Am I being a snow flake?

[littlewonder]

I used to feel similar so I hope you don’t mind me sharing my perspective on what’s helped me. I was pretty obsessed with the idea of owning a house but I now like to think that not owning a house gives me the ultimate flexibility. Yes, renting is expensive and can be stressful but I can take a job I like somewhere (anywhere) else with little upheaval. I can move somewhere else easily if I want to experience a new city. I don’t have to do much when I move in/out as I still rent furnished. Some people only have a house through family wealth/inheritance and not through any particular success (which is fine btw, it’s just a fact).

I understand why people want that security and ownership and you’re not being a snowflake. But I was in a constant cycle of ‘I can’t attain this, everyone else has, I must be failing’ and I had to remove myself from the obsession of documenting every success as a big announcement on social media, take a break and assess what it was I actually wanted. I’ve realised that for me, all I want stability, security and to have a nice time and I don’t necessarily have to get that through house ownership or marriage or children. But that’s me
personally and I appreciate it might not reflect how you feel if these things are important to you (and it’s ok if they are!)

However, I’d try not to spend too much time stressing over it. I spent my entire 20s worrying about saving money and progressing in my job after a career change and then as soon as I felt like I’d got back to where I was previously, I had to spend it all on mobility aids and take a 50% pay cut because I became ill. What a waste of time and energy that was

finishing off by saying I seem to be completely unable to write a short tattle post I keep submitting a thesis in each thread, apologies

 

[Notgonnalie]

To answer your question no I don’t think you’re a snowflake.

I do think you need to realise that for changes to happen you need to make changes. Why aren’t you being accepted for a mortgage? Make it your mission to tick that list off. Whether that’s moving jobs to a higher paid position or perhaps further learning to better your prospects for better paid positions.

I’m sure you already know it’s not gonna fall at your feet.Being angry and upset is warranted but you also need to dust yourself off and write out the actions you are going to take so you can turn your goals into a reality. It’s possible if you make it happen.

you might also come to terms with not owning a property it’s not the be all and end all you can’t take it with you! So you might find a perfect home that’s rented or maybe you’ll look into other options.

don’t give up, wake up and show up every day and make it happen! Prove to yourself that you can do anything if you really work hard to make it happen. Good luck

 

[mcfeez]

You can literally get married for less than £100!!! Let alone £5K!!!

Oh I know that but under 5k now is still a small amount considering what most pay. But we still had guests, a meal, music, cake etc. Under a £100, if that is even possible, is literally just a marriage certificate. Lets be realistic, many people do want a wedding as well.

 

[HoGi]

This is totally anecdotal, but I do feel sometimes weaker couples (by weaker I mean those with rocky foundations, someone's having doubts already, etc etc) overcompensate by having a huge expensive wedding. Those are the ones who seem to end up getting divorced later. I was partially relieved that weddings were put off during COVID, as I think there's now less of an expectation to have a huge wedding. I do find it quite mad when people say they're having 120 people where 80 of those are people they haven't seen in donkey's years but 'have' to invite due to some unwritten social convention.

When I got engaged the best advice I was given is that there is a huge difference between getting married and having a wedding.

Lots of people in this day and age want a wedding. It is a tick box to keep up with everyone else. If marriage is important then you can do it without spending thousands just to keep up with the Jones's

 

[Idkk]

I am 37 and no closer to owning a house than I was 10 years ago. We also got married at the registry with two guests and no reception. We’ve both worked nonstop since we were teenagers but just feel like we never get anywhere. I don’t think it’s bad to wish that people who work hard nonstop all their lives should have the same house buying options as those who inherit or use family money. It’s not very fair. Despite paying €1050 in rent every month and never missing a rent payment in 20 years, we are denied a €700/month mortgage because our income is “too low”. How do we pay more in rent then?? And never default on any bills? Or struggle for food etc? And run two cars? It makes absolutely no sense. So frustrating. There has to be a better way for mortgage lenders to assess means. And yes we’ve looked at and applied to all avenues.