Thats what I was thinkingIs it bad that my first thought was that she’ll probably be dead soon enough and you won’t have to worry about crazy ex anymore?
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My mother in law is still friends with my husbands ex she is ‘granny to her kids’ (not my husbands I should add) we’ve been married 2 years and together 7!!!!!! In laws really are the worst.
Sooo glad I found this. I have been with my partners for almost 7 years and I have had issues, mostly with his dad. I don’t feel he respects me or my partner. He takes every and any opportunity to try and wind you up. He is very selfish- if you’re watching something on the TV he doesn’t like, he’ll talk over you. He will eat the lion share of a sharing plate of food. When he comes to stay with us, he doesn’t do anything for himself whether it be make his own drinks/food or clear up after himself. I come home from work and have to clean up after him if my partner hasn’t managed to. My biggest frustration is that he doesn’t ask us if he can come and stay- he essentially tells us as if this is his 2nd home. I have put my foot down in the past and my partner did have a talk with him 5 years ago when he turned up unannounced and told us he was staying. I want to be supportive and have made a lot of effort in the last couple of months to be kinder because his wife and my partners mother died from cancer. I got on a bit better with her but I don’t believe in speaking ill of the dead. I’m just fed up of him disrespecting us. The worst occasion was a few years ago when the whole family was having dinner in the pub and he told me my opinion wasn’t valid because I wasn’t a blood relative.
Jeez that’s rough.
I thought I was just being insensitive about it but it’s nice to know others agree I’m not unreasonable. I’d just like both of us to be respected and not treated like doormats by his dad. Even my partners siblings have tried to impose upon us to get us to do what his dad wants even though we’ve not been consulted and/ have already said no. I feel sorry for my partner because he’s not respected by them and they clearly think they can tell him what to do and he will just roll over. Why is it so hard for people to treat others with respect?
Does he treat your partner in a similar way?
This Sophia woman sounds like she has mental health issues, her behaviour is not normal and is tantamount to stalking. I would say Josh had a narrow escape. Josh's nan sounds peculiar too, she's never met Sophia so why on earth is she maintaining any kind of relationship with her 4 years after the relationship with Josh ended!? Sounds like they are both screwballs.
I have been in this position & it is very...consuming!
My ex mum used to slag off his ex gf. She was glad when he broke up with her & if they'd attempted to get back she would have "discouraged" it. I heard so many horrible things about her from the mum & him. It made me not like the girl. Then I find out for the first 5 months of our relationship she was going to their house often & on social media his mum is all over her...for years & she is begging for the mums attention constantly.
I spoke up & the mum did not like anyone disagreeing with her so was very unwelcoming to me ever since. It cast a horrible cloud over the relationship, it lasted far too long & the best thing I ever done was get away from them.
As long as Josh is on your side I think that's all you really need. It's a pity this girl was in the picture when you met as she would probably be more insignificant otherwise. Plus she's a million miles away. Her messages to you are coming from a place of insecurity & hurt. She'll hopefully move on.
My ex mum used to slag off his ex gf. She was glad when he broke up with her & if they'd attempted to get back she would have "discouraged" it. I heard so many horrible things about her from the mum & him. It made me not like the girl. Then I find out for the first 5 months of our relationship she was going to their house often & on social media his mum is all over her...for years & she is begging for the mums attention constantly.
I spoke up & the mum did not like anyone disagreeing with her so was very unwelcoming to me ever since. It cast a horrible cloud over the relationship, it lasted far too long & the best thing I ever done was get away from them.
As long as Josh is on your side I think that's all you really need. It's a pity this girl was in the picture when you met as she would probably be more insignificant otherwise. Plus she's a million miles away. Her messages to you are coming from a place of insecurity & hurt. She'll hopefully move on.
He does. To be fair, he treats everyone like this from what I have seen over the last 7 years.
He sounds a lot like my dad - a vicious pig bully. I bet that your partner had a tough time growing up. The way I dealt with my dad was to use my voice and, goodness me, he didn't like it. Still doesn't but, between my sister and myself, I'm the one who stands up to him. That, obviously, won't help you. You are just going to have to bite your tongue and begin the slow process of distancing yourself from him. By this, I mean both you and your partner. Can your partner stand up to him? Does he see his behaviour as wrong or is he ground down by it and accepted it as the norm? Being blunt, can you see yourself with your partner in the next ten years in the same situation as you are in now? If you had children do you want them to witness this behaviour?
Before his mother fell ill in 2016, we did keep a reasonable distance because I felt unwelcomed and picked on. Towards the end of her life, his mother also became less friendly so I kept my distance but he still went to stay and visit them which I supported him to do so he could have the time with her. Turns out that was wrong too because after she died we found out that she had been angry with me for that and had said horrible things. I’ve justified that as her illness talking because she was a sweet natured woman usually. I’ve pretty much bit my tongue for 7 years. The rare occasions I have bit back, I’ve been accused of being difficult which stung because I don’t see defending myself and my partner/challenging bad behaviour as being difficult. We have started to distance more in the last 3 months because we have our own lives and shouldn’t be used as a hotel or sitting service however it’s recently reared it’s ugly head again because his dad basically tried to invite himself to stay when it was not a good time for us. My partner is a shy man and I think the result of being domineered by his dad and other family members has resulted in him seeing the behaviour as the norm. He has started to get angry about it because he sees that my family do not treat us or anyone in this way which is sad because I don’t want him to be angry with his family. I don’t believe his dad will ever change. My partner says he has been like this for as long as he can remember and even one of his siblings behaves in a very similar way and they are now divorced. No and frankly if we did have children, I would limit the contact so they did not learn this behaviour because I would want my children to be considerate and respectful to everyone they interact with. Thanks for listening and commenting back, it’s nice to know someone understands and has been in a similar position.
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Why don't you just tell your partner to just see his Dad at his Dads house and that he cant come to stay anymore. I'd just stop all contact with him. Its your home too and your paying the rent/mortgage etc. If my partner wouldnt then I'd leave him.I wouldnt be in the company of his Dad again ever.If he turns up again I'd just say he cant come in the house full stop. Seriously you need to tell the Dad to duck off for good.
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I am sorely tempted to tell him to duck off sometimes because I’m so frustrated by his behaviour!
Why dont you then? Hes only behaving like this because you and your partner are letting him get away with it. You wont be able to change him. Ignorant pigs like this never change.I am sorely tempted to tell him to duck off sometimes because I’m so frustrated by his behaviour!
I guess if I’m being honest, I’m just not that forthcoming and I fear being rude. You and another tattler are right though- part of the issue is that we don’t challenge enough or stand up for ourselves. We did have a chat today and have decided that we just won’t have people over who don’t respect us and treat us how we treat them. Thank you Tattlers, I feel better knowing I’m not being silly and for the advice
Block the ex’s profile (the one that his Nan comments on) and also block the Nan, this way you can’t see what the Nan is commenting and it won’t hurt you.
The Nan sounds like a nut job herself posting “I love you” to a young woman she hasn’t even met, she (the Nan) is making herself look stupid as his family will be aware that they haven’t met.
Just block block block and don’t let this Facebook nonsense drip-feed poison into your happy life with Josh.
I take it Josh isn’t in contact with his ex any more?
The Nan sounds like a nut job herself posting “I love you” to a young woman she hasn’t even met, she (the Nan) is making herself look stupid as his family will be aware that they haven’t met.
Just block block block and don’t let this Facebook nonsense drip-feed poison into your happy life with Josh.
I take it Josh isn’t in contact with his ex any more?