Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[MochiRocket]

I’m exhausted just reading the hobbies thread in chat.
“I work full time, home school my children, do crochet, bobsleigh and hand gliding on a Monday. Tuesday is a quiet one where I learn Norwegian whilst using my loom. Wednesday is my lacrosse night, followed by a skydive if weather permitting. On Thursdays I volunteer at a cats rescue where I give talks to the cats on how to make their Whiskas last a week. Then it’s a quick session at my synchronised swimming lesson. Friday is devoted to pottery and my coaching of the girls water polo.
The weekends are spent foraging with the children.”

duck me.

 

[anniemouse]

duck me just when I thought they couldn’t get any worse. I am sensitive to noise but I wouldn’t be pissed off about someone who needs something to live View attachment 2901060

Pardon your neighbour for breathing Cassandra

 

[bread-pitt]

Breathing is so working class. Just turn that oxygen machine off. Next she’ll be complaining that the neighbor eats.

 

[veronica71]

I don’t check my husbands phone - he never answers any messages I send and I often find it abandoned around the house so good luck to any other woman trying to get any sense out of him

 

[Girl#7]

I'm shaking and crying here.
My partner's phone use has increased massively recently.
He's attempting to convince me he is obsessively inputting details to his diet app.
He has recently been diagnosed as diabetic, and is following a strict diet to avoid medication.

He's cheating isn't he?
I believe it's time initiate The Waterfowl Protocol, isn't it?
Can anyone can PLEASE talk me down, and help me return to my v.v. pretty self away from these ugly tears and dripping nose?

Anyone????

 

[dressinggownofdoom]

They're obsessed with their husband/partner's phones over there.

I know my partner's pin and he knows mine. We leave our phones lying around all the time. If his work phones beeps when he's in another room, I might glance at it in case it's anything urgent (he works for himself so the phone constantly beeps) but otherwise I'm not bothered and I doubt he's ever looked at mine either, though I couldn't care less if he does.

my fellas passcode is 123456 I mean we aren’t married though so it’s not a proper relationship. Well we have 2 kids and have been together 15 years but it doesn’t count if you’re not married.

 

[Girl#7]

my fellas passcode is 123456 I mean we aren’t married though so it’s not a proper relationship. Well we have 2 kids and have been together 15 years but it doesn’t count if you’re not married.

It depends, really.
It depends on whether you have 'assets', or massive inheritances incoming, that exceed his or not.
If you have 'assets' etc. greater than his, well done you on protecting yourself. (AKA What's yours is yours).
If not, you are a massive fool and you need to drag him that aisle PDQ. (AKA What's his is yours or ought to be).

They're a coven of hypocritical witches witches.

 

[notanotherusername92]

duck me just when I thought they couldn’t get any worse. I am sensitive to noise but I wouldn’t be pissed off about someone who needs something to live View attachment 2901060

Tbf, I get the feeling she’s not so much pissed off as struggling with the sleep deprivation. I’d be losing it if I was kept awake all night every night by a repetitive pop pop POP, even while recognising there’s duck all I could do even if I wanted to.

There have been some fairly helpful suggestions, including MN’s with experience of o2 machines who say it may need servicing or cleaning as it shouldn’t be loud enough to hear next door. She and mumsnet might save his life diagnosing a faulty machine!!

White noise, apparently you can get moulded earplugs etc- I think that was what she was after rather than ideas to sneak in and disable the machine

 

[Blurp]

My mum got my 17yo nephew to make the trifle one Christmas. There was that much alcohol in it that it didn’t set. You got pissed just opening the fridge

Sounds like our family's brandy butter. It has to be kept in the fridge otherwise it turns to liquid.

 

[Captainmouse]

It depends, really.
It depends on whether you have 'assets', or massive inheritances incoming, that exceed his or not.
If you have 'assets' etc. greater than his, well done you on protecting yourself. (AKA What's yours is yours).
If not, you are a massive fool and you need to drag him that aisle PDQ. (AKA What's his is yours or ought to be).

They're a coven of hypocritical witches witches.

What’s yours is mine, what’s mine, is my own

 

[ellecatx]

On the thread 'house trends you wouldn't want in your own home' multiple people have said dogs. Wtf. Do people really think dogs are just accessories for the house?!

 

[Millie2023]

I'm shaking and crying here.
My partner's phone use has increased massively recently.
He's attempting to convince me he is obsessively inputting details to his diet app.
He has recently been diagnosed as diabetic, and is following a strict diet to avoid medication.

He's cheating isn't he?
I believe it's time initiate The Waterfowl Protocol, isn't it?
Can anyone can PLEASE talk me down, and help me return to my v.v. pretty self away from these ugly tears and dripping nose?

Anyone????

Yeah, I’m sorry, he’s cheating
The diabetes story is just a cover for his intended weight loss,

(if it’s Noom, my OH spends far too long on there. He’s been using it for over a year and he’s still not Size French, I’d have sacked it off by now)

 

[Serene Serena]

I'm shaking and crying here.
My partner's phone use has increased massively recently.
He's attempting to convince me he is obsessively inputting details to his diet app.
He has recently been diagnosed as diabetic, and is following a strict diet to avoid medication.

He's cheating isn't he?
I believe it's time initiate The Waterfowl Protocol, isn't it?
Can anyone can PLEASE talk me down, and help me return to my v.v. pretty self away from these ugly tears and dripping nose?

Anyone????

Handhold and unmumsnetty hug.
Put on your most stylish sister wife dress, put on your mill girl boots and go and get your free half hour advice from a tit hot lawyer.

 

[Xashen]

I'm shaking and crying here.
My partner's phone use has increased massively recently.
He's attempting to convince me he is obsessively inputting details to his diet app.
He has recently been diagnosed as diabetic, and is following a strict diet to avoid medication.

He's cheating isn't he?
I believe it's time initiate The Waterfowl Protocol, isn't it?
Can anyone can PLEASE talk me down, and help me return to my v.v. pretty self away from these ugly tears and dripping nose?

Anyone????

The Waterfowl Protocol!!!

bleeping amazing

 

[Sunlifeover50]

There’s a husbands phone post on there now. “Is my DH cheating” or something. There’s a photo of someone’s leg(?) that’s zoomed in and looks like nothing and the op is asking if it could be Asian as the woman she suspects her DH is with is Asian.

 

[Stanni]

There’s a husbands phone post on there now. “Is my DH cheating” or something. There’s a photo of someone’s leg(?) that’s zoomed in and looks like nothing and the op is asking if it could be Asian as the woman she suspects her DH is with is Asian.

She's posted another cropped photo of the woman's LinkedIn profile asking if the leg & face skin tones match I think "unhinged" is definitely the appropriate word to describe this poster

 

[orangehead]

This is great - someone replied that she doesn’t bake cookies she buys plants because plants aren’t fattening

So I love to watch baking videos and whatnot. They're always making like 2 dozen massive muffins or 20 cookies or whatever.

When do these all get eaten?? Am I missing something? If I make 12 muffins, we (family of 3) will take maybe a week to eat them, maybe more. They often get frozen and used up eventually. But I always get the impression that we're "slow".

How long would 12 cookies, the size you might get in bakery supermarket last your family?

 

[FeloniousMonk]

I thought the prostitute one was fake too. She just had very expensive straight sex with middle-aged men, it was a little bit like Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and nothing like (I would imagine from what I have read) real life prostitution is actually like.

It was allowed to stand because it fit the only accepted MN narrative for sex work, which is

• Forced into it by horrible man
• Hated every minute of every booking
• Have now repented of my wicked ways and am trying to put it behind me

Cue lots of slavering over it and UR SO BRAVE HUN.

Start one as an active independent sex worker who enjoys the job and they'll take it down within half hour.

 

[GlaGlam]

I’ve seen a few threads over there recently about alcohol levels in puddings and how they should have WARNINGS. Aye pet, that’s why you see teenagers binge-eating family tubs of tiramisu.

I often have a whole tray of tiramisu before a night shift. I'm sure you could have 4 before being over the limit

 

[bread-pitt]

This is great - someone replied that she doesn’t bake cookies she buys plants because plants aren’t fattening

So I love to watch baking videos and whatnot. They're always making like 2 dozen massive muffins or 20 cookies or whatever.

When do these all get eaten?? Am I missing something? If I make 12 muffins, we (family of 3) will take maybe a week to eat them, maybe more. They often get frozen and used up eventually. But I always get the impression that we're "slow".

How long would 12 cookies, the size you might get in bakery supermarket last your family?

Lots of talk of the usual teenage sons who “polish off” 10 cookies in an hour, but are “very lean”. Also lots of talk of friends and extended family “popping in”. We all know this is fake as no MNer speaks to their extended family, much less opens the door to them. And they are certainly not going to bake cookies for them, unless there’s a substantial inheritance on the horizon.