Well, when somebody says “these are the dates of the wedding so you guys can get your flights booked” we didn’t even think it would be anything but all of us. His mum also has no idea (it was her niece) so I don’t know if they just decided afterward giving out the date. They also know us, and we aren’t the sort of parents to fly out of the country and leave our kids behind (who were 4 and 1) so we didn’t think to check at all. Maybe our fault, but I think it probably could have been made clear at the time.
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It’s not fair to make someone’s wedding day all about you. If the couple don’t want babies/children there on the day then that’s their choice - it’s THEIR wedding! One of my very close friends had a 3 month old and she politely declined the invitation to my wedding because she didn’t have childcare and would have had to travel and stay over night to attend. I understood why she couldn’t come, she understood why we didn’t want the baby to be there - no big deal, no offence taken on either side and we are very close friends to this day.
My husbands best mate and his soon to be (2nd) wife are having a child free wedding on a Friday. (They in their 40s, don’t have children and most of her friends don’t have kids).
Having 4 children all in school and no means of a baby sitter will mean that he will attend alone. I don’t begrudge them that - it’s their day after all
Having 4 children all in school and no means of a baby sitter will mean that he will attend alone. I don’t begrudge them that - it’s their day after all
If you have had an adult only wedding, how did you address it with friends in person? We were at a friend's last weekend and talking about weddings and their 5 year old was screaming at the table (he is so badly behaved as they don't correct him) and the dad goes "this is what to expect."
We both didn't say anything as it didn't feel approp to say in front of the child. Plus we haven't even set our date yet. This is the one child in particular as to why we are having it adult only. They don't even have a baby sitter and to be honest, that isn't our problem. He is such a nightmare I bet no one wants to look after him.
We both didn't say anything as it didn't feel approp to say in front of the child. Plus we haven't even set our date yet. This is the one child in particular as to why we are having it adult only. They don't even have a baby sitter and to be honest, that isn't our problem. He is such a nightmare I bet no one wants to look after him.
You don’t need to address it in person. The invitation is for the parents only, name them on it. Then make it clear in the invitation that it’s an adults only day - “regrettably we cannot accommodate any children, but we hope you will still be able to join us to celebrate the day” (or something along those lines)
And that’s it.
If anyone is crass enough to bring it up with you after that then just say you would both prefer an adults only day so that everyone can relax and enjoy it without the kids. It’s your wedding, not a family day out for them & their child!
Thanks. I had seen a few people say that they mentioned it in person.
I think we over think it too as organisers. I've just had the last of my RSVPs and no one has questioned the fact we're not having kids. We've got 180 guests, most of whom are 30 somethings that have children but I think most will be glad to just have the day off to have a carefree day. I was worried about certain people's reactions but everyone has supported it. So a little not maybe explaining it and I think that's enough!
Tbh this is one of the reasons I am against weddings (I am not against getting married, I’m just against the actual party part)
There seems to be so many rules and expectations and if you don’t do it this way or that way you piss somebody off.
Why do you have to do something (spend money) to please someone other than yourself?
As an aside, given that I’m not a massive drinker and there are children in the family (as well as my own) if we were to get married I’d prefer to have a bouncy castle (for the adults as well as the children) as well as other activities rather than just dinner and a disco. But that’s my choice (& also not something I’ve discussed with the other half so who knows if it would end up like that if we were to marry
)
There seems to be so many rules and expectations and if you don’t do it this way or that way you piss somebody off.
Why do you have to do something (spend money) to please someone other than yourself?
As an aside, given that I’m not a massive drinker and there are children in the family (as well as my own) if we were to get married I’d prefer to have a bouncy castle (for the adults as well as the children) as well as other activities rather than just dinner and a disco. But that’s my choice (& also not something I’ve discussed with the other half so who knows if it would end up like that if we were to marry
)I had intended to have an adults only wedding aside from 3 nieces and nephews that I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing it without.
This then lead to me inviting mother family members children only ( children of cousins mainly ) but not my friends children.
In the end none of my cousins brought their children and all wrote on their RSVP that THEY would rather enjoy the day without having to worry about them.
I didn’t directly or indirectly address not inviting my friends children with them. I just put the couples name on the invites, there were no issues whatsoever and once again all of my friends seemed more than happy to be able to enjoy the day without having to worry about their kids.
It’s your wedding, it’s costing you a lot of money and you want to be able to enjoy the day. Too many people have opinions about who should and should not be invited to weddings, but it should all be down to that particular bride and groom, no one should pass judgement. I always say that when it comes to weddings no one should ever assume they will be invited and if I am then I am always quite honoured to be asked and would go along with the couples wishes happily (ie no children).
Besides, invites go out early enough these days that people know the situation giving them time to arrange childcare etc. You do what makes you happy.
This then lead to me inviting mother family members children only ( children of cousins mainly ) but not my friends children.
In the end none of my cousins brought their children and all wrote on their RSVP that THEY would rather enjoy the day without having to worry about them.
I didn’t directly or indirectly address not inviting my friends children with them. I just put the couples name on the invites, there were no issues whatsoever and once again all of my friends seemed more than happy to be able to enjoy the day without having to worry about their kids.
It’s your wedding, it’s costing you a lot of money and you want to be able to enjoy the day. Too many people have opinions about who should and should not be invited to weddings, but it should all be down to that particular bride and groom, no one should pass judgement. I always say that when it comes to weddings no one should ever assume they will be invited and if I am then I am always quite honoured to be asked and would go along with the couples wishes happily (ie no children).
Besides, invites go out early enough these days that people know the situation giving them time to arrange childcare etc. You do what makes you happy.
When i got married many years ago, there was at least 10 kids and i gave them each a gift box and inside it was lots of toys/activity packs to keep them amused during the meal and speeches. This worked and the kids were really well behaved. I've been to a few weddings since and they have done the same.
We was invited to a wedding, the bride and groom didn't want children and insisted that no kids were invited to there big day, needless to say we couldn't go as we had no baby sitter.
Whatever you choose its your decision there's no right or wrong way.
We was invited to a wedding, the bride and groom didn't want children and insisted that no kids were invited to there big day, needless to say we couldn't go as we had no baby sitter.
Whatever you choose its your decision there's no right or wrong way.
We have recently attended a close friends wedding. On the invite it said 'We apologise but we are unable to accommodate children'
Simple and clear as a bell. We were not offended or put out at all. Luckily we had relatives look after our kids for the day and night.
Simple and clear as a bell. We were not offended or put out at all. Luckily we had relatives look after our kids for the day and night.
I went to a wedding where the bride had done the same thing, plus set up a little kids play area at the very back of the room. Needless to say they ignored both and played together under the tables, screaming and running around throughout the speeches. Luckily it was her own nephews so she didnt mind!
Just accept people may not come and don't act like a cock if they choose not to come.
I wouldn't be happy with using a babysitter unknown to me or relying on the venue to babysit them either.
Goodness me, you don’t need to be doing that!!!!! Honestly- stop over thinking it! You don’t want kids at your wedding - that’s completely fine & you don’t need to explain yourself! Anyone you invite that has children has the choice to not attend or attend and make their own childcare arrangements- which is not unreasonable or out of the ordinary in anyway.
Don’t over complicate it.