Thanks to @Willsaprick for the descriptive, hilarious and disgusting thread title. Seriously inspired. A genius title.
Are you ready, Dawn?!!
"AHHHHHH! WHY DID HE DO THAYT?!?"
No, Dawn. It's not time for histrionics, yet. We'll get to the traumatic event in a moment. But first: Are you ready, Dawn?
"I guess..."
*sideways thumbs up*
Let's do this!
What did Will's college professor say?...hahaha... ahahaha...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ahahaha...I just can't say the words "Will" and "college" together with a straight face. Once again, Will has changed his story and now claims that he went to college. But I thought he was a plant manager right out of high school who was a financial genius who saved his money and now doesn't have to work? Will and college... ahaha...nope, sorry. I still can't.
Also, Will had a lake house in Michigan. He's never mentioned owning a lake house before. Did Adam say anything about a lake house recently? Why is Will saying this? Depending on the day, Will was either a boy wizard who managed a plant, scrimped and saved and is now financially independent or he went to college (ahahaha!), owned a boat and now a lake house. When was this? Before or after he met Dawn? Why didn't Dawn talk about this magical home on the lake? Have you noticed how much better things were in Michigan? Will was a wunderkind who managed a plant, made all kinds of money, went to college, owned a lake house and was a part of all of these interesting clubs and things. If that's the case, then why is Will such a poor, fat, stupid, unemployed slob in Tennessee? What happened? Will, for your own sake, move back to Michigan!
The big news is that Will, Dawn and Denise420 witnessed a car crash while leaving the new Buc-ee's in Sevierville. YITS were even interviewed about it on a local TV news station.
Sadly, there was a fatality. No, not from the crash. Will and Dawn got killed in the news station's YouTube comments. There's mean, there's cruel and then there's the YouTube comments. Gives me hope for the future.
Back to the actual crash:
"We almost got KILLED!" yelled Will as an SUV straddled the "medium" next to his crappy car. "Why did he do THAYT?!?" screeched Dawn. From the back seat, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." At least I think that's what Denise420 said. She could have been warning everyone of the impending doom or she could have the DaVinci Codes. Who knows?
All I know is that hours later Dawn was still shaken up and Will hadn't been that upset since Buc-ee's raised their price on the brisket "sandwedges". So, about 15 minutes earlier. Dramatic much?
The thumbnail for the crash video had a Lincoln Navigator flying on it's side as seen through the window of Will's 300. It looked like the movie "Inception". The problem is once you saw the video, it looked more like the movie "Cannonball Run 2". It wasn't a big deal at all. Yet hours later, Will and Dawn were still convinced that they were going to die. To be fair, something at Buc-ee's probably will kill them some day. Though it will be something they eat inside the store.
Needless to say, the holy rollers who admire Will and Dawn for their svelte figures and ridiculous number of teeth, were flooding their comments section saying that the bearded man who talks to them through the TV was watching out for Will and Dawn. Do they mean Waylon Jennings from "The Dukes of Hazzard"?
Wait. No. I'm being told they mean Jesus. Are you sure? Will looks like Boss Hogg, Dawn is as smart as Roscoe P Coltrane and Denise420 is as energetic and verbal as Flash the basset hound. Well, I don't know bout them Duke boys, but Will and Dawn are gonna have themselves a mess of trouble getting away from everyone mocking them...stand by... *commercial break*
Speaking of getting away, Will and Dawn have "the travel bug." Will says sometimes they just want to "drop everything". Drop everything? Drop what? Certainly not the fork. They literally just got back from four days in Myrtle Beach. Remember? It was just last week, as they were packing up that "suite on the beach". Will said that the Murphy bed (where his sister-in-law slept) was the most comfortable bed in their suite. Wait. Wut?
"AHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT!??"
You want to talk about trauma?!? Forget a high-centered Navigator. Think about anything high-centered on that bed. It goes from Murphy Bed to Murphy Brown.
"AHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT?"
Now I feel dirty. I need to wash myself with Crest soap. Yes, I know Crest is toothpaste. You know that Crest is toothpaste. Will doesn't. Apparently they don't teach that in college (ahahaha!). The other night on the livestream, Will is is talking about hygiene.... ahahaha....nope...sorry...again...two words that don't go together. Anyway, Will showed just how little he showers and brushes his teeth. He said he lathers up with Crest. HE SAID THIS TWICE!!! Twice he tried to correct himself but he couldn't think of a single brand name of soap. Which proves that it was not a slip of his fat, Jabba the Hutt tongue. Nope. Will doesn't use soap. He doesn't brush. This comes as no surprise to anyone who has eyesight.
When talking about cologne, Will mentioned he wore 'Gravity'. Now he's so big he has his own gravity. (I love that joke)
When Will knew he was going to be interviewed by the news station you can see that his hair is washed and combed, he shaved and his skin isn't all red and scaly. It's obvious. Dawn just looked like Dawn, blankly staring at the screen. I expected her to sing the news anchors "Happy Birthday" and then tell them that they don't do meetups anymore.
Hi, Oggie Doggie!
Hi, crappy Kitty!
Hi, Fucky Sucky!
Even though there was a crash and Will and Dawn were totally going to die if not for the literal hand of God reaching down from heaven and shielding them, not for one moment did YITS consider going to church. They'll be back at Buc-ee's before YITS will be in church. Will does sit in his own pew, but that's because of Crest soap.
If you want to talk about chairs. The big studio remodel is upon us. All of the incredible, life-changing ideals from Will have been put into effect: new lighting, new shelves, a big screen TV and OBS. Oh, BS alright. The same dusty, cluttered shelves. Will just got some Galaxy tablets (which were probably free with his cell plan) and some video game chairs. Will said they were on order. Then he said they went and tested them out. Will says a lot of things. You know that he started looking at fancy office furniture, looked at the prices and settled on cheap video game chairs. Still, Dawn said it was nice to sit in a comfortable chair. What does it say about their furniture when a video game chair is the best seat in the house?
Dawn did like the Galaxy tablets for hiding the herpes on her lip, moving it around to cover her sore. She looked like Bart Simpson or Austin Powers with awkward props trying to hide their dick in movies. Unfortunately for Dawn, there's no hope hiding her dick. Will's sitting right next to her.
As far as the new studio, we're looking forward to the live guests, interviews, podcasts, blah, blah, blah. They are also going to change the way they do birthdays...oh, hang on. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY 89th BIRTHDAY DEAR INGRID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
Anyway, we are changing the way we do birth... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....
I almost forgot. Buc-ee's opened up in Sevierville. Isn't that amazing? After all the hype, you'd think it would lead. Nope. Will put so little energy and effort into his Buc-ee's video, you'd think it was part of his backyard.
Will got two quotes for his deck. Dawn wants Tyvek or composite. I thought Tyvek was composite? Either way, it's Dawn who wants something that they can ignore and spray down once every five years whether it needs it or not. Certainly not Will who wants something easy to ignore, just like his wife. You know that Will could totally build a deck himself. He just wants someone else to do it. A real expert, which is why he is soliciting people who watch his channel. Only the best people. Will has the money. Just like he has the money for an RV, a rental place in mountains and a second home in Florida.
Will is a financial genius. He wants a rental property in The Smokies. Nevermind that Sevier County is the place with the biggest drop in Airbnb rental profits in the United States. He would also buy a second home in Orlando. Totally ignoring the incredibly high insurance rates, if you can even get a new insurance policy on a home in Florida. Will is a financial genius. That's why he's independently wealthy, but I don't want to get into the fines and logics of it all.
After weeks of telling us for weeks that YITS is going on an Alaskan Disney Cruise "sooner than you think", it came true. As long as you can't think of anything sooner than next year. What a crock of tit. I knew he couldn't afford it. You knew he couldn't afford it. It only took Will four weeks to figure it out. Now Will is trying to gaslight Dawn into something cheaper. "Don't you like Puerto Rico, Dawn?" Like Dawn can find Puerto Rico on a map. She probably thinks she needs a passport to go there. I hear it's a third world country. That country being the United States.
It's the ForfaJuly. It's the day when we thank everyone for our history and freedom to get Starbucks or something. I don't know. To Will, every holiday is about "history", "freedom" and "Starbucks", even though they don't serve Mtn Lightnin or Weigel's long johns at Starbucks.
Sad news, Jabberjaw has a girlfriend. Watching the midnight ForfaJuly parade, Jabberjaw went public and brought his girlfriend with him on the parade route. Dawn not only has to suffer because of Daphne, but even her love of Jabberjaw is unrequited.
Sadly, it's time to say goodbye to Denise420. She's heading back home to Michigan. Tony5000 is sad. Denise's daughter graduated from college. Tony5000 can now put his kids through college. Six weeks, even though Denise420 thought she'd been with YITS ten days (!), and no second party for Jennifer's graduation. No one has seen Jennifer either. Word is that she's the new Dread Pirate Roberts. Incon-theivable!
We're apparently on the cusp of a new long road trip uh-venture. Where are they going? No idea. If I were to guess, I'd say somewhere familiar and cheap. Will can't talk with authority about anything new. It's gotta be nostalgia or he's even stupider than usual. He's not going to spend too much money, so he might use his Cedar Fair pass for riding a monorail and maybe a sky or train ride. So pack your Vera Bradley pop socket, your five best 'Columbian' shirts, throw your sister in the trunk and hit the road. It's time for more pointless, half-assed, superficial travel through the eyes of Will.
Welcome to all the new people. We hope more of you sign up. If you love bacon double cheeseburgers, mispronounced words and lazy editing, you are in the right place!
Are you ready, Dawn?!!
"AHHHHHH! WHY DID HE DO THAYT?!?"
No, Dawn. It's not time for histrionics, yet. We'll get to the traumatic event in a moment. But first: Are you ready, Dawn?
"I guess..."
*sideways thumbs up*
Let's do this!
What did Will's college professor say?...hahaha... ahahaha...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ahahaha...I just can't say the words "Will" and "college" together with a straight face. Once again, Will has changed his story and now claims that he went to college. But I thought he was a plant manager right out of high school who was a financial genius who saved his money and now doesn't have to work? Will and college... ahaha...nope, sorry. I still can't.
Also, Will had a lake house in Michigan. He's never mentioned owning a lake house before. Did Adam say anything about a lake house recently? Why is Will saying this? Depending on the day, Will was either a boy wizard who managed a plant, scrimped and saved and is now financially independent or he went to college (ahahaha!), owned a boat and now a lake house. When was this? Before or after he met Dawn? Why didn't Dawn talk about this magical home on the lake? Have you noticed how much better things were in Michigan? Will was a wunderkind who managed a plant, made all kinds of money, went to college, owned a lake house and was a part of all of these interesting clubs and things. If that's the case, then why is Will such a poor, fat, stupid, unemployed slob in Tennessee? What happened? Will, for your own sake, move back to Michigan!
The big news is that Will, Dawn and Denise420 witnessed a car crash while leaving the new Buc-ee's in Sevierville. YITS were even interviewed about it on a local TV news station.
Sadly, there was a fatality. No, not from the crash. Will and Dawn got killed in the news station's YouTube comments. There's mean, there's cruel and then there's the YouTube comments. Gives me hope for the future.
Back to the actual crash:
"We almost got KILLED!" yelled Will as an SUV straddled the "medium" next to his crappy car. "Why did he do THAYT?!?" screeched Dawn. From the back seat, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." At least I think that's what Denise420 said. She could have been warning everyone of the impending doom or she could have the DaVinci Codes. Who knows?
All I know is that hours later Dawn was still shaken up and Will hadn't been that upset since Buc-ee's raised their price on the brisket "sandwedges". So, about 15 minutes earlier. Dramatic much?
The thumbnail for the crash video had a Lincoln Navigator flying on it's side as seen through the window of Will's 300. It looked like the movie "Inception". The problem is once you saw the video, it looked more like the movie "Cannonball Run 2". It wasn't a big deal at all. Yet hours later, Will and Dawn were still convinced that they were going to die. To be fair, something at Buc-ee's probably will kill them some day. Though it will be something they eat inside the store.
Needless to say, the holy rollers who admire Will and Dawn for their svelte figures and ridiculous number of teeth, were flooding their comments section saying that the bearded man who talks to them through the TV was watching out for Will and Dawn. Do they mean Waylon Jennings from "The Dukes of Hazzard"?
Wait. No. I'm being told they mean Jesus. Are you sure? Will looks like Boss Hogg, Dawn is as smart as Roscoe P Coltrane and Denise420 is as energetic and verbal as Flash the basset hound. Well, I don't know bout them Duke boys, but Will and Dawn are gonna have themselves a mess of trouble getting away from everyone mocking them...stand by... *commercial break*
Speaking of getting away, Will and Dawn have "the travel bug." Will says sometimes they just want to "drop everything". Drop everything? Drop what? Certainly not the fork. They literally just got back from four days in Myrtle Beach. Remember? It was just last week, as they were packing up that "suite on the beach". Will said that the Murphy bed (where his sister-in-law slept) was the most comfortable bed in their suite. Wait. Wut?
"AHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT!??"
You want to talk about trauma?!? Forget a high-centered Navigator. Think about anything high-centered on that bed. It goes from Murphy Bed to Murphy Brown.
"AHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT?"
Now I feel dirty. I need to wash myself with Crest soap. Yes, I know Crest is toothpaste. You know that Crest is toothpaste. Will doesn't. Apparently they don't teach that in college (ahahaha!). The other night on the livestream, Will is is talking about hygiene.... ahahaha....nope...sorry...again...two words that don't go together. Anyway, Will showed just how little he showers and brushes his teeth. He said he lathers up with Crest. HE SAID THIS TWICE!!! Twice he tried to correct himself but he couldn't think of a single brand name of soap. Which proves that it was not a slip of his fat, Jabba the Hutt tongue. Nope. Will doesn't use soap. He doesn't brush. This comes as no surprise to anyone who has eyesight.
When talking about cologne, Will mentioned he wore 'Gravity'. Now he's so big he has his own gravity. (I love that joke)
When Will knew he was going to be interviewed by the news station you can see that his hair is washed and combed, he shaved and his skin isn't all red and scaly. It's obvious. Dawn just looked like Dawn, blankly staring at the screen. I expected her to sing the news anchors "Happy Birthday" and then tell them that they don't do meetups anymore.
Hi, Oggie Doggie!
Hi, crappy Kitty!
Hi, Fucky Sucky!
Even though there was a crash and Will and Dawn were totally going to die if not for the literal hand of God reaching down from heaven and shielding them, not for one moment did YITS consider going to church. They'll be back at Buc-ee's before YITS will be in church. Will does sit in his own pew, but that's because of Crest soap.
If you want to talk about chairs. The big studio remodel is upon us. All of the incredible, life-changing ideals from Will have been put into effect: new lighting, new shelves, a big screen TV and OBS. Oh, BS alright. The same dusty, cluttered shelves. Will just got some Galaxy tablets (which were probably free with his cell plan) and some video game chairs. Will said they were on order. Then he said they went and tested them out. Will says a lot of things. You know that he started looking at fancy office furniture, looked at the prices and settled on cheap video game chairs. Still, Dawn said it was nice to sit in a comfortable chair. What does it say about their furniture when a video game chair is the best seat in the house?
Dawn did like the Galaxy tablets for hiding the herpes on her lip, moving it around to cover her sore. She looked like Bart Simpson or Austin Powers with awkward props trying to hide their dick in movies. Unfortunately for Dawn, there's no hope hiding her dick. Will's sitting right next to her.
As far as the new studio, we're looking forward to the live guests, interviews, podcasts, blah, blah, blah. They are also going to change the way they do birthdays...oh, hang on. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY 89th BIRTHDAY DEAR INGRID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
Anyway, we are changing the way we do birth... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....
I almost forgot. Buc-ee's opened up in Sevierville. Isn't that amazing? After all the hype, you'd think it would lead. Nope. Will put so little energy and effort into his Buc-ee's video, you'd think it was part of his backyard.
Will got two quotes for his deck. Dawn wants Tyvek or composite. I thought Tyvek was composite? Either way, it's Dawn who wants something that they can ignore and spray down once every five years whether it needs it or not. Certainly not Will who wants something easy to ignore, just like his wife. You know that Will could totally build a deck himself. He just wants someone else to do it. A real expert, which is why he is soliciting people who watch his channel. Only the best people. Will has the money. Just like he has the money for an RV, a rental place in mountains and a second home in Florida.
Will is a financial genius. He wants a rental property in The Smokies. Nevermind that Sevier County is the place with the biggest drop in Airbnb rental profits in the United States. He would also buy a second home in Orlando. Totally ignoring the incredibly high insurance rates, if you can even get a new insurance policy on a home in Florida. Will is a financial genius. That's why he's independently wealthy, but I don't want to get into the fines and logics of it all.
After weeks of telling us for weeks that YITS is going on an Alaskan Disney Cruise "sooner than you think", it came true. As long as you can't think of anything sooner than next year. What a crock of tit. I knew he couldn't afford it. You knew he couldn't afford it. It only took Will four weeks to figure it out. Now Will is trying to gaslight Dawn into something cheaper. "Don't you like Puerto Rico, Dawn?" Like Dawn can find Puerto Rico on a map. She probably thinks she needs a passport to go there. I hear it's a third world country. That country being the United States.
It's the ForfaJuly. It's the day when we thank everyone for our history and freedom to get Starbucks or something. I don't know. To Will, every holiday is about "history", "freedom" and "Starbucks", even though they don't serve Mtn Lightnin or Weigel's long johns at Starbucks.
Sad news, Jabberjaw has a girlfriend. Watching the midnight ForfaJuly parade, Jabberjaw went public and brought his girlfriend with him on the parade route. Dawn not only has to suffer because of Daphne, but even her love of Jabberjaw is unrequited.
Sadly, it's time to say goodbye to Denise420. She's heading back home to Michigan. Tony5000 is sad. Denise's daughter graduated from college. Tony5000 can now put his kids through college. Six weeks, even though Denise420 thought she'd been with YITS ten days (!), and no second party for Jennifer's graduation. No one has seen Jennifer either. Word is that she's the new Dread Pirate Roberts. Incon-theivable!
We're apparently on the cusp of a new long road trip uh-venture. Where are they going? No idea. If I were to guess, I'd say somewhere familiar and cheap. Will can't talk with authority about anything new. It's gotta be nostalgia or he's even stupider than usual. He's not going to spend too much money, so he might use his Cedar Fair pass for riding a monorail and maybe a sky or train ride. So pack your Vera Bradley pop socket, your five best 'Columbian' shirts, throw your sister in the trunk and hit the road. It's time for more pointless, half-assed, superficial travel through the eyes of Will.
Welcome to all the new people. We hope more of you sign up. If you love bacon double cheeseburgers, mispronounced words and lazy editing, you are in the right place!
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right now. It's the only way he can afford Destin without CATS footing the bills.
. A quick trip to Joliet or Juliet
. A few Chicago videos but that may change when he sees the rates in the summer. On to Milwaukee before the Wisconsin Dells where once again the prices will astound him. Final stop If he has any money left the Mall of America. I do not believe he will take Rhonda Skipper out to eat and will make up excuses as to how they couldn’t work it into their schedule. Get ready for a long boring ride.
