Some people have said that I don’t see it from Sophias point of view. But i did state that while she was sending me horrible words of abuse I never once bit back because I understood she was upset.
It seems some people think it is unreasonable that I feel this way, and they may be right.
I am very sensitive and I try to harden up, but when it’s not your nature it’s very hard to that.
I just want my boyfriends nan to like me that’s all. To give me a chance like she’s given Sophia. I don’t expect her to not be friends with her. I just would like to be her friend too.

 

[Raininvain]

Hi, You cant get anyone to like you, it either comes naturally or it doesn't, but she should be at least polite to you.Also looks fade and ultimately at the end of the day its the person inside that matters. Your going to have all on in the future if you run into any type of problem and your boyfriend supports his family over you and lets them bully you. I think anyone deserves better than that.
I'd tell Josh I needed a man who supported me wholeheartedly and if he feels he cant do that for whatever reason I'd be moving on from him.x