Noseyparker86
Well-known member
I don’t think wanting a house of your own is wanting it all! Especially when you’ve been in work for years and live a stable sensible life and yet it’s still completely out of reach.
- Notice
I am 37 and no closer to owning a house than I was 10 years ago. We also got married at the registry with two guests and no reception. We’ve both worked nonstop since we were teenagers but just feel like we never get anywhere. I don’t think it’s bad to wish that people who work hard nonstop all their lives should have the same house buying options as those who inherit or use family money. It’s not very fair. Despite paying €1050 in rent every month and never missing a rent payment in 20 years, we are denied a €700/month mortgage because our income is “too low”. How do we pay more in rent then?? And never default on any bills? Or struggle for food etc? And run two cars? It makes absolutely no sense. So frustrating. There has to be a better way for mortgage lenders to assess means. And yes we’ve looked at and applied to all avenues.
Mr Daydream
Active member
Having your own home and a child is not ‘having it all’ and should 100% be attainable for couples that work full time, sorry but you are being insensitive. OP you aren’t a snowflake, I was stuck in private rent for years too and saving for a deposit is so so hard when private renting, sometimes we could only afford £50 a month towards it. Have you looked into housing option like help to buy or shared equity? I know it’s not ideal and what you would probably want but it’s better than paying someone else’s mortgage, I’m not sure where you live but some housing associations can help you get into the property ladder too and away from private renting.
gingerteacup
Chatty Member
Please someone tell me if I’m being a snow flake.
I’m a millennial, wanting to get married soon but I just feel so deflated with everything right now. All I want is to be able to buy a home but it’s looking impossible. My wages have stayed the same over the past ten years, the cost of living is going up and I just can’t save as much as I’m used to. Me and my partner want to buy a house but it’s just not possible. I’m getting so frustrated. I want to buy an average house, not a mansion, not loads of bedrooms, just a house. Why is it so difficult? I feel so cheated by doing the right thing. Anyone else feel this way?
I’m a millennial, wanting to get married soon but I just feel so deflated with everything right now. All I want is to be able to buy a home but it’s looking impossible. My wages have stayed the same over the past ten years, the cost of living is going up and I just can’t save as much as I’m used to. Me and my partner want to buy a house but it’s just not possible. I’m getting so frustrated. I want to buy an average house, not a mansion, not loads of bedrooms, just a house. Why is it so difficult? I feel so cheated by doing the right thing. Anyone else feel this way?
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
Agree completely. I do think that these days - maybe due to the warped version of life we see via social media - that there is this expectation that everyone should/is getting everything they want right now, at the drop of a hat, with no or minimum effort. I think the sheer effort, struggle, and massive financial pressure that it takes to buy a house or put on a lavish wedding has been pushed under the carpet, and it’s now seen as just a given that these things will happen to you and at a young age. It’s not reality. As you say, real life for real people is hard - it’s not all sunshine & rainbows and in reality if you want a big wedding or you want a nice house then you have to work your arse off, for years, sacrificing lots of other stuff. It doesn’t come easy and it sometimes the expectations just aren’t realistic at all.
judgejohndeed
VIP Member
This is totally anecdotal, but I do feel sometimes weaker couples (by weaker I mean those with rocky foundations, someone's having doubts already, etc etc) overcompensate by having a huge expensive wedding. Those are the ones who seem to end up getting divorced later. I was partially relieved that weddings were put off during COVID, as I think there's now less of an expectation to have a huge wedding. I do find it quite mad when people say they're having 120 people where 80 of those are people they haven't seen in donkey's years but 'have' to invite due to some unwritten social convention.
justheretoread99
VIP Member
Firstly, you are definitely not a snow flake in this situation
A snowflake is typically someone easily offended by the opinions of others.
I’m a millennial too (27) and it’s so so hard to get on to the housing market. I’m living with parents, work full time and just can’t see myself affording a mortgage any time soon so I completely understand and empathise how you feel.
The best thing for you and your partner right now would be to budget. Weddings are expensive. What do you want more, a wedding, or to own a home?
Both are not impossible. You just have to be sensible budget and save according to your income.
Try and have spreadsheets every month with your outgoings and income to see where you can save. (Sounds tedious I know but it really helps)
Also read up on Martin Lewis’ blog moneysavingexpert
A snowflake is typically someone easily offended by the opinions of others.
I’m a millennial too (27) and it’s so so hard to get on to the housing market. I’m living with parents, work full time and just can’t see myself affording a mortgage any time soon so I completely understand and empathise how you feel.
The best thing for you and your partner right now would be to budget. Weddings are expensive. What do you want more, a wedding, or to own a home?
Both are not impossible. You just have to be sensible budget and save according to your income.
Try and have spreadsheets every month with your outgoings and income to see where you can save. (Sounds tedious I know but it really helps)
Also read up on Martin Lewis’ blog moneysavingexpert
OnlyHereForTheLolz
VIP Member
Like somebody else said this has nothing to do with being a snowflake.
I do however think people are missold this idea that you can have it all and you can have it now. It's the same with romance where a lot of women expect it to be like a fairytale.
Life is hard. It will be rare when or if you ever have everything you would like. Sometimes compromise is needed. I don't know your financial situation but if you can't have both, why not just have a registry wedding and do something in a few years when there is more money.
Alternatively move further north as houses are far cheaper.
I am a positive person by nature so tend to look at what is good in my life rather than focus on the negative. Try and make a list of five things that are fantastic ie having somebody who loves you and wants to marry you is amazing. Maybe this will help you not to feel so deflated and down about not being able to have it all.
If you are a big consumer of social media I would also advise avoiding it. I'm so happy when I was younger this was not around because I can imagine seeing what everybody else is achieving can also make you feel like you are not where you should be.
I do however think people are missold this idea that you can have it all and you can have it now. It's the same with romance where a lot of women expect it to be like a fairytale.
Life is hard. It will be rare when or if you ever have everything you would like. Sometimes compromise is needed. I don't know your financial situation but if you can't have both, why not just have a registry wedding and do something in a few years when there is more money.
Alternatively move further north as houses are far cheaper.
I am a positive person by nature so tend to look at what is good in my life rather than focus on the negative. Try and make a list of five things that are fantastic ie having somebody who loves you and wants to marry you is amazing. Maybe this will help you not to feel so deflated and down about not being able to have it all.
If you are a big consumer of social media I would also advise avoiding it. I'm so happy when I was younger this was not around because I can imagine seeing what everybody else is achieving can also make you feel like you are not where you should be.
judgejohndeed
VIP Member
Why have your wages stayed the same over the past 10 years? Is there no room for progression in your career? I would sort that out ASAP personally. If you’ve been in the same workplace for that long because there’s no opportunities, leave. I will never understand people who let the grass grow beneath their feet at work then wonder why they’re not earning more!
Re the wedding and home - totally understandable. But also these are probably the two most expensive things you will ever buy in your life, so if you can’t do them both at once, that’s not weird and doesn’t make you ‘behind’ other people. If you really want both at once something has to give, can you downscale your ideal wedding and set a strict budget? If you want a huge expensive wedding, your first home might have to be a flat. Most people can’t afford both at once unless they have really well paid jobs, or family help, or both. I’d say most people are in your position these days.
Re the wedding and home - totally understandable. But also these are probably the two most expensive things you will ever buy in your life, so if you can’t do them both at once, that’s not weird and doesn’t make you ‘behind’ other people. If you really want both at once something has to give, can you downscale your ideal wedding and set a strict budget? If you want a huge expensive wedding, your first home might have to be a flat. Most people can’t afford both at once unless they have really well paid jobs, or family help, or both. I’d say most people are in your position these days.
littlewonder
Chatty Member
I used to feel similar so I hope you don’t mind me sharing my perspective on what’s helped me. I was pretty obsessed with the idea of owning a house but I now like to think that not owning a house gives me the ultimate flexibility. Yes, renting is expensive and can be stressful but I can take a job I like somewhere (anywhere) else with little upheaval. I can move somewhere else easily if I want to experience a new city. I don’t have to do much when I move in/out as I still rent furnished. Some people only have a house through family wealth/inheritance and not through any particular success (which is fine btw, it’s just a fact).
I understand why people want that security and ownership and you’re not being a snowflake. But I was in a constant cycle of ‘I can’t attain this, everyone else has, I must be failing’ and I had to remove myself from the obsession of documenting every success as a big announcement on social media, take a break and assess what it was I actually wanted. I’ve realised that for me, all I want stability, security and to have a nice time and I don’t necessarily have to get that through house ownership or marriage or children. But that’s me
personally and I appreciate it might not reflect how you feel if these things are important to you (and it’s ok if they are!)
However, I’d try not to spend too much time stressing over it. I spent my entire 20s worrying about saving money and progressing in my job after a career change and then as soon as I felt like I’d got back to where I was previously, I had to spend it all on mobility aids and take a 50% pay cut because I became ill. What a waste of time and energy that was
finishing off by saying I seem to be completely unable to write a short tattle post I keep submitting a thesis in each thread, apologies
I understand why people want that security and ownership and you’re not being a snowflake. But I was in a constant cycle of ‘I can’t attain this, everyone else has, I must be failing’ and I had to remove myself from the obsession of documenting every success as a big announcement on social media, take a break and assess what it was I actually wanted. I’ve realised that for me, all I want stability, security and to have a nice time and I don’t necessarily have to get that through house ownership or marriage or children. But that’s me
personally and I appreciate it might not reflect how you feel if these things are important to you (and it’s ok if they are!)
However, I’d try not to spend too much time stressing over it. I spent my entire 20s worrying about saving money and progressing in my job after a career change and then as soon as I felt like I’d got back to where I was previously, I had to spend it all on mobility aids and take a 50% pay cut because I became ill. What a waste of time and energy that was
finishing off by saying I seem to be completely unable to write a short tattle post I keep submitting a thesis in each thread, apologies
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
I also think that the concept of living within your means has been lost on a lot of prople
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
It's not 
to want to have your future in hand when you're planning marriage, for young people starting out now it's very tough.
If you can look into a change of job depending on what you do, address that as @judgejohndeed said. Stagnation is not going to help.
One piece of advice I could give is don't go into debt to have a wedding, and don't buy a house unless any other debts are sorted first. Having a budget is a must, people really underestimate this one, as Dave Ramsey says, if you don't tell your money what to do, it'll leave.
to want to have your future in hand when you're planning marriage, for young people starting out now it's very tough.If you can look into a change of job depending on what you do, address that as @judgejohndeed said. Stagnation is not going to help.
One piece of advice I could give is don't go into debt to have a wedding, and don't buy a house unless any other debts are sorted first. Having a budget is a must, people really underestimate this one, as Dave Ramsey says, if you don't tell your money what to do, it'll leave.
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
You can literally get married for less than £100!!! Let alone £5K!!!
LaurieLaurie
VIP Member
I was talking about wedding and a house at the same time.
I’m not being insentive at all. She can’t afford a wedding and buy a house at the same time so she will either have to pick one or the other unfortunately.
Don’t like a difference of opinions? Don’t post asking.
Your wage not changing over 10 years is alarming AF. I don't think you are being a snowflake at all but the wages thing sounds like an issue you need to address. Sometimes, no matter how comfortable you are, you need to move jobs to earn more.
There are certain things you might have to compromise on, mainly just from reading - a wedding. We got married for under £5000 and looking back now I wish I'd spent even less. Being married, honestly, is what matters. Ultimately it is just day.
For buying a house - it isn't everything. Don't get too bogged down in not owning your own home.
There are certain things you might have to compromise on, mainly just from reading - a wedding. We got married for under £5000 and looking back now I wish I'd spent even less. Being married, honestly, is what matters. Ultimately it is just day.
For buying a house - it isn't everything. Don't get too bogged down in not owning your own home.
HoGi
VIP Member
When I got engaged the best advice I was given is that there is a huge difference between getting married and having a wedding.
Lots of people in this day and age want a wedding. It is a tick box to keep up with everyone else. If marriage is important then you can do it without spending thousands just to keep up with the Jones's
OnlyHereForTheLolz
VIP Member
100%, my parents didn't have any money when they got married so they had a church wedding and then a breakfast afterwards at her mums house for family and a few friends.
The money they did have went towards a starter house.
These days people are under the impression you can have it all which is just insane. When our niece got married I was completely shocked at how much a wedding costs! And it weren't even an OTT one
BettyCrockerr
VIP Member
What line of work are you in that your wages haven’t increased at all in a decade??
things you can do to help your situation:
1) find a new, better paid job, either within your current area of work or by using transferable skills to step up and do something new. Staying with what your doing now doesn’t seem to be a feasible option.
2) look at a cheaper area in which to buy a property - start with something small which you can add value to and quickly sell for something bigger etc and do that until you can get a property you really want/like. Lots of people have to do this to get on the ladder and work their way up, it’s not unusual.
3) look at your other housing options. Rent to buy, shared equity, and also mid market rental and private rental. Unfortunately the reality is that buying a property sometimes just isn’t a realistic option but please don’t allow this to derail your entire life! It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to rent your home!
4) you can get married whenever you want; it doesn’t have to cost much so don’t allow that to get you down either.
OnlyHereForTheLolz
VIP Member
100% somebody close to me is on the dole but you would never guess with how she spends money and her social media
Noseyparker86
Well-known member
Yes I feel the same!!! I’m soon to be 33 been with my partner for 13 years and have to move soon as landlord is selling and the rents are ridiculous coupled with the fact we have a dog I am stressing we won’t be able to find somewhere that accepts us even though we both work full time. I want kids but know I won’t be able to afford even 1. It shouldn’t be this difficult to have a home of our own! I’m going to miss out on the opportunity of having children but I know I can’t provide them with a decent enough life. I had a crap childhood so I’m very conscious of not just going for it and hoping it works out because it doesn’t and my mum and the way she treated me and still does is evidence of that. Sorry to jump on your post to rant just know you’re not alone, life seems so very very difficult in this day and age.