Nobody noticed because Adam's been too busy profiting off death, but he completely ignored the 75 day mark and didn't weight himself. He's leaving town soon to do a series of bad baseball vlogs, so he needs some down time - walking around theme parks and riding monorails, getting ripped off by vending machines, it's just too much for him. So it's a Celebration vlog, but it's really a walk 'n talk with errands in between.
He's driving around aimlessly in the clown car, trying to make it look like he's "exploring" Celebration, like it's huge and there's always something new to see - "I don't think I've ever been in this section before", he says, trying to convince himself.
Then downtown, and the Celebration rituals start - obsession with the parking (he got a spot with the clown car sign!). Coffee, from Starbucks, of course. Here's an Adam the Woo talon/claw update:
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What's worse, his thumbnail or his thumbnails?
He's still, 6 months after he stopped drinking lattes, talking about how you can just go in and order a "drip coffee" and the cashier will pour it right there and you're in and out quick. Adam says it's a "fun fact", although I fail to see anything fun about it. Still mentions the cream and sugar he puts in it, too, as if it's so much healthier than the latte.
Adam says there were people swimming in Lake Reinhard there in Celebration on Memorial Day, or so he hears. Adam says it's not illegal, because there are no signs up saying you can't swim.
This is the ATW legal test for anything - if there's no sign up about it, it's ok to do. But Adam doesn't recommend swimming there due to the gators. One would think the town of Celebration would have signs up about not swimming, lest they be sued by someone getting injured to death by Kool the Gator, no?
He then complains about the heat for the 31st consecutive day, and then he actually mentions the stupid Howard the decoy duck, and admits he hasn't seen it there in a year, but he's still mentioning it. A year from now, he'll walk past this spot and say, "Howard the decoy duck isn't there, but he hasn't been there for 2 years", just like he drives past where the Holy Land theme park was and stares at the Advent Health building says says, "That's where the Holy Land Experience was, they tore it down 5 years ago."
Just like I said he would, he recaps his weight loss from last year, saying he got down to 216 lbs (we never saw any proof). Then he says he knows he was supposed to weigh himself on Memorial Day, but he got to thinking - and you know that's always scary. He knows he's not down to that 216 lbs yet like he was last year.
How would he know that without weighing himself already? Like he's got the scale in his house, and he hasn't weighed himself. Sure, ok. And guess what?
Adam, in between profiting off the dead, had time to think it over and turns out he realized that the perfect time to weigh himself ISN'T 75 DAYS. That's crazy talk! Who weighs themselves at 75 days before their birthday when they are losing weight and said they'd weigh themselves again and again over the last 6 months, amirite?
So now Adam's NEW PLAN is to weigh himself 50 DAYS before his birthday, and then REALLY GO HARD AND CRUSH IT THOSE LAST 50 DAYS! Wow, this will be so exciting! I was hyped for him crushing it the last 75 days, but now these last 50 days will be totally EPIC.
He then recaps what a good, good boy he's been: he doesn't drink any soda, he doesn't eat any fried food, and he hasn't had any desserts. If all that is the case, you'd think he'd certainly be 216 lbs after 6 months, no? One meal a day, no soda, no, fried foods, no dessert. Hardly any cream and sugar in his coffee, the way he tells it the coffee is almost black (even though it looks like cafe au lait when he shows it on screen). He then says he's been doing the no dessert thing for "probably 4, 5, 6 months", which seems like quite a range, you would think someone so proud would be able to narrow it down a bit more than that. Also, his camera is so bad it's hard to tell where his wisps of unkempt hair end and the trees begin but wow dude, is he going on this trip without a haircut?
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Adam then says the problem with a weigh-in on Day 50 is that he "might" be out of town (again,
like he doesn't know his schedule), and so maybe
he'll have to weigh-in on Day 60, "so maybe 8-9 days from now, give or take a day", except when Adam was filming this the date was May 28th, and 8-9 days later would be June 5th or 6th and 60 days from his birthday would be June 11. So give or a take a week I guess, Adam? Math is not his strong suit.
He then shows the pole in the water and mentions the decoy duck
again. Really.
Adam claims he's happy that he's been sticking with his fitness plans pretty well. He is still claiming he's eating fairly healthy (although he almost never eats on camera anymore, or even mentions anything he eats at all) and claims he's doing some light working out (although he never posts or even mentions any of that at all anywhere).
Then he again brings up the half marathon. He's sure he can stay under the 16 min pace by walking briskly and doing "some" light jogging,
even though he notes he doesn't have "the best ankles and the best knees". Good luck with that, buddy.
He then says he has something to look forward to in December, which he's mentioned before, my guess is a family trip to Hawaii and he wants to be thin for that for some reason. He says he needs things to look forward to as motivation (which is a sure sign you're doing it for the wrong reasons, because when those things are gone you will backslide, as he's done so many times before).
It seems that his Rays trip for Atlanta, Minnesota and Pittsburgh will be a
driving road trip and not a flying trip. Because sitting in a car all day driving across the USA is the best thing for half marathon training, no? He is such a dork, he won't say where he's going, like nobody can look up the Rays schedule to know he's going to the DC/Baltimore area this next week, and then know exactly where he's headed for the next trip, and the next trip, and the one after that -
he tells everyone where he's going, then tries to hide it.
Yes, the idiot didn't sign his passport application. Even with this he won't really admit his mistake - he says "
I filled out all the paperwork correctly, and I forgot to sign
the stupid paperwork."
If you didn't sign it, you didn't fill out correctly.
Is it the paperwork that's stupid, Adam? Or is it the person who forgot to sign it the stupid one who made the mistake? So he still doesn't have a printer that works in his Woomansion, and has to go back to the library to pay to print out the paperwork again, sign it (or not
) and mail it in again. Genius missed this:
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Back in the clown car, he admits he doesn't want to do the race (of course he doesn't as evidenced by his actions - just like he doesn't want to get healthy, as evidenced by his actions.
He just wants to lose weight. Period, end of story.)
He then says he's talked to a "bunch" of people who say there's a big conglomeration of people who walk with the balloon ladies at that 16 min/mile pace and finish. Adam says he plans to be "way ahead" of that, but he's not going for time in this half marathon. Wow, good to know, good to know.
This is the "Knowing Limitations" part of today's vlog title, where Adam admits he won't be running races after this, he's not becoming a runner, he's just focused on getting healthier, eating better and losing weight.
Doctors and nutritionists all recommend the "coffee all day, and one questionable meal at night" method on the road to getting healthier, eating better and losing weight, right?
Adam returns home with his passport forms because he brought a blue pen, and the forms state you can only use black ink. You just can't make this up. He ends up in front of the fountain in the downtown square, yammering on about passport rules and the different options. Why, I have no idea. Then into Town Hall and we get an extended low-voice, I don't want to call attention to myself, creepy Adam segment showing all sorts of crap and Celebration merch.
He was there to ask about the paths through town and the distances of them, so he can map himself a route because he wants to see what he can do as far as a mile pace goes. Yup. He waited until the summer to do this, when it's humid and hot. Also, he waited until he's traveling constantly and won't be home.
So he goes home and maps out a 3 mile course, and says he'll try it at some point, hoping he can do an under 16 min pace,
maybe even a 12 min pace! He bases this on the fact that
when he does his treadmill, he does 2-3 miles at a speed of 4.2 mph, and that a speed of 4.0mph would be a 15 min pace, and if he could do that he would be gaining on the balloon ladies. Because of this,
Adam has "good thoughts about being able to do it." Then he says
he would like to do even better on pace so that he could check out some of the characters and the experiences offered during the race. This is unbelievable, I hope he tries this.
He will need to buy some new shoes though, because he's worn the On Clouds every single day and hasn't run in them at all, they look like this now:
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He ends the vlog in the Corridor of Goons, looking at the toys on the shelf. Alone and sad, as usual.
Wonder how those doctor appointments are going?
Woo Who?! 
Resiliency is the key. Stay tuned. 
