This is going to be a novel and I apologize in advance for the word vomit. I breastfed exclusively for three months. When I went for my sons three month vaccines I broke down weeping in the consult room. I had spent the morning struggling to get the child out the door after a night of cluster feeding. I had struggled to find anything to fit me in my wardrobe because at that point my weight had plummeted to a stone less than I was before I was pregnant, my hair was falling out but I had no opportunity to get to a hairdressers (haven’t the benefit of a live in hairdresser like Mel) and I hadn’t eaten anything because I hadn’t the time. The doctor came to speak to me and was so kind. He didn’t advocate one way or another, but he pointed me in the direction of the sibling studies on breastfeeding, where they take children under the same environmental and socioeconomic pressures and compare breastfed and non breastfed siblings. I had tried to research breastfeeding previously but had ended up down a wormhole of childhood lymphoma, worsened by my exhaustion and new mother anxiety. The sanctioned narrative around breastfeeding, a narrative that Melanie likes to remind us of bimonthly, is that without it your child will suffer, that their future health, intellect, everything is dependant on you successfully breastfeeding. You are encouraged to “do your research”, but it is impossible to do so when one facet of the conversation is silenced and taboo. I had unbelievable support breastfeeding; everyone from the midwives in the hospital to my partner and his family was pro, positive and encouraging. The child never had any problem latching and my milk supply was always fantastic. But I didn’t want to breastfeed. I felt physically and emotionally drained all the time, but to stop, particularly when there was no impediment to me feeding, and the only reason was the prioritisation of my own needs, was shameful.
When Mel talks about formula as junk food, when she propagates the idea that breastfeeding is a panacea for all childhood ailments, when she suggests that malignant forces are conspiring to trick you at a vulnerable time into using formula at the detriment of your child she is promoting the idea that there is a right and wrong way of feeding your child. Formula is always framed in the negative, brandished by birth plan dismissive midwives in the hospital and forced on you by society that’s afraid of seeing an errant nipple in the wild. That wasn’t my experience. I had pamphlets and pamphlets of information on football holds, nipple creams and power pumping for breastfeeding,I never once was given any information on how to make a bottle, how to store prepared feeds, how to know if you need to change a formula to a different brand or type. I went to buy premade formula samples in SuperValu and when I went to use my vouchers I was informed by the lady on the till that formula, like alcohol, over the counter drugs and gambling products, didn’t count towards totals for voucher use. The narrative from all quarters is uniformly breast is best and when I read her calling “a spade a spade”, deleting comments and gaslighting women trying to recount their experiences, I’m reminded of the times I went to try and find information and help and was faced with only fear and shame and more than an insinuation that I was failing my son.
If she wanted to promote breastfeeding she could go so in an inclusive way. Talk about the challenges, the engorgement, the tiredness and hunger, the constant leaking and the difficulties so that when women face these problems in their breastfeeding journey they can see her as a positive ally and a practical guide. She could present practical information in a positive way without having to denigrate formula as the backup option. She uses it as an pretext to preach. Other Instagramers ( see Camila Thurlow for example) manage to present breastfeeding and make it look amazing without feeling the need to vilify other women’s choices. The constant quoting of the WHO and pretend advocacy of disease prevention is laughable when you consider her ability to wilfully ignore their guidelines on COVID. (Antibodies are amazing apparently but only they’re not vaccine stimulated).
And if anybody is reading this and feeling shamed about how they are choosing to feed their child, read the sibling studies, talk and trust your licenced healthcare professionals, ask for help when you need it and feel empowered to politely decline it when you don’t. Formula isn’t the enemy, midwives aren’t the enemy and you are doing the best for your child whatever you decide. You are a good and capable mother. I have positive memories of breastfeeding and it was amazing while it lasted but when it comes to deciding to stop that decision is valid and does not equate to feeding your child junk or an unhealthy lifestyle choice like not exercising. You’re not neglecting your child’s emotional needs if they don’t sleep in your king sized bed. There is no right way to mother, we are all just muddling through, and don’t let Melanie, mother of one, lecture you on paediatric health and well-being. She hasn’t a notion and given her unwillingness to even countenance any views other than her own, she never will.
There’s an expression in Kerry that a man pontificating on things should be paid no mind, because he had not walked the ground he’s covering. When it comes to really physically and mentally suffering with the demands motherhood, and isolation it brings, she hasn’t a clue. If she did she wouldn’t be so quick to constantly and reliably denigrate other women and their choices. She’s petulant, she’s dismissive, she has zero self awareness or consideration for other women and that’s becoming increasingly difficult to watch. She wastes no opportunity to be hateful. It’s the reason she’s dropping followers by the thousands.
Sorry for the rant and how muddled that all is but it’s helped me to vent the feelings I’ve had for the past two days. Breastfeeding is emotive for me, it’s emotive for many women, and it’s a subject that needs to be handled delicately and with consideration. Melanie is blatantly incapable of either.
Mammy shame that you daft bint.
I am 2 days PP with my first & I already don't know how I'm going to be able to sleep at night with her in the bassinet beside me knowing she is ok