Am I being a snow flake?

[gingerteacup]

Please someone tell me if I’m being a snow flake.

I’m a millennial, wanting to get married soon but I just feel so deflated with everything right now. All I want is to be able to buy a home but it’s looking impossible. My wages have stayed the same over the past ten years, the cost of living is going up and I just can’t save as much as I’m used to. Me and my partner want to buy a house but it’s just not possible. I’m getting so frustrated. I want to buy an average house, not a mansion, not loads of bedrooms, just a house. Why is it so difficult? I feel so cheated by doing the right thing. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Noseyparker86]

Yes I feel the same!!! I’m soon to be 33 been with my partner for 13 years and have to move soon as landlord is selling and the rents are ridiculous coupled with the fact we have a dog I am stressing we won’t be able to find somewhere that accepts us even though we both work full time. I want kids but know I won’t be able to afford even 1. It shouldn’t be this difficult to have a home of our own! I’m going to miss out on the opportunity of having children but I know I can’t provide them with a decent enough life. I had a crap childhood so I’m very conscious of not just going for it and hoping it works out because it doesn’t and my mum and the way she treated me and still does is evidence of that. Sorry to jump on your post to rant just know you’re not alone, life seems so very very difficult in this day and age.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Maybe just accept you can’t have it all at once and it will happen in time?

I’m up north so I’ve lived in my own home since I was 22 but I’m no where near settled else where in my life.

 

[Noseyparker86]

Maybe just accept you can’t have it all at once and it will happen in time?

I’m up north so I’ve lived in my own home since I was 22 but I’m no where near settled else where in my life.

I don’t think wanting a house of your own is wanting it all! Especially when you’ve been in work for years and live a stable sensible life and yet it’s still completely out of reach.

 

[justheretoread99]

Firstly, you are definitely not a snow flake in this situation

A snowflake is typically someone easily offended by the opinions of others.

I’m a millennial too (27) and it’s so so hard to get on to the housing market. I’m living with parents, work full time and just can’t see myself affording a mortgage any time soon so I completely understand and empathise how you feel.

The best thing for you and your partner right now would be to budget. Weddings are expensive. What do you want more, a wedding, or to own a home?

Both are not impossible. You just have to be sensible budget and save according to your income.
Try and have spreadsheets every month with your outgoings and income to see where you can save. (Sounds tedious I know but it really helps)

Also read up on Martin Lewis’ blog moneysavingexpert

 

[Mr Daydream]

Maybe just accept you can’t have it all at once and it will happen in time?

I’m up north so I’ve lived in my own home since I was 22 but I’m no where near settled else where in my life.

Having your own home and a child is not ‘having it all’ and should 100% be attainable for couples that work full time, sorry but you are being insensitive. OP you aren’t a snowflake, I was stuck in private rent for years too and saving for a deposit is so so hard when private renting, sometimes we could only afford £50 a month towards it. Have you looked into housing option like help to buy or shared equity? I know it’s not ideal and what you would probably want but it’s better than paying someone else’s mortgage, I’m not sure where you live but some housing associations can help you get into the property ladder too and away from private renting.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I don’t think wanting a house of your own is wanting it all! Especially when you’ve been in work for years and live a stable sensible life and yet it’s still completely out of reach.

I was talking about wedding and a house at the same time.

Having your own home and a child is not ‘having it all’ and should 100% be attainable for couples that work full time, sorry but you are being insensitive. OP you aren’t a snowflake, I was stuck in private rent for years too and saving for a deposit is so so hard when private renting, sometimes we could only afford £50 a month towards it. Have you looked into housing option like help to buy or shared equity? I know it’s not ideal and what you would probably want but it’s better than paying someone else’s mortgage, I’m not sure where you live but some housing associations can help you get into the property ladder too and away from private renting.

I’m not being insentive at all. She can’t afford a wedding and buy a house at the same time so she will either have to pick one or the other unfortunately.

Don’t like a difference of opinions? Don’t post asking.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Why have your wages stayed the same over the past 10 years? Is there no room for progression in your career? I would sort that out ASAP personally. If you’ve been in the same workplace for that long because there’s no opportunities, leave. I will never understand people who let the grass grow beneath their feet at work then wonder why they’re not earning more!

Re the wedding and home - totally understandable. But also these are probably the two most expensive things you will ever buy in your life, so if you can’t do them both at once, that’s not weird and doesn’t make you ‘behind’ other people. If you really want both at once something has to give, can you downscale your ideal wedding and set a strict budget? If you want a huge expensive wedding, your first home might have to be a flat. Most people can’t afford both at once unless they have really well paid jobs, or family help, or both. I’d say most people are in your position these days.

 

[Satisfying Click]

It's not to want to have your future in hand when you're planning marriage, for young people starting out now it's very tough.

If you can look into a change of job depending on what you do, address that as @judgejohndeed said. Stagnation is not going to help.

One piece of advice I could give is don't go into debt to have a wedding, and don't buy a house unless any other debts are sorted first. Having a budget is a must, people really underestimate this one, as Dave Ramsey says, if you don't tell your money what to do, it'll leave.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Please someone tell me if I’m being a snow flake.

I’m a millennial, wanting to get married soon but I just feel so deflated with everything right now. All I want is to be able to buy a home but it’s looking impossible. My wages have stayed the same over the past ten years, the cost of living is going up and I just can’t save as much as I’m used to. Me and my partner want to buy a house but it’s just not possible. I’m getting so frustrated. I want to buy an average house, not a mansion, not loads of bedrooms, just a house. Why is it so difficult? I feel so cheated by doing the right thing. Anyone else feel this way?

What line of work are you in that your wages haven’t increased at all in a decade??

things you can do to help your situation:

1) find a new, better paid job, either within your current area of work or by using transferable skills to step up and do something new. Staying with what your doing now doesn’t seem to be a feasible option.

2) look at a cheaper area in which to buy a property - start with something small which you can add value to and quickly sell for something bigger etc and do that until you can get a property you really want/like. Lots of people have to do this to get on the ladder and work their way up, it’s not unusual.

3) look at your other housing options. Rent to buy, shared equity, and also mid market rental and private rental. Unfortunately the reality is that buying a property sometimes just isn’t a realistic option but please don’t allow this to derail your entire life! It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to rent your home!

4) you can get married whenever you want; it doesn’t have to cost much so don’t allow that to get you down either.

 

[mcfeez]

Your wage not changing over 10 years is alarming AF. I don't think you are being a snowflake at all but the wages thing sounds like an issue you need to address. Sometimes, no matter how comfortable you are, you need to move jobs to earn more.

There are certain things you might have to compromise on, mainly just from reading - a wedding. We got married for under £5000 and looking back now I wish I'd spent even less. Being married, honestly, is what matters. Ultimately it is just day.

For buying a house - it isn't everything. Don't get too bogged down in not owning your own home.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Your wage not changing over 10 years is alarming AF. I don't think you are being a snowflake at all but the wages thing sounds like an issue you need to address. Sometimes, no matter how comfortable you are, you need to move jobs to earn more.

There are certain things you might have to compromise on, mainly just from reading - a wedding. We got married for under £5000 and looking back now I wish I'd spent even less. Being married, honestly, is what matters. Ultimately it is just day.

For buying a house - it isn't everything. Don't get too bogged down in not owning your own home.

You can literally get married for less than £100!!! Let alone £5K!!!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Like somebody else said this has nothing to do with being a snowflake.

I do however think people are missold this idea that you can have it all and you can have it now. It's the same with romance where a lot of women expect it to be like a fairytale.

Life is hard. It will be rare when or if you ever have everything you would like. Sometimes compromise is needed. I don't know your financial situation but if you can't have both, why not just have a registry wedding and do something in a few years when there is more money.

Alternatively move further north as houses are far cheaper.

I am a positive person by nature so tend to look at what is good in my life rather than focus on the negative. Try and make a list of five things that are fantastic ie having somebody who loves you and wants to marry you is amazing. Maybe this will help you not to feel so deflated and down about not being able to have it all.

If you are a big consumer of social media I would also advise avoiding it. I'm so happy when I was younger this was not around because I can imagine seeing what everybody else is achieving can also make you feel like you are not where you should be.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Like somebody else said this has nothing to do with being a snowflake.

I do however think people are missold this idea that you can have it all and you can have it now. It's the same with romance where a lot of women expect it to be like a fairytale.

Life is hard. It will be rare when or if you ever have everything you would like. Sometimes compromise is needed. I don't know your financial situation but if you can't have both, why not just have a registry wedding and do something in a few years when there is more money.

Alternatively move further north as houses are far cheaper.

I am a positive person by nature so tend to look at what is good in my life rather than focus on the negative. Try and make a list of five things that are fantastic ie having somebody who loves you and wants to marry you is amazing. Maybe this will help you not to feel so deflated and down about not being able to have it all.

If you are a big consumer of social media I would also advise avoiding it. I'm so happy when I was younger this was not around because I can imagine seeing what everybody else is achieving can also make you feel like you are not where you should be.

Agree completely. I do think that these days - maybe due to the warped version of life we see via social media - that there is this expectation that everyone should/is getting everything they want right now, at the drop of a hat, with no or minimum effort. I think the sheer effort, struggle, and massive financial pressure that it takes to buy a house or put on a lavish wedding has been pushed under the carpet, and it’s now seen as just a given that these things will happen to you and at a young age. It’s not reality. As you say, real life for real people is hard - it’s not all sunshine & rainbows and in reality if you want a big wedding or you want a nice house then you have to work your arse off, for years, sacrificing lots of other stuff. It doesn’t come easy and it sometimes the expectations just aren’t realistic at all.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Agree completely. I do think that these days - maybe due to the warped version of life we see via social media - that there is this expectation that everyone should/is getting everything they want right now, at the drop of a hat, with no or minimum effort. I think the sheer effort, struggle, and massive financial pressure that it takes to buy a house or put on a lavish wedding has been pushed under the carpet, and it’s now seen as just a given that these things will happen to you and at a young age. It’s not reality. As you say, real life for real people is hard - it’s not all sunshine & rainbows and in reality if you want a big wedding or you want a nice house then you have to work your arse off, for years, sacrificing lots of other stuff. It doesn’t come easy and it sometimes the expectations just aren’t realistic at all.

100%, my parents didn't have any money when they got married so they had a church wedding and then a breakfast afterwards at her mums house for family and a few friends.
The money they did have went towards a starter house.

These days people are under the impression you can have it all which is just insane. When our niece got married I was completely shocked at how much a wedding costs! And it weren't even an OTT one

 

[BettyCrockerr]

100%, my parents didn't have any money when they got married so they had a church wedding and then a breakfast afterwards at her mums house for family and a few friends.
The money they did have went towards a starter house.

These days people are under the impression you can have it all which is just insane. When our niece got married I was completely shocked at how much a wedding costs! And it weren't even an OTT one

I also think that the concept of living within your means has been lost on a lot of prople

 

[judgejohndeed]

This is totally anecdotal, but I do feel sometimes weaker couples (by weaker I mean those with rocky foundations, someone's having doubts already, etc etc) overcompensate by having a huge expensive wedding. Those are the ones who seem to end up getting divorced later. I was partially relieved that weddings were put off during COVID, as I think there's now less of an expectation to have a huge wedding. I do find it quite mad when people say they're having 120 people where 80 of those are people they haven't seen in donkey's years but 'have' to invite due to some unwritten social convention.

 

[katyazamo]

I also think that the concept of living within your means has been lost on a lot of prople

It really has. I have friends earning a modest salary but with a flash car on finance, paying over the odds in rent to live in a "desirable" area, designer clothing, expensive holidays... You name it. Maybe that's what they value, but it all seems ridiculous to me. Its all about appearances. And it all goes on credit cards as well, so they're just living in a constant cycle of debt

 

[justheretoread99]

And social media is 99% full of fakery too. Especially Instagram. If someone looks like they have it all on the surface, they most likely don’t. Huge debts, loans, fake designer gear.

I think we should all try and appreciate the good things in our life and be happy in the moment rather than striving for what “society” deems as successful.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

And social media is 99% full of fakery too. Especially Instagram. If someone looks like they have it all on the surface, they most likely don’t. Huge debts, loans, fake designer gear.

I think we should all try and appreciate the good things in our life and be happy in the moment rather than striving for what “society” deems as successful.

100% somebody close to me is on the dole but you would never guess with how she spends money and her social media