So in Zoe's vlog 'It's Been Too Long" from right before COVID happened, Alfie is about to go to the toilet and says 'brb, have to go drain the snake' and then Zoe cackles to Mark and says 'he bleeping WISHES it was a snake' and then starts laughing hard. When he comes back, he says 'absolute cobra' and Zoe looks with disappoint and says 'you wish'. Think she wishes a whole hell of a lot more than him!
Then I remember the vlog of Zoe and Alfie doing some blanket disappearing thing when Joe stayed over maybe a year before and Alfie was in his white boxers and it looked like his cock was perched up on his balls like the little head of a snowman resting atop the body.
Wonder if that's a reason why their sex life is so dry. She also said in maybe her first lockdown video that 'no, that's DEFINITELY not happening' when Alfie suggested a ton of sexy time had been happening in lockdown.
Imagine being in such a sexless faux marriage. Could never be me.
Video for anyone curious. Watch from 15:26 to 15:46