Congratulations to @Where's My Postcard?
A moment of silence for the late, great Suzanne Somers. A breakout star in "American Graffiti". Who was probably overlooked as a great comedic actor because she was so beautiful. She also stood up for herself on the set of "Three's Company", made her own way in show business, had literally an iconic infomercial and made millions off the "Thighmaster" and was known to younger generations as the mom on "Step By Step". She literally did it her way. Respect.
For your efforts 'Postcard', I'm going to buy you a keychain, a magnet and a plastic cup, provided that they haven't sold out based on the popularity of me writing this right now. Now go outside and sit next to poor Rhonda at her mailbox. Your prize pack will arrive as soon as her's does. I promise I sent it. If not, blame the real villain: The Sevierville Post Office.
Remember their motto:
The Sevierville Post Office: It's Always Our Fault!
Also, we should give a little trophy to @Nate's Top Button for the inspired "2nd rate zombie; 1st rate grifter". A genius title if there ever was one.
Today we're here at recap #28. Y'know, it's been a minute. This thread, like interest in the YITS channel, is slowing down. Normally, I would have already done a recap, but, like Dawn running between light poles, it's taken us awhile to get here. Unfortunately, there's no app that will let us lie about the number of Tattle pages. We're going to do some shopping, look at some classic cars, check out the calorie counting app, check out the new Dollywood resort and watch as YITS finally makes a triumphant return to The Great Smoky Mountain National Park. It's iconic. It's classic. Let's see what it's all about!
Are you ready, Dawn?
*sideways thumbs up*
(I'm always grateful for the opportunity to check on Dawn's fingers and see that they are still in tact and have not, in fact, been worked to the bone.)
Let's do this!
*honk!*
(Dawn, don't forget to take your belly off the horn that's in the middle of the Ride the Duck's steering wheel!)
*Same old music and open, unless it's a travel vlog. Will put extra effort into the new travel open. However, if it's just for The Smokies, then duck you.*
Y'know, there's just something about an 'it's got flavur' recap. It's iconic. Classic. It's got that IGF flair. You know he's up to no good. Nothing better than how he rips Will a new asshole, even moreso than the diet Will stuck to for a whole three days.
Will and Dawn are disappearing before our eyes! They look the same. They wear the same four fat outfits, but Will claims he's down almost 35lbs and he said Dawn is down the exact same amount of weight.
Really? The same Dawn who we've seen eat fried chicken (three times), grilled cheese sandwiches (twice), bratwurst, quesadillas, tater tots, a butterfly cookie and a giant ice cream cone? That's just the food we've seen. I'm sure there's a lot more that's been eaten off camera. You're telling me that all of these pounds have been lost by waddling, sometimes waddling faster in between light poles? Forget vlogging. She needs to sell this amazing diet: "Gaslight the Weight Away!" It's simple: whatever weight your asshole husband tells you that you've lost, that's what you've lost. It's just that simple. It doesn't matter if you don't look any different or that you still can't fit into any of your old Snoopy or toilet paper t-shirts. With the Gaslight diet, wherever there's a Will, there's no need to weigh!
Will now claims he was 290lbs. On October 8th he claimed to be 254lbs. Here's the problem: 290-254 = 36lbs. Pretty basic math. Strange the numbers don't add up. I wonder why? No, actually, I don't. I'm pretty sure I know why.
(Note: Will now says his beginning weight was 290. It wasn't. It was 292. Granted it was Dawn's weight but he tried to cover for his screw up. Either way, it wasn't 290lbs)
Also, Will says walking five miles is too easy now. Nevermind that they're winded walking up a few stairs and in the murder church at Smokemont. Not only that, they say they have also been riding their E-Bikes with Ken, himself the picture of health. Not sure what The Surgeon General says about such strenuous activity in your 500th trimester.
Will claims that people who see them all the time in person say they have lost weight. Strange. Someone who took and posted a stealth picture of them shows something completely different. Dawn looks exactly the same and Will is built like a "b". Looks like a landslide of fat.
Dawn says that they don't look like they have lost much weight because the camera adds 10lbs. I didn't know that YITS was a 37 camera shoot.
After months of promises and even more teases of plans that were mentioned and then never spoken of again, YITS returned to The Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Did Will get a permit? No! Didn't you hear Will? Those things cost millions of dollars and if you forget to dot one "i", the gubmint will take your money and throw you in Gitmo or something. Instead Will just put "Video not monetized" in big letters. I have a feeling that's about as real and effective as those disclaimers your mom posts every few months on her Facebook page.
Was there a nuclear accident in The Smokies? Will turned the saturation up so much, parts of the video were actually glowing. All the soft music and pretty colors. It was like dropping acid at a Will and Dawn festival: Chicken Stock. Warning: Don't take the brown gravy. Mainly because Will and Dawn are going to eat all of it and then claim to lose 26lbs.
For those who don't know, Ken is a minor character who has been circulating in the YCU (YITS Cinematic Universe) for awhile now. He makes bootleg character tshirts for YITS. He had a front row seat to the NYE debacle at Chris and Mindy's. For all we know, Ken might have still been sitting on Chris and Mindy's couch for the past nine months and nobody noticed or said a word. Ken is not dynamic.
Is Ken the new CATS? I'm guessing that he's Will's new doormat who pays for everything just for the privilege of basking in Will's celebrity. It starts with the Dollywood Tasting Pass and will work its way up to a trip or something more expensive. Whatever Will can get away with. Did Will learn this from his dad or ATW? Find a mark who will pay for his stuff. Going from the very nice and normal CATS to someone who looks like the back-up bass player for The Indigo Girls isn't the upgrade it sounds like. Leave it to Will to befriend the only guy in Sevier County with a mullet who doesn't own a Camaro. Will could hook Ken up with Denise. It would be sort of like The Hamboogler and Grimless (™️ Dawn) together. I doubt Denise would date Ken though. Ken looks too much like her daughter, Jennifer.
Will and Dawn have been talking about some things. They are back to being "dreamers". You've heard it all before: an RV, going camping (it's almost November!), a new Jeep. Will won't pay for a decent haircut. He's not buying a $100,000 Jeep, no matter if it's customized by Richard Petty, Tom Petty, Lori Petty or Debra Jo Petty (you might want to sanitize first if you buy that Jeep).
They were going to go on a cruise in October, unfortunately, the only cruises Will could find charge money. If it wasn't for that one little detail, I'm sure they would have taken a cruise. Will was holding out for a November cruise, hoping upon hoping he didn't have to go to The Chili Cook-Off again. I wonder why?
In unrelated news, Adam the Woo recently announced he's going to stop going to planned, annual events. No reason given, though I suspect it's for the same reason YITS doesn't do meetups. Will was so depressed, he went back to the modded school bus where he last hung out with Adam the Woo. But Will was so sad he only hung from the pole at half mast.
Do you like cars? Do you like movies you found at Blockbuster on VHS? Do you like dirty and dusty carpet? If you're 50 or older, have I got something for you (and only you!).
It's been a minute since we've been to the The Hollywood Star Cars Museum, a place with lots of vehicles and, apparently, no vacuum. George Barris could customize everything but a Dust Buster. Seriously, could someone buy these people a Swiffer or something? It's more like The Museum of Dust Bunnies. I've seen smaller bears in The Smokies compared to cobwebs in this place. Like the cars, I'll bet that carpet was something to behold in the 1990s.
Will disappointed his father but we're the ones who have to pay for it. We had to hear how Will's dad knew "Carl" Shelby. Did he actually know Carroll Shelby? I'm guessing they met at that star studded gala known as Autorama in Detroit. An event that hosted such luminaries as Sally Field, Jay Leno, Tim Allen, Henry Winkler, Cindy Williams (RIP) and Suzanne Somers (YITS is so boring and their threads take so long, I wrote this joke when she was alive). Look at that star power! Are we sure Will's dad wasn't Gavin MacLeod? Because I'm almost positive that sounds like an episode of "The Love Boat".
Before they start falling apart, let's get to the cars:
- The 1967 Mustang driven by Nicolas Cage in "Gone in 60 Seconds". As Will said, "the new one." For those keeping score, that would be from the year 2000. For Will and his audience, that's about as new as they get.
- A James Bond car 'drived' by "Double 7".
- The Ghostbusters "Hurst".
- Some car Dolly Parton probably autographed in her cousin's used car lot so he could sell it for $$$$$.
- The Beverly Hillbillies jalopy. Wait. I'm being told that is called "The 300"
- Many of these "drived", according to Will, by the actual celebrities, none of which Dawn has ever heard of. Standing next to 'The Terminator' motorcycle, Dawn quipped that famous Terminator motorcycle phrase, "Get in the choppah!" Wrong movie. Wrong vehicle. And poor Dawn is probably the only housecleaner Arnold wouldn't bang.
Do you remember where Dawn used to work? She used to clean up the drive-in theater her grandfather either owned or managed. You mean to tell me that Dawn never saw 'Smokey and The Bandit' or Roger Moore as "Double Seven"? Literally nothing registered with her except 'The Flintstones'. What kind of movies did they show at this drive-in? Note to self: never shake hands with Dawn.
We also learned that Bob Hope apparently posed for a wax figure after going on a bender in the IN-famous bathroom at Roddy McDowall's house. Joey Heatherton, Don Knotts and The Harlem Globetrotters were never quite the same after that. Up to no good, indeed.
All of these cars are famous, some, according to Will's first grade reading skills, are IN-famous. Is there an OUT-famous? If there was an IN-N-OUT-famous, Will would order a Double Double Animal Style.
What Will doesn't know about movies and reading and cleanliness and dieting, he knows about KFC. Will and Dawn went to the Fried Chicken Festival in Lipitor, Kentucky or something like that. I bleeping don't know. I wasn't paying attention.
It was three blocks of artery-clogging goodness. There were creepy art decorations, a hot tub filled with fried chicken and a Colonel Sanders look-a-like contest. What? C'mon. Every white guy over 65 who grows a goatee looks like Colonel Sanders. Either that or they grow the full beard and go Kenny Rogers. It's not really a contest. It's more of an inevitability.
Will and Dawn each ate a large fries, chicken breast, coleslaw, baked beans and a roll. Will said it was his first fried food in a month and a half. If you don't count fritters at Applewood Farmhouse, which Will, of course, didn't.
It's Pumpkin LumiNights at Dollywood, the time of year when amazing pumpkin and jack-o'-lantern displays decorate the park. It's also time for Ken to pay for YITS's dining pass. Will and Dawn split a bratwurst with...hey, what is that? Dawn giggles and wonders if it's purple cabbage. Will corrects her. It's purple sauerkraut. Where does he think sauerkraut comes from? Nobody tell him about pickles.
They met up with middle aged vloggers 'Adventures That Rock'. I didn't know Winger had a YouTube travel channel. Dawn and fat Axl Rose skipped in order to seem fun...I guess? They both just kinda jiggled. It was disturbing. I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat some nights.
Take me out of
The Pigeon Forge City
so I can't see Dawn skip,
shakin' her titties!
Oh, won't you please take me home!
Like Corey Hart, Dawn wore her sunglasses at night. If only Corey Hart wrote a song, "Sunglasses Under My Big Fuckin Floppy Hat". Seriously, Dawn put her hat on top of her sunglasses on her head. Why? That's just Dawn!
Dawn danced and recalled her award-winning Zombie walk. It truly was the highlight of her life. (Again, I wrote this weeks ago)
It's October.
The big news is that YITS reached 91,000 "sus-cribers"! That means it's time for more shopping! This time Will and Dawn went shopping for special prize packages: three from Dollywood, three from Gatlinburg and three from Pigeon Forge. Such fabulous items as an ornament, a keychain, soup mix, taffy and travel mugs. We're talking tens of dollars in prizes. Will didn't want to brag (riiiight) but, after showing the amazing bigfoot keychain on the YITS channel, the store owner says they flew off the shelves. Will Grace, influencing cheap assholes everywhere.
Will did three separate shopping videos. There was supposed to be a Sevierville box, but I'm guessing Will couldn't find any more money in his couch for prizes. Shopping and running errands is content. Will says he's not an information channel. No tit. He says he's a lifestyle channel. I can see there's no information, but I don't see any life, either. They don't do tit.
It's fall in The Smokies! Will took us around to see the fall decorations. At least I think he did. It may have been an old video. It was the same decorations and Will said the same things in the same locations. There's nothing like repeating the same tired phrases. Oh, well. I guess the new sus-cribers have only heard the same tired phrases fifty times by now. Classic. Iconic.
Are Will and Dawn going to Egypt? Will claims that if they lose 50lbs they are going to ride camels in the desert. Somewhere there are two very unlucky camels. Can you imagine?The smell, the awful hygiene, the bad temperament...but enough about Will and Dawn. Those poor camels.
YITS went to The Daniel Boone Festival in Barbourville, Kentucky. Or maybe it's for Davey Crockett? Will is not sure. That's not a joke. Will literally didn't know the difference between Daniel Boone and Davey Crockett. Who knows? Maybe it's Paul Bunyan? Grizzly Adams? Little House on the Prairie? Will seriously has no idea. Obviously he just wants content. You can tell when Will is struggling to talk about any subject in a vlog. He said, "there's nothing like ______." at least five times. There's nothing like a desperate, unprepared Will.
Watching the parade, I'm guessing Daniel Boone drove a Buick Skylark? Why did Will show so many damn cars? More cars than the Rod Run. So boring. It felt like watching traffic. Dawn saw a car from 1973, "The year I was born! That car is 50 years old!" Um, thanks, Dawn? It's just like her birthday cruise. She's "this many" years old! Toddler Dawn.
After that it was just a bunch of cosplay Daniel Boones staggering all over the street, shooting their rifles in the air, like drunk uncles on parade. It looked more like a perp walk.
While this parade had an annoying number of cars, it had something even more annoying: princesses! lots and lots of princesses. So. Many. Princesses. This town has 3,200 people and felt like over half were princesses in this parade. Does your dad have a pickup or a convertible? Then you can be a princess!
Pardon me boys! Is that the Chattanooga tit hole? Yes! Yes! Crack house #9!
Will and Dawn stayed at a hotel in Chattanooga surrounded by homeless, dumpster divers and grifters begging for money. How much did Will pay for this room? We all know that he just looked for the cheapest place and booked it. That's what Will calls "research". Remember, if people dive in dumpsters, they are homeless. If the same people film themselves dumpster diving, they are Will's favorite camping vlogger The Wonderhussy (literally because he's trying to find free places to camp or free ways to camp, the cheap asshole)
Ruby Falls. Dawn waddles. Ruby Falls is a cavern tour in Chattanooga, TN. Of course, Will showed us the whole movie they play on the tour. He loves to pad his run time with crap. Seriously, it was like a Hallmark movie. No idea what high school sweethearts have to do with a cavern. Not educational. Just inspirational bullshit. It was so bad I expected Candace Cameron to be in it.
After the movie, we got to see Dawn in her same flowered shirt and floppy hat waddle through the cavern. With her hat flipped up, Dawn looks like she belongs on the dumbest box of fish sticks. "The Morons' Fisherman".
YITS went to the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga. Dawn was disappointed. No Jabberjaw. But we did see some kinky, three-way turtle sex ("Slower! Slower!").
In all of their years of hiking, Will says they have only seen the North American river otter once. That's because they aren't native to Taco Bell drive-thrus. Will thought he saw one once, but it turns out he was just at Buc-ee's. Fresh otter on the board!
Will gave advice on which fish are the best ones to raise. Y'know Will? The guy who moved his fish tank to The Smokies 14 years ago and left it in his garage? Will loves to give advice. Quite the expert. Just like he gives diet, exercise and deck-building advice. A diver who was cleaning the tank with a sponge in his hand waved at YITS. One sponge inside the tank, two sponges outside the tank.
Looking at tropical flowers, Will said, "It's hard to take them all in." Probably even harder for Will to pronounce them correctly.
The aquarium is home to Beaver the Octopus. Dawn says Beaver the Octopus has, "The brain of a five-year-old." So, he's smarter than Dawn, but both with stinky Beaver that smells like low tide.
Will showed us the "nenemies", not anemones. Will's own worst "nenemies". Lit.
How many stupid bleeping Chattanooga activities did they do? You know the drill: spend three hours doing a bunch of crap all at once so they can hide out at home for a week. YITS "Rode the Ducks". It's part boat, part truck and all boring. Only two other people "Rode the Ducks". The host said they're "bulky, cumbersome and no one likes them." Just like Will and Dawn.
As the Duck hit the water Dawn said, "He wasn't kidding when he gassed it." Again, just like Dawn. Let er rip, potato chip!
The Duck Captain let Dawn steer the vessel. She's driven the Duck more than her own Jeep. Her gut literally honked the horn in the middle of the steering wheel every time she sat down and stood up. Working her belly to the bone. Had she not lost so much weight it might have sounded like a fog horn. Beep! Beep!
The captain pointed out hotels and bed & breakfasts in The Chattanooga Arts District. Unfortunately for Will and Dawn, the captain didn't do a tour of their hotel in The Chattanooga Hooker and Crack House District.
It's fall. Time for the usual autumn bullshit. Mayfield Farm Park in Athens, TN with it's Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch. Why does Will say Melk? Does he have a shirt made of selk? When he gets sick does that mean he fell ell?
Will "melked" a pretend cow by pulling its pretend udders, probably fantasizing it was The Dolly Parton statue.
They ordered a "lil lunch": a grilled cheese sandwich, a cheese steak sandwich, tater tots and coleslaw. Amazing. With that discipline and self-control they have lost 36lbs. It's almost unbelievable. No, it is unbelievable. Like, really, Will, no one believes you.
Will looks at the flowers in the field and says they'd be a beautiful gift for a loved one. Just as quickly he says they won't be buying any flowers today. That's because person he loves the most didn't want any flowers. That person being Will.
They got lost in the corn maze in the same way they get scared on rope bridges. Will literally got hungry looking at the corn in the maze. He actually said, "It looks really good." To be fair, the corn maze does have more food than Will and Dawn's kitchen.
Suddenly, Dawn got a huge smile on her face. Why? Was it because Will was looking at all the "member-billia". Nope. It was time for ice cream! Not just a little sample spoon, either. They each got a 'single' cone. I've seen smaller traffic cones. They must have scooped it with a shovel. Will said each cone was a cup. Yeah, like a Big Gulp cup. Their cones were at least two cups each. Will says he only had 1400 calories on this day. He underestimated his calories by at least 300 calories. That's me being generous.
He said they walked 5,000 steps on the farm. What? How long were they lost in the corn maze? Did they plow the bleeping fields? The pig races don't count towards your steps, Dawn. YITS got there after 3 p.m. The farm closes at 5 p.m. They did not take 5,000 steps in less than two hours. Did Will power "Melk" the cow? The only way he could have lost a bunch of fat is if he left Dawn behind on the farm.
On a livestream, Will claimed it was in Chattanooga where his pants fell all the way down to his ankles. What happened? Did he he think he saw Adam the Woo? Will says he lost most of his 36lbs in his butt. We know that's not true. Will is a 300-pound ass.
The deck is getting replaced this fall. Is it? Minutes later, Will also said the contractor disappeared. I'm guessing that's because that person didn't fall for Will's bullshit. Will spends so much time gaslighting Dawn and getting his way with his mother that he thinks nobody sees through his lies. The contractor has probably dealt with a thousand Will's and knew he wasn't worth the hassle. Will loves to talk in circles. He said the deck is getting done. Then he spent 10 minutes explaining why the deck isn't getting done. His viewers fall for this tit? It's fall right now. If he's to be believed, Will has until December 21st. I don't which will Will finish first: his deck or the end of a sentence.
The Sunday night livestream on October 8th restored a little bit of my faith in humanity. A woman claiming to be a dietary nurse in the chat said that she could tell YITS are lying about their weight loss. Her comments, however, did not get to Will or Dawn. I know this because YITS told us for twenty minutes how they weren't bothered. Nope. Not at all. Dawn's argument can be boiled down to basically, "I know you are, but what am I?" I haven't heard such a brilliant defense since "McLaughlin Group" on PBS. Then Dawn stood up, showing us her same ol' dress that still fits her in the same ol' way. Well, I'm convinced. tit, Dawn. At least try to suck in your gut or something. The only thing she's losing is more brain cells and IQ points.
While waddling around the Smoky Mountain Arts and Crafts District, Will thought about taking pottery classes like the movie "Ghost". Could anyone get his arms around Dawn? If Will and Dawn were in that famous scene the song would be "Unbrained Melody".
What is up with Will's haircut? It must be hard to work a pair of electric clippers when you've worked your fingers to the bone. Will's hair is all patchy and uneven with long wisps of hair sticking out. It's like he sat down and said, "Give me a haircut so people think I have five months to live. Yeahhhhh! Huh, huh, huh!"
The Dollywood HeartSong Resort opened up (or Heart Song if you're Will). Will and Dawn had reservations but then Dollywood changed the preview at the last minute. Will claims he only had one day to change his arrangements. Apparently that one day was critical because Will didn't have time to plan out the 92,000 sus-cribers contest. That's right. The contest that has taken over a month. Mr. Research.
While guests at the hotel, Dawn whined because the outdoor pool was closed. Will said it closed at 5 p.m. According to Ryan AIOT, it actually won't be open until a later date. It was never open. Mr. Research strikes again! Dawn practically cried like a toddler. That's Will's fault. They went to the indoor pool but that was too cold. Dawn pouted like a child. I've never met a 50-year-old woman who needs a timeout.
But back to the hotel. Do you know how much Will and Dawn paid for their room? If guessed over $400 then you probably watched the livestream. You probably also want that two hours back. YITS viewers bitched and moaned that it was too expensive. For two hours, his viewers couldn't move past the price. Will, of course, is a coward and tried to play both sides of the fence, also watch their video. When surveyed, YITS viewers wanted to pay about $3.50. Will said that we know what type of motels they're used to. You mean the type with hookers and dumpster divers outside? To be fair, YITS viewers remember when you could buy a house for $8,000 and brown people at the market in Charleston, SC. Y'know. The good ole days. (That's a joke. We're against slavery here)
Part two of staying The Heart Song lasted 1:00:14. Will said it's one of his best reviews. It's his epic movie: 'Apocalypse Cow'. Will and Dawn were confused about the big words on the menu like polenta, broccolini and red pepper jelly.
Will took his hat off. Thankfully he put it back on. He was probably depressing all of the other guests who saw his patchy hair and thought he was here through Make A Wish. Will and Dawn both ate her chicken with their hands and had chocolate s'mores cheesecake before having actual s'mores by the fire. You notice we never see YITS wash their hands?
Dawn laughed at almost poking Will in the eye with her marshmallow roasting stick. Heh, heh, heh. There's nothing like almost losing your eye because your wife is a 50-year-old toddler. Classic. Eye-conic. At least Dawn is better behaved than the little girl with the mullet who was climbing all over everything and picking the flowers. Not by much and there's a difference of 45 years.
Will and Dawn waddled around the hotel "burning off" the 3000 calories of dinner, dessert, s'mores, and a big butterfly cookie which they, of course, never eat that much. Except for all the other times we've seen them eat all of this. Do they know they are on camera?
Will wondered if we were bored watching them show us identical floors. No, we're bored because you're boring. You could cut the runtime down, but Will's never going to do that. Will needs the money. He can only save so much money with the home haircuts.
Someone pulled the fire alarm a second time. Dawn was pouting because she didn't want to leave. Because she's a toddler, much like the bratty kid who pulled the alarm. At least Will keeps tabs on his bratty toddler. I don't know what the problem is. It's not like she has a job to go to in the morning or afternoon or ever.
Speaking of morning, you know how Will claims that they get up at 5 a.m. every morning? Except when they are on camera for some reason. This time the Dollywood trams that start at 9 a.m. woke him up. Not even close to 5 a.m. What a surprise.
For some reason, Will felt the need to pull out the hide-a-bed. He said he didn't think it had ever been pulled out. I wish Will's dad had pulled out.
Will says elevators in the
motels they stay at are "shady". That's because the MOTELS Will and Dawn stay at ARE shady. At HeartSong, Dolly Parton is the only person who dresses like a hooker. At Will and Dawn MOTELS, it's actual hookers who dress like hookers.
Do I have to recap every bleeping thing? Ugh. Stop me if you've heard this before. Stop? No, I haven't even...Stop? No, you gotta give me a chance to...Stop? So they walked around Sevierville and went to the Dolly Stat...you're right. I should have stopped. We've all seen and heard this before. Although I'm sure this waddle burned 3,000 calories according to the the app.
Leaves A Poppin! Will loves to say "Poppin". In the past, it meant his love for Poppin Fresh. I'm sorry. She goes by Dawn now.
Will is a phony leaf peeper. It's just content for him, but he tries to pretend to be excited. He pays so much attention, he didn't even see the snow in higher elevation. Poppin count for this video is 9, btw. By the end, I wanted to "pop" my eyeballs out.
Speaking of phony, "God is good." Yes, Will. The God you never worship at church, or study, or follow or even think about off camera. Also, Will sure pants heavy for some one who claims that walking five miles is so easy.
Did Will get a permit to film? If he did, he didn't mention it. "I'm lovin it, guys." Meaning, of course, McDonald's.
It's getting colder. It's the one day Dawn doesn't wear a stupid floppy hat?!? What about those extra clothes in their car? Are they buried underneath the chainsaw?
YITS took a "second trip" (on the exact same Tuesday) to Cherokee and Maggie Valley. Will said "there's nothing like taking in the atmosphere." What atmosphere? It's just old gift shops.
Will took us in a store with so many critter pelts, you could practically hear the screeching tires that hit them.
They took us to So-Co Falls. I wonder if Dawn got flashbacks to being in the bottom of the well?
Dawn held up a pair of shorts that "Silent Butt Deadly". If they were silent, Dawn wouldn't have to get up and leave during Sunday livestreams.
Lunch at The Maggie Valley Restaurant. They got chopped steak and fried chicken (THAT'S FRIED IN LARD!). Will said it was because there were no healthy options. EXCEPT IT LITERALLY SAID "VEGGIE PLATE" RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MENU!!! There's even turkey or grilled chicken. They wanted to eat chicken FRIED IN LARD and steak. They just can't be honest. That's the point of these threads: they can never be honest.
The good news is that after eating the chopped steak, Will's coat is shinier, his teeth are whiter and he's more active (because it looked like dog food).
It's amazing. Because you know that they will say that they are down over 40lbs during the next livestream. Dawn will parrot whatever Will says. They claim that they weigh themselves on Tuesdays. This was a Tuesday. Have you noticed that they don't do any extra livestreams anymore? I guess they are too busy runnin.
They look like trash!
They look like monster trash!
For the second year in a row, Dawn channeled her inner Pamela Pumpkins and, once again, won a little trophy in the History and Haunts Zombie Walk. It's too bad they don't have any friends to dump the Krispy Kreme donuts gift card on like Chris and Mindy. Guess we know what Ken is getting for Christmas! Does winning twice as a zombie make "Dawn Silent Butt Deadly"? (Except when she has to leave the studio so we don't hear her rip potato chip during livestreams.)
If you say his name three times, Beetlejuice will appear. You mention the Zombie Trophy once and Dawn will bring it out. All. Year. Round. Try it. It's fun (and Will hates it)
What does the future hold? Probably not much but more of the same. All of the "big travel plans" they had have been put on the shelf, in between the empty Dolly Parton Ice Cream pints and a wood carving of Honey Bear's taint. Like Bruno, they don't talk about travel. He's even talking about being at The *gasp!* Chili Cook-Off! They are grounded in The Smokies for now. Maybe they'll drive places, but they ain't flying anywhere the rest of the year. Perhaps they'll get some cheap off-season deal in January when it's cold and rainy and they'll be wearing light windbreakers. We'll see if Will can con his sister to pay for half of Ireland or sail away on another cheap cruise with negative health scores.
Will is trying to bribe new subscribers with prizes, can you imagine what those new "suscribers" think? Will says they're not an information channel. Viewers instead get the privilege of watching Will and Dawn run errands, lie about their diet and weight loss and do even less than what we long-time hate-watchers are used to seeing. For new viewers I'm not sure what will keep them watching. YITS go through the motions but they do so little now, the motions and patterns are even more apparent.
It's the almost like Will and Dawn are connected to a soundboard, repeating the same phrases over and over and over again. Our Tattle board reflects boredom. I'm sure YITS churn rate must reflect that, too.
Y'know, there's just something about Will and Dawn. Yankee in the South is iconic. One of a kind. Unique. Classic. It's
got that YITS flair. That YITS vibe. It's been a minute. There's nothing better than Will and Dawn repeating the same phrases and doing the same things as they go to the same places. We can all see that Will Grace is up to no good.
A moment of silence for the late, great Suzanne Somers. A breakout star in "American Graffiti". Who was probably overlooked as a great comedic actor because she was so beautiful. She also stood up for herself on the set of "Three's Company", made her own way in show business, had literally an iconic infomercial and made millions off the "Thighmaster" and was known to younger generations as the mom on "Step By Step". She literally did it her way. Respect.
For your efforts 'Postcard', I'm going to buy you a keychain, a magnet and a plastic cup, provided that they haven't sold out based on the popularity of me writing this right now. Now go outside and sit next to poor Rhonda at her mailbox. Your prize pack will arrive as soon as her's does. I promise I sent it. If not, blame the real villain: The Sevierville Post Office.
Remember their motto:
The Sevierville Post Office: It's Always Our Fault!
Also, we should give a little trophy to @Nate's Top Button for the inspired "2nd rate zombie; 1st rate grifter". A genius title if there ever was one.
Today we're here at recap #28. Y'know, it's been a minute. This thread, like interest in the YITS channel, is slowing down. Normally, I would have already done a recap, but, like Dawn running between light poles, it's taken us awhile to get here. Unfortunately, there's no app that will let us lie about the number of Tattle pages. We're going to do some shopping, look at some classic cars, check out the calorie counting app, check out the new Dollywood resort and watch as YITS finally makes a triumphant return to The Great Smoky Mountain National Park. It's iconic. It's classic. Let's see what it's all about!
Are you ready, Dawn?
*sideways thumbs up*
(I'm always grateful for the opportunity to check on Dawn's fingers and see that they are still in tact and have not, in fact, been worked to the bone.)
Let's do this!
*honk!*
(Dawn, don't forget to take your belly off the horn that's in the middle of the Ride the Duck's steering wheel!)
*Same old music and open, unless it's a travel vlog. Will put extra effort into the new travel open. However, if it's just for The Smokies, then duck you.*
Y'know, there's just something about an 'it's got flavur' recap. It's iconic. Classic. It's got that IGF flair. You know he's up to no good. Nothing better than how he rips Will a new asshole, even moreso than the diet Will stuck to for a whole three days.
Will and Dawn are disappearing before our eyes! They look the same. They wear the same four fat outfits, but Will claims he's down almost 35lbs and he said Dawn is down the exact same amount of weight.
Really? The same Dawn who we've seen eat fried chicken (three times), grilled cheese sandwiches (twice), bratwurst, quesadillas, tater tots, a butterfly cookie and a giant ice cream cone? That's just the food we've seen. I'm sure there's a lot more that's been eaten off camera. You're telling me that all of these pounds have been lost by waddling, sometimes waddling faster in between light poles? Forget vlogging. She needs to sell this amazing diet: "Gaslight the Weight Away!" It's simple: whatever weight your asshole husband tells you that you've lost, that's what you've lost. It's just that simple. It doesn't matter if you don't look any different or that you still can't fit into any of your old Snoopy or toilet paper t-shirts. With the Gaslight diet, wherever there's a Will, there's no need to weigh!
Will now claims he was 290lbs. On October 8th he claimed to be 254lbs. Here's the problem: 290-254 = 36lbs. Pretty basic math. Strange the numbers don't add up. I wonder why? No, actually, I don't. I'm pretty sure I know why.
(Note: Will now says his beginning weight was 290. It wasn't. It was 292. Granted it was Dawn's weight but he tried to cover for his screw up. Either way, it wasn't 290lbs)
Also, Will says walking five miles is too easy now. Nevermind that they're winded walking up a few stairs and in the murder church at Smokemont. Not only that, they say they have also been riding their E-Bikes with Ken, himself the picture of health. Not sure what The Surgeon General says about such strenuous activity in your 500th trimester.
Will claims that people who see them all the time in person say they have lost weight. Strange. Someone who took and posted a stealth picture of them shows something completely different. Dawn looks exactly the same and Will is built like a "b". Looks like a landslide of fat.
Dawn says that they don't look like they have lost much weight because the camera adds 10lbs. I didn't know that YITS was a 37 camera shoot.
After months of promises and even more teases of plans that were mentioned and then never spoken of again, YITS returned to The Great Smoky Mountain National Park. Did Will get a permit? No! Didn't you hear Will? Those things cost millions of dollars and if you forget to dot one "i", the gubmint will take your money and throw you in Gitmo or something. Instead Will just put "Video not monetized" in big letters. I have a feeling that's about as real and effective as those disclaimers your mom posts every few months on her Facebook page.
Was there a nuclear accident in The Smokies? Will turned the saturation up so much, parts of the video were actually glowing. All the soft music and pretty colors. It was like dropping acid at a Will and Dawn festival: Chicken Stock. Warning: Don't take the brown gravy. Mainly because Will and Dawn are going to eat all of it and then claim to lose 26lbs.
For those who don't know, Ken is a minor character who has been circulating in the YCU (YITS Cinematic Universe) for awhile now. He makes bootleg character tshirts for YITS. He had a front row seat to the NYE debacle at Chris and Mindy's. For all we know, Ken might have still been sitting on Chris and Mindy's couch for the past nine months and nobody noticed or said a word. Ken is not dynamic.
Is Ken the new CATS? I'm guessing that he's Will's new doormat who pays for everything just for the privilege of basking in Will's celebrity. It starts with the Dollywood Tasting Pass and will work its way up to a trip or something more expensive. Whatever Will can get away with. Did Will learn this from his dad or ATW? Find a mark who will pay for his stuff. Going from the very nice and normal CATS to someone who looks like the back-up bass player for The Indigo Girls isn't the upgrade it sounds like. Leave it to Will to befriend the only guy in Sevier County with a mullet who doesn't own a Camaro. Will could hook Ken up with Denise. It would be sort of like The Hamboogler and Grimless (™️ Dawn) together. I doubt Denise would date Ken though. Ken looks too much like her daughter, Jennifer.
Will and Dawn have been talking about some things. They are back to being "dreamers". You've heard it all before: an RV, going camping (it's almost November!), a new Jeep. Will won't pay for a decent haircut. He's not buying a $100,000 Jeep, no matter if it's customized by Richard Petty, Tom Petty, Lori Petty or Debra Jo Petty (you might want to sanitize first if you buy that Jeep).
They were going to go on a cruise in October, unfortunately, the only cruises Will could find charge money. If it wasn't for that one little detail, I'm sure they would have taken a cruise. Will was holding out for a November cruise, hoping upon hoping he didn't have to go to The Chili Cook-Off again. I wonder why?
In unrelated news, Adam the Woo recently announced he's going to stop going to planned, annual events. No reason given, though I suspect it's for the same reason YITS doesn't do meetups. Will was so depressed, he went back to the modded school bus where he last hung out with Adam the Woo. But Will was so sad he only hung from the pole at half mast.
Do you like cars? Do you like movies you found at Blockbuster on VHS? Do you like dirty and dusty carpet? If you're 50 or older, have I got something for you (and only you!).
It's been a minute since we've been to the The Hollywood Star Cars Museum, a place with lots of vehicles and, apparently, no vacuum. George Barris could customize everything but a Dust Buster. Seriously, could someone buy these people a Swiffer or something? It's more like The Museum of Dust Bunnies. I've seen smaller bears in The Smokies compared to cobwebs in this place. Like the cars, I'll bet that carpet was something to behold in the 1990s.
Will disappointed his father but we're the ones who have to pay for it. We had to hear how Will's dad knew "Carl" Shelby. Did he actually know Carroll Shelby? I'm guessing they met at that star studded gala known as Autorama in Detroit. An event that hosted such luminaries as Sally Field, Jay Leno, Tim Allen, Henry Winkler, Cindy Williams (RIP) and Suzanne Somers (YITS is so boring and their threads take so long, I wrote this joke when she was alive). Look at that star power! Are we sure Will's dad wasn't Gavin MacLeod? Because I'm almost positive that sounds like an episode of "The Love Boat".
Before they start falling apart, let's get to the cars:
- The 1967 Mustang driven by Nicolas Cage in "Gone in 60 Seconds". As Will said, "the new one." For those keeping score, that would be from the year 2000. For Will and his audience, that's about as new as they get.
- A James Bond car 'drived' by "Double 7".
- The Ghostbusters "Hurst".
- Some car Dolly Parton probably autographed in her cousin's used car lot so he could sell it for $$$$$.
- The Beverly Hillbillies jalopy. Wait. I'm being told that is called "The 300"
- Many of these "drived", according to Will, by the actual celebrities, none of which Dawn has ever heard of. Standing next to 'The Terminator' motorcycle, Dawn quipped that famous Terminator motorcycle phrase, "Get in the choppah!" Wrong movie. Wrong vehicle. And poor Dawn is probably the only housecleaner Arnold wouldn't bang.
Do you remember where Dawn used to work? She used to clean up the drive-in theater her grandfather either owned or managed. You mean to tell me that Dawn never saw 'Smokey and The Bandit' or Roger Moore as "Double Seven"? Literally nothing registered with her except 'The Flintstones'. What kind of movies did they show at this drive-in? Note to self: never shake hands with Dawn.
We also learned that Bob Hope apparently posed for a wax figure after going on a bender in the IN-famous bathroom at Roddy McDowall's house. Joey Heatherton, Don Knotts and The Harlem Globetrotters were never quite the same after that. Up to no good, indeed.
All of these cars are famous, some, according to Will's first grade reading skills, are IN-famous. Is there an OUT-famous? If there was an IN-N-OUT-famous, Will would order a Double Double Animal Style.
What Will doesn't know about movies and reading and cleanliness and dieting, he knows about KFC. Will and Dawn went to the Fried Chicken Festival in Lipitor, Kentucky or something like that. I bleeping don't know. I wasn't paying attention.
It was three blocks of artery-clogging goodness. There were creepy art decorations, a hot tub filled with fried chicken and a Colonel Sanders look-a-like contest. What? C'mon. Every white guy over 65 who grows a goatee looks like Colonel Sanders. Either that or they grow the full beard and go Kenny Rogers. It's not really a contest. It's more of an inevitability.
Will and Dawn each ate a large fries, chicken breast, coleslaw, baked beans and a roll. Will said it was his first fried food in a month and a half. If you don't count fritters at Applewood Farmhouse, which Will, of course, didn't.
It's Pumpkin LumiNights at Dollywood, the time of year when amazing pumpkin and jack-o'-lantern displays decorate the park. It's also time for Ken to pay for YITS's dining pass. Will and Dawn split a bratwurst with...hey, what is that? Dawn giggles and wonders if it's purple cabbage. Will corrects her. It's purple sauerkraut. Where does he think sauerkraut comes from? Nobody tell him about pickles.
They met up with middle aged vloggers 'Adventures That Rock'. I didn't know Winger had a YouTube travel channel. Dawn and fat Axl Rose skipped in order to seem fun...I guess? They both just kinda jiggled. It was disturbing. I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat some nights.
Take me out of The Pigeon Forge City
so I can't see Dawn skip,
shakin' her titties!
Oh, won't you please take me home!
Like Corey Hart, Dawn wore her sunglasses at night. If only Corey Hart wrote a song, "Sunglasses Under My Big Fuckin Floppy Hat". Seriously, Dawn put her hat on top of her sunglasses on her head. Why? That's just Dawn!
Dawn danced and recalled her award-winning Zombie walk. It truly was the highlight of her life. (Again, I wrote this weeks ago)
It's October.
The big news is that YITS reached 91,000 "sus-cribers"! That means it's time for more shopping! This time Will and Dawn went shopping for special prize packages: three from Dollywood, three from Gatlinburg and three from Pigeon Forge. Such fabulous items as an ornament, a keychain, soup mix, taffy and travel mugs. We're talking tens of dollars in prizes. Will didn't want to brag (riiiight) but, after showing the amazing bigfoot keychain on the YITS channel, the store owner says they flew off the shelves. Will Grace, influencing cheap assholes everywhere.
Will did three separate shopping videos. There was supposed to be a Sevierville box, but I'm guessing Will couldn't find any more money in his couch for prizes. Shopping and running errands is content. Will says he's not an information channel. No tit. He says he's a lifestyle channel. I can see there's no information, but I don't see any life, either. They don't do tit.
It's fall in The Smokies! Will took us around to see the fall decorations. At least I think he did. It may have been an old video. It was the same decorations and Will said the same things in the same locations. There's nothing like repeating the same tired phrases. Oh, well. I guess the new sus-cribers have only heard the same tired phrases fifty times by now. Classic. Iconic.
Are Will and Dawn going to Egypt? Will claims that if they lose 50lbs they are going to ride camels in the desert. Somewhere there are two very unlucky camels. Can you imagine?The smell, the awful hygiene, the bad temperament...but enough about Will and Dawn. Those poor camels.
YITS went to The Daniel Boone Festival in Barbourville, Kentucky. Or maybe it's for Davey Crockett? Will is not sure. That's not a joke. Will literally didn't know the difference between Daniel Boone and Davey Crockett. Who knows? Maybe it's Paul Bunyan? Grizzly Adams? Little House on the Prairie? Will seriously has no idea. Obviously he just wants content. You can tell when Will is struggling to talk about any subject in a vlog. He said, "there's nothing like ______." at least five times. There's nothing like a desperate, unprepared Will.
Watching the parade, I'm guessing Daniel Boone drove a Buick Skylark? Why did Will show so many damn cars? More cars than the Rod Run. So boring. It felt like watching traffic. Dawn saw a car from 1973, "The year I was born! That car is 50 years old!" Um, thanks, Dawn? It's just like her birthday cruise. She's "this many" years old! Toddler Dawn.
After that it was just a bunch of cosplay Daniel Boones staggering all over the street, shooting their rifles in the air, like drunk uncles on parade. It looked more like a perp walk.
While this parade had an annoying number of cars, it had something even more annoying: princesses! lots and lots of princesses. So. Many. Princesses. This town has 3,200 people and felt like over half were princesses in this parade. Does your dad have a pickup or a convertible? Then you can be a princess!
Pardon me boys! Is that the Chattanooga tit hole? Yes! Yes! Crack house #9! Will and Dawn stayed at a hotel in Chattanooga surrounded by homeless, dumpster divers and grifters begging for money. How much did Will pay for this room? We all know that he just looked for the cheapest place and booked it. That's what Will calls "research". Remember, if people dive in dumpsters, they are homeless. If the same people film themselves dumpster diving, they are Will's favorite camping vlogger The Wonderhussy (literally because he's trying to find free places to camp or free ways to camp, the cheap asshole)
Ruby Falls. Dawn waddles. Ruby Falls is a cavern tour in Chattanooga, TN. Of course, Will showed us the whole movie they play on the tour. He loves to pad his run time with crap. Seriously, it was like a Hallmark movie. No idea what high school sweethearts have to do with a cavern. Not educational. Just inspirational bullshit. It was so bad I expected Candace Cameron to be in it.
After the movie, we got to see Dawn in her same flowered shirt and floppy hat waddle through the cavern. With her hat flipped up, Dawn looks like she belongs on the dumbest box of fish sticks. "The Morons' Fisherman".
YITS went to the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga. Dawn was disappointed. No Jabberjaw. But we did see some kinky, three-way turtle sex ("Slower! Slower!").
In all of their years of hiking, Will says they have only seen the North American river otter once. That's because they aren't native to Taco Bell drive-thrus. Will thought he saw one once, but it turns out he was just at Buc-ee's. Fresh otter on the board!
Will gave advice on which fish are the best ones to raise. Y'know Will? The guy who moved his fish tank to The Smokies 14 years ago and left it in his garage? Will loves to give advice. Quite the expert. Just like he gives diet, exercise and deck-building advice. A diver who was cleaning the tank with a sponge in his hand waved at YITS. One sponge inside the tank, two sponges outside the tank.
Looking at tropical flowers, Will said, "It's hard to take them all in." Probably even harder for Will to pronounce them correctly.
The aquarium is home to Beaver the Octopus. Dawn says Beaver the Octopus has, "The brain of a five-year-old." So, he's smarter than Dawn, but both with stinky Beaver that smells like low tide.
Will showed us the "nenemies", not anemones. Will's own worst "nenemies". Lit.
How many stupid bleeping Chattanooga activities did they do? You know the drill: spend three hours doing a bunch of crap all at once so they can hide out at home for a week. YITS "Rode the Ducks". It's part boat, part truck and all boring. Only two other people "Rode the Ducks". The host said they're "bulky, cumbersome and no one likes them." Just like Will and Dawn.
As the Duck hit the water Dawn said, "He wasn't kidding when he gassed it." Again, just like Dawn. Let er rip, potato chip!
The Duck Captain let Dawn steer the vessel. She's driven the Duck more than her own Jeep. Her gut literally honked the horn in the middle of the steering wheel every time she sat down and stood up. Working her belly to the bone. Had she not lost so much weight it might have sounded like a fog horn. Beep! Beep!
The captain pointed out hotels and bed & breakfasts in The Chattanooga Arts District. Unfortunately for Will and Dawn, the captain didn't do a tour of their hotel in The Chattanooga Hooker and Crack House District.
It's fall. Time for the usual autumn bullshit. Mayfield Farm Park in Athens, TN with it's Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch. Why does Will say Melk? Does he have a shirt made of selk? When he gets sick does that mean he fell ell?
Will "melked" a pretend cow by pulling its pretend udders, probably fantasizing it was The Dolly Parton statue.
They ordered a "lil lunch": a grilled cheese sandwich, a cheese steak sandwich, tater tots and coleslaw. Amazing. With that discipline and self-control they have lost 36lbs. It's almost unbelievable. No, it is unbelievable. Like, really, Will, no one believes you.
Will looks at the flowers in the field and says they'd be a beautiful gift for a loved one. Just as quickly he says they won't be buying any flowers today. That's because person he loves the most didn't want any flowers. That person being Will.
They got lost in the corn maze in the same way they get scared on rope bridges. Will literally got hungry looking at the corn in the maze. He actually said, "It looks really good." To be fair, the corn maze does have more food than Will and Dawn's kitchen.
Suddenly, Dawn got a huge smile on her face. Why? Was it because Will was looking at all the "member-billia". Nope. It was time for ice cream! Not just a little sample spoon, either. They each got a 'single' cone. I've seen smaller traffic cones. They must have scooped it with a shovel. Will said each cone was a cup. Yeah, like a Big Gulp cup. Their cones were at least two cups each. Will says he only had 1400 calories on this day. He underestimated his calories by at least 300 calories. That's me being generous.
He said they walked 5,000 steps on the farm. What? How long were they lost in the corn maze? Did they plow the bleeping fields? The pig races don't count towards your steps, Dawn. YITS got there after 3 p.m. The farm closes at 5 p.m. They did not take 5,000 steps in less than two hours. Did Will power "Melk" the cow? The only way he could have lost a bunch of fat is if he left Dawn behind on the farm.
On a livestream, Will claimed it was in Chattanooga where his pants fell all the way down to his ankles. What happened? Did he he think he saw Adam the Woo? Will says he lost most of his 36lbs in his butt. We know that's not true. Will is a 300-pound ass.
The deck is getting replaced this fall. Is it? Minutes later, Will also said the contractor disappeared. I'm guessing that's because that person didn't fall for Will's bullshit. Will spends so much time gaslighting Dawn and getting his way with his mother that he thinks nobody sees through his lies. The contractor has probably dealt with a thousand Will's and knew he wasn't worth the hassle. Will loves to talk in circles. He said the deck is getting done. Then he spent 10 minutes explaining why the deck isn't getting done. His viewers fall for this tit? It's fall right now. If he's to be believed, Will has until December 21st. I don't which will Will finish first: his deck or the end of a sentence.
The Sunday night livestream on October 8th restored a little bit of my faith in humanity. A woman claiming to be a dietary nurse in the chat said that she could tell YITS are lying about their weight loss. Her comments, however, did not get to Will or Dawn. I know this because YITS told us for twenty minutes how they weren't bothered. Nope. Not at all. Dawn's argument can be boiled down to basically, "I know you are, but what am I?" I haven't heard such a brilliant defense since "McLaughlin Group" on PBS. Then Dawn stood up, showing us her same ol' dress that still fits her in the same ol' way. Well, I'm convinced. tit, Dawn. At least try to suck in your gut or something. The only thing she's losing is more brain cells and IQ points.
While waddling around the Smoky Mountain Arts and Crafts District, Will thought about taking pottery classes like the movie "Ghost". Could anyone get his arms around Dawn? If Will and Dawn were in that famous scene the song would be "Unbrained Melody".
What is up with Will's haircut? It must be hard to work a pair of electric clippers when you've worked your fingers to the bone. Will's hair is all patchy and uneven with long wisps of hair sticking out. It's like he sat down and said, "Give me a haircut so people think I have five months to live. Yeahhhhh! Huh, huh, huh!"
The Dollywood HeartSong Resort opened up (or Heart Song if you're Will). Will and Dawn had reservations but then Dollywood changed the preview at the last minute. Will claims he only had one day to change his arrangements. Apparently that one day was critical because Will didn't have time to plan out the 92,000 sus-cribers contest. That's right. The contest that has taken over a month. Mr. Research.
While guests at the hotel, Dawn whined because the outdoor pool was closed. Will said it closed at 5 p.m. According to Ryan AIOT, it actually won't be open until a later date. It was never open. Mr. Research strikes again! Dawn practically cried like a toddler. That's Will's fault. They went to the indoor pool but that was too cold. Dawn pouted like a child. I've never met a 50-year-old woman who needs a timeout.
But back to the hotel. Do you know how much Will and Dawn paid for their room? If guessed over $400 then you probably watched the livestream. You probably also want that two hours back. YITS viewers bitched and moaned that it was too expensive. For two hours, his viewers couldn't move past the price. Will, of course, is a coward and tried to play both sides of the fence, also watch their video. When surveyed, YITS viewers wanted to pay about $3.50. Will said that we know what type of motels they're used to. You mean the type with hookers and dumpster divers outside? To be fair, YITS viewers remember when you could buy a house for $8,000 and brown people at the market in Charleston, SC. Y'know. The good ole days. (That's a joke. We're against slavery here)
Part two of staying The Heart Song lasted 1:00:14. Will said it's one of his best reviews. It's his epic movie: 'Apocalypse Cow'. Will and Dawn were confused about the big words on the menu like polenta, broccolini and red pepper jelly.
Will took his hat off. Thankfully he put it back on. He was probably depressing all of the other guests who saw his patchy hair and thought he was here through Make A Wish. Will and Dawn both ate her chicken with their hands and had chocolate s'mores cheesecake before having actual s'mores by the fire. You notice we never see YITS wash their hands?
Dawn laughed at almost poking Will in the eye with her marshmallow roasting stick. Heh, heh, heh. There's nothing like almost losing your eye because your wife is a 50-year-old toddler. Classic. Eye-conic. At least Dawn is better behaved than the little girl with the mullet who was climbing all over everything and picking the flowers. Not by much and there's a difference of 45 years.
Will and Dawn waddled around the hotel "burning off" the 3000 calories of dinner, dessert, s'mores, and a big butterfly cookie which they, of course, never eat that much. Except for all the other times we've seen them eat all of this. Do they know they are on camera?
Will wondered if we were bored watching them show us identical floors. No, we're bored because you're boring. You could cut the runtime down, but Will's never going to do that. Will needs the money. He can only save so much money with the home haircuts.
Someone pulled the fire alarm a second time. Dawn was pouting because she didn't want to leave. Because she's a toddler, much like the bratty kid who pulled the alarm. At least Will keeps tabs on his bratty toddler. I don't know what the problem is. It's not like she has a job to go to in the morning or afternoon or ever.
Speaking of morning, you know how Will claims that they get up at 5 a.m. every morning? Except when they are on camera for some reason. This time the Dollywood trams that start at 9 a.m. woke him up. Not even close to 5 a.m. What a surprise.
For some reason, Will felt the need to pull out the hide-a-bed. He said he didn't think it had ever been pulled out. I wish Will's dad had pulled out.
Will says elevators in the
motels they stay at are "shady". That's because the MOTELS Will and Dawn stay at ARE shady. At HeartSong, Dolly Parton is the only person who dresses like a hooker. At Will and Dawn MOTELS, it's actual hookers who dress like hookers.
Do I have to recap every bleeping thing? Ugh. Stop me if you've heard this before. Stop? No, I haven't even...Stop? No, you gotta give me a chance to...Stop? So they walked around Sevierville and went to the Dolly Stat...you're right. I should have stopped. We've all seen and heard this before. Although I'm sure this waddle burned 3,000 calories according to the the app.
Leaves A Poppin! Will loves to say "Poppin". In the past, it meant his love for Poppin Fresh. I'm sorry. She goes by Dawn now.
Will is a phony leaf peeper. It's just content for him, but he tries to pretend to be excited. He pays so much attention, he didn't even see the snow in higher elevation. Poppin count for this video is 9, btw. By the end, I wanted to "pop" my eyeballs out.
Speaking of phony, "God is good." Yes, Will. The God you never worship at church, or study, or follow or even think about off camera. Also, Will sure pants heavy for some one who claims that walking five miles is so easy.
Did Will get a permit to film? If he did, he didn't mention it. "I'm lovin it, guys." Meaning, of course, McDonald's.
It's getting colder. It's the one day Dawn doesn't wear a stupid floppy hat?!? What about those extra clothes in their car? Are they buried underneath the chainsaw?
YITS took a "second trip" (on the exact same Tuesday) to Cherokee and Maggie Valley. Will said "there's nothing like taking in the atmosphere." What atmosphere? It's just old gift shops.
Will took us in a store with so many critter pelts, you could practically hear the screeching tires that hit them.
They took us to So-Co Falls. I wonder if Dawn got flashbacks to being in the bottom of the well?
Dawn held up a pair of shorts that "Silent Butt Deadly". If they were silent, Dawn wouldn't have to get up and leave during Sunday livestreams.
Lunch at The Maggie Valley Restaurant. They got chopped steak and fried chicken (THAT'S FRIED IN LARD!). Will said it was because there were no healthy options. EXCEPT IT LITERALLY SAID "VEGGIE PLATE" RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MENU!!! There's even turkey or grilled chicken. They wanted to eat chicken FRIED IN LARD and steak. They just can't be honest. That's the point of these threads: they can never be honest.
The good news is that after eating the chopped steak, Will's coat is shinier, his teeth are whiter and he's more active (because it looked like dog food).
It's amazing. Because you know that they will say that they are down over 40lbs during the next livestream. Dawn will parrot whatever Will says. They claim that they weigh themselves on Tuesdays. This was a Tuesday. Have you noticed that they don't do any extra livestreams anymore? I guess they are too busy runnin.
They look like trash! They look like monster trash! For the second year in a row, Dawn channeled her inner Pamela Pumpkins and, once again, won a little trophy in the History and Haunts Zombie Walk. It's too bad they don't have any friends to dump the Krispy Kreme donuts gift card on like Chris and Mindy. Guess we know what Ken is getting for Christmas! Does winning twice as a zombie make "Dawn Silent Butt Deadly"? (Except when she has to leave the studio so we don't hear her rip potato chip during livestreams.)
If you say his name three times, Beetlejuice will appear. You mention the Zombie Trophy once and Dawn will bring it out. All. Year. Round. Try it. It's fun (and Will hates it)
What does the future hold? Probably not much but more of the same. All of the "big travel plans" they had have been put on the shelf, in between the empty Dolly Parton Ice Cream pints and a wood carving of Honey Bear's taint. Like Bruno, they don't talk about travel. He's even talking about being at The *gasp!* Chili Cook-Off! They are grounded in The Smokies for now. Maybe they'll drive places, but they ain't flying anywhere the rest of the year. Perhaps they'll get some cheap off-season deal in January when it's cold and rainy and they'll be wearing light windbreakers. We'll see if Will can con his sister to pay for half of Ireland or sail away on another cheap cruise with negative health scores.
Will is trying to bribe new subscribers with prizes, can you imagine what those new "suscribers" think? Will says they're not an information channel. Viewers instead get the privilege of watching Will and Dawn run errands, lie about their diet and weight loss and do even less than what we long-time hate-watchers are used to seeing. For new viewers I'm not sure what will keep them watching. YITS go through the motions but they do so little now, the motions and patterns are even more apparent.
It's the almost like Will and Dawn are connected to a soundboard, repeating the same phrases over and over and over again. Our Tattle board reflects boredom. I'm sure YITS churn rate must reflect that, too.
Y'know, there's just something about Will and Dawn. Yankee in the South is iconic. One of a kind. Unique. Classic. It's
got that YITS flair. That YITS vibe. It's been a minute. There's nothing better than Will and Dawn repeating the same phrases and doing the same things as they go to the same places. We can all see that Will Grace is up to no good.
