Borntorun

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Thread suggestion:
I would drive 500 miles and I would drive 500 more, just to be the mum who’s child watched downtown abbey aged four
 
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foreverfeds

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Oooh new thread suggestion time! Personally I’m hoping for some good Adele puns….

Hello from the other siiiiide…. I have a husband that I hiiiiiiiiide.
 
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squatternutbosh

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The Wilson Gals household on Christmas morning:

Nini comes floating down the stairs wearing a vintage nightie (size 7/8) clutching her Christmas pixie (from Etsy £84) and gasps in delight seeing an array of Christmas presents under her ornately decorating tree (with rotting gingerbread advent calendar cookies)
“Ol’ Saint Nicholas has been mama! I’ve been ever such a good girl” she says with her cheeks flushing hypertension pink as her golden curls sway.
Mother Beckington, not too far behind, clutching a hot cup of (gifted) Tassimo coffee with extra syrup, extra cream & extra marshmallows in one hand and her phone in another “lets capture your delight for my Instagram page!” She chortles.
As Nina plonks herself down next to a crackling fireplace, snow is falling heavy outside and mother Becky’s doppelgängers, the next door cows, peek in through the window.
nina opens her first present, it’s a package of dried fruits, wrapped so lovingly in muslin cloth. “Oh I LOVE IT” screams Nina. This is followed by a satsuma, a do it yourself mocktail kit & a beautiful photo of her & her mother, at close range of both their nostrils. “ oh mama, this is fabulous! I shall hang it on my gallery wall with all the other 6540 identical photos!”
“Oh but I have another suprise for u” wheezes mother becky as she chomps on a Buck’s Fizz pinwheel. She hands Nina a beautifully wrapped present, and the wrapping paper looks a bit chewed. “Oh that’s just Leopold our garage rat, he got to the present first but it’s still fine”
Nina unwraps a beautiful tatted & faded wooden doll, (u know the ones u buy from the magazines which are for display purposes only) “oh mama, it’s just what I wanted! The lead paint on the face is the cherry on top!”
Becky points the camera at them both, “merry Christmas, and god bless us, everyone!”

Epilogue:

“will I see papa at all…”
“PIPE DOWN, insolent child. Children should only be seen (on my Instagram) NOT heard”
 
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squatternutbosh

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She so badly wants to live in the 1800s.

Extract from Lady Beckies memoirs:

Nini & I spent the morning frolicking through the meadows with a picnic packed full of cheese, upon afternoon I sent my scullery maid Beth to fetch a few dozen eggs from old Farmer Percy- we blew the yolks from the eggs and painted them, whilst we listened to Frederick play on his fiddle in the orchards. ‘‘Twas a wonderful moment, so heavenly in fact Nini pondered aloud to me: “why mother, why doth thou’st have tears in thine eyes?”
 
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sloppywhit

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Hi, long term thread watcher -

Title suggestion: Its really hard being a single mother even tho i secretly have "the other"
 
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Borntorun

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And this is how it will go

Once upon a time there was a little chef called Nini
She once made a cheese sandwich on a Monday.
she ate the sandwich in the grounds of an NT garden overlooking a derelict castle.
The rest of the week she went to ikea and ate meatballs. Then she went to costa, then Chinatown, then a fancy restaurant not meant for little kids but she went anyway coz she fits into 7/8 clothes.
then she did some sewing, frolicking and elocution lessons.
At night she reminisced about her cheese sandwich she made a week ago and was very proud.
what A clever little chef she was!
My prediction is…

In the light of the moon, a little chef lay on a leaf. She started to look for some food. On Monday, Rebecca ate through one Wagamamas meal. But she was still hungry
On Tuesday, Rebecca ate through two mum guilt cucumbers. But she was still hungry.
On Wednesday, Rebecca ate through three ikea meatballs. But she was still hungry.
On Thursday, Rebecca ate through four Costa coffees. But she was still hungry.
On Friday, she ate through five blocks of cheese. But she was still hungry.
That night she had a tummy ache. And she wasnt hungry any more. And she wasn’t a little chef any more, but a big fat chef. She built a little house, called a cocoon, around herself and stayed there for two weeks. And when she emerged, she was in the car park of a NT three hours drive away from home. The end.


(For anyone without kids, this is a parody of the very hungry caterpillar lol )
 
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Synergy

New member
Thread suggestion (in the tune of Butterfly): Pout My Nini, pout pout My Nini, you’re my meal ticket, my cash cow, Nini.
 
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MakeDamnSure

VIP Member
Things I find more annoying than a child watching YouTube at a cafe.

- parents taking their child who has a sickness bug away for the weekend because they still wanted to have a trip away.

- parents who brag about their child who eats everything

- parents who lean on their children as an emotional crutch

- parents who judge other parents and think they are better than them and then backtrack when they are challenged about it.
 
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squatternutbosh

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Book #4 : Nina and the National Trust monster
Synopsis: (Nina sees a dragon at a national trust and mother Bex comes along and saves her- knocking the dragon out cold with her bosom)

Book #5: Nina and trip to Costa
Synopsis: (Nina’s coffee date with Ma has been ruined with an interfering iPad, how will Ma save the day?)

Book 6: Nina the tiny giant
Synopsis: (all kids come in different shapes and sizes. Nina’s mother dresses her in clothes beyond her years AND THATS OK #bodypositive **
**Ma’s appears in character as a huge face only)
 
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Borntorun

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Hahahaha I feel like domestic technician should make the next thread title. I’m sure we could make it rhyme

Donestic technician, bad hair condition, husband omission, cheese magician….
 
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squatternutbosh

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Marchioness Beckworths memoirs:
Easter weekend~

Alleliua for the lord has risen! And so has Lady Nina, for we hath a weekend filled with frolicking, joy, and tant de fromage!

Lady Nini, the cheese wheel of my eye, and myself took an exodus to visit my dear mother, the only other human I publicly allow Nini to interact with (alas, shall her pure pristine mind be corrupted by the ways of the peasant folk!)- whilst we left my darling husband alone at home, with a bucket of carrots & a bushel of apples to sustain him during our mother/daughter/bestladyforever recess.
I still hide him from public view, to shield us from the mindless chatter of the townsfolk, (I wish to maintain the image that Nini was born through divine conception, and I enjoy being known as the ultimate housekeeping oracle who can whip up healthy meals (hence my slender frame) whilst juggling a rambunctious child & is able to travel to visit all the castles and noble houses in the entire United Kingdom Single handedly)
Nina tasted a strange new vegetable today, asparagus & green beans, how adventurous are we, to deviate from cucumbers & broccoli. She despises it & I threw in an extra slather of crispy bacon to compensate.

On the way back I spotted a divine field of rapeseed where I ordered our carriage driver to stop so Nini & I can frolick carelessly. It was a struggle to get Nini to stay still as I ordered local painter Vincent Van Goph to capture a self portait of us, he said it does take a while to capture the mass of my face, whatever that means …

Upon our return home- MyNini who has the upmost bourgeoisie taste, demanded smoked salmon for breakfast instead of the common porridge swill the other common children eat! What a proud mother am I?
A local seamstress who is known to cater and clothe the peasants came by with a pretty floral dress for Nini, in normal circumstances I would not even dream to clothe Nini in such fodder, however as she has outgrown all her outfits for the 12th time this week (such a beansprout) I had no choice but to! I was quite impressed, she looked almost normal.
For lunch I did crispen the potatoes like the Joan of Arc but Nini devoured them anyway, whatever was left I just handed over to Lord Wilson.
 
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Hippo1958

Active member
Thread suggestion: WhatMummyMakes #13
"Got rid of the spouse, Butchering the house, obsessed with a brambly mouse"
 
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squatternutbosh

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Came here to say the same thing. Why does this post need a selfie? So weird and self absorbed.
What normal person posts comments about someone else’s tribute to their dead mother and sticks their own bloody face all over it?
It’s not about you Becky! A plain background with words would have been fine.

Tomorrow we will have Nina’s “sassy” dance tribute to the new King with inappropriate music.
I’m predicting Becky saying something about ‘I spoke to Nina about death & the queen & Nina looked up with tears in her eyes, held onto the hem of my ugly floral dress and begged me; mama I don’t want u to die, and I replied; I am an immortal being and will create so many psychological issues in u they will haunt u long after I’m in my grave”
 
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