Age gaps

[bringingdownthebs]

4 weeks exactly.

love this!

 

[Scorpihoe]

Exactly 6 months (he is older than me). My friend has a 7 day age gap with her husband! Their birthdays are so close they just do a joint thing

 

[miamae]

I have a 7 year age gap - doesn’t seem like much but I’m 23 and he’s 30 and we have a 2 year old together. I know that I’m only 23 but I had my daughter when I was 16 so mentally I’m a 30 year old!! So it works well for us in terms of maturity!

 

[rainbowlemon]

My 65 year old uncle married someone younger then his own daughter at 31 a year after his wife died. As long as you're consenting adults...

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Mean this from the nicest place ever I promise, but had to say this after seeing the comment re his 3 older kids from what appears to have been a longer previous marriage but please make sure you’re fully in the know on his financial position following this divorce as he will likely be paying a lot out of savings/investments/private pensions/etc and possibly an ongoing obligation too, and whilst 10 years to prep isn’t great it’s something to help make life easier for you and baby in the future. Similarly would want to do other admin such as wills, who the named beneficiaries are on any insurance policies or private pensions (they don’t default to who is named in the will), etc etc.

On topic: my husband is 9 years older.

Also sorry to write an essay but prenups aren’t a thing in the UK, money is allocated based on need both in divorce and in debates over wills (if anyone contests things). Moreover mothers retire with 1/6th of the pension pot their husbands do, so pls don’t do yourself out of money that you’ll have contributed towards him accruing (eg through unpaid domestic labour including child care or going down to part time hours or foregoing career progression to ensure flexibility for baby).

thank you! This is all really useful and stuff I hadn’t thought about. Which is quite naive of me, really!

 

[anon2345]

They get along incredibly well!
I think it helps massively that my ex husband was/is a total waste of space and always sponged off me. I paid for everything while he barely worked. My Dad especially always vocalised that he thought I could do better. In the end my marriage failed (as my Dad knew it would). I was nervous to tell my Dad at first when I’d met my partner but he was really happy for us! I think it helps that my partner is a surgeon and my Dad has quite old fashioned views about me being ‘looked after’. Obviously I can and do look after myself and make my own money but my Dad never liked how much my husband took advantage of that!

Really sorry you went through a crap time with you ex but it’s lovely you got your happy ending like we all deserve! Yeah I know what you mean about dads wanting us girls to be looked after. I’m really independent, earn my own money etc but my husband gives me a great life, yes we work together to achieve everything we have but his like mindiness makes it.
We’ve a 6 year age gap, I’m 34 and he is 40. Both of us married before and now trying for a baby together (I don’t have kids, he has a son)

 

[Rosie glow]

My husband is 2 years older than me we originally "met" chatting online we have been together coming up to 13 years and married neatly 2 years

 

[Boredofthegram]

2 years. I’m the older one (38).

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

5.5 years, not a big age gap now but it seemed massive when we first met as I was 15 and he was 21. We split up soon after we met but got together again when I was 28 and we've been together for 14 years now. The age gap is hardly anything but he remembers more of the 80s than I do but he's got a better memory than me so he remembers more of the 90s, 00s and 10s too

 

[noseybirdxo]

I’m 18 months older than my boyfriend, I’m 26 (nearly 27) and he’s 25 so I was the school year above him. Been together for over 5 years

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My husband's 13 years older than me. I'm 41, he's 54. My ex was 13 years older than me too, another ex was 12 years older and another one was 7 years older. I think I've only ever been out with one guy who was younger than me and that was only by 2 years.

 

[Everybody]

I’m curious to know (and super nosey!) what’s everyone’s age gaps in their relationships?
I seem to be searching the internet for an age gap as large as mine
Please share! What’s your age gap? How did you meet? How long have you been together?!

Our age gap is 26 years. We met at work. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years.

Who is the older one? Sorry I’m nosy!!!
mine is 8 months and met at uni.

 

[kineticstomp]

I’m 49 my partner is 59, 10yr gap don’t seem as bad the older you get. Ive always dated older men so family have known and never commented.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

8 years. 28 & 36 - I always seem to go for older men anyway and they got older and older haha!!!!!! Though he acts like he's 21 most of the time. We get along great, he's my best mate and partner rolled into one. I couldn't ever be with someone my own age, they don't grow up as it is!

I’m 6 months older than my other half. We’ve been together since we was 15, but have known each other since we were kids as we lived on the same street as each other.

we’ve been together 15 years this year, now have 2 daughters and I love telling them about how we used to play out on our bikes together as Kids and how he used to do my head in when he used kick the football at window when playing Kirby with his friends lol

My mum is a year older than my dad and also grew up down the same street, he scratched her bike when he was younger and she always tells us the story and I love it, I think it's soo sweet! Good you can have a similar story, it's a lovely one to tell

 

[CrystalWench]

Currently single but all my ex partners are 6 years older than me, for some reason I can’t escape men born in ‘79. There was a 24 year age gap between my parents though, they lasted 12 years and according to family members they were a fantastic couple and were so happy and brilliant together. Sadly my mum wanted even more, but I think she ended up regretting it.

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Because you have a child to consider his financial standing is 100% your business - you need to understand how you’re going to fund your child’s childhood and beyond to be able to make informed decisions for yourself (your work, property cos it’ll effect things like what sort of mortgages you’ll be able to access with his predicted retirement date, if you wanted a loan for an extension, etc etc). I don’t mean this nastily but he’s not only going to lose a lot of “wealth” (eg assets whether it’s property, vehicles, pensions) but also possibly income with alimony and child support (albeit youngest has nearly aged out of this?) so you really need to know. It doesn’t mean getting involved in their drama and who said what or who is wrong, you just need to see the numbers for your own financial planning.

Do you have a savvy friend to run this stuff past and to support you through it all? Your dad seems involved from your previous comment, maybe discuss this stuff with him too if you feel comfortable? You defs need to shake off any shame or guilt for asking as it determines the course of your life! And ngl a bloke who’s at the end of his working life about to lose at least half his assets, take on some ongoing financial obligations, has 3 financial dependents, and pay out at least 2 years worth of legal fees isn’t exactly a gold digger’s cup of tea so disregard those comments.

thank you so much! I’m actually really glad I posted this thread now as I’ve had some really good advice!!
My dad is incredibly money savvy and forward thinking (so much so he retired at 55 and lives a really comfortable life!) so I think I’ll run it past him as he’ll probably have some knowledge and ideas.
Yeah you’ve got a point about him not exactly being a gold digger’s cup of tea it’s the point I try to continuously make when I get criticised! Most of his money is sitting in his house, too, which will obviously get split with his ex wife after it’s sold. But people at work, especially, are like “oh yeah you’ll be fine with his multi million pound house”… which I don’t even live in!!!

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Omg I’m conscious of just constantly writing you essays here but I genuinely worry as a fellow new mum about what I’m reading?! I’m so sorry but that’s not his property, it’s theirs, and it’ll be divided up however the courts see fit with the potential for ongoing financial obligations to keep the ex spouse and kids in the lifestyle they’ve been accustom to. I get love is blind esp from a financial PoV but he’s now got the most coming out of his income ever & very little time for any savings/investments/properties to appreciate in value so his financial position has changed significantly from whatever people perceive it to be, sadly. This is subjective and probs controversial but as a new mum my biggest concern would be my baby’s transition to adulthood when the time comes and how to make that as equal to the 3 older kids’ who will likely either have already or will be due to receive financial support from their two working parents who have a lifetime of savings and investments etc behind them, whereas your LO is going to have 1 working mummy and a retired daddy when they’re 17/20/30 so how are they going to fund further education or starting a business or buying a house, etc etc. I would want to nail down a plan with husband & solidify that in a will ASAP.

I know - you’re right. Things have happened so quickly I think neither of us have really had much time to figure the future out in terms of finances. Not an excuse by any means but definitely a reason.
I think my divorce was a bit easier to sort and we’ve just split custody of our son we have together, we’ve got an agreement in place with our house etc.
In terms of my youngest - he’s mine and my partner’s little miracle, really, so I think we’re still reeling from that a bit and haven’t really discussed practicalities yet. I was told I couldn’t have any more children, my partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago… so needless to say the pregnancy took us completely by surprise!! Then I had a high risk pregnancy where we nearly lost the baby more times than I even want to think about right now… he was poorly when he was born too. It’s just been a bit of a whirlwind couple of years!!

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Hey thought I would chime in.
I have a 23 year age gap.
I am just in my 30s.
We met in a group with similar interests. Very good friends and now we are married. He’s my world. Been together 7 years.
Like yourself he has 3 children. 2 in early 20s and one teen.
Oh and a baby on the way.

aww congratulations! You sound very happy

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I know - you’re right. Things have happened so quickly I think neither of us have really had much time to figure the future out in terms of finances. Not an excuse by any means but definitely a reason.
I think my divorce was a bit easier to sort and we’ve just split custody of our son we have together, we’ve got an agreement in place with our house etc.
In terms of my youngest - he’s mine and my partner’s little miracle, really, so I think we’re still reeling from that a bit and haven’t really discussed practicalities yet. I was told I couldn’t have any more children, my partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago… so needless to say the pregnancy took us completely by surprise!! Then I had a high risk pregnancy where we nearly lost the baby more times than I even want to think about right now… he was poorly when he was born too. It’s just been a bit of a whirlwind couple of years!!

Oh my love, I had a similar miracle baby and high risk pregnancy and it really is like you’re holding your breath for 9 months isn’t it? It took me a year to even decorate her room so I can’t imagine how it must be for you dealing with finances like this. Sorry to go IN like this but it just worries me so much as so many women end up financially disadvantaged through marriage and motherhood. I had similar but different in that my husband was financially supporting quite a few family members when we met just as he’d “done well” which is lovely for them but not good for him growing his long term life, had to get rid of all that and ended up in massive dramas with it all, tbh it was so upsetting at the time it probably would have been a deal breaker had I known about the degree of financial leaching beforehand but you live and learn ey. Sorry to lecture you from afar it’s just as someone who’s been through 3% of this I wouldn’t wish a nasty surprise on anyone! Enjoy those baby cuddles most importantly tho xx

 

[Welshgal]

3 years. I’m 25 and he’ll be 28 soon. We’re both still in uni so it feels like no difference at all honestly.