Congratulations to our awesome friend @Nate's Top Button for the genius thread title. Very clever. Chef's kiss. Better than Baked Alaska. Did you know that Baked Alaska is merengue? And don't get me started on steak tartare. More on that later....
Before we get into it, I gotta say that this corner of Tattle may not be the biggest, but it's definitely one of if not the funniest, most clever area on Tattle. Love you guys.
So with that, let's check in with Will and Dawn. Did they finally commit to a local church after 14 years in The Smokies? No? Oh. Did they decide to spend some of their vast free time volunteering to help the truly underprivileged? No? Oh. What did they do?
Oh, right! DAWN GOT CAUGHT VAPING!! She was walking ahead in Vancouver, BC and we saw her with her hand on her mouth and then she tried to put something in her pocket. Seriously, it explains so much: why she waddles ahead, is always tired, confused, barely verbal and the specifically placed burn marks below her mouth. It all makes sense. Dawn is high most of the time and there's no way Will doesn't partake as well. Thanks to @gilly31 for the sharp eyes.
On the Wednesday Lie-stream Will said some of the parody channels make accusations they can't prove. I'm guessing he's talking about Dawn's vape.
It's like Dawn don't care about nothing man...
Puff another vape...
ooohh
la da da da la da da la la da da
I was gonna end the video until I got high
I was gonna think of scenarios but then I got high
My birth date on my plane ticket messed up and I know why (why man?)
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I went to Alaska, Juneau after I got high
I ate all the bacon and 20 desserts because I got high (uh uh la la da da)
Three weeks off hiding at home. I know why (why man?) (hey hey)
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
Apologies to Afroman.
Somehow Will and Dawn went to Alaska, plus spent thousands of dollars on excursions. By my estimation, they spent around 7,500. Maybe more, maybe less. Can't get rid of the crappy truck in their yard or even maintain their yard, but they can go on a cruise. Can't fix their roof, but they can go on a cruise. Took weeks to fix the 300. I could go on. You could go on. But The 300 can't. Zing! (Update: it's apparently fixed after Will hit a pot hole and damaged the radiator. How fast was he going? tit.)
Where is the money coming from? Obviously, daddy paid for Will's house. They have very few fixed costs relative to most people. Will says he has insurance. Funny how he never mentions Dawn on the policy. Some have speculated disability money others have speculated some sort of annuity from a car accident. Still, Will padded the tit out of his videos and stuck in unskippable ads. So clearly, he needed YouTube cash to cover as much as possible. You'd think a financial genius like Will wouldn't need to maximize YouTube cash, but here we are.
Will and Dawn were disappointed there wasn't any nightlife on an Alaska Cruise: no silent disco or bars open late. What? Will, you don't drink. The last time you filmed a silent disco, you didn't recognize Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA", the most basic popular song that has been everywhere for the last - what? - 15 years. Sorry there was no current music like RUN-DMC, Kid Rock or Alice Cooper. Will and Dawn even suggested that Holland America play rap music by the pool. WTF?!? Here's a hint: the women wearing big sunglasses and chunky necklaces on HAL aren't going to lay down any fat beats. Will thinks Holland America is a ship full of rappin' grannies.
Speaking of fat beats, did you know Will hardly ate any bacon on the cruise? Yeah. As long as you don't count every breakfast and brunches during sea days. Other than like 10 plates (and those are the ones we saw) none at all. Not to mention the one sea day where they literally ate 20 DESSERTS! Two at every meal, plus like four desserts during one "snack", not to mention brunch and high tea. Will and Dawn definitely puting the high in high tea.
There was one thing Will and Dawn didn't like: steak tartare. We can all guess that Will 100% thought it was steak with tartar sauce on the side. Of course, because it's Will, he can't admit he made a mistake. No. You see, what happened was Will FORGOT that he didn't like steak tartare. What he remembered was that he liked it, but the opposite was true. What? I put more miles than are on the Yeller Jeep just trying to follow that bullshit story. Seriously, during the whole cruise they somehow came off like even bigger hillbillies. I didn't think that was possible.
Will and Dawn are addicted to cruising. It's not the cruise, it's the easy access to food. There's no food in their house and Dawn doesn't have to clean their stateroom. It's the convenience they love.
However, it turns out the gorging on salt, fat and sugar doesn't love them back. Will vaguely announced during a lie-stream that he has high blood pressure. His BP got up to 190(!!). We know you vape. Are you on cocaine, too? For the sake of his BP, the doctor probably wrote Will a note: "No more dry humping statues of Dwayne Johnson."
If Dawn is a toddler, then Will is a teenager. He has no impulse control, he lies and takes no responsibility for his actions. He wants to blame the cruise. He wants to blame "southern cookin". The truth is he happily gorged for the last 8 years. "You don't make friends with salad" "Nobody wants to see us eat healthy". He has stuffed his face like he was still 16. That was 40 years ago. Will says "social media has been weaponized". What's been weaponized is his plate. That's why his body attacked him.
Will is talking about five more cruises in the future. He's not going to eat any less.
As usual he blames everything but himself. Whenever he goes back to "eating healthy", Will always says "chicken breast and vegetables". I don't believe him for a second. It's the only healthy food he knows. That's why he says it. Will and Dawn are grown adults who have no life skills.
Well, except for being a big automotive executive. Yes, Will, the bad kid who skipped classes smoking cigarettes and was constantly suspended was the best candidate out of high school with no business degree to be put in charge of a factory? One of two things: 1. he's lying. 2. It's some nepo baby bullshit. Which may be true because Will said he got out when the factory was sold to a "glomerate" and other "subdaries". A "glomerate" sounds like a Dr Seuss character. "Dr Seuss's The Glomerate That Ate Detroit (actually Brown City)". I'm guessing "subdairies" are small dairies? Why would a small dairy get into the automotive plastic industry? "Old, McDonald had a sub-dairy...E-I-E-I-O. And on this subdairy he had a glomerate. E-I-E-I-O. With a stromboli here. And no fingers there. E-I-E-I-O!" Will is such a fraud. Is his audience really this dumb? It seems like it wasn't that many years ago when people would question obvious lies and bullshit and not just accept it at face value. I weep for humanity.
Also, Will went to college (he didn't). DECA isn't college. It's a high school program. He's also a tough guy. He waved his "piece" at other drivers. He's from Detroit where you "drive it like you stole it". Same with Dawn. She apparently flipped someone off in traffic the other day. And their stans believe she's sweet? She's even admitted to hitting Will. That's exactly toddler behavior. She's a 51-year-old woman. Will says they drive crazy in every town, giving Atlanta as an example of a scary city to drive. Why Atlanta? Hmmm. I wonder why he'd choose to highlight the population of Atlanta as being scary? Can you think of a reason?
In four weeks since they've been home, YITS produced six whole videos. They went to the new Dolly Parton experience. You could really see Dawn's weight loss as she sat on a swing. Her thighs could be another Smoky Mountain range: Mt Le bleep. (sorry if you don't like the C-word). They also ate a bunch of stuff at Anakeesta, followed by the predictable walk through Gatlinburg and then eating at "El Camino VEE-HO", weeks after Ryan AIOT had already been there twice. Will was down right orgasmic over the "lava bowl" that Dawn ordered, better known to most people as "molcajete". If, just days after being told by the doctor to improve his diet, he has that little self control, I, sadly, don't like his odds for success.
Will doesn't know healthy food. He said on his next road trip he's going to pack lunch meat. Those sulfates will help the ol' blood pressure.
For the last nine months, Will has lied and said they were still walking (they weren't). From about last September to this January, he lied and said they were still dieting and losing weight (they weren't). We heard the same lie last Sunday about "chicken breast and vegetables". Since they returned from their New Year's cruise, the word diet has been obviously non-existent. Will and Dawn gained back the little they lost and found some more. They're huge right now. Will, you are a grifter and very dishonest person, but that doesn't mean me or anyone here wants to see you pass away too young. We'd like to see you exercise and exercise self discipline.
Ryan AIOT got his silver play button award from YouTube for surpassing 100,00 subscribers. Good for him and his family. Ryan earned it. He covers The Smokies like a reporter: he has sources, he makes contacts, he follows up, he's clearly on a lot of local media lists. It's busy, but not impossible. Will could have done this. Instead YITS is still stuck in the mid 90K range. Where the channel has been for about a year now. If you remember, Will predicted they'd be at 100K by now. Well they're not. Quite frankly, they don't deserve to be over 100K sus-scribers. At some point it will happen, but this lag should be a teaching point for Will. "We're an experience channel," Will likes to say. Really? Then why do you show prices and menus? Why do people ask questions on livestreams? Granted, you never have specific answers. Ryan does. The Smokies have passed Will by. The Yankee in the South channel isn't about The Smokies or travel or cruising. It's strictly a vehicle for Will and Dawn to over eat. Did we need to see every first trip through the buffet even though Will admitted it was mostly the same every day? There are very few YITS vidoes that don't revolve around or include eating "a lil lunch" or dinner. It's a mukbang channel. Will is going to have to make a choice, either the channel and his lifestyle changes or he's going to eat himself to death. Unfortunately, being an adult isn't all carnival food and all-you-can-eat-buffets. Will tried to blame the HAL cruise for his high BP. Dude, it's the last 8 years of stuffing your face with gas station pizza and Mtn Lightn. Will's done it for so long, he sees his eating and his weight as completely normal. Over the last eight years, he's developed and given into some very bad habits. He thought he had it all figured out. It turns out he doesn't. I'm not sure he has the willpower (no pun intended). I know damn well he doesn't have the skills. He can lie to us and his stans all he wants. He can even lie to his doctor. But he can't lie to his body. His body is tired of his bullshit. Will, it's long past time to grow up and put the fork down.
Before we get into it, I gotta say that this corner of Tattle may not be the biggest, but it's definitely one of if not the funniest, most clever area on Tattle. Love you guys.
So with that, let's check in with Will and Dawn. Did they finally commit to a local church after 14 years in The Smokies? No? Oh. Did they decide to spend some of their vast free time volunteering to help the truly underprivileged? No? Oh. What did they do?
Oh, right! DAWN GOT CAUGHT VAPING!! She was walking ahead in Vancouver, BC and we saw her with her hand on her mouth and then she tried to put something in her pocket. Seriously, it explains so much: why she waddles ahead, is always tired, confused, barely verbal and the specifically placed burn marks below her mouth. It all makes sense. Dawn is high most of the time and there's no way Will doesn't partake as well. Thanks to @gilly31 for the sharp eyes.
On the Wednesday Lie-stream Will said some of the parody channels make accusations they can't prove. I'm guessing he's talking about Dawn's vape.
It's like Dawn don't care about nothing man...
Puff another vape...
ooohh
la da da da la da da la la da da
I was gonna end the video until I got high
I was gonna think of scenarios but then I got high
My birth date on my plane ticket messed up and I know why (why man?)
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I went to Alaska, Juneau after I got high
I ate all the bacon and 20 desserts because I got high (uh uh la la da da)
Three weeks off hiding at home. I know why (why man?) (hey hey)
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
Apologies to Afroman.
Somehow Will and Dawn went to Alaska, plus spent thousands of dollars on excursions. By my estimation, they spent around 7,500. Maybe more, maybe less. Can't get rid of the crappy truck in their yard or even maintain their yard, but they can go on a cruise. Can't fix their roof, but they can go on a cruise. Took weeks to fix the 300. I could go on. You could go on. But The 300 can't. Zing! (Update: it's apparently fixed after Will hit a pot hole and damaged the radiator. How fast was he going? tit.)
Where is the money coming from? Obviously, daddy paid for Will's house. They have very few fixed costs relative to most people. Will says he has insurance. Funny how he never mentions Dawn on the policy. Some have speculated disability money others have speculated some sort of annuity from a car accident. Still, Will padded the tit out of his videos and stuck in unskippable ads. So clearly, he needed YouTube cash to cover as much as possible. You'd think a financial genius like Will wouldn't need to maximize YouTube cash, but here we are.
Will and Dawn were disappointed there wasn't any nightlife on an Alaska Cruise: no silent disco or bars open late. What? Will, you don't drink. The last time you filmed a silent disco, you didn't recognize Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA", the most basic popular song that has been everywhere for the last - what? - 15 years. Sorry there was no current music like RUN-DMC, Kid Rock or Alice Cooper. Will and Dawn even suggested that Holland America play rap music by the pool. WTF?!? Here's a hint: the women wearing big sunglasses and chunky necklaces on HAL aren't going to lay down any fat beats. Will thinks Holland America is a ship full of rappin' grannies.
Speaking of fat beats, did you know Will hardly ate any bacon on the cruise? Yeah. As long as you don't count every breakfast and brunches during sea days. Other than like 10 plates (and those are the ones we saw) none at all. Not to mention the one sea day where they literally ate 20 DESSERTS! Two at every meal, plus like four desserts during one "snack", not to mention brunch and high tea. Will and Dawn definitely puting the high in high tea.
There was one thing Will and Dawn didn't like: steak tartare. We can all guess that Will 100% thought it was steak with tartar sauce on the side. Of course, because it's Will, he can't admit he made a mistake. No. You see, what happened was Will FORGOT that he didn't like steak tartare. What he remembered was that he liked it, but the opposite was true. What? I put more miles than are on the Yeller Jeep just trying to follow that bullshit story. Seriously, during the whole cruise they somehow came off like even bigger hillbillies. I didn't think that was possible.
Will and Dawn are addicted to cruising. It's not the cruise, it's the easy access to food. There's no food in their house and Dawn doesn't have to clean their stateroom. It's the convenience they love.
However, it turns out the gorging on salt, fat and sugar doesn't love them back. Will vaguely announced during a lie-stream that he has high blood pressure. His BP got up to 190(!!). We know you vape. Are you on cocaine, too? For the sake of his BP, the doctor probably wrote Will a note: "No more dry humping statues of Dwayne Johnson."
If Dawn is a toddler, then Will is a teenager. He has no impulse control, he lies and takes no responsibility for his actions. He wants to blame the cruise. He wants to blame "southern cookin". The truth is he happily gorged for the last 8 years. "You don't make friends with salad" "Nobody wants to see us eat healthy". He has stuffed his face like he was still 16. That was 40 years ago. Will says "social media has been weaponized". What's been weaponized is his plate. That's why his body attacked him.
Will is talking about five more cruises in the future. He's not going to eat any less.
As usual he blames everything but himself. Whenever he goes back to "eating healthy", Will always says "chicken breast and vegetables". I don't believe him for a second. It's the only healthy food he knows. That's why he says it. Will and Dawn are grown adults who have no life skills.
Well, except for being a big automotive executive. Yes, Will, the bad kid who skipped classes smoking cigarettes and was constantly suspended was the best candidate out of high school with no business degree to be put in charge of a factory? One of two things: 1. he's lying. 2. It's some nepo baby bullshit. Which may be true because Will said he got out when the factory was sold to a "glomerate" and other "subdaries". A "glomerate" sounds like a Dr Seuss character. "Dr Seuss's The Glomerate That Ate Detroit (actually Brown City)". I'm guessing "subdairies" are small dairies? Why would a small dairy get into the automotive plastic industry? "Old, McDonald had a sub-dairy...E-I-E-I-O. And on this subdairy he had a glomerate. E-I-E-I-O. With a stromboli here. And no fingers there. E-I-E-I-O!" Will is such a fraud. Is his audience really this dumb? It seems like it wasn't that many years ago when people would question obvious lies and bullshit and not just accept it at face value. I weep for humanity.
Also, Will went to college (he didn't). DECA isn't college. It's a high school program. He's also a tough guy. He waved his "piece" at other drivers. He's from Detroit where you "drive it like you stole it". Same with Dawn. She apparently flipped someone off in traffic the other day. And their stans believe she's sweet? She's even admitted to hitting Will. That's exactly toddler behavior. She's a 51-year-old woman. Will says they drive crazy in every town, giving Atlanta as an example of a scary city to drive. Why Atlanta? Hmmm. I wonder why he'd choose to highlight the population of Atlanta as being scary? Can you think of a reason?
In four weeks since they've been home, YITS produced six whole videos. They went to the new Dolly Parton experience. You could really see Dawn's weight loss as she sat on a swing. Her thighs could be another Smoky Mountain range: Mt Le bleep. (sorry if you don't like the C-word). They also ate a bunch of stuff at Anakeesta, followed by the predictable walk through Gatlinburg and then eating at "El Camino VEE-HO", weeks after Ryan AIOT had already been there twice. Will was down right orgasmic over the "lava bowl" that Dawn ordered, better known to most people as "molcajete". If, just days after being told by the doctor to improve his diet, he has that little self control, I, sadly, don't like his odds for success.
Will doesn't know healthy food. He said on his next road trip he's going to pack lunch meat. Those sulfates will help the ol' blood pressure.
For the last nine months, Will has lied and said they were still walking (they weren't). From about last September to this January, he lied and said they were still dieting and losing weight (they weren't). We heard the same lie last Sunday about "chicken breast and vegetables". Since they returned from their New Year's cruise, the word diet has been obviously non-existent. Will and Dawn gained back the little they lost and found some more. They're huge right now. Will, you are a grifter and very dishonest person, but that doesn't mean me or anyone here wants to see you pass away too young. We'd like to see you exercise and exercise self discipline.
Ryan AIOT got his silver play button award from YouTube for surpassing 100,00 subscribers. Good for him and his family. Ryan earned it. He covers The Smokies like a reporter: he has sources, he makes contacts, he follows up, he's clearly on a lot of local media lists. It's busy, but not impossible. Will could have done this. Instead YITS is still stuck in the mid 90K range. Where the channel has been for about a year now. If you remember, Will predicted they'd be at 100K by now. Well they're not. Quite frankly, they don't deserve to be over 100K sus-scribers. At some point it will happen, but this lag should be a teaching point for Will. "We're an experience channel," Will likes to say. Really? Then why do you show prices and menus? Why do people ask questions on livestreams? Granted, you never have specific answers. Ryan does. The Smokies have passed Will by. The Yankee in the South channel isn't about The Smokies or travel or cruising. It's strictly a vehicle for Will and Dawn to over eat. Did we need to see every first trip through the buffet even though Will admitted it was mostly the same every day? There are very few YITS vidoes that don't revolve around or include eating "a lil lunch" or dinner. It's a mukbang channel. Will is going to have to make a choice, either the channel and his lifestyle changes or he's going to eat himself to death. Unfortunately, being an adult isn't all carnival food and all-you-can-eat-buffets. Will tried to blame the HAL cruise for his high BP. Dude, it's the last 8 years of stuffing your face with gas station pizza and Mtn Lightn. Will's done it for so long, he sees his eating and his weight as completely normal. Over the last eight years, he's developed and given into some very bad habits. He thought he had it all figured out. It turns out he doesn't. I'm not sure he has the willpower (no pun intended). I know damn well he doesn't have the skills. He can lie to us and his stans all he wants. He can even lie to his doctor. But he can't lie to his body. His body is tired of his bullshit. Will, it's long past time to grow up and put the fork down.
) on the ice cream? Why does Willl get the first bite of Dawn's dessert? If it was a bug, I hope Willl ate it.