That where they were all speaking their own language whilst you were there is rude and excludes you as well.Obviously if they cant speak English that's different but whats the point of you being there if they are going to do this? Excluding someone is a form of bullying. What did he do when they were doing this?
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He comes from a big Chinese family, some speak English, for eg his cousins do. His grandparents speak English but they seemed more comfortable in speaking Chinese to the rest of the family. I had the odd uncle and aunt speak to me. I was very shy though and i felt abit overwhelmed as it was the first time meeting everyone and I come from a very small family xxx
Please do not second guess yourself because of the actions of others! Whilst it is unusual for family members to keep in touch with exes, in some ways I think it would be quite a nice thing but only if those family members were treating you with respect, love and you were the priority which it seems like you're not currently. I think you should have an honest conversation with Josh and tell him how you're feeling (sorry if you already have and I've missed that) so he can accurately voice this to his grandmother/family members, who should know they are being rude and unwelcoming.
Remember that it is not his families decision who he is in a relationship with and the most important thing is, he is putting you first.
It sounds like you're being totally reasonable and incredibly patient!
Remember that it is not his families decision who he is in a relationship with and the most important thing is, he is putting you first.
It sounds like you're being totally reasonable and incredibly patient!
Thank you so much for your reply, the reason I set this post up was because I was unsure if maybe I was being too sensitive, I know I can be quite sensitive and some people have said to ignore her in the past. I did try and do that at first, but she completely ripped my self confidence apart at one time. I had low self confidence before I met josh from a LDR and when I met Josh he made feel special again. I had no intention of stealing him from her, but I did fall in love and I had always treated her with respect when he finished with her and decided to pursue things with me. I never once didn’t think of her feelings, I didn’t post photos of me and Josh, I never messaged her aggressively back. When I did message her to stop bullying me I told her that she was beautiful and that Josh had loved her, but we had a real good chance of making it work here, in this country, I wished her well and Iv always hoped she would find someone that she could find happiness with. I feel like Iv always been respectful both with Sophia and with his nan.Please do not second guess yourself because of the actions of others! Whilst it is unusual for family members to keep in touch with exes, in some ways I think it would be quite a nice thing but only if those family members were treating you with respect, love and you were the priority which it seems like you're not currently. I think you should have an honest conversation with Josh and tell him how you're feeling (sorry if you already have and I've missed that) so he can accurately voice this to his grandmother/family members, who should know they are being rude and unwelcoming.
Remember that it is not his families decision who he is in a relationship with and the most important thing is, he is putting you first.
It sounds like you're being totally reasonable and incredibly patient!
I genuinely don’t mean any harm to Sophia and I accept that his nan is friends with her. I suppose I just wanted a little bit more respect from his nan because my family treat Josh with a lot of respect and love. But you can’t expect people to behave the way you would, and from reading the comments from another poster that I stole Josh from Sophia then maybe that’s how his nan sees it?! And I suppose I just to have accept that, not everyone likes you do they?! Or sees your perspective? But I take from the other replies and yours that I should focus on the fact that Josh chose me and that’s all that matters. Iv done my best and I can’t do anymore. So thank you to you all for your responses.
xx
Hi @Upintheair83 you definitely should focus that he is with you and you aren't a flash in the pan after 4 years, owning a house together and trying for a family. However, that being said, boundaries still need to exist and if this continues, you do need to talk to him. I can't imagine anyone being cool or ok with seeing their partners grandmother fawning all over his ex whilst pretty much ignoring your existence.
Yes I agree and I will bring it up again with him, he needs to be the one that talks to his nan and say how he finds it disrespectful too. I get that she likes Sophia but I suppose I just wanted a chance- I wanted a chance to get to know his nan and for her to like me also. I would never want family things to be awkward etc. I’m not that sort of person. I lost my nan a few years ago and I was hoping to enjoy his family and nan too, to build a nice relationship with them. None of it is because of my attitude, only time will tell what happens xx
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable by being upset about it but I do think that it may be one of those things that you just have grin and bear it. You probably can’t change the situation and I think him talking to his Nan could end up causing family disputes and do more harm than good (her not really acknowledging you is better than her actively trying to exclude you etc). I do think his Nan is in the wrong for her behaviour though so I can imagine it’s tough! I think you’ve just got to learn to not let it get to you which is hard I know.
When I first met my husband’s family at a family meal, his sister came up to me and basically said she wasn’t being nasty but she couldn’t be friendly with me as she was still friendly with his ex girlfriend. How ridiculous! My husband’s ex girlfriend was very dramatic when he started dating me a bit like your partners ex has been. Even though she split up with him and this was months later. Anyway he dated his ex for a couple of years when they were teenagers, we are now MARRIED for three years and together for TEN. She still isn’t friendly with me
I get a smile and a hello but no other conversation than that. To be honest she is not my type of person anyway I find her very odd so her and his ex must have had that in common I dunno 
. But basically the point of my story is that in the beginning it would upset me, they would be commenting all over each other’s social media etc so I felt I couldn’t get away from her. I wondered what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t good enough to be accepted by her. Now ten years on it doesn’t affect me anymore although I do think it’s a shame. I think when she was being rude she maybe thought I was a fling and I turned out to be his future wife 
Xxx
When I first met my husband’s family at a family meal, his sister came up to me and basically said she wasn’t being nasty but she couldn’t be friendly with me as she was still friendly with his ex girlfriend. How ridiculous! My husband’s ex girlfriend was very dramatic when he started dating me a bit like your partners ex has been. Even though she split up with him and this was months later. Anyway he dated his ex for a couple of years when they were teenagers, we are now MARRIED for three years and together for TEN. She still isn’t friendly with me
I get a smile and a hello but no other conversation than that. To be honest she is not my type of person anyway I find her very odd so her and his ex must have had that in common I dunno . But basically the point of my story is that in the beginning it would upset me, they would be commenting all over each other’s social media etc so I felt I couldn’t get away from her. I wondered what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t good enough to be accepted by her. Now ten years on it doesn’t affect me anymore although I do think it’s a shame. I think when she was being rude she maybe thought I was a fling and I turned out to be his future wife Xxx
Also, if you've blocked her on SM, how are you seeing any of these comments? When you block someone you can't see if they comment to your friends or if your friend likes a post of theirs? Also you mention Sophia still posts about her and Josh on her Instagram? Admittedly she may have a public Instagram account but sounds like you're looking at it?
I would advise not to view her Instagram and not to search on FB using an account that's not yours to see what his Nan is saying to her? Has Josh not blocked Sophia as well? How are you able to see what is being said by his Nan?
I would advise not to view her Instagram and not to search on FB using an account that's not yours to see what his Nan is saying to her? Has Josh not blocked Sophia as well? How are you able to see what is being said by his Nan?
Oh god! How awful!!! I totally understand what you are saying and it’s nice to know someone has been through a similar situation, and I appreciate everything you have said. I think you are right, it’s something I have to just grin and bear. Maybe I’m upset because I would have liked that closeness with his family. I defo don’t want to cause drama because it’s not worth it and as you say maybe keeping quiet will prevent it escalating even more. XxxxI don’t think you’re being unreasonable by being upset about it but I do think that it may be one of those things that you just have grin and bear it. You probably can’t change the situation and I think him talking to his Nan could end up causing family disputes and do more harm than good (her not really acknowledging you is better than her actively trying to exclude you etc). I do think his Nan is in the wrong for her behaviour though so I can imagine it’s tough! I think you’ve just got to learn to not let it get to you which is hard I know.
When I first met my husband’s family at a family meal, his sister came up to me and basically said she wasn’t being nasty but she couldn’t be friendly with me as she was still friendly with his ex girlfriend. How ridiculous! My husband’s ex girlfriend was very dramatic when he started dating me a bit like your partners ex has been. Even though she split up with him and this was months later. Anyway he dated his ex for a couple of years when they were teenagers, we are now MARRIED for three years and together for TEN. She still isn’t friendly with me
Xxx
Sounds like the ex is just clinging onto a friendship with the Nan to keep an eye on your relationship/find things out. Would make sense if your partner blocked her. After 4 years, it’s a bit pathetic and she should have moved on by now, but some people are so immature.
My husband was in a LDR with someone on the other side of the world before he met me. They had already separated months before he met me as it wasn’t working out. I have been with my husband for 7 years now, have two children with him, and she still pops up every now and again messaging him out of the blue, reminiscing about times they were together. He used to just ignore her. The last time she did it, her message was a swipe at me and when he told me I lost it and told him how angry and uncomfortable I was, so he called her out on it and told her to stop contacting him and move on, then blocked her completely from all media.
With regards to his Nan, you really can’t make her stop talking to her, it’s her choice. Maybe Josh and yourself could spend some time with Nan just the three of you and have a chance to connect and allow you to get to know each other better? If it persists though, Josh is the one who needs to have a word with his Nan. The ex could have fed Nan a different narrative about your relationship and she doesn’t know all the facts. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s horrible, but hopefully she gets bored and moves on when she realises you two are for keeps.
My husband was in a LDR with someone on the other side of the world before he met me. They had already separated months before he met me as it wasn’t working out. I have been with my husband for 7 years now, have two children with him, and she still pops up every now and again messaging him out of the blue, reminiscing about times they were together. He used to just ignore her. The last time she did it, her message was a swipe at me and when he told me I lost it and told him how angry and uncomfortable I was, so he called her out on it and told her to stop contacting him and move on, then blocked her completely from all media.
With regards to his Nan, you really can’t make her stop talking to her, it’s her choice. Maybe Josh and yourself could spend some time with Nan just the three of you and have a chance to connect and allow you to get to know each other better? If it persists though, Josh is the one who needs to have a word with his Nan. The ex could have fed Nan a different narrative about your relationship and she doesn’t know all the facts. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s horrible, but hopefully she gets bored and moves on when she realises you two are for keeps.
So the reason I know it’s on her Facebook (the correspondence between her and Sophia) is that Josh let’s me go on his Facebook to write to message our best friends (Who live in Spain) but mostly we belong to this dog group where they organise dog walks for this particular breed we have! So I go on, I would say every few months maybe. And when he finished with Sophia he unfriended her and didn’t block her. I am no longer on Facebook, but when I saw the comments I did have look and see what else was there, and there is like a file which says Instagram photos on her Facebook which shows photos of her and Josh that I presume is from the Instagram account.
I do however hold my hands up and admit I have asked my friend to check now and then what’s she’s posting- mostly to see if she still posts photos of her and Josh, and also to see if she’s moved on. But my prob isn’t with her posting photos of her and Josh anymore, Iv sort of got used to that, that doesn’t bother me like it used to. I only mentioned it because I wanted people to get the idea of how much she still thinks about Josh and how much she still holds on to those memories.
When the bullying was in full force though, I must admit I almost became obsessed with looking at her posts wondering what she was putting next. But I realised I was only hurting myself by doing that. Xxx
I think maybe she did feed her a different story because I remember reading a private Facebook message to Josh from Sophia (in the early days of the bullying) saying that I had called her ugly and how nasty I was being! Luckily I had screen shot all the messages she had sent me, and I showed him the numerous accounts She was setting up to continue to send me nasty things. And so I reckon if she’s said this to Josh then she has said it to his nan, and maybe nan feels sorry for her? I’m probably seen as the bad guy.
I honestly don’t mean Sophia any bad or anything like that, I just wish she would move on and accept that we are happy together. I mean he saw her for like 3times in the time they were together. I’m not down playing her emotions but I feel like she needs to move on now for her own sake and I don’t think his nan is helping things by encouraging her.
In the early days I remember Sophia posting a screenshot of messages from his nan saying she’s praying for the day that Josh and Sophia reunite. So maybe Sophia thinks his nan can help to get him back?
I do feel sorry for her in many ways. But at the same time, I don’t think Iv done much to deserve all the abuse I got off Sophia and for the nan ignoring me so much. I just want to be part of the family that’s all xxx
I joke to Joshua and say ‘Iv lived every part of your relationship with her! Iv seen so many photos because of what’s she’s posted. In the early days she would post things I think to make me jealous. As if to say ‘look how wonderful we look together’ and ‘look how in love we were!’ She is also very very beautiful and you can’t help but see that. But she would post videos of him saying he loved her and photos of letters etc that he sent. So I think it was to make me insecure. Now, I don’t really know what she’s doing and posting or to what extent. I just saw a few photos - mostly she just reminiscing about their past together and how beautiful she is xx
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Nan sounds very immature, has been groomed by ex gf and you possibly wont be able to change nans opinions and who she speaks to but you and Josh can decide who in your life you speak to and what you will put up with.
Ex girlfriend needs to move on and get a life (but you already know that)..
It sounds like your confidence and self esteem has taken a battering so i would focus on yourself and building this up for now whilst maybe Josh could delete and block his nan off social media.
You might find his family are embarrassed when they see his nan liking her statuses it's a bit cringe
Also beauty is subjective my mum thought princess diana was the most beautiful woman in the world ever but I don't.
Would love to see you build your confidence
Ex girlfriend needs to move on and get a life (but you already know that)..
It sounds like your confidence and self esteem has taken a battering so i would focus on yourself and building this up for now whilst maybe Josh could delete and block his nan off social media.
You might find his family are embarrassed when they see his nan liking her statuses it's a bit cringe
Also beauty is subjective my mum thought princess diana was the most beautiful woman in the world ever but I don't.
Would love to see you build your confidence
You can be beautiful physically, that doesn’t matter if you’re ugly AF on the inside though. I’ve known a few people like that; conventionally attractive yes, but horrible people to be around.
Know your worth, own it.
Know your worth, own it.
Thank you that’s lovelyNan sounds very immature, has been groomed by ex gf and you possibly wont be able to change nans opinions and who she speaks to but you and Josh can decide who in your life you speak to and what you will put up with.
Ex girlfriend needs to move on and get a life (but you already know that)..
It sounds like your confidence and self esteem has taken a battering so i would focus on yourself and building this up for now whilst maybe Josh could delete and block his nan off social media.
You might find his family are embarrassed when they see his nan liking her statuses it's a bit cringe
Also beauty is subjective my mum thought princess diana was the most beautiful woman in the world ever but I don't.
Would love to see you build your confidence
xxxThank you and you are right- there are blokes Iv thought were so good looking but then when they love themselves too much it put me off! I can appreciate someone being good looking but not being attractive if that makes sense and I suppose it’s true xx
Why is she still so obsessed with him 4 years on?! I find that really strange as that is quite a long time!
I agree that he needs to speak with his nan directly. If it were me, I’d show the nan the horrible messages she has sent you and then also message Sophia telling her to get over herself, it’s been 4 years, she needs to let it go and move on .. maybe not the best move to do but I can be a bit petty
If you are going to be marrying and having a family with this man, she needs to be completely out of your lives cos I don’t think she will able to be anything else but that.
I agree that he needs to speak with his nan directly. If it were me, I’d show the nan the horrible messages she has sent you and then also message Sophia telling her to get over herself, it’s been 4 years, she needs to let it go and move on .. maybe not the best move to do but I can be a bit petty
If you are going to be marrying and having a family with this man, she needs to be completely out of your lives cos I don’t think she will able to be anything else but that.
Yes I think he should talk to his nan too instead of getting his mum to do it. I suppose when I started this thread I was really angry about it and now iv had time to calm down I just feel like I know I can’t stop anyone being friends with anyone. And I’d never ask that, I can’t see why nan can’t be friends with us both if I’m honest! I wound have no prob with that.
I’m 36 and so I never wanted to behave in the childish way Sophia has, Iv kissed a lot of frogs to get to my prince and I finally feel like Iv met someone that i see a future with and so I don’t want her to interfere anymore with our lives. I suppose I’m lucky that she lives so far away, she couldn’t get a visa and financially I don’t think she could ever afford to come over here and knock on our door. I suppose I have to put up with the fact she will always hold a torch for him.
I honestly wish her well, I never meant for her to be hurt, I did everything I could and how I felt was the right way to deal with it before we got together. If I hadn’t have come along someone else would, unless josh was happy to move over to Brazil then I doubt it would have lasted. At least I’m good in the knowledge that I have treated her with respect and never been nasty back. But she’s knocked my confidence by saying I’m fat and ugly and that josh will never love me like he loved her and I just feel abit gutted his nan would chose her friendship over mine. Xxx
Haha she does need to get over him! He isn’t that special!Why is she still so obsessed with him 4 years on?! I find that really strange as that is quite a long time!
I agree that he needs to speak with his nan directly. If it were me, I’d show the nan the horrible messages she has sent you and then also message Sophia telling her to get over herself, it’s been 4 years, she needs to let it go and move on .. maybe not the best move to do but I can be a bit petty
If you are going to be marrying and having a family with this man, she needs to be completely out of your lives cos I don’t think she will able to be anything else but that.
but seriously I actually think she’s abit mentally unwell because it’s not normal is it? I feel sorry for her. I’m hoping she will move on one day and be the psycho ex to someone else! I’m just so glad she’s in Brazil and not here in the UK! Xx
Asking your friends to look up what she’s doing online is only going to make you feel worse. She has dogged your relationship from the beginning, you both need to block her, shut down your settings so new accounts can’t add or message you, and move on. I promise you, you’ll forget all about it in no time if you’re not seeing it. The same happened with my fiancé’s ex. I blocked her and her friends and got on with my life!
I bet nanan will come around once a baby is involved, and if she doesn’t, well she can’t have a relationship with her great grandchild.
She may not like you but she needs to respect your relationship. Your other half should pull her up if she ever says anything discouraging to or about you. If it’s just Facebook comments I’d be minded to ignore it.
I bet nanan will come around once a baby is involved, and if she doesn’t, well she can’t have a relationship with her great grandchild.
She may not like you but she needs to respect your relationship. Your other half should pull her up if she ever says anything discouraging to or about you. If it’s just Facebook comments I’d be minded to ignore it.