Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[StarsAroundMyScars]

Hey ladies, long time lurker here I love reading all these but haven't dated in a while so had nothing to input until now. Do you ladies think this is strange or is it just me being suspicious? So I've been dating this guy, it's only been a few weeks but I've seen some red flags. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship the youngest is 7. He said him, his ex and the kids still go out on family days out together etc, go round for tea and him and his ex are constantly ringing/texting each other but he says there just talking about the kids?? Sometimes it's late at night too he also said they was planning to all go on holiday together. Is this strange behaviour?? Like im all for good co-parenting but doesn't this seem abit TOO much, or just me???

guess i'm in the minority but this is a major red flag. if you are childless then i would not continue with this. it's 100% too much and your gut feeling is telling you correctly. if they have broken up, why are they acting like they are still together?

 

[harveydean]

guess i'm in the minority but this is a major red flag. if you are childless then i would not continue with this. it's 100% too much and your gut feeling is telling you correctly. if they have broken up, why are they acting like they are still together?

This was my reasoning with my ex. Like you’re literally in a relationship together apart from having sex….which is probably suiting the ex just fine.

 

[freezelouise43]

I don't think it is that odd or unusual, and the good thing is that you are not flip/flopping forever. It seems that you take time to work through things and once you are done you are done.

Yes! I’ll get to the point where there’s no feeling where there was feeling if that makes sense, just like a bit of a void! But I like it when I’m like this coz I can just go about my business doing housework etc and not thinking. Sat eating pick and mix hope everyone is doing something more fun

 

[EddyDarling]

I think I've upset mr tinder

He keeps calling me pretty and nothing else, it's actually giving me an ick and I told him how much i hate it, am i being mean?

 

[Kimmylookatme]

I think I've upset mr tinder

He keeps calling me pretty and nothing else, it's actually giving me an ick and I told him how much i hate it, am i being mean?

Do you mean you’d rather different like adjectives eg hot or that you’d rather he comment on your personality (or neither?) basically is it the word or the fact he’s commenting

 

[EddyDarling]

Do you mean you’d rather different like adjectives eg hot or that you’d rather he comment on your personality (or neither?) basically is it the word or the fact he’s commenting

Aww it was the word i hate
I just feel like its a word given to something that's pleasant enough, but not more than that?
---

Aww it was the word i hate
I just feel like its a word given to something that's pleasant enough, but not more than that?

I probably am being a bit miserable towards him tbf in general because he's going to doha in a couple of weeks and i don't feel like I've had time to prepare for things to go long distance

 

[Lalla]

Ah Eddy he's definitely going then? I think in the circs you're more than entitled to be a bit miserable (a lot miserable in fact). I hope he's being reassuring/ having a proper discussion about it and not just fobbing you off by telling you how pretty you are.

 

[EddyDarling]

Ah Eddy he's definitely going then? I think in the circs you're more than entitled to be a bit miserable (a lot miserable in fact). I hope he's being reassuring/ having a proper discussion about it and not just fobbing you off by telling you how pretty you are.

We haven't really spoken about it really tbh, he just mentioned that it was his last day at work this coming week so he must be going fairly soon

 

[Kimmylookatme]

We haven't really spoken about it really tbh, he just mentioned that it was his last day at work this coming week so he must be going fairly soon

Gah I feel for you this would be driving me insane - surely you need some sort of a chat about how things will work?

 

[Blueblue123]

We haven't really spoken about it really tbh, he just mentioned that it was his last day at work this coming week so he must be going fairly soon

This is really odd. Why hasn't he given much details? Have you asked or are you waiting for him to lead the conversation (as he should)?

Even if you were okay about being in a long distance relationship, it's strange he isn't being clear about the exact day he leaves and everything else.

 

[EddyDarling]

I know when he leaves... Because he left his ipad here and the flight date is in his calender
I am waiting for him to tell me he's going tbh because I feel like as the one moving the responsibility is his and also if i bring it up, ill be a massive witch about it and word things terribly

 

[LittleLen]

I know when he leaves... Because he left his ipad here and the flight date is in his calender
I am waiting for him to tell me he's going tbh because I feel like as the one moving the responsibility is his and also if i bring it up, ill be a massive witch about it and word things terribly

That's so...odd?

Has he even told you he took the job? You guys are in a properly defined relationship right?

 

[Guyyyyyzzzzzz]

I know when he leaves... Because he left his ipad here and the flight date is in his calender
I am waiting for him to tell me he's going tbh because I feel like as the one moving the responsibility is his and also if i bring it up, ill be a massive witch about it and word things terribly

That’s really really poor, I’m so sorry Eddy, I would be raging!

 

[EddyDarling]

That's so...odd?

Has he even told you he took the job? You guys are in a properly defined relationship right?

Oh yes very definitely officially together.
I genuinely think he sees it as NBD which is why he hasn't said much. I don't think there's any underhandedness going on, just dumb f*ckness

He never actually told me he accepted the job offer, he said he was thinking he might and then immediately listed reasons why he he wasnt sure and then the mention of his last day.

 

[IGiveUp22]

Oh @EddyDarling I’m a little confused, why wouldn’t he speak to you about this? Why has he left it how he has?
It’s a bit out of order to expect you to do long distance without having spoken about it?
I think you really need to sit him down and have a conversation.

I’m pissed off too. I’ve been out this evening and have been drinking but do you guys think this is mean? I still have theFWB guy on insta and I’ve been trying to not look at his stuff
But didn’t tonight and he’s posted as if he is on a date (pic of 2 drinks -
1’very female drink and the other not so female). I actually know/know of a female friend of his that he is with tonight and that’s all
It is, but he doesn’t know i know of said female friend - so basically he’s posted this picture to look like he’s on a date and I just think that’s mean? Like I’ve not said anything and I won’t do but I just think there was no need for that and I feel like he’s done it on purpose to upset me honestly at the moment I’m just sad.
I’m sad that I’ve let a man use me for my body because sadly it’s made me
Think that is all I’m worth. I know I’m worth more than this (this is not just the FWV sit,
This is a combination of a few things) I’m just feeling a bit crappy probs because I’ve had something to drink

 

[Blueblue123]

I know when he leaves... Because he left his ipad here and the flight date is in his calender
I am waiting for him to tell me he's going tbh because I feel like as the one moving the responsibility is his and also if i bring it up, ill be a massive witch about it and word things terribly

That's not okay. He really should be the one to bring it up but what is he waiting for?

Do you think maybe he's struggling with the change? It's no excuse but might explain things.

Edit: saw your follow up saying he sees it as no biggie.

That's so...odd?

Has he even told you he took the job? You guys are in a properly defined relationship right?

Even a short term fling would let you know they won't be around. It's unacceptable.

 

[Lalla]

I feel really let down by Mr Tinder and how he's dealing with this, and I don't even know him. @EddyDarling as you say he probably does think it's NBD but even so he should be talking to you about it. I despair of men.

On which note I reactivated my dating profile earlier. Swiped past 100 unattractive men (only one was even passable but he lived in Belgium) and am about ready to deactivate it!

 

[EddyDarling]

Oh @EddyDarling I’m a little confused, why wouldn’t he speak to you about this? Why has he left it how he has?
It’s a bit out of order to expect you to do long distance without having spoken about it?
I think you really need to sit him down and have a conversation.

I’m pissed off too. I’ve been out this evening and have been drinking but do you guys think this is mean? I still have theFWB guy on insta and I’ve been trying to not look at his stuff
But didn’t tonight and he’s posted as if he is on a date (pic of 2 drinks -
1’very female drink and the other not so female). I actually know/know of a female friend of his that he is with tonight and that’s all
It is, but he doesn’t know i know of said female friend - so basically he’s posted this picture to look like he’s on a date and I just think that’s mean? Like I’ve not said anything and I won’t do but I just think there was no need for that and I feel like he’s done it on purpose to upset me honestly at the moment I’m just sad.
I’m sad that I’ve let a man use me for my body because sadly it’s made me
Think that is all I’m worth. I know I’m worth more than this (this is not just the FWV sit,
This is a combination of a few things) I’m just feeling a bit crappy probs because I’ve had something to drink

There is no time left to talk about it tbh, he goes in a week or so if his calender is right
I haven't considered that @Blueblue123 but you’re not often wrong

 

[blueblue]

So what, next week he's going to say, "Ooooh, let's take your kids to the park today because tomorrow I fly out to Doha so won't see any of you for 3 months"

Trust your gut, this pretty thing is your gut telling you he's out of order.

 

[freezelouise43]

Oh @EddyDarling I’m a little confused, why wouldn’t he speak to you about this? Why has he left it how he has?
It’s a bit out of order to expect you to do long distance without having spoken about it?
I think you really need to sit him down and have a conversation.

I’m pissed off too. I’ve been out this evening and have been drinking but do you guys think this is mean? I still have theFWB guy on insta and I’ve been trying to not look at his stuff
But didn’t tonight and he’s posted as if he is on a date (pic of 2 drinks -
1’very female drink and the other not so female). I actually know/know of a female friend of his that he is with tonight and that’s all
It is, but he doesn’t know i know of said female friend - so basically he’s posted this picture to look like he’s on a date and I just think that’s mean? Like I’ve not said anything and I won’t do but I just think there was no need for that and I feel like he’s done it on purpose to upset me honestly at the moment I’m just sad.
I’m sad that I’ve let a man use me for my body because sadly it’s made me
Think that is all I’m worth. I know I’m worth more than this (this is not just the FWV sit,
This is a combination of a few things) I’m just feeling a bit crappy probs because I’ve had something to drink

Hey, I can promise you you won’t always feel like this, I am testament to that…you are worth so much more and something that has used you doesn’t magically become a better man and go on to have a good long term relationship it doesn’t work like that so please don’t think it’s anything to do with you eventually you will be over this and he well end up alone, mark my words I’ve seen this so many times xx