Age gaps

[bringingdownthebs]

Really sorry you went through a crap time with you ex but it’s lovely you got your happy ending like we all deserve! Yeah I know what you mean about dads wanting us girls to be looked after. I’m really independent, earn my own money etc but my husband gives me a great life, yes we work together to achieve everything we have but his like mindiness makes it.
We’ve a 6 year age gap, I’m 34 and he is 40. Both of us married before and now trying for a baby together (I don’t have kids, he has a son)

thank you! Sending you lots of baby dust! how old is your partner’s little boy?
I’m finding it difficult to adjust to the whole ‘step mum’ role. My partner has 3 children with his ex wife - they’re 21, 19 and 17.

He’s 6 months and 5 days older than me met at our local park. Childhood sweethearts lol we’ve been together from we were 15!

that’s beautiful

 

[Stitched]

Almost 4 years, he’s 27 (turning 28 soon), I’m 24

 

[alwaysdreaming]

I’m curious to know (and super nosey!) what’s everyone’s age gaps in their relationships?
I seem to be searching the internet for an age gap as large as mine
Please share! What’s your age gap? How did you meet? How long have you been together?!

Our age gap is 26 years. We met at work. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years.

Hey thought I would chime in.
I have a 23 year age gap.
I am just in my 30s.
We met in a group with similar interests. Very good friends and now we are married. He’s my world. Been together 7 years.
Like yourself he has 3 children. 2 in early 20s and one teen.
Oh and a baby on the way.

 

[miamae]

I have a 7 year age gap - doesn’t seem like much but I’m 23 and he’s 30 and we have a 2 year old together. I know that I’m only 23 but I had my daughter when I was 16 so mentally I’m a 30 year old!! So it works well for us in terms of maturity!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

5 years between me and my husband, there was 21 years between me and my ex and apart from sex, we had nothing in common.
My friends have 19 year age difference and have an amazing relationship

 

[Randy Marsh]

17 years. He's the older one.

 

[Boredofthegram]

2 years. I’m the older one (38).

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Hey thought I would chime in.
I have a 23 year age gap.
I am just in my 30s.
We met in a group with similar interests. Very good friends and now we are married. He’s my world. Been together 7 years.
Like yourself he has 3 children. 2 in early 20s and one teen.
Oh and a baby on the way.

aww congratulations! You sound very happy

 

[anon2345]

thank you! Sending you lots of baby dust! how old is your partner’s little boy?
I’m finding it difficult to adjust to the whole ‘step mum’ role. My partner has 3 children with his ex wife - they’re 21, 19 and 17.



that’s beautiful

Thank you babe. It’s been a long year of trying with no joy but trying to not let it get me down!
His lad is 12. Just started secondary school

 

[Amyx1518]

Nine years and 3 days! Lol

 

[noseybirdxo]

I’m 18 months older than my boyfriend, I’m 26 (nearly 27) and he’s 25 so I was the school year above him. Been together for over 5 years

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My husband's 13 years older than me. I'm 41, he's 54. My ex was 13 years older than me too, another ex was 12 years older and another one was 7 years older. I think I've only ever been out with one guy who was younger than me and that was only by 2 years.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

We’ve only just started discussing the future proofing plans as his divorce is taking ages and we’re unsure exactly how much he’ll be left with after the sale of his family home etc. I’ve said if we ever get married I’m happy to sign a prenup as I’m absolutely not in this for his money at all - hence us only just starting to discuss the future in terms of finances etc. We have a child together (he’s 5 months old) so our main priority is making sure everything is secure for him.
That being said… my partner has always said he’ll work until he’s 65 so he’s got another 10 years yet!

Mean this from the nicest place ever I promise, but had to say this after seeing the comment re his 3 older kids from what appears to have been a longer previous marriage but please make sure you’re fully in the know on his financial position following this divorce as he will likely be paying a lot out of savings/investments/private pensions/etc and possibly an ongoing obligation too, and whilst 10 years to prep isn’t great it’s something to help make life easier for you and baby in the future. Similarly would want to do other admin such as wills, who the named beneficiaries are on any insurance policies or private pensions (they don’t default to who is named in the will), etc etc.

On topic: my husband is 9 years older.

Also sorry to write an essay but prenups aren’t a thing in the UK, money is allocated based on need both in divorce and in debates over wills (if anyone contests things). Moreover mothers retire with 1/6th of the pension pot their husbands do, so pls don’t do yourself out of money that you’ll have contributed towards him accruing (eg through unpaid domestic labour including child care or going down to part time hours or foregoing career progression to ensure flexibility for baby).

 

[Milfordcubicle]

13 years. Now 45 me and 58 him
been together since we were 23 and 36 so 21 years
i had a two year old when we met and we are very happy. Have three more teens together now

 

[Mr Daydream]

13 years, I’m 27 and he’s 40. I would never date a man that wasn’t at least 10 years older than me but 16 years gap is my limit

 

[WilmaHun]

I’m 8 months older. It’s not until I’ve commented on this thread I’ve realised I’ve been telling people wrong for years I normally say Im 6 months older which is a lie, I just can’t count. Been together 8 years since we were 17

 

[Mrspowell]

I had a relationship with a man 16 years older than me and it was the best sex I ever had

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Mean this from the nicest place ever I promise, but had to say this after seeing the comment re his 3 older kids from what appears to have been a longer previous marriage but please make sure you’re fully in the know on his financial position following this divorce as he will likely be paying a lot out of savings/investments/private pensions/etc and possibly an ongoing obligation too, and whilst 10 years to prep isn’t great it’s something to help make life easier for you and baby in the future. Similarly would want to do other admin such as wills, who the named beneficiaries are on any insurance policies or private pensions (they don’t default to who is named in the will), etc etc.

On topic: my husband is 9 years older.

Also sorry to write an essay but prenups aren’t a thing in the UK, money is allocated based on need both in divorce and in debates over wills (if anyone contests things). Moreover mothers retire with 1/6th of the pension pot their husbands do, so pls don’t do yourself out of money that you’ll have contributed towards him accruing (eg through unpaid domestic labour including child care or going down to part time hours or foregoing career progression to ensure flexibility for baby).

thank you! This is all really useful and stuff I hadn’t thought about. Which is quite naive of me, really!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

thank you! This is all really useful and stuff I hadn’t thought about. Which is quite naive of me, really!

So glad you took this well cos I promise it’s not from a nasty place at all. Life happens & people move on, which is fine you just want to make sure you’re both in a decent position for when he retires and you’re down to 1.x incomes, especially as you’ll have a kid about to start secondary & eventually transition into adult life!

The pensions stuff may not be as easy as there’s ongoing divorce stuff, but usually it is very easy for husband to call each pension provider up and change the “it goes to…” (forgot the proper name of this) to include you & baby. Personally - and this is obviously subjective - I would want a will that weights at least some portion of it based upon age (under the idea younger = higher need). He also has a lot more to consider with this set up, eg if he’s regularly gifting cash sums to adult children later as when it comes to wills etc they could argue that evidences need so request this continues through the estate, I went through this as my husband was recreationally paying an adult relative’s mortgage and I worried she could say she was a financial dependent (and she could have!).

Also re the don’t want a prenup / not after his money is something we as women are socialised to think by a toxic misogynistic media/society. Women aren’t gifted money for just sitting about doing nothing or just because they were married, if a court wants to allocate you money that is a) so, so your money b) likely an understatement on what you really contributed albeit indirectly.

 

[bringingdownthebs]

So glad you took this well cos I promise it’s not from a nasty place at all. Life happens & people move on, which is fine you just want to make sure you’re both in a decent position for when he retires and you’re down to 1.x incomes, especially as you’ll have a kid about to start secondary & eventually transition into adult life!

The pensions stuff may not be as easy as there’s ongoing divorce stuff, but usually it is very easy for husband to call each pension provider up and change the “it goes to…” (forgot the proper name of this) to include you & baby. Personally - and this is obviously subjective - I would want a will that weights at least some portion of it based upon age (under the idea younger = higher need). He also has a lot more to consider with this set up, eg if he’s regularly gifting cash sums to adult children later as when it comes to wills etc they could argue that evidences need so request this continues through the estate, I went through this as my husband was recreationally paying an adult relative’s mortgage and I worried she could say she was a financial dependent (and she could have!).

Also re the don’t want a prenup / not after his money is something we as women are socialised to think by a toxic misogynistic media/society. Women aren’t gifted money for just sitting about doing nothing or just because they were married, if a court wants to allocate you money that is a) so, so your money b) likely an understatement on what you really contributed albeit indirectly.

thank you! I’m gonna have a chat to him about it when we’re away in a few weeks… need to think carefully about how I broach the subject as I’ve stayed out of the divorce stuff so far out of fear!! But now you’ve said about being conditioned by society… it’s a totally valid point! The thing that bothers me the most when people are weird about our age gap is when they’re like “oh he must be rich!” Or make comments about his job and income… when I have my own career and my own income! I love him for who he is… not what he can financially give to me and I get so worked up about people not seeing that!!