Adult friendship advice

[Plasticbox]

So I have this small group of friends and I increasingly feel more and more left out. It makes me feel like I’m 5 again .

They seem to see each other more, text each other more. When I see them they talk about stuff them at they know about but I feel I’m constantly saying ‘ what’s that’ or ‘ I didn’t know that’. They never once ask about me or listen to what I have to say. I feel like everything is brushed under the carpet right in front of me.

We have a group text and the amount of times I wanted to leave it is unreal. They literally just ignore whatever I say.

I feel at this point I wouldn’t be missed as a friend.

Not sure what the point of this is but I feel very lonely and I hate it when other people have large group of friends as it makes me feel like there something wrong with me.

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

So I have this small group of friends and I increasingly feel more and more left out. It makes me feel like I’m 5 again .

They seem to see each other more, text each other more. When I see them they talk about stuff them at they know about but I feel I’m constantly saying ‘ what’s that’ or ‘ I didn’t know that’. They never once ask about me or listen to what I have to say. I feel like everything is brushed under the carpet right in front of me.

We have a group text and the amount of times I wanted to leave it is unreal. They literally just ignore whatever I say.

I feel at this point I wouldn’t be missed as a friend.

Not sure what the point of this is but I feel very lonely and I hate it when other people have large group of friends as it makes me feel like there something wrong with me.

I feel the exact same being an only child and introvert really hasn't helped me. I made friends easier when I was a teenager / young twenties and drank a lot, and got upto a lot of mischief... Now in my late twenties these friends don't seem to care as much because I'm not out embarrassibg myself and giving them a laugh! Where are you based? We should be friends haha.

 

[ChampagneBox]

I know exactly how you feel, you think you’re over schoolyard nonsense and then you find out you’ve been left out of something those feelings come flooding back like it was yesterday you need to not give them a moment more of your time, it’s hard I know and you may feel even more lonely to begin with but you really don’t want to be around people who act like that, trust me Its better to be alone than around people who make you feel alone x

PSor if you feel confident enough, I’d come out and straight up ask them why they treat you like that. Chances are you won’t get a straight answer but if they know you're on their case it’ll make them squirm a bit and that’s worth something

 

[DoctorWho]

Sorry but they don’t sound like friends if they don’t listen to you/ask about you.

are there any clubs that interest you that you can join? (After covid of course)

 

[GeordieLass]

they don't sound like friends at all to be honest , what are they like with you when they are on their own individually? don't give yourself a hard time , what they are doing to you says more about them as people then it ever does about you

 

[Caramel Latte]

I was in a similar situation with my school friends. We were a group of 5 and i wasn't close to anyone of them. We would go out on weekends but i would be more of a listener cuz they always had gossip about another group of their friends. When i went to uni we saw each other less and less. The last time i went out with them one girl kept belittling what i said, don't really remember what she said but i just remember telling myself to never go out with them again. Now i just ghosted them. I'm still in the whatsapp group but don't say anything. They planned a zoom call once and i didn't reply and no one asked where r u.

Bottom line is, if they weren't going to be my "friends" i didn't want to be their friend either. Luckily tho i have another group of friends, they love me and appreciate my friendship and i do too.

Maybe try reaching out to someone u knew/were friends with and who was a good friend a rekindle the friendship. I know making new friends as an adult is a bit tricky but staying with toxic people doesn't help.

 

[Norfolking Good]

I think you already know the answer to this, but reread your own post as though you didn’t write it. What advice would you give?
The above happened to me and it is hard and upsetting but you’re worth more than them. A friend should build you up not make you feel like tit.
I was lucky I very slowly withdrew, after a while they stopped asking me out or engaging with me and I felt 100% better.
You’ll find better and nicer friends x

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

This was happening to me, then after one night out that I wasnt included on I just stopped talking to all of them, literally cut myself off, none of them came looking for me. There was my group of friends and my younger sisters group, we got joined on nights out etc cause it's a small town. The hardest thing was that my sister actually became best friends with them, to the point that there each others bridesmaids and godmothers. I'm not involved in my sisters life but she tries to pretend were even speaking cause I've had a baby a few months ago.
If your not good at making friends like me it can be lonely but anything I want to do I bring my boyfriend to, and if your at activities with other people and things click you'll make friends.
As everyone has said it will be bad initially but it's not good to stay this way.

 

[breadandbuttah]

Has anyones friends fell away since having a baby?
I feel like i have noone and ive lost my confidence a bit.
Has anyone felt like this and does it get better?

 

[LT31514]

Has anyones friends fell away since having a baby?
I feel like i have noone and ive lost my confidence a bit.
Has anyone felt like this and does it get better?

I’m kind of on the other side of this that my friends have fallen away now they’ve had babies. Understandably their priorities are completely different and they can’t reply to a text in an instance like before. I don’t really have a solution but just wanted to say it works both ways. Maybe if you’re still at home with your baby you could try and have a walk in the park together on your friends lunch break? I don’t know I’m grasping here

 

[DanaScully]

I once had a friend group like this and eventually I just stopped making an effort and the friendship fizzled out.

It was causing me more strife than anything positive I was getting out of it so ultimately it was for the best. I don't have many friends now but with that comes no drama, so it's a win for me.

 

[Lolly505]

I've had similar experiences in the past and I know it can be rough, especially if there isn't anything you've done 'wrong' that you can tell. Sometimes it can just be as simple as drifting apart, as much as it sucks.

However, in my case, the biggest incident happened with my group of 'BFFs' at uni (four of us in total and my first tight-knit friendship) where I started feeling more and more excluded, due to my own mental health. When I tried to bring it up, they all insisted that wasn't the case and got mad at me for suggesting they didn't care (even though I explained I just felt isolated and I probably wasn't seeing things clearly). To cut a long story short, they ended up excluding me for real after that - not noticeably at first until they all turned on me one day because they felt I wasn't put enough effort in to a group project as well as our friendship (and they insisted that my depression was just an excuse)
As awful and lonely as I felt afterwards (esp. because my 'friends' became terrible bullies, which I didn't expect to happen in my twenties), it ended up being one of the most freeing things that ever happened to me because I realised how pressured I'd been feeling to say and do the rights things to impress them instead of just being myself. Even though I didn't think I would, I ended up finding other groups of friends (through different clubs and volunteering) who like me as I am - without all the drama.

While I can't know if your situation is as toxic as mine, I can say that while you definitely can read more into a situation than the other person actually meant, you also know how and why you feel how you feel. And you shouldn't have to settle for feeling unwanted when there almost certainly will be people out there who want to be your friend

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

I've always struggled with female friendships and have always tended to more in with the boy groups. I fell into a female friendship group at 24 on a bridal planning group, became really close to 4 of them but there was always undercurrents in the group! One of them D became my best friend until she met a new friend on the school run and dropped me quicker than a hot spud! Basically women are fickle! I'll stick with the men and being called a slag

 

[KikiC]

So I have this small group of friends and I increasingly feel more and more left out. It makes me feel like I’m 5 again .

They seem to see each other more, text each other more. When I see them they talk about stuff them at they know about but I feel I’m constantly saying ‘ what’s that’ or ‘ I didn’t know that’. They never once ask about me or listen to what I have to say. I feel like everything is brushed under the carpet right in front of me.

We have a group text and the amount of times I wanted to leave it is unreal. They literally just ignore whatever I say.

I feel at this point I wouldn’t be missed as a friend.

Not sure what the point of this is but I feel very lonely and I hate it when other people have large group of friends as it makes me feel like there something wrong with me.

I honestly could of wrote this!!
I cut the cord on my group of "friends" Over a year ago after them ditching plans to go out for my birthday. That was the final straw.
Told them I wasn't falling out with them, I just couldn't be bothered with their tit anymore... Removed myself from group chats etc. I'm much happier now than I was last year but I now don't have any friends as such. I've just flung myself into my work and family.

 

[Glitteryshoesandpinktutus]

I had the same. I went through some awful mental health stuff caused by a violent ex and they could not have deserted me faster if they tried. You always read these inspirational stories about how people’s friends rallied round when boyfriends got abusive, but I had to get through it all on my own. After that I kinda prefer my own company tbh. Definitely not groups of friends anymore, I value individual friendships now - quality over quantity!

 

[breadandbuttah]

I’m kind of on the other side of this that my friends have fallen away now they’ve had babies. Understandably their priorities are completely different and they can’t reply to a text in an instance like before. I don’t really have a solution but just wanted to say it works both ways. Maybe if you’re still at home with your baby you could try and have a walk in the park together on your friends lunch break? I don’t know I’m grasping here

thats a nice idea actually.
I think we will probably drift apart because they cant relate to a sleepless night and i cant relate to doing things on a whim anymore.
Id love to find a parenting group that are normal and not all about crappy nappies and sleep routines so I could make friends who get the baby thing but arent just about being a mother and then have my old frineds too for a chat

 

[Didyeaye]

As you get older you really do outgrow friends/groups of friends. If it doesn't seem right to you...listen to your gut! I've been there. Time to do your own thing. Start making new friends either through work/clubs etc. I used to have a lot now im lucky if I can count true friends in the one hand. And it doesn't bother me one bit. Only interested in those who are interested in me.

 

[breadandbuttah]

As you get older you really do outgrow friends/groups of friends. If it doesn't seem right to you...listen to your gut! I've been there. Time to do your own thing. Start making new friends either through work/clubs etc. I used to have a lot now im lucky if I can count true friends in the one hand. And it doesn't bother me one bit. Only interested in those who are interested in me.

I think so too, as much as my old friends are lovely people we dont have a lot in common anymore.

 

[Blessed]

thats a nice idea actually.
I think we will probably drift apart because they cant relate to a sleepless night and i cant relate to doing things on a whim anymore.
Id love to find a parenting group that are normal and not all about crappy nappies and sleep routines so I could make friends who get the baby thing but arent just about being a mother and then have my old frineds too for a chat

Same, I gave birth to my first baby in May and it will be good to find a parenting group that is normal.

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

Just my experience but I was in various baby groups from jan to the start of lockdown and I hated them, pack of witches.