Age gaps

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Laughingforlife

Thank you. I should learn to laugh it off, but when I was younger it really did get to me.
 
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Reraciara

I'm currently in a relationship with someone 25 years older than me and i'm TERRIFIED to tell friends/family about it for this reason! (I'm 33 he's 58). We met at work so it's been easy to keep it to ourselves but we're getting serious now so I know people will find out soon...
 
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Laughingforlife

I know. It's just you don't know how people will react.
I think people fight it before it happens and they get used to it. But later, once they've accepted it, they realise it's best to make friends with the partner and get on with it. The problem comes when the partner whom no one wanted can't forgive the initial lack of welcome.
 
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Scorpihoe

Exactly 6 months (he is older than me). My friend has a 7 day age gap with her husband! Their birthdays are so close they just do a joint thing
 
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Laughingforlife

Another thing I've just seen, is that people think age gaps are always a negative thing and always come under "grooming".
Admittedly, this comes from younger people usually, but it still very offensive. Not everything has to have negative undertones to it. You get on with someone older than you? Fine. They're a person, they can discuss things with you, it doesn't have to be inappropriate.
Also things like "ew. she was 8 when he started uni. So creepy. "
Well the couple most likely were unaware of each others existence at at that point, so what difference does it make?


 
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witchofwestbyfleet

I think the idea that it's somehow more natural for young women to date/marry much older men is very normalised ("young women can have children easily and need a man to provide for them!") but is not always a "good" or "bad" thing, it very much depends on the couple. My sister's first husband was about 20 years older and the marriage broke down partly because she didn't realise how much the age difference would impact on them - she was still young and felt trapped by being with someone much older, even though they'd been together for several years already and she thought age was no problem. But there are couples with even bigger age differences that never have an issue with it at all
 
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Loveit17

Just under 2 years for us but I have a friend with a 20 year age gap of 40 and 60, I don’t see it working to be honest but not because of their age gap, just their personalities
 
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Web30

Im 3 years older then my husband. Up until meeting him i had always been out with older lads.
 
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37BBL

9 months between me and my husband.
I've previously been with a guy much older than me, he had a daughter a year younger than me. It was no issue for me, but people were judgmental.

My parents had a 14 year age gap too.
 
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HoGi

A girl at work the other day was saying how disgusting jt is for a 26 year old to date an 18 year old.

I replied I was 18 when I met my husband who was 26.

She was like...well that's different as you were mature and an old head on young shoulders. And she wasn't just saying it to placate me.

Either have the courage of your convictions or admit you are just jumping on the latest "trend" which is that 18/19 year old are teenagers still and therefore "children"
 
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Baconbutties

11 years difference between me and my husband. He's the older one. We've been together for 24 years. Still going strong.
 
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bringingdownthebs

aww this sounds so similar to my relationship! We met at work too - I was 28 at the time and he was 54. I was petrified of telling people as well but then the pandemic hit and everything sped up because of it! Surprisingly the majority of my friends and family took it well. His eldest daughter took it the hardest but she’s pretty cool with things now! You can’t help who you fall in love with

yes!! This really irritates me too! Like… I was 28 and a mum of one who had separated from my husband when I met my current partner…so how was that grooming?! I hate the “he’s old enough to be your dad!” Comments… well… he isn’t my dad, nor did he know me when I was a child!!
 
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rainbowlemon

My 65 year old uncle married someone younger then his own daughter at 31 a year after his wife died. As long as you're consenting adults...
 
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witchofwestbyfleet

I think it's good that it's no longer considered normal for young teenage girls to have "relationships" with adult men. Even as recently as the 1990s for instance, girls' magazines would run stories about "I fell in love with my friend's dad when I was 16 and he was 45 and he left his wife for me" and portray it in a positive light, which I don't think is a good thing. But, yeah, a lot of people now seem to believe any age difference is bad. I know grown adults in their early-mid 20s that think it would be "weird" and "creepy" for an 18 and 22-year-old, who could be at uni together, to date. And the older you get, the less of an issue it is IMO
 
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heretoreaditall2019

Agree completely. I think the grooming element is still a v important convo even if the younger participant is in their 20s or 30s as there will inevitably be a power/financial imbalance between the two. But the same applies for large income disparity relationships even of the same age. I’m relieved that the way in which we talk about consent, grooming, and abuse is getting better (but not silly enough to think it’s perfect) and hoping the next gen of girls don’t need to go through what was normalised for us all.
 
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bringingdownthebs

completely 100% agree with this!
 

kineticstomp

I’m 49 my partner is 59, 10yr gap don’t seem as bad the older you get. Ive always dated older men so family have known and never commented.
 
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Wacko

I’m 3 days older than my partner. He takes great delight in telling people he’s my toyboy!
 
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x_bethanyy

I have a larger age gap than anyone has mentioned in the thread But it isn't even an issue and no one has ever commented on it, not to our faces at least.

To be honest I think here in Australia people are more laid back about that kind of thing, whereas people in the UK are a bit more judgemental and like to get more involved in other people's lives. Just my observation (I'm British, he's Australian, and we live in Australia).
 
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Rippedjeanmaybe

2.5 years. Husband is 29 and I’m almost 27.

Someone I work with is married to a 50 year old and she’s 25. They’re having a baby next year.
 
Reactions: 2
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