Adult friendship advice

[Raininvain]

People might have large groups of friends for going out etc but when they need some support in times of need I think things will be very different. If you have 1 or 2 really good friends who are sincere, nice and supportive etc you're doing well I think.
I'd say ghost them now OP even if your on your own, they sound to be offering you nothing and are not very nice people. No need for any drama just come out of group chats and dont reply to any of them anymore.
All you can do really is try to meet other people you click with through groups, clubs, work, sports, volunteering etc.If you click with someone it just happens. Dont be scared to be by yourself, its better than being with fakes and users.

 

[Amyb97]

When I was 19-21 I hung out with a group of girls who were awful! They’d witch about each other when the other wasn’t there - saying really personal remarks about their looks, their bodies - laughing at photos they put on social media - horrible girls!

I decided to just ghost them and cut all contact... I had a few messages from some of them but made up reasons as to why I couldn’t meet. since not being friends with them I’ve made friends with two women that have become very integral to my life and actually look out for me / care!

once you stop putting your energy into crappy friendships and start to value yourself more you will eventually meet the right people! BUT - you do have to put yourself out there! I’m VERY shy and I went to tonnes of meet ups and clubs in my local area. Sometimes I wanted to hide in the toilets or cry (im a grown woman but I suffer from anxiety which is just great!! Haha) but you just have to push through it!

 

[breadandbuttah]

Just my experience but I was in various baby groups from jan to the start of lockdown and I hated them, pack of witches.

thats awful were they local ones like a class?

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

thats awful were they local ones like a class?

A classes in my local town where I had recently moved to and another in a further away town. I found them groupy, they obviously knew eachother from outside and didn't want to include new people. Now I'm not saying all groups are like that and I am quiet. I did get having good chats with a few people but was glad of lockdown in honesty

 

[breadandbuttah]

A classes in my local town where I had recently moved to and another in a further away town. I found them groupy, they obviously knew eachother from outside and didn't want to include new people. Now I'm not saying all groups are like that and I am quiet. I did get having good chats with a few people but was glad of lockdown in honesty

theres a lot of pressure in those groups i find

 

[Bagpuss75]

I have a group of friends who I go on occasion days out with ect..today I saw the 3 of them have a whatapp group that I'm excluded from..one made a point of mentioning the other whatsapp group the 4 of us are in..i really think it's petty behaviour I wonder if they talk about me on the other group...worse my best friend of over 20 years is admin of both groups..we are all adults not that the behavior says as much.

 

[Swipeuptobuy]

I have a group of friends who I go on occasion days out with ect..today I saw the 3 of them have a whatapp group that I'm excluded from..one made a point of mentioning the other whatsapp group the 4 of us are in..i really think it's petty behaviour I wonder if they talk about me on the other group...worse my best friend of over 20 years is admin of both groups..we are all adults not that the behavior says as much.

Maybe she’s not your best friend ?

 

[Bagpuss75]

Maybe she’s not your best friend ?

I see that now it's true how can she be.

 

[Tree_]

theres a lot of pressure in those groups i find

I find them awful up to 1 year old as the mothers are mostly first time mums and have nothing else to talk or think about apart from babies. Myself included. I haven't bothered with my second lol. I found it much easier to make friends at church playgroup when my son was on the move and have a good group of friends from my sons nursery now.

 

[Shestheman22]

I’ve never had a close group of friends or anyone that I would consider a best friend. We’ve always drifted apart because I start to realise I’m the one making all the effort and when I stop... poof they disappear and we drift apart.
I used to get really upset not getting invited to things but I don’t really care now. I’m used to being at home on my own all the time.
My only friends are my boyfriend and my mum! I would love a few girlfriends but there’s nowhere I could meet them and it’s not worth the hassle. I was briefly friends with my boyfriend’s siblings’ friend but they are a bunch of backstabbed that were always slagging each other off behind their backs.
I tend to be in the same situation as OP where they ignore me or I can’t get a word in. Even walking down the street I get pushed out to the back and I’m in my mid 20s now.

 

[TruffleTrifle]

My best friend from secondary school stopped talking to me about 4 years ago and I never found out what I did to make it happen: she blanked me in the street, didn’t tell me when she got engaged, stopped all happy birthdays etc. I gave up making contact after a while. I found out that I wasn’t invited to her wedding (I thought at least for old times sake you know?!) and deleted her of all socials as I found it too upsetting to see her plans and pics with her new friends who are all her blokes friends girlfriends/wives etc. She seems to have dropped a lot of other school friends too. It sounds horrible but I was secretly happy when her wedding was cancelled due to covid.
Nowadays I have a handful of old uni friends and work friends but no one close by who I can call upon for a spur of the moment shopping trip or drink. Those who are close have kids so everything needs planning weeks in advance. I tried joining gym classes and groups to help meet new people but felt very shy and vulnerable meeting new people when I’m all sweaty with no make up on. Now that’s all stopped due to covid.

 

[breadandbuttah]

I find them awful up to 1 year old as the mothers are mostly first time mums and have nothing else to talk or think about apart from babies. Myself included. I haven't bothered with my second lol. I found it much easier to make friends at church playgroup when my son was on the move and have a good group of friends from my sons nursery now.

when my small one is old enough for a playgroup im going to try that so

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to see if anyone has any advice for me, (might be a long one)
Yesterday was my birthday which I received well wishes from my only two friends and they seemed genuine so I just went along with my day enjoying my time with my family.
Today they have plastered all over social media that they are hanging out with each other which I didn't get an invite to (would have been appreciated even if it was last minute)
I just wanted to see what people's opinions are on this do they just not want to be friends with me or am I reading into this too much

I would think they dont want to be friends with you, to be blunt. Was the hangout something you would have enjoyed? If yes then they are pricks, if no they maybe benefit of the doubt.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

It's hard because I've had similar issue with girl friends. I far prefer hanging out with men as they are not as bitchy and clicky. But some of it is my personality because I have a lot of manly traits which means I am too honest and up front and I don't like friends bitching about each other.
It can feel really isolating and I don't have any friends now, just a few people I would say are very good acquaintances. Luckily I have my boyfriend but I would love just one really good ride-or-die friend. Because I often think who will I have when I no longer have my OH

 

[lissab123]

I would think they dont want to be friends with you, to be blunt. Was the hangout something you would have enjoyed? If yes then they are pricks, if no they maybe benefit of the doubt.

they were just hanging out in general in the past we would just chat and watch films and maby order some snacks/food but this just feels strange that I wouldn't be included when it was my birthday yesterday and we could have done something together seeing as I haven't seen them since march

(sorry for deleting original post I just felt quite pathetic)

 

[Raininvain]

they were just hanging out in general in the past we would just chat and watch films and maby order some snacks/food but this just feels strange that I wouldn't be included when it was my birthday yesterday and we could have done something together seeing as I haven't seen them since march

(sorry for deleting original post I just felt quite pathetic)

It sounds rather mean of them, unless it was a big planned event, which it wasnt. Just take them with a big pinch of salt and spread your wings a bit more when things get more back to normal. If anyone asks you to do something even if your not a good friend just say yes if they are nice.I wouldnt be giving them any consideration, just be polite etc.

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

It makes me so sad that this has happened to so many people, I'm too soft

 

[Step-by-step]

This is very sad
People who ignore you, exclude you & make little of you.. are not friends they are down right mean sadly.

I am a loner, I suffer from anxiety, I do have a couple of good friends whom I can rely on, we keep in touch fairly regularly mostly via calls & texts.

Being around people who make you feel unhappy are people who are bad for your soul.
Keep the head up, take time for yourself

Ps. @NeighbourhoodWatch ...
. being soft means you have a real good heart
Deep down I would be soft also, I tend not to let it show muchx

 

[AmberSpyglass]

I have a group of friends who I go on occasion days out with ect..today I saw the 3 of them have a whatapp group that I'm excluded from..one made a point of mentioning the other whatsapp group the 4 of us are in..i really think it's petty behaviour I wonder if they talk about me on the other group...worse my best friend of over 20 years is admin of both groups..we are all adults not that the behavior says as much.

Stop considering them as friends , excluding one person like this is really tit behaviour and the one you think is your best friend is anything but .

 

[Curly Top]

I feel sad that so many of you have felt lonely and excluded. The advice given here has been excellent. For a long time in my life I was a people pleaser and would tie myself in knots to fit in. I often tried to befriend the popular, loud types - who I've since realised are not always my kind of people. I moved schools a lot so I became adept at being a chameleon. If I found someone was a bit unfriendly and aloof, I would think it was my fault and immediately try and get them to like me by asking questions and being very positive. Flattering them. It was exhausting as I am a natural introvert. It never really worked either and I started to despise myself for being such a suck-up.

Some women are very passive aggressive and if they don't like you, instead of being rude to you, they are especially nice to everyone around you. It makes you feel left out and excluded but nobody else notices.

After years of this, I gave up. I try not to give so many compliments and be so impressed with people's stories. You have to make sure that they show interest back. I read a book which said that after a while into a friendship you should ask them for a favour and see if they oblige, or maybe for once be late and see if they complain. You shouldn't always be the one doing all the organising, the giving, accepting less than good manners e.g. being late, not being listened to, etc. This is for your self esteem.

Since then I have found I am a lot happier. I do have some good friends and I really enjoy their company. Others I know aren't that nice, so I don't put so much effort into their nonsense. I don't act over interested in everything they say and I avoid them when I can. You only have one life, and there are decent people out there, you just have to find them.