shaaanxosucks
Well-known member
That thread took us 5 days folks… 5 bloody DAYS!!! (New Zealand time 
)
Before I begin I must share my favourite part of the thread was discussing Sarah’s boring sex life and I have come up with a new name for it which I think we must all use at once.
Sarah has boring “vanilla sugar-free sex.”
and that’s how we must describe it from now on, there’s just no other way to describe it 
Sarah has sugar free sex with Kurts Vegan hot dog and his sugar-free semen enters her free range egg to produce a gluten free baby. (I’m crying with laughter while typing this)
Anyways this catch-up is a little different so bare with me. Rightyo lads and lasses, grab your umbrellas for this shit show
Once upon a time there was extra smoll holistic princess named Sarah
and her husband, the Village-idiot Kurt 
They lived together in a kingdom 
far far away with their little son- Foxandrè 
and their not very well pampered pooch- Abigail. 
Except this isn’t your average fairytale, oh no. Princess Sarah and the Village Idiot Kurt are the villains in this story.
Sarah awoke at sunrise
to discover that news 
had travelled throughout the villages of her secret baby. 
“KURT” she screamed in a shrill voice.
Kurt came blundering into her chambers.
“Good morrow my love. What is it?” He sat down on the bed.
“They knoweth!” She cried.
“Who knoweth?” Kurt questioned, confused and half asleep.
“EVERYONE! Those trolls! Those goblins! Those evil witches! The tattlers
have RUINED my secret news! How am I going to announceth I am with child now?” Sarah yelled.
“I guess I could distract them with a couple of my dad jokes?” Kurt suggested.
“No you sniveling idiot!” Sarah scowled. “This is not the time for jokes. I must take controleth of the situation. Hand me my Sony ZV-E10 Mirrorless Vlog camera at once!”
Kurt padded over to the cabinet to grab her camera.
“What art thee going to sayeth?” Kurt questioned, handing over the camera.
“Well I’m going to have to releaseth the news. I didn’t want to announce it this early!” Sarah moaned. “I wanted to teaseth and get more views and cause much speculation right up until my tiny stomach started showing, but those witches have somehow pieced together my not-so-subtle-clues and have already ruined MY moment.”
Kurt grabbed the ringlight and started setting up the mic. “Tis very unf’rtunate, my love, those tattlers are too clever.” Kurt sighed.
“I even read they are going to be making a podcast about us and our lies!” Sarah said, squeezing on her extra smoll gym pantaloons.
“No way!” Kurt cried, stunned.
“Yes way! We NEED to take controleth immediately. Fetch me my son, Foxandrè. We must make a loving ‘happy family’ video at once.” Sarah air quoted.
Kurt wandered off to find their son whilst Sarah flicked through her closet to findeth the perfect blouse for the occasion.
Meanwhile the tattlers were already on page 32 of their thread.
Kurt returned with Foxandrè and Sarah began to directeth the video.
“Right fox, I need you to talk to my tummy, Kurt- you hold the mic up to his face!” Sarah began to put on a teary voice for the video. “Thank you Jesus,” she whispered into the mic.
“You’re such a good big brother!” Encouraging fox to play along in her video. In the background, Kurt was trying to findeth the perfect godly music 
that captures the Holy Spirit 
himself. “Right Kurt, come over and kiss my belly!” She barked. Thrice times she made them retake each moment. “Come capture some shots of fox hugging me and being cute.” This carried on all afternoon.
Finally, Sarah had finished her 2 minute video. “Tis perfect!” She gasped, watching the video over once more.
“Those wicked witches shalln’t ruin this moment!” Said Kurt over his shoulder, as he put Foxandrè down for a nap. As Sarah clicked upload she noticed the video gaining traction
almost instantly. She read through each and every comment from her lovely gullible followers. 
“They’re falling for it!” She was in such a joyous mood until, she noticed a few of her comments were from the tattlers…
Thee and thy foolish husband must face up to thy lies!
Thou blithering idiots.
I am sick when I do look at thee!
Venomous cruel woman!
Thou art unfit for any place but hell!
“Oh no Kurt, those ill-mannered goblins are making hateth comments on my with child announcement!” Cried Sarah.
She attempted to replyeth to each and every comment from her trolls.
“Seize those folk!” She cried to her fans in the comments, encouraging thee to go after the tattlers. Her fans tried their hardest to go after them but the tattlerscannot be ceased and were up for the battle.
A most notable coward, the owner of not one good quality!
Fools!
Thee baited a miscarriage whilst hiding thy pregnancy, smug git!
Thou art cancelled!
“Quick Kurt, they are exposing our lies! I don’t know what to do!” She cried.
“Give me the laptop.” He snatched and started typing away.
“What art thee doing?” Sarah pressed.
“I’m emailing the workers to delete all hateth comments, we will payeth
them overtime.” Kurt said.
And so, the war began. The tattlers tried their hardest to expose the lies only to be deleted, blocked, disappeared, up in smoke before their very eyes.
“MWAHAHHA” Sarah cackled. “Those conniving sly witches cannot expose me now!”
But the workers were not deleting them fast enough! More and MORE and MORE comments were popping up left, right and center! The fans started realizing Sarah was a fraud and were turning against her! “Hoorah!” Cried the tattlers, as more accounts started being made. Welcome all new members! Sarah couldn’t control the tattlers, she was outnumbered!
“NOOOoOOuouuu!!!!” cried Sarah.
Sarah and Kurt scuttled away back to their kingdom and were charged for treason.
All was well in the world. The tattlers lived happily every after.
The end.
If you’re still a fan at this point, I have no time for any of you, you utter (and I cannot stress this enough) utter troglodytes.
)Before I begin I must share my favourite part of the thread was discussing Sarah’s boring sex life and I have come up with a new name for it which I think we must all use at once.
Sarah has boring “vanilla sugar-free sex.”
and that’s how we must describe it from now on, there’s just no other way to describe it Sarah has sugar free sex with Kurts Vegan hot dog and his sugar-free semen enters her free range egg to produce a gluten free baby. (I’m crying with laughter while typing this)
Anyways this catch-up is a little different so bare with me. Rightyo lads and lasses, grab your umbrellas for this shit show
Once upon a time there was extra smoll holistic princess named Sarah
and her husband, the Village-idiot Kurt They lived together in a kingdom far far away with their little son- Foxandrè and their not very well pampered pooch- Abigail. Except this isn’t your average fairytale, oh no. Princess Sarah and the Village Idiot Kurt are the villains in this story.
Sarah awoke at sunrise
to discover that news had travelled throughout the villages of her secret baby. “KURT” she screamed in a shrill voice.
Kurt came blundering into her chambers.
“Good morrow my love. What is it?” He sat down on the bed.
“They knoweth!” She cried.
“Who knoweth?” Kurt questioned, confused and half asleep.
“EVERYONE! Those trolls! Those goblins! Those evil witches! The tattlers
have RUINED my secret news! How am I going to announceth I am with child now?” Sarah yelled. “I guess I could distract them with a couple of my dad jokes?” Kurt suggested.
“No you sniveling idiot!” Sarah scowled. “This is not the time for jokes. I must take controleth of the situation. Hand me my Sony ZV-E10 Mirrorless Vlog camera at once!”
Kurt padded over to the cabinet to grab her camera.
“What art thee going to sayeth?” Kurt questioned, handing over the camera.
“Well I’m going to have to releaseth the news. I didn’t want to announce it this early!” Sarah moaned. “I wanted to teaseth and get more views and cause much speculation right up until my tiny stomach started showing, but those witches have somehow pieced together my not-so-subtle-clues and have already ruined MY moment.”
Kurt grabbed the ringlight and started setting up the mic. “Tis very unf’rtunate, my love, those tattlers are too clever.” Kurt sighed.
“I even read they are going to be making a podcast about us and our lies!” Sarah said, squeezing on her extra smoll gym pantaloons.
“No way!” Kurt cried, stunned.
“Yes way! We NEED to take controleth immediately. Fetch me my son, Foxandrè. We must make a loving ‘happy family’ video at once.” Sarah air quoted.
Kurt wandered off to find their son whilst Sarah flicked through her closet to findeth the perfect blouse for the occasion.
Meanwhile the tattlers were already on page 32 of their thread.
Kurt returned with Foxandrè and Sarah began to directeth the video.
“Right fox, I need you to talk to my tummy, Kurt- you hold the mic up to his face!” Sarah began to put on a teary voice for the video. “Thank you Jesus,” she whispered into the mic.
“You’re such a good big brother!” Encouraging fox to play along in her video. In the background, Kurt was trying to findeth the perfect godly music that captures the Holy Spirit himself. “Right Kurt, come over and kiss my belly!” She barked. Thrice times she made them retake each moment. “Come capture some shots of fox hugging me and being cute.” This carried on all afternoon.Finally, Sarah had finished her 2 minute video. “Tis perfect!” She gasped, watching the video over once more.
“Those wicked witches shalln’t ruin this moment!” Said Kurt over his shoulder, as he put Foxandrè down for a nap. As Sarah clicked upload she noticed the video gaining traction
almost instantly. She read through each and every comment from her lovely gullible followers. “They’re falling for it!” She was in such a joyous mood until, she noticed a few of her comments were from the tattlers…Thee and thy foolish husband must face up to thy lies!
Thou blithering idiots.
I am sick when I do look at thee!
Venomous cruel woman!
Thou art unfit for any place but hell!
“Oh no Kurt, those ill-mannered goblins are making hateth comments on my with child announcement!” Cried Sarah.
She attempted to replyeth to each and every comment from her trolls.
“Seize those folk!” She cried to her fans in the comments, encouraging thee to go after the tattlers. Her fans tried their hardest to go after them but the tattlers
cannot be ceased and were up for the battle.A most notable coward, the owner of not one good quality!
Fools!
Thee baited a miscarriage whilst hiding thy pregnancy, smug git!
Thou art cancelled!
“Quick Kurt, they are exposing our lies! I don’t know what to do!” She cried.
“Give me the laptop.” He snatched and started typing away.
“What art thee doing?” Sarah pressed.
“I’m emailing the workers to delete all hateth comments, we will payeth
them overtime.” Kurt said. And so, the war began. The tattlers tried their hardest to expose the lies only to be deleted, blocked, disappeared, up in smoke before their very eyes.
“MWAHAHHA” Sarah cackled. “Those conniving sly witches cannot expose me now!”
But the workers were not deleting them fast enough! More and MORE and MORE comments were popping up left, right and center! The fans started realizing Sarah was a fraud and were turning against her! “Hoorah!” Cried the tattlers, as more accounts started being made. Welcome all new members! Sarah couldn’t control the tattlers, she was outnumbered!
“NOOOoOOuouuu!!!!” cried Sarah.
Sarah and Kurt scuttled away back to their kingdom and were charged for treason.
All was well in the world. The tattlers lived happily every after.
The end.
If you’re still a fan at this point, I have no time for any of you, you utter (and I cannot stress this enough) utter troglodytes.
social media break
the internet the past few days during her 
good grief we absolutely FLEW like a sezzybird through that thread, but grab your popcorn and hold on to your knickers folks coz it’s about to get even wilder. We are all waiting for a dramatic Sarah Tells All #sponsored video and I for one have a front row seat. Who’s with me ?!
🪱🪰
You can eat as much gluten as you’d like. You’re literally cured, dietician and nutritionalist sezstar says it herself.
, gym clothing launches
, sun glasses 
to even her extremely restrictive dangerous eating habits, boy have we come far !!! Meanwhile Raspberry tits of Steel sits back and counts her fat check 
Yum yum.
4 strawberries
1/2 pineapple
1/3 watermelon
1/2 pack of GREEN grapes
unfortunately there’s no pomegranate emoji so there’s a kiwi instead. 1 T of pomegranate
1 lime, again no lime emoji (the secrete ingredient to make a sour twist on this summery schnack)
Now let’s go, just gimme the signal 
