A place for ranting/whinging

[Bobbleowl90]

Thanks guys.

I know I need to cut ties. I just find it hard as we’ve been friends for so long. But she really is making me miserable. I think the novelty of my other friend is the fact she can pretend she has a different life to her and tell lies/exaggerate whereas with me she can’t. They met up for a walk last week and asked me at 11pm if I’d like to meet knowing full well I’d be in bed so wouldn’t reply til morning when I already had plans. Similarly, my other friend will put a photo on insta of her little one and within seconds mr best friend will like it but she will not like anything I’ve put on. I like her photos. I feel like I’m 15 again! I’m bloody 30!!

I think I just need to distance myself like you’ve all said. Very sad.

She sounds shallow, envious and cold. The lies are really sly. You need a friend and not a rival. If something good happened to you, she wouldn't be pleased for you and if something bad happened she'd provide no sympathy or support so try to see it as a lucky escape.

This is what I’ve said to my husband this morning - I’d never be jealous of a friend. I’d be happy for them. I struggle to understand why she is so envious about things.

 

[petitspois]

Thanks guys.

I know I need to cut ties. I just find it hard as we’ve been friends for so long. But she really is making me miserable. I think the novelty of my other friend is the fact she can pretend she has a different life to her and tell lies/exaggerate whereas with me she can’t. They met up for a walk last week and asked me at 11pm if I’d like to meet knowing full well I’d be in bed so wouldn’t reply til morning when I already had plans. Similarly, my other friend will put a photo on insta of her little one and within seconds mr best friend will like it but she will not like anything I’ve put on. I like her photos. I feel like I’m 15 again! I’m bloody 30!!

I think I just need to distance myself like you’ve all said. Very sad.



This is what I’ve said to my husband this morning - I’d never be jealous of a friend. I’d be happy for them. I struggle to understand why she is so envious about things.

you haven't been friends for years tho - she's just been in your life for years. I know this sounds harsh but it's not meant to be. If you had gone for a walk then you would have had to listen to her rambling on about being a nurse or whatever other lies she would come out with so you're better out of it.

 

[littlepup]

This will be long. But I’m just going to say it and leave it here to get it off my chest. I’ll probably sound like the mole.

bleeping Covid is an absolute bleep. My friend in their 30s is dying, end of life, trying to complete their bucket list. They can’t do anything or go anywhere because of Covid.

My Nan is nearly 90, bed bound and incontinent, doesn’t know here own name and she’s been give the vaccine. I get tht my aunt who cares for her doesn’t want to get it and kill nan but give it to my aunt then. Vaccinate the younger people who need to get back to work and support themselves, if they’re vaccinated they can go see their mum at the care home and do a load of other stuff. What is the mum in the care home going to do?
Also, and obviously I love my Nan dearly it’s just an example, but she gets all these NHS services going in, carrier bags full of medications at god know what cost but as a pregnant lady maternity services have been cut right back, baby checks reduced and no one can do home visits. Surely this is going to cost so much more in the long run, things being missed in babies?! I totally understand the older generation are entitled and have paid for all of this but it just seems mad to keep everyone alive for ever with drastic measures when they are totally physically and mentally gone but the new lives are pretty much just told to get on with it.
Lastly, I’m about ready to drop and if my OH, who has to go into people’s houses to work, gets symptoms of Covid, he won’t be able to attend his first child’s birth.... But it’d be pretty safe for baby to see Nan, who doesn’t know who I am.

Finally, you go out of your way to be kind to people, introduce them to friends and involve them, support & encourage them to develop and thrive even at detriment to yourself then they are flying so high they decide they don’t need you anymore and tit on you. Only then do you realise that’s why they had no one in the first place.

 

[lemonlime]

Thanks guys.

I know I need to cut ties. I just find it hard as we’ve been friends for so long. But she really is making me miserable. I think the novelty of my other friend is the fact she can pretend she has a different life to her and tell lies/exaggerate whereas with me she can’t. They met up for a walk last week and asked me at 11pm if I’d like to meet knowing full well I’d be in bed so wouldn’t reply til morning when I already had plans. Similarly, my other friend will put a photo on insta of her little one and within seconds mr best friend will like it but she will not like anything I’ve put on. I like her photos. I feel like I’m 15 again! I’m bloody 30!!

I think I just need to distance myself like you’ve all said. Very sad.

This is what I’ve said to my husband this morning - I’d never be jealous of a friend. I’d be happy for them. I struggle to understand why she is so envious about things.

Felt similarly this autumn myself. I have so much sympathy for your situation, but you really cannot "fix" anyone who doesn't want your help or who doesn't want to be honest about themselves. Fixing her misery is not your job and she clearly wants to live in denial surrounded by those she can easily lie to. Sounds very toxic to me.

A friend's presence in your life is entirely voluntary. If it adds nothing to you, if that connection gives you no joy, better put an end to it. I hope you can distance yourself and feel better for it.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

I know my moan isn’t anything compared to all these,I just need to get it off my chest
i have a mate who has loads of debt-mainly from not paying bills to buy crap for her dog
(no dog ‘needs’ mcd’s shakes daily nor do they ’need’ endless treats)
she won’t pay the gas bill but can buy herself new stuff all the time

anyway (pre COVID lockdown) if we had joint days off we’d meet for coffee
will she pull her purse out?
will she hell
we’ll be drinking the first one I’ve bought her and she’ll be looking round for the next coffee shop
im talking £2/3 a time just for a drink
covid has given her an excuse to hang around at the door while I find myself in and ordering
thankfully lockdown has given me the perfect excuse as everywhere is shut
im just sick of listening to her moaning about her debts-never taking my advice-and expecting me to pay for everything (it seems her mum and stepdad used to smooth her way but he’s died and her mum can’t afford to)
best laugh is-she’s on more money/more hours than me
she seems to think that because I live with my fella I have loads more money-I really dont
i just need to get tough,which is hard as I’m a giver and not a taker but she’s bought me one coffee-once-in 5 years

 

[Base2019]

I know my moan isn’t anything compared to all these,I just need to get it off my chest
i have a mate who has loads of debt-mainly from not paying bills to buy crap for her dog
(no dog ‘needs’ mcd’s shakes daily nor do they ’need’ endless treats)
she won’t pay the gas bill but can buy herself new stuff all the time

anyway (pre COVID lockdown) if we had joint days off we’d meet for coffee
will she pull her purse out?
will she hell
we’ll be drinking the first one I’ve bought her and she’ll be looking round for the next coffee shop
im talking £2/3 a time just for a drink
covid has given her an excuse to hang around at the door while I find myself in and ordering
thankfully lockdown has given me the perfect excuse as everywhere is shut
im just sick of listening to her moaning about her debts-never taking my advice-and expecting me to pay for everything (it seems her mum and stepdad used to smooth her way but he’s died and her mum can’t afford to)
best laugh is-she’s on more money/more hours than me
she seems to think that because I live with my fella I have loads more money-I really dont
i just need to get tough,which is hard as I’m a giver and not a taker but she’s bought me one coffee-once-in 5 years

I know this sounds harsh but that doesn’t sound like a friendship. She is taking advantage of your kindness! It really annoys me when people complain about having no money/ hours being cut due to covid and the likes but yet spend the money they do have on absolute dung lol

 

[WilmaHun]

I know my moan isn’t anything compared to all these,I just need to get it off my chest
i have a mate who has loads of debt-mainly from not paying bills to buy crap for her dog
(no dog ‘needs’ mcd’s shakes daily nor do they ’need’ endless treats)
she won’t pay the gas bill but can buy herself new stuff all the time

anyway (pre COVID lockdown) if we had joint days off we’d meet for coffee
will she pull her purse out?
will she hell
we’ll be drinking the first one I’ve bought her and she’ll be looking round for the next coffee shop
im talking £2/3 a time just for a drink
covid has given her an excuse to hang around at the door while I find myself in and ordering
thankfully lockdown has given me the perfect excuse as everywhere is shut
im just sick of listening to her moaning about her debts-never taking my advice-and expecting me to pay for everything (it seems her mum and stepdad used to smooth her way but he’s died and her mum can’t afford to)
best laugh is-she’s on more money/more hours than me
she seems to think that because I live with my fella I have loads more money-I really dont
i just need to get tough,which is hard as I’m a giver and not a taker but she’s bought me one coffee-once-in 5 years

I say ditch her! She doesn't sound much of a friend to be honest. Why should you pay all the time? Why should you offer advice if it just gets ignored? You sound like you've tried to be a really good friend but the friendship is not being reciprocated!

 

[blondelolita]

Sorry for what is a (selfish) whinge.
My mental health has never been amazing, since childhood but in 2019 I found that I was in the best place I’d ever been and I feel like I did well in 2020, until around November when I started getting night terrors again and that’s happened a few times since... I hate it. I don’t have anything to complain about really, I still have a job, boyfriend and family who are safe but I work in a public facing role and am terrified of catching or passing COVID on to my shielded relative (we live together) and seeing as 2021 isn’t looking great either my anxiety has gone through the roof as I feel like potentially my job will go, as we’re now closed but

Also, sorry I don’t want to offend anyone but it’s really hard seeing all the pregnancy and engagement stuff everywhere at the moment when that just isn’t happening to me, when actually I would really like both. (Again I did say this is all very selfish and I am privileged with what I have and know that, my mind just can’t seem to grasp that I am lucky).

Thank you if you read this, I vented more than I thought I would

 

[LittleMy]

I’m utterly depressed, stressed and exhausted. If I could, I would stay in bed all day and not move (I have a history of depression and anxiety, I know that’s how it goes). I wish that I hadn’t returned to working in care after being a SAHM for three years. I had been looking forward to it so much initially as found being at home with kids could be quite isolating at times (we don’t have a lot of family support as they live further away). Then Covid happened and it has been the most stressful transition. I caught Covid back in April and was terrified I might die or spread it to my family and kill them (irrational thoughts exacerbated by media hysteria). People were dropping like flies in my work, and we lost a lot of the people we were caring for one after the other, unable to do anything about it and not feeling safe due to inadequate PPE at the time. There has been nothing to look forward to for the better part of a year, we only got out of restrictions for a month last year and now it feels like we’re back to square one. We’re short staffed again in work due to shielding. I’m sleep deprived most days (night shift worker with a husband who snores). I’ve put on weight and neglected myself when I used to take a lot of pride in my appearance, my husband and I are always at each others’ throats. Our eldest son’s autism diagnosis had only just sunk in and now our youngest son is also awaiting ASD assessment. I’m starting to resent my husband for being able to stay at home with the kids (bad, I know). He has been out of regular work since lockdown one and is having a hard time adjusting to being the stay at home parent and I do feel for him, but he will give the kids their tablets and doesn’t even try to do anything with them. I’m worried they’re having far too much screen time. It makes me nervous for next week when homeschooling begins for our 5yo, because he will be in charge of the brunt of it and I can’t honestly see it getting done (I don’t really blame him, he also has a 3yo to entertain).

Not looking for advice or being told I’m selfish or whatever anyone else thinks of me, just a very big rant because I have barely slept in the last two days and I need to get it off my chest before I explode.

 

[petitspois]

I’m utterly depressed, stressed and exhausted. If I could, I would stay in bed all day and not move (I have a history of depression and anxiety, I know that’s how it goes). I wish that I hadn’t returned to working in care after being a SAHM for three years. I had been looking forward to it so much initially as found being at home with kids could be quite isolating at times (we don’t have a lot of family support as they live further away). Then Covid happened and it has been the most stressful transition. I caught Covid back in April and was terrified I might die or spread it to my family and kill them (irrational thoughts exacerbated by media hysteria). People were dropping like flies in my work, and we lost a lot of the people we were caring for one after the other, unable to do anything about it and not feeling safe due to inadequate PPE at the time. There has been nothing to look forward to for the better part of a year, we only got out of restrictions for a month last year and now it feels like we’re back to square one. We’re short staffed again in work due to shielding. I’m sleep deprived most days (night shift worker with a husband who snores). I’ve put on weight and neglected myself when I used to take a lot of pride in my appearance, my husband and I are always at each others’ throats. Our eldest son’s autism diagnosis had only just sunk in and now our youngest son is also awaiting ASD assessment. I’m starting to resent my husband for being able to stay at home with the kids (bad, I know). He has been out of regular work since lockdown one and is having a hard time adjusting to being the stay at home parent and I do feel for him, but he will give the kids their tablets and doesn’t even try to do anything with them. I’m worried they’re having far too much screen time. It makes me nervous for next week when homeschooling begins for our 5yo, because he will be in charge of the brunt of it and I can’t honestly see it getting done (I don’t really blame him, he also has a 3yo to entertain).

Not looking for advice or being told I’m selfish or whatever anyone else thinks of me, just a very big rant because I have barely slept in the last two days and I need to get it off my chest before I explode.

wish I could give you a hug and a cup of tea

 

[WilmaHun]

Sorry for what is a (selfish) whinge.
My mental health has never been amazing, since childhood but in 2019 I found that I was in the best place I’d ever been and I feel like I did well in 2020, until around November when I started getting night terrors again and that’s happened a few times since... I hate it. I don’t have anything to complain about really, I still have a job, boyfriend and family who are safe but I work in a public facing role and am terrified of catching or passing COVID on to my shielded relative (we live together) and seeing as 2021 isn’t looking great either my anxiety has gone through the roof as I feel like potentially my job will go, as we’re now closed but

Also, sorry I don’t want to offend anyone but it’s really hard seeing all the pregnancy and engagement stuff everywhere at the moment when that just isn’t happening to me, when actually I would really like both. (Again I did say this is all very selfish and I am privileged with what I have and know that, my mind just can’t seem to grasp that I am lucky).

Thank you if you read this, I vented more than I thought I would

I completely sympathise with you on the pregnancy/engagement whinge. I don't think it's selfish at all, I feel the exact same. We all have an idea of how we want our lives to pan out so it's not selfish to be upset when it doesn't work out that way.

My partner and I have been together 7 years. It's partly my own fault as I've always said I don't want children outside of marriage, but he's still not popped the question. I'm only 25 so realistically I know I should have plenty of time left but I'm constantly worried about not being able to have kids because I left it too long (to add context, I've had a few gynaecological problems which make me concerned). I'm always thinking, he knows I desperately want to get married in order to have kids, so why won't he ask me? What's wrong with me?! If I bring it up with him he always says he does absolutely want to marry me but will ask when he's ready. He also has commented the more people go on about it, the longer I'll be waiting. It really gets me down when I see people who've been together 5 minutes getting engaged and pregnant. Why can't I have that? I've cried so many times about it because I just feel like there must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want to commit. I'm so worried that other people my age are much further along in their lives than I am!

 

[blondelolita]

I completely sympathise with you on the pregnancy/engagement whinge. I don't think it's selfish at all, I feel the exact same. We all have an idea of how we want our lives to pan out so it's not selfish to be upset when it doesn't work out that way.

My partner and I have been together 7 years. It's partly my own fault as I've always said I don't want children outside of marriage, but he's still not popped the question. I'm only 25 so realistically I know I should have plenty of time left but I'm constantly worried about not being able to have kids because I left it too long (to add context, I've had a few gynaecological problems which make me concerned). I'm always thinking, he knows I desperately want to get married in order to have kids, so why won't he ask me? What's wrong with me?! If I bring it up with him he always says he does absolutely want to marry me but will ask when he's ready. He also has commented the more people go on about it, the longer I'll be waiting. It really gets me down when I see people who've been together 5 minutes getting engaged and pregnant. Why can't I have that? I've cried so many times about it because I just feel like there must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want to commit. I'm so worried that other people my age are much further along in their lives than I am!

I’m a few years older than you & feel the same - I have endometriosis but with brexit (my partner isn’t British) I want to be married first so legally we’re both protected long term. Silly thing is that I don’t even want a big wedding, so we could have realistically managed it by now as we’ve been together over 5 years

I completely get how you feel as I feel exactly the same, and it’s so difficult as my partner says exactly the same as yours which isn’t helpful. The COVID situation has made me more down about it too as I feel like difficult times should bring you closer but I guess patience is a virtue. Sending lots of support

 

[Pixipoppy]

I completely sympathise with you on the pregnancy/engagement whinge. I don't think it's selfish at all, I feel the exact same. We all have an idea of how we want our lives to pan out so it's not selfish to be upset when it doesn't work out that way.

My partner and I have been together 7 years. It's partly my own fault as I've always said I don't want children outside of marriage, but he's still not popped the question. I'm only 25 so realistically I know I should have plenty of time left but I'm constantly worried about not being able to have kids because I left it too long (to add context, I've had a few gynaecological problems which make me concerned). I'm always thinking, he knows I desperately want to get married in order to have kids, so why won't he ask me? What's wrong with me?! If I bring it up with him he always says he does absolutely want to marry me but will ask when he's ready. He also has commented the more people go on about it, the longer I'll be waiting. It really gets me down when I see people who've been together 5 minutes getting engaged and pregnant. Why can't I have that? I've cried so many times about it because I just feel like there must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want to commit. I'm so worried that other people my age are much further along in their lives than I am!

I think this year has been a bit of an eye opener for a lot of people. Maybe your boyfriend is waiting until things are a little more back to normal before he proposes? Just a thought. Either way, 25 is still very very young and it’s not a competition to be “as far along” as other people. Not sure if your boyfriend is the same age but guys do tend to mature a little slower, so although he obviously loves you and knows he wants to be with you - maybe he just isn’t quite ready for marriage just yet. I’d say give it time, if you’re still in the same position in a few months have another frank chat with him

I’m 32, also been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we are still un-married, un-engaged and un-pregnant if it makes you feel any better

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

I say ditch her! She doesn't sound much of a friend to be honest. Why should you pay all the time? Why should you offer advice if it just gets ignored? You sound like you've tried to be a really good friend but the friendship is not being reciprocated!

She is a good mate as in she’s helped me a lot over the last 4 years
its just everything else
covid has given me the perfect excuse not to meet up and when lockdown lifts I’ll be a lost busier and can’t meet up-it’s just a shame about the money
what really pissed me off is when I’d paid for 3 drinks each as she was skint
then she bought a new coat and another £10 on crap for the dog…

I know this sounds harsh but that doesn’t sound like a friendship. She is taking advantage of your kindness! It really annoys me when people complain about having no money/ hours being cut due to covid and the likes but yet spend the money they do have on absolute dung lol

Yep-that’s her
the dog does not need a £2 milkshake every single day then she comes running to me cos she hasn’t paid her gas bill as she can’t afford it
i am taking a step back-I can’t afford her caffeine bill

 

[JLXRD]

Just a little whinge to get my feelings out today.

I feel a lot of pressure at the moment around having a baby.

I want to have children and had always planned to start around now, but then covid happened and I just haven’t done all the things I planned to.

I’m 27, my husband has just turned 32. I would happily wait a few more years but he ideally wants kids before 35, as he doesn’t want to feel like an old dad. I get that and before all this was on bowith it, so it’s me changing the plan, but I just don’t see myself wanting a baby within the next 2 years

He doesn’t pressure me, I just think about it a lot and worry about what will happen I spose.

SIL asks every time she sees me whether we will be having a baby, she’s started rolling her eyes if I say I want to travel first as though that is shallow and pathetic or something. She has 2 kids and is the same age as me.

I am just not ready to give up all the things I want to do, though I know life doesn’t end when you have a baby of course, things would different.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Just a little whinge to get my feelings out today.

I feel a lot of pressure at the moment around having a baby.

I want to have children and had always planned to start around now, but then covid happened and I just haven’t done all the things I planned to.

I’m 27, my husband has just turned 32. I would happily wait a few more years but he ideally wants kids before 35, as he doesn’t want to feel like an old dad. I get that and before all this was on bowith it, so it’s me changing the plan, but I just don’t see myself wanting a baby within the next 2 years

He doesn’t pressure me, I just think about it a lot and worry about what will happen I spose.

SIL asks every time she sees me whether we will be having a baby, she’s started rolling her eyes if I say I want to travel first as though that is shallow and pathetic or something. She has 2 kids and is the same age as me.

I am just not ready to give up all the things I want to do, though I know life doesn’t end when you have a baby of course, things would different.

Same here.

I'm 27 and my parents keep on asking about babies and them being called grandparents.

All rather complicated by I'm really not ready; I live thousands of miles away from my g/f; and the fact we're lesbians.

Keep telling them to back off and just wait, but it still doesn't stop them pushing for me to commit

 

[JLXRD]

Same here.

I'm 27 and my parents keep on asking about babies and them being called grandparents.

All rather complicated by I'm really not ready; I live thousands of miles away from my g/f; and the fact we're lesbians.

Keep telling them to back off and just wait, but it still doesn't stop them pushing for me to commit

It’s hard isn’t it.

realistically I know SIL wants it because she likes the idea of our kids being cousins and it comes from a place of love, like I’m sure it does with your parents wanting to be grandparents.

It doesn’t stop me from wanting to tell her to mind her own business sometimes.

 

[Base2019]

Just a little whinge to get my feelings out today.

I feel a lot of pressure at the moment around having a baby.

I want to have children and had always planned to start around now, but then covid happened and I just haven’t done all the things I planned to.

I’m 27, my husband has just turned 32. I would happily wait a few more years but he ideally wants kids before 35, as he doesn’t want to feel like an old dad. I get that and before all this was on bowith it, so it’s me changing the plan, but I just don’t see myself wanting a baby within the next 2 years

He doesn’t pressure me, I just think about it a lot and worry about what will happen I spose.

SIL asks every time she sees me whether we will be having a baby, she’s started rolling her eyes if I say I want to travel first as though that is shallow and pathetic or something. She has 2 kids and is the same age as me.

I am just not ready to give up all the things I want to do, though I know life doesn’t end when you have a baby of course, things would different.

You don’t have to justify your reasons to anyone nor even your SIL. I would stop giving your SIL reasons for not having children yet and she will soon get the hint! It still baffles me to think that people think this is OK to joke or ask about. It puts so much unnecessary pressure and stress on people.

You do you

 

[Pixipoppy]

Just a little whinge to get my feelings out today.

I feel a lot of pressure at the moment around having a baby.

I want to have children and had always planned to start around now, but then covid happened and I just haven’t done all the things I planned to.

I’m 27, my husband has just turned 32. I would happily wait a few more years but he ideally wants kids before 35, as he doesn’t want to feel like an old dad. I get that and before all this was on bowith it, so it’s me changing the plan, but I just don’t see myself wanting a baby within the next 2 years

He doesn’t pressure me, I just think about it a lot and worry about what will happen I spose.

SIL asks every time she sees me whether we will be having a baby, she’s started rolling her eyes if I say I want to travel first as though that is shallow and pathetic or something. She has 2 kids and is the same age as me.

I am just not ready to give up all the things I want to do, though I know life doesn’t end when you have a baby of course, things would different.

I’m similar to you in that before all this happened I envisioned probably having a baby in the next couple of years. I was already a little bit apprehensive but I knew if I was able to get all the things I wanted to do ticked off (within reason!) like travel, buy a house, get married then I’d feel ready for it when the time came. Then obviously the huge tit show that is 2020 came and I feel like I’ve basically lost a year of my life (potentially 2 at this rate). I’m 32 and honestly, the way things are and how I’ve felt during this pandemic, I’m pretty sure I don’t actually want children anymore.


I know mentally I couldn’t cope with appointments on my own, or facing giving birth alone. My SIL was induced in the summer and had to wait on a ward on her own for THREE DAYS. I would be a mess! I also know I couldn’t cope with no family help, no visits. Then not to mention home schooling. I know this pandemic will be long gone before I even thought about kids but just the fear of it happening again has put me off the idea. I think I’ve just realised if I can’t cope with things like this then I’m probably not cut out to have kids.

Sorry I went on a bit of a tangent there! In your case it sounds like you do very much still want a baby, just not yet. Which is completely understandable and sensible. I know your husband is keen to be a younger dad but honestly... the difference between 32 and 35 is minimal. You have a good 3 years yet before it’s crunch time so I’d just make the most of it and focus on your goals as much as you can. People say there’s never a right time for a baby, and I agree to an extent, but I also think that given the choice people would rather bring a baby into the world after they’ve got their tit together and they are truly ready to be a mum/dad

 

[LittleMy]

It’s hard isn’t it.

realistically I know SIL wants it because she likes the idea of our kids being cousins and it comes from a place of love, like I’m sure it does with your parents wanting to be grandparents.

It doesn’t stop me from wanting to tell her to mind her own business sometimes.

It doesn’t even stop once you do have a child. Then it’s questions like:

“When are you having another?”

“Will you try for a boy next?”

“Will you try for a girl?”

“I assume that’s you finished now?”

It’s like a timer goes off and you get to a certain age where people expect these things from you (especially if you’re a woman) and they can’t help themselves. Drives me nutty.