bowelbabe : Most liked Posts

I think maybe out of respect this thread should be closed and any well wishes we have should be directed to her Instagram and donations to the legacy research fund.

what do others think?

There's nothing more to say is there? we almost all hate the ads, almost all find her quite grating, almost all admire her spirit, almost all find her life a bit odd and all think cancer is an absolute bastard.

I'm a nurse, I've worked for the NHS since 2006. I always championed the NHS, was its biggest fan. They failed my mum terribly, and (sorry if this upsets anyone) the way they ditched EVERYONE in the beginning of the pandemic was sickening. Yes we didn't know how covid would pan out, but every other illness was pushed aside to make way for covid. I'll never forgive the NHS for becoming what it is. My friend who has no qualifications earns more in a band 7 office job, than me who went to uni for 4+ years to become a specialist nurse. Shat upon from the top, as always.

So glad someone started this thread. Cancer does not give you a get out of jail card to avoid criticism (and I had it at 30 now have it terminal at 42 - different cancer mind). I don't know if she cares about being relatable, but she's meant to be fighting the good fight for people with stage 4 cancer yet doesn't acknowledge the fact that her experience of cancer is DRAMATICALLY different to the vast majority of crap normal NHS experiences. And instead flaunts and flaunts this discrepancy. Ooooh Dior, ooooh Wimbledon, oooooooh the housekeeper. I couldn't afford to pay for anything beyond what the NHS offered so am on my last treatment line now. I also can't afford to holiday in my luxury home in France once a year, so my last view will be a grotty, rainy British one. Am I jealous, absolutely!! But mainly because this was being shoved in my face as a 'normal cancer fight' and 'for the people'. And if you flaunt your infinitely more privileged cancer existance while pretending you are fighting the good fight for the masses then you are pretty morally represensible. And watching a privileged wife of a banker taking and taking and taking brand freebies that she could so easily afford galls. Especially when you are living on the breadline and slowly dying. But thanks for rubbing it in
and making me feel even worse about my (limited) existence and what is likely to be my pathetic, non Emma mattress death Deborah. Ironically, I have no real hard feelings towards this woman. Just sadness really. I don't know why people would want to rub this inequality in people's faces - you're meant to be on our side!?

*morally reprehensible

And I want to add to the above that I am in NO WAY trying to be nasty. I just wish these influencers would think about what they are doing beyond making a bit of extra cash. While they are no doubt helping some people, they're making others feel so much worse.

My friend passed from cancer today. Life is so fucking cruel I saw on a previous thread someone had mentioned Hope 4 Cancer in Mexico being scammers?...my friend's family had been looking at going there! I'm not sure I can engage with this thread anymore, I just don't have the words. Other than fuck off Cancer. Sending love to all x (sorry for the swears)

For anybody who hasn't seen this:
Home | Bowelbabe Fund
And massive, massive respect to the lady and her family for setting it up. That is a fantastic final vision and message.
I feel terribly sad.

EllaEm87 said:

Yes, a traumatic event such as bleeding, cardiac arrest with no DNR, anything that involves invasive intervention when the outcome is likely to be poor.

Click to expand...

I was resuscitated in 2018. They broke my ribs and I ended up in ICU for almost 7 weeks. Has there been joy and good moments since then? Yes, of course. And I have children so they are a massive protective factor. But right now I lay paralysed in bed with an almost complete c5 injury, I can only type this because of a special swipe keyboard.

I question every single day if that resus was worth it. Every single day. My family have watched my health decline - I'm highly unlikely to die. It is a very small chance, the incident in 2018 was caused by damage to c3. But I will never walk again, I have lost control of my bladder and bowels.

Not to make this all about me, but I am in the process, against my families wishes, of having a DNR put in place. Not because I don't want to be here but because the suffering of me, and those around me, is too much to bear for me now. It may never need to be used and we don't have assisted suicide here so that can never happen. But if it does, I can't survive that ordeal and what comes after it again.

Maybe BB also had a DNR in place, though I feel like if she did we would have heard about it.

I wish her peace.

90sGal said:

See this is what confuses me.

I dont follow her but do dip in every now and again.

Is she in denial?
Maybe it's all for IG?
Maybe she is told there are options?

Whilst I understand she has stage 4 Bowel cancer, many here have said she is very ill. Is she that ill? The written word can be misconstrued I know so I don't mean she is faking it...but are things really at the end for her now?

I find it so confusing.

Click to expand...

I am sorry to say but she is very very Ill. From what I gather from her posts she has a metastatic tumour that is wrapped around her bile duct. A stent is keeping it open so the bile can drain from her liver otherwise she would be fluorescent yellow with jaundice and go into acute liver failure and die very quickly. If any mass is in that area it is just not possible to surgically remove it because there are arteries and veins in the area and they will be engulfed by the tumour too. They wouldn’t be able to prize the tumour away from these structures without catastrophically damaging them. She has gross ascites and this means her portal vein is most likely not flowing properly (most likely because the tumour is compressing it) and if the portal vein is not flowing properly then again the liver cannot function properly and ascites builds up, the spleen enlarges and veins everywhere become enlarged (varies). Essentially she is in end stage liver failure and this is fatal.
She still sounds hopeful amazingly. If this situation is happening because someone is an alcoholic for example then if they stop drinking then there is hope that the liver can improve but the trouble here is that all this is being caused by cancer which cannot be removed. She can’t have chemo because her liver isn’t able to process the drugs because it is just not functioning properly. She is in a dire situation. For the last 5 years she has been incredibly hopeful that she can just live with her stage 4 cancer. Considering she had liver and lung mets when she was diagnosed she has done amazingly well to live this long. It is without a doubt because she has had private care at one of the best cancer centres in the UK. However now the cancer is where it is no cyber knife or anything will get rid of it. She will not recover and so very sadly she has not got long now. It will take an enormous amount of courage for BB to announce to everyone that she has been beaten by the big C because all along the drs have given her options to keep her going and she has raved about her incredible team. Furthermore, all her life she has won and got what she wants so this situation just goes against everything she has ever experienced. I truly hope she will stop all these ads and just be accepting and at peace now. My heart goes out to her and her family.

I’ve been following this thread for a while now but since the latest scans decided that I would create an account and chime in. My mum has ovarian cancer and I have lost a few friends and relatives to cancer. Perhaps naively I’ve not thought that much about the private health care thing before. As we all love the nhs, I presumed that my mum was getting the best possible care. I was totally blindsided that bowelbabe had her scans on one day and had her results about two days later. On the nhs (where my mum lives at least) it takes weeks. She has a scan and hopefully gets the results a month later. Due to covid this is currently more likely 6 weeks. That’s 6 weeks of being on treatment that isn’t working, 6 weeks of the disease progressing while you sit and do nothing. Whilst waiting for scan results is always awful, her talking about scanxiety when she has to wait 2 days is quite frankly insulting to those of us who have to wait weeks, all the time their disease potentially progressing. The time between scans and results are a time when our family sit and collectively chew our nails - I hadn’t realised that the more privileged don’t have to do this and can get onto new treatment quicker. Oh, and get back to posting their sweaty Betty discount codes and show-off tik-tok dances (that as many people have pointed out are especially inappropriate when she is attached to dangerous and/or expensive chemo drugs in a ward she is sharing with others - stop standing on the furniture and shaking your bu

Also - for someone who is so body positive you don’t have to go that far back through her insta to find obvious photoshopping.

Sorry for the rant. It’s been a long time coming. She is obviously pretty poorly right now and I don’t wish that on anyone. Cancer is cruel and soul destroying. But she is tone deaf. Her cancer experience is, I would wager, nothing like 99.9% of people out there, and to suggest that when you are in the depths of this disease you should be behaving like she does is unhelpful at best, and downright damaging at worst.

I'm glad there's a thread as a couple of things haven't say right with me about her account.
I think the first thing is that her view of tackling cancer is so unrelatable that I'd argue it now does more harm than good. She hasn't had to worry about meeting the mortgage payments or paying for childcare during treatment. I appreciate she's making the best of her situation, as she's entitled to, but her public persona just cannot reflect the very real pressures that most people in the UK will have to contend with. Privately, do whatever the hell you want and good luck to you. But don't put it out publicly under the pretext it's for public benefit.

Secondly, it has previously really grated with me when she's spoken about how it's unfair she got bowel cancer as she was a vegetarian, active, slim. I hate the rhetoric that any illness is in some way your 'fault' and she feeds into this. Everyone is entitled to care and respect regardless of their body shape or lifestyle.

I don’t think anyone should do anything in Moniques name without her consent tbh. The sentiment is pure but it’s not really our place. Definitely a general thing if wanted although the sceptic in me says it will make f all difference! The NHS isn’t fit for purpose unfortunately. We are entering a world where health is going to be reserved for those who can buy it

I had bowel cancer that had spread to the liver. Treated by same doctor as Bowelbabe in The Royal Marsden. Stage 4 on diagnosis. I had 4 months of chemo; surgery on the bowel; ended up with a severe infection when the internal stitches, where my colon was rejoined, didn't hold; second bowel operation to repair it; a temporary stoma, another 6 months of chemo; a liver resection; a reversal of the stoma; another 6 months of chemo; several radio frequency ablations on my liver and on a suspect shadow on my lung (we never did know what it was, but hey lets blast it to be on the safe side); a serious infection requiring an inpatient stay; a second liver resection; and finally an operation to remove a tumour in my abdomen wall. 7 years of treatment in total. But all of it completed 9 years ago.

I was lucky that my cancer was evidently slow growing ( the tumour in the abdomen wall they believed started to grow post the first surgery when the peritoneal leak occurred and so took 7 years to show up) ; they believed the original colon tumour had been growing for at least 5 years before discovery. So from that perspective I do not have BowelBabe's aggressive gene mutation, and I had none of the horrific issues she has with a tumour growing round a key portal vein and blocking her bile duct. But The Royal Marsden is an amazing place, and they will keep trying where there is hope they can succeed. But they do know when to stop treatment - I was put in touch by Macmillan with a lovely lady who had the exact same story and treatment to be her buddy. She was discharged to a hospice and died within 2 years, while I lived.

The most ill I felt and the most pain I experienced was when I had the infections, not from the cancer, nor the surgery, nor the procedures, nor the chemo. So I really feel for BB. Clearly the doctors are hoping that intravenous antibiotics and building her strength by feeding tube are worth a try. She will be hooked up to the drips for hours of each day, but why, in a break if she feels up to it can she not go out? I did the Butler & Wilson browse and lunch in PJs Grill opposite from my hospital bed. In BB's case, I suspect those kinds of visits are on hold if they made her drains play up.

I agree with everyone that yes, she is clearly very ill at the moment, and I suspect that they are trying to put her back on chemo, alongside all the antibiotics and drains to keep the cancer at bay. But her mum having a glass of wine by her bedside is really neither here nor there. The only way, really, to get on with life with cancer is to pretend it's not there - for me and it seems BB. And Tom Parker, on stage only a couple of weeks before his death.

I like the way we've all suddenly become united on here. Because, let's face it, this is horrible human tragedy and suffering and a family going through hell.

My brother is 16 years older than me so quite a big age gap. He got a girlfriend at 19-20. So I was only 4-5 years old. I looked up to her. As we got older the age gap seemed to shorten if that makes sense? We became absolute best friends. Closer than I am with my actual sister because she didn’t have the side that would tell me off. She was just my best friend. I’ve been through hard times and she would turn up at my house with bottles of wine to have a chat over. Weve had 5 children between us and it’s all been quite chaotic.
In 2019 she was diagnosed with bowel cancer after I pestered her to push her doctor to send her for further tests. It was a bad time for her but she was told it was treatable. She had chemo and it was clearing up. It had spread to her kidney so they operated on that over Christmas 2019. It was a success so we had a great Christmas. Then Covid hit. She was so so scared of getting poorly that we couldn’t see her in order to protect her. During this time, the hospital stopped her chemo because the risk of catching Covid was higher than the cancer. That was march 2020. Fast forward to June 2020, I was the first phone all my brother made when he told me she hd just passed away at home. The cancer hd grown rapidly during that time off chemo and just took her.
I followed bowel babe when my sister in law was diagnosed as I thought it would help me have an understanding.
But I still can’t get my head around how bowel babe can hve cancer so bad but she’s still out partying and doing ads? I don’t begrudge her for it. I’m happy for her that she’s doing ok. I just can’t help but compare.
I didn’t intend for the long post but that’s the first time I’ve wrote it all down and it was therapeutic!

avabella said:

Exactly though - it's only how she comes across in her fragile, cancer ridden way. For all we know she could have been a right cow before her diagnosis. Not that it matters in the slightest - no one deserves to have cancer and go through such horrific pain. I just find the contrast really so startling that just because Deborah doesn't lie in her bed and croak her way through some stories she isn't a lovely, kind-hearted person. She may well be.
What I was getting at is the level of perceived *sympathy* the two get is very different, and it is always compared with their personalities.

Click to expand...

Let me put it in simpler terms for you. Monique has been fucked over by the NHS and failed time upon time, yet remains grateful and polite. Deb called out the ambulance service for not being at her beck and call during the episode where her varices were bleeding. She was given the estimate of a 30 min wait, which those of us having had cause to dial 999 in the last few years realise is actually an amazing response time. So yeah, Deb is a spoilt brat who throws her toys out of the pram at first inconvenience. Monique still humbly praises those who care for her. If you can't see the night and day differences in their attitudes, then where on earth have you been...

I don't think we should judge who is taking care of her. As someone with a non-existant relationship with my mum I can only begin to imagine it must be a huge comfort if you have a mum who loves you and vice versa. And as a mother myself, I cannot bear to think of NOT being there for my child, no matter their age, through this nightmare. They're doing what suits them all best.

AnnaBanana85 said:

And I have to disagree with you also. Yes people have a right to an opinion, but with that comes with a responsibility not to accuse all GPs of not seeing patients.

Yes the NHS is funded with public money therefore you have a right to an opinion with regards to how adequate the service is. What people also need to realise is it is a finite resource and inevitably during a pandemic demand will exceed provision.

Wise up.



Agree. BB was formerly so active and enjoyed a good social life while managing work and raising awareness. It’s devastating. I can only hope she is enjoying ample time with loved ones.

Click to expand...

You are being needlessly rude. People are entitled to an opinion on a service their taxes pay for. We have every right to expect better. Look at Monique‘s care vs Deborah’s. Should Monique just shut up and accept it because a GP or medical professional will take it personally and get their feelings hurt? The system is a shambles. The truth hurts.

Just chiming in here to say if you’re terminally or chronically ill, you’re no less of a badass because you haven’t achieved the so-called notoriety that seems to be the go-to for so many people nowadays. If you haven’t started a podcast, been on Lorraine, become the face of a charity etc, you’re still an absolute badass

Agreed. Lost my mum to bowel cancer and looking at Deborah, I think she may be reaching end of life care. She looks jaundiced, which along with the stent procedures, suggests that her liver maybe failing. Hoping whatever action plan they put in place for her starts working and gives the poor woman some more time with those kiddies of hers.

I personally think her dancing videos and energy are an attempt to prove she’s not on death’s door/ maybe reassure her kids she’s not suffering (which she very much will be remember) and maybe to leave some fun memories for after she’s gone. Realise it might not be nice for fellow cancer sufferers to see when going through their own journeys, but we can’t please/ represent everyone

Ads are a little annoying, but remember that she’s had to leave her (very successful) career. Ads are likely her main (if only) source of income. No matter how wealthy her husband is, no one wants to lose their independence at a time when you’re already losing your health, freedom, dignity, life.

Only time I’ve ever felt really pissed with her was the Christmas comment. I was genuinely worried about her and DMed her. she didn’t reply, but I saw the story and it felt ungrateful and unnecessarily rude, especially as I was sitting there without my mum and caring about a complete stranger!

ginnyw said:

Yeah - in Butler and Wilson, where the average pair of earrings is £300.

Click to expand...

See that's the difference between Monique and Deborah. As soon as Monique is better she just wants feel the sun on her face and watch the ducks. As soon as Deborah feels better she's straight down to the nearest pretentious shop on her high street. Each to their own I guess