Chickpeas
Active member
“I’m going to pull the plug and you’ll go down the plug hole” always worked quite well for me. People need to get back on board with Dlying to kidsThere was one other day asking for advice on how to get her child out of the bath cos they refuse toi fear for the future of mankind if these mollycoddled, never heard the word no, children are gonna be allowed in charge of anything whatsoever
Suppose it could also be the fact that all their children are mensa level so outwit them at every turn whilst simultaneously being huge 9 foot strapping kids so they cant just lift them out of the bath. And of course all the parents are geriatric according to the naughty kid thread so they physically wont be able to. Who starts a thread asking this stuff?!?! Just tell them a few minutes before that its nearly time to get out then when they refuse its headlock time (LIGHTHEARTED)
bread-pitt
VIP Member
Following on the discussion about fake medical posts, we all know they lie at every opportunity so we should not be surprised that the medical tales are lies or (at least) grossly exaggerated.
I remember one in particular that bothered me. OP said she was in the waiting area of the ER and needed a “hand hold”. Apparently she’d been told she had a blood clot but they didn’t know if it was in her lungs or her brain. Aside from the fact that the symptoms of those are completely different, if they have found a clot then they know where it is. How else would they have seen it? This is outing but I have APS, which is a blood clotting disorder, and I’ve had many blood clots in my life (this is also the reason why I’ve never had a successful pregnancy). Two of the clotting episodes I’ve had have almost killed me. One in my brain stem and one in my lungs where I also had a heart attack. It angered me that she would say this. Just as it angered me when someone said that they once had an oxygen level of 74 and they were “fine” and it’s not an emergency in response to someone whose oxygen reading was 90. Either she has confused heart rate with oxygen level or she’s lying. You would not be fine with oxygen in the 70s.
I don’t care if people are going to lie about their salaries, son’s height, size of their home, how much they spend at the grocery store, their weight, and how many vacations they go on each year. But when people lie about medical emergencies and serious conditions to get sympathy and attention, I’m out.
I remember one in particular that bothered me. OP said she was in the waiting area of the ER and needed a “hand hold”. Apparently she’d been told she had a blood clot but they didn’t know if it was in her lungs or her brain. Aside from the fact that the symptoms of those are completely different, if they have found a clot then they know where it is. How else would they have seen it? This is outing but I have APS, which is a blood clotting disorder, and I’ve had many blood clots in my life (this is also the reason why I’ve never had a successful pregnancy). Two of the clotting episodes I’ve had have almost killed me. One in my brain stem and one in my lungs where I also had a heart attack. It angered me that she would say this. Just as it angered me when someone said that they once had an oxygen level of 74 and they were “fine” and it’s not an emergency in response to someone whose oxygen reading was 90. Either she has confused heart rate with oxygen level or she’s lying. You would not be fine with oxygen in the 70s.
I don’t care if people are going to lie about their salaries, son’s height, size of their home, how much they spend at the grocery store, their weight, and how many vacations they go on each year. But when people lie about medical emergencies and serious conditions to get sympathy and attention, I’m out.
50degreesnorth
VIP Member
I threw my negative test in the bin with my second as I’d spent the previous night literally DShitting on the floor due to a stomach bug. When I went back to retrieve it, I realised it wasn’t in fact negative.
I agree I shouldn’t have had that child. It hasn’t stopped talking for 13 years now.
LilyPond
Chatty Member
Sorry but there is not nearly enough love for the phrase "Maudlin Gazebo of a dress" which is elite.
Early thread title suggestion Mumsnet #67 Dress code: Maudlin Gazebo.
Cheddar Chalpupa
VIP Member
Err well done to your cocklodger son I guess....
Iamthebosun
VIP Member
There's stuff said on tattle I don't like, there's threads about people I like that I don't go on because they're not for me and there's threads about people I don't like that I don't go on because I don't like the threads, but while it has its flaws I've never seen anyone call someone whose child had died and was venting a narcissistic cunt, I've never seen anyone say they'd leave their stepchild to die in a fire to save their biological child and their dog and I've never seen photos or videos of children being sexually abused, so on balance I'll just stay here.
Serene Serena
VIP Member
Lads, we’ve had a catastrophe at Casa Serena. Brother in law (BIL?) was being all macho and chopping wood and accidentally hacked off his thumb. 
Sadly, I forgot to take a photo and start a thread on Mumsnet. I shoved him in my car (with the severed digit on ice) and took him to A&E. He’s been blue lighted (oh the drama) to Walton Hospital in Liverpool for surgery. Me and my sister are now on the Christmas wine while we wait to hear if the thumb has been reattached.
I seriously don’t understand how people can contemplate starting a Mumsnet thread when something awful happens.
Sadly, I forgot to take a photo and start a thread on Mumsnet. I shoved him in my car (with the severed digit on ice) and took him to A&E. He’s been blue lighted (oh the drama) to Walton Hospital in Liverpool for surgery. Me and my sister are now on the Christmas wine while we wait to hear if the thumb has been reattached.I seriously don’t understand how people can contemplate starting a Mumsnet thread when something awful happens.
sistersofpercy
VIP Member
Wedding went well. Ddogs were there, which would have doubly annoyed them because not only having dogs at weddings is a bad thing but dogs at weddings in suits would probably blow their minds.
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cat_follower
Chatty Member
‘Unprocessed honey’ just makes me think of someone squeezing a bee over their toast like a tiny wee bottle of ketchup 
Miss Begotten
VIP Member
Yes. And that’s the whole point. The louder that someone shouts that they should have access to womens safe spaces, prisons, rape crisis centres, shelters, toilets, changing rooms, the more likely it is that they do not have any respect for women and have absolutely no business being there.
I’m sorry if people find my beliefs offensive or upsetting, but I absolutely believe that the rights of women and children trump those of a handful of potentially dangerous men.
ShopTilYouSlop
VIP Member
I have sympathy for deranged new mothers though. You're entirely responsible for keeping this completely dependent creature alive and it's just terrifying.Oh GOD they’re not still doing that are they? I nearly lost it when I first read a thread by a woman who was too scared to leave her baby unattended, even for a moment, because the moment she left the room the baby would surely die of SIDS. Baby went to bed at 6pm and so she started her nightly vigil, alone, in a dark room. Like you say, is it any wonder they’re half mad?
Why are they so fucking literal? (I say that as an autistic person).
Why can they not apply common sense? Safe sleep guidelines exist for a reason, but was one of the major causes of childhood mortality 40, 50, 60 years ago “Mother left baby asleep in a room by themselves for an hour”?
My first did a poo in the bath after the rotovirus vaccine (or whatever it's called), when it comes out live in their poo so you have to be very vigilant about bagging up etc. I was terrified he'd get it through the bath water and then terrified it would stick in the bath. While my husband got him sorted I bleached the bath. Then I was terrified there would be bleach residue that would burn him the next day so I started running my hands all over the bath to test it. Then I worried I hadn't touched and checked every square inch so I took off all my clothes and started rolling around inside the dry bath, crying because if my baby got ill or bleach burned it would be ALL MY FAULT. Meanwhile my husband put him to bed, all was fine, and he came in to the bathroom to find me naked, rolling around in the empty bath and crying about all the terrible things that would happen and I have no fucking idea why he's still married to me.
50degreesnorth
VIP Member
I’ve seen a few threads over there recently about alcohol levels in puddings and how they should have WARNINGS. Aye pet, that’s why you see teenagers binge-eating family tubs of tiramisu. 
Serene Serena
VIP Member
I am mortally offended that the Fraud team failed to recognise that I would NEVER order a jumper in that size. I could make a winter blanket for the whole family out of the wool. I have asked the Fraud team to put a marker on my account to advise people I am size French and if any fatty tries to order gigantic, enormous, hefty, colossal, immense, plus size clothing under my name, they are to summon the rozzers stat.
Affiliatemebaby
VIP Member
I was at a museum this morning with shoes from the past and noticed how small they were. I looked this up and the average British shoe size has gone up two sizes since the 70s.
Highly tempted to post a thread complaining that we’ve all lost sight of what a normal foot looks like.
Highly tempted to post a thread complaining that we’ve all lost sight of what a normal foot looks like.
50degreesnorth
VIP Member
Similar situation with a family where the older ones hadn’t worked in decades due to “bad backs” or something. Barely got out of bed. Grandson won tickets to chocolate land or something and the grifter leapt out of bed like a teenager.
lilykestrel
VIP Member
I'm annoyed the Penguin husband doesn't say "time to p p p pick up a penguin!" at 8pm. Come on man, commit to the bit
Geetbo
VIP Member
Surely if we just remove the fucking it will be ok. Just like any Mumsnet marriage really.
CatCafe234
VIP Member
Cue a video of a sad-looking woman at a desk, frowning at a laptop in front of a rainy window. The video is in black and white. The voiceover starts: ‘All over the country, women like Denise are working in ‘hobby jobs’ and only earning £50,000 per year. It’s heartbreaking - Denise can’t afford a city-break with her well paid friends. But you can make a difference. For just £10 a month you can sponsor women just like Denise, to help them fit in with their better-paid friends. Make Denise smile - sponsor a hobby-job worker today’.