Congratulations to the Cinderella Boy @Murray9000.
What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Tattle. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. It's in the hole!
The Cinderella Boy did the impossible: he won the thread title contest with just minutes left.
MURRAY9000 is the big winner in the big YITS contest, meaning M9000 is the only person who could understand Will over-explaining some very simple, straightforward rules. He put "dawn" in the thread title because any word longer and YITS viewers would have misspelled it.
For your efforts, you get a gift card for Krispy Kreme left in CATS living room and a bushel of peaches from Mama Sidelines'orchard backyard!
Thank you very little.
Are you ready?
Well?!? We're waiting!
*sideways thumbs up*
Let's do this!
Where the duck are we? Seriously, where do I start? Everything is out of order. Do start back in Salem, MA? He still hasn't finished the road trip. Do I start with Azul? Nah. Like Will, I wasn't invited. Do I start with the new diet plan? Did you know I've lost 14lbs by just typing and thinking about it. Amazing, isn't?
Lucky me, I'm taking a train ride all the way back to New Hampshire. Unlike Will, I bought the correct seat. Remember when Will pretended he didn't buy the wrong ticket? We all make mistakes, but enough about Will's mom. Why do we have to suffer for her three minutes of pleasure in the back of the trailer next to the ring toss or wherever Will's dad worked on the midway? Will brags about all this research he does and he can't even read the date on his tickets? And Dawn is useless. She probably asked, "What's a calendar?"
I feel like Casey Kasem going back so far with these memories. Remember bobby socks, malt shops and covered bridges? Well, coming in at number thirty-eight on our countdown of pointless, boring things is The Covered Bridge Gift Shop! That's right! It's a gift shop on a covered bridge! But here's the catch: it carries stuff you can find anywhere! Actually, to find stuff like this you'd have to go to a dilapidated card store in a dead mall where Hallmark sends the stuff even it can't sell. You'd have to follow YITS into a bathroom to find more crap,
Will and Dawn also went to a ski-themed McDonald's! Off camera, Will counted eating three McFlurries as a slalom course.
They went to Salem, Massachusetts, home of the Salem Witch trials. Aren't YITS stans pearl-clutching holy rollers? Wouldn't they be on pro-witch-burning side? Maybe that's why Will went in the morning? Is there a brochure that said, "See Salem when all the stores are closed!" "Come for the witchcraft! Stay for the locked doors!" "Test your witchcraft on our security systems!" Why did they go? I learned nothing. Even they admitted only one store was open. That was just for clicks, you know, like when Samantha snaps her fingers!
Will saw the statue of actress Elizabeth Montgomery and pretended that he watched 'Bewitched'. The statue shows Elizabeth with her hands up. Will just guessed that she snapped her fingers. Still... that's better than his interpretation of Plymouth Rock where the native people and The Pilgrims got along famously, never shared diseases and always kept their word. USA! USA! USA!
I do have this question: if Will and Dawn went to Salem in the morning and Boston in the afternoon, when did they supposedly get locked in the cemetery? The night before? Locked out of stores. Locked in cemeteries. I can only imagine what the person who unlocked the cemetery thought, "These goth kids keep getting fatter..."
Boston was too expensive, so YITS drove through. Dawn was disappointed. She really wanted Boston Market drive-thru. They did stay at a motel near where Paul Revere was captured. Some one should have warned the staff, "The cheapskates are coming! The cheapskates are coming!"
At the end of the Boston video, Will displayed his true character or lack of it. He said they are thankful that "we have Jesus Christ in our lives." If that was true, I would respect that. But it's not. For YITS, it's just a way to grift. He said that because he knows Ryan AIOT actually lives his life that way. No joke here. Will is just a terrible person and that's why I continue to rip on him.
Let 'er rip, potato chip. Baked potato chips, of course. No fried foods. I just lost 17lbs from this sentence alone.
Okay, off the soap box (note to Will: soap is a product for cleaning that emulsifies dirt which you can purchase at places other than swap meets).
Marble Mouth went to Marble Mansion! Of all The Newport Mansions, Will chose this one. They're all nice, but most people go to The Breakers. I've been to that one. It's kind of the crown jewel, isn't it? For some reason, they went to Marble House. Why? Did Dawn think The Breakers was break dancing? It was probably the price. Will saved $4 dollars by touring the secondary property. Too broke for The Breakers. More like the broke-ers. (Okay, that joke is growing on me)
Remember Pez? Remember Batman? Remember Snoopy? Of course you bleeping do. So do Will and Dawn. They told us every thing they remember on The Pez factory tour. That's all the video was: just Will or Dawn pointing to a Pez head and saying, "I remember..."
Darth Vader?!? Nope .Never heard of him.
If you think all of that sounds boring, you aren't the only one. YITS views were WAY DOWN for the latest road trip. Maybe a year or so ago, a bad YITS video was 25,000 views with many in the 35,000 range even touching 80,000. This last trip was more like 14,000 views for a video. You're telling me YITS viewers with their "duck Joe Biden" flags don't want to learn about Delaware? Will should find out what his videos are eating. The only thing losing weight is his channel.
I think we have finally made it back to Sevierville (dammit!). If you're Will, you're upset about being back home. Also, if you're Will, you weren't invited to the party for the grand opening of Azul. I don't know if this was funny or sad. What am I saying? It was bleeping hilarious!
So basically every Smoky Mountain vlogger and media outlet was invited to the ribbon cutting ceremony and grand opening of Azul Cantina in The Mountain Mile, a combination strip mall and sling shot (a weird sentence, but it's accurate). Will is going to tell you that he was out of town. I'm going to tell you that he's full of tit. He has done this after every long trip: he hides at home and releases videos like he's still on the road. He was home for the ceremony. He clearly went to the Mountain Mile and ate at the owners other restaurant in hopes of getting invited. Wisely for Azul, they realized that Will in his Columbia Santa Claus shirt wasn't exactly going to class up the joint. Will could have told everyone how he just got back from Cozumel, spending time with some weirdo in a blue head-to-toe bodysuit. You've never done that? You're missing out! MSC Cruises have everything, even a clear bridge at the end of the ship!
YITS ate chips. Which aren't deep fried. I don't know if you know this but Will and Dawn are on a diet and exercise plan! They haven't had fried food. The bacon on the Anakeesta chicken sandwich? Not fried. The fried chicken Dawn ate at Anakeesta? Not fried. The French Fri... nevermind.
Will said he had a doctor's appointment. What did that doctor say to Will? He claims that he's been to the doctor before. Every time he comes back he says that he and Dawn are in great health. Now, suddenly, he's worried and, at least temporarily, trying to make some changes.The fact that Will's dad passed away young didn't scare him. Passing out while mowing the lawn didn't scare him. Standing and sweating didn't scare him. All I can think of is the doctor must have said Adam the Woo only fucks skinny people.
Will and Dawn are on a health kick. They have been walking every night...or every other night...or every third night. It changes depending on Will"s story. Since August 1st they have been walking for miles. Just the other night, Will said they walked 3.5 miles. The sign said halfway was .64 miles. That makes the walk 1.28 miles. In case you were wondering, Will is as bad at math as he is at grammar... and hygiene...and picking a wife.
14lbs in 18 days. Will and Dawn claim they've lost 14lbs in 18 days all the while eating french fries, bacon, chips and heavy food. 14lbs just by walking. You know it's true because Dawn is using her step counter that I think was made by Atari. My wife got a new iPhone and she needed a new iWatch because her old one (just a few years old) was already obsolete. I doubt Dawn's Commodore 64 is counting anything but days before it goes to the junkyard. I'm surprised it doesn't connect to AOL "You've got... obesity!"
They also used their E-Bikes on Pedal Assist One on a flat surface through Knoxville. Even with help, Will had to stop every ten feet to read plaques or say, "There's a boat!" Will claims to be "distant relative to Dr Seuss" and you can tell because he points out the obvious. There's a lamebrain near the train!
Speaking of not being able to count, Yankee in the South has just reached over 90,000 subscribers! Such a momentous occasion, Will and Dawn had to be told by a viewer. If you remember a few months ago, Will had big plans.
To build a deck?
No
To go on a Dis-uh-ney Cruise?
No.
To spend a month at some random relative's castle in Ireland?
No.
I mean, yes, all of these are true, but I'm taking about Will's big contest plans.
Remember? He was going to give away hundreds (or was it thousands?) of custom tumblers from a viewer's business called Crimson Creations. Tshirts, Tumblers and whatever else she could make on her bleeping Cricuit Machine. The poor woman was naive enough to send Will some samples of her work. Will remembers some stupid foam 'house of the future' that looks like boobs from 40 years ago in Gatlinburg, but he can't be bothered to apologize to the poor woman who thought she could do business with the guy who wanted to scam the Amish into building his deck and drove CATS away because he was such a leach. Do these people get a different livestream? It's obvious he's a cheap ass, right?
Like we all predicted, Will half-assed his way into his contest. Basically, he's giving a $50 gift card away every month or so. Woo. Hoo.
Ryan AIOT is giving away a season pass to Dollywood, Will found stuff in a drawer.
Will took entirely too long to explain his contest. I tend to believe he did that as to confuse people about the number and frequency of his prizes. It sounded like six gift cards a week. Nope. It's six gift cards total. These cards last until YITS reaches 100,000 sus-cribers. Which Will estimates could be in March. That's six cards in eight months. Big spender.
The grand prize is dinner somewhere with Will and Dawn! Maybe The Hatfield's & McCoy's! Maybe Dolly's Stampede! Probably not Jason Al-uh-deen's Ruff-Top Bar and Grill.
Will can't be bothered to put effort into The Smokies. Can't be bothered to put effort into learning anything about the new places he goes. Can't even be bothered to put effort into his contest. Apparently he thinks he's losing weight by using half his ass.
Is he going to be at The Jeep Invasion? It's starting now, but he hasn't looked at this year's event calendar. Is he going to be at The Rod Run? When is that again? What about The Chili Cook-Off? Well... he's hoping for a better offer. Maybe a deal on a cruise. He's looking forward to the buffet, even though they don't like buffets.
I lost 14lbs trying to keep up with all the lies.
Will says that first times are what excite him. He says that you can tell he's excited by his editing. How? Is it the same music he uses? Is it the same shots of pointless flowers? Is it the same mispronunciations of words? Yeah, I can't tell the difference.
Will, YouTube is a job. Nobody likes their job. It's why it's called a job and not Super Happy Easy Fun Time. You don't have one boss. You have thousands of them. Looking at your numbers, I'd say you're on probation. Your co-worker Ryan AIOT is doing a better job. He's nice and he tries but he's not amazing. He's fine. You can't even surpass him and you had a giant lead. People compare. It's what they do. People see Ryan AIOT is giving away better prizes more often. People see Ryan AIOT mostly stays in The Smokies. You're trying to lose weight. Congratulations. But you're going to have to find a way to balance exercise and content. Because exercise isn't content. It's called juggling work and life. Welcome to adulthood. You don't have kids. You don't have to pay a mortgage or for your crappy cars. You have it pretty easy. Consider yourself lucky.
You're going to get your YouTube plaque. Then what? You are limping across the finish line. Except it's not the finish. You have confused your brand. You don't offer information about The Smokies or anywhere really. Why should people watch and subscribe? That's the question.
You're excited about the first time. Great. It's not the first time for the viewer. Everything has been vlogged. There are better Salem, The Breakers or Delaware videos. Watching you bumble through things is only going to attract hate-watchers. Stay in the Smokies. It's your identity and the only thing that you sort of know. YouTube has changed and you're acting like it's 2019.
The good news? You'll lose 25lbs catching up and putting your channel back together.
So get out your official ATW Calorie App and your Step Counter that connects to your flip phone, it's time to walk, stop, point and bullshit our way through more excuses with Will and Dawn!
What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Tattle. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. It's in the hole!
The Cinderella Boy did the impossible: he won the thread title contest with just minutes left.
MURRAY9000 is the big winner in the big YITS contest, meaning M9000 is the only person who could understand Will over-explaining some very simple, straightforward rules. He put "dawn" in the thread title because any word longer and YITS viewers would have misspelled it.
For your efforts, you get a gift card for Krispy Kreme left in CATS living room and a bushel of peaches from Mama Sidelines'
Thank you very little.
Are you ready?
Well?!? We're waiting!
*sideways thumbs up*
Let's do this!
Where the duck are we? Seriously, where do I start? Everything is out of order. Do start back in Salem, MA? He still hasn't finished the road trip. Do I start with Azul? Nah. Like Will, I wasn't invited. Do I start with the new diet plan? Did you know I've lost 14lbs by just typing and thinking about it. Amazing, isn't?
Lucky me, I'm taking a train ride all the way back to New Hampshire. Unlike Will, I bought the correct seat. Remember when Will pretended he didn't buy the wrong ticket? We all make mistakes, but enough about Will's mom. Why do we have to suffer for her three minutes of pleasure in the back of the trailer next to the ring toss or wherever Will's dad worked on the midway? Will brags about all this research he does and he can't even read the date on his tickets? And Dawn is useless. She probably asked, "What's a calendar?"
I feel like Casey Kasem going back so far with these memories. Remember bobby socks, malt shops and covered bridges? Well, coming in at number thirty-eight on our countdown of pointless, boring things is The Covered Bridge Gift Shop! That's right! It's a gift shop on a covered bridge! But here's the catch: it carries stuff you can find anywhere! Actually, to find stuff like this you'd have to go to a dilapidated card store in a dead mall where Hallmark sends the stuff even it can't sell. You'd have to follow YITS into a bathroom to find more crap,
Will and Dawn also went to a ski-themed McDonald's! Off camera, Will counted eating three McFlurries as a slalom course.
They went to Salem, Massachusetts, home of the Salem Witch trials. Aren't YITS stans pearl-clutching holy rollers? Wouldn't they be on pro-witch-burning side? Maybe that's why Will went in the morning? Is there a brochure that said, "See Salem when all the stores are closed!" "Come for the witchcraft! Stay for the locked doors!" "Test your witchcraft on our security systems!" Why did they go? I learned nothing. Even they admitted only one store was open. That was just for clicks, you know, like when Samantha snaps her fingers!
Will saw the statue of actress Elizabeth Montgomery and pretended that he watched 'Bewitched'. The statue shows Elizabeth with her hands up. Will just guessed that she snapped her fingers. Still... that's better than his interpretation of Plymouth Rock where the native people and The Pilgrims got along famously, never shared diseases and always kept their word. USA! USA! USA!
I do have this question: if Will and Dawn went to Salem in the morning and Boston in the afternoon, when did they supposedly get locked in the cemetery? The night before? Locked out of stores. Locked in cemeteries. I can only imagine what the person who unlocked the cemetery thought, "These goth kids keep getting fatter..."
Boston was too expensive, so YITS drove through. Dawn was disappointed. She really wanted Boston Market drive-thru. They did stay at a motel near where Paul Revere was captured. Some one should have warned the staff, "The cheapskates are coming! The cheapskates are coming!"
At the end of the Boston video, Will displayed his true character or lack of it. He said they are thankful that "we have Jesus Christ in our lives." If that was true, I would respect that. But it's not. For YITS, it's just a way to grift. He said that because he knows Ryan AIOT actually lives his life that way. No joke here. Will is just a terrible person and that's why I continue to rip on him.
Let 'er rip, potato chip. Baked potato chips, of course. No fried foods. I just lost 17lbs from this sentence alone.
Okay, off the soap box (note to Will: soap is a product for cleaning that emulsifies dirt which you can purchase at places other than swap meets).
Marble Mouth went to Marble Mansion! Of all The Newport Mansions, Will chose this one. They're all nice, but most people go to The Breakers. I've been to that one. It's kind of the crown jewel, isn't it? For some reason, they went to Marble House. Why? Did Dawn think The Breakers was break dancing? It was probably the price. Will saved $4 dollars by touring the secondary property. Too broke for The Breakers. More like the broke-ers. (Okay, that joke is growing on me)
Remember Pez? Remember Batman? Remember Snoopy? Of course you bleeping do. So do Will and Dawn. They told us every thing they remember on The Pez factory tour. That's all the video was: just Will or Dawn pointing to a Pez head and saying, "I remember..."
Darth Vader?!? Nope .Never heard of him.
If you think all of that sounds boring, you aren't the only one. YITS views were WAY DOWN for the latest road trip. Maybe a year or so ago, a bad YITS video was 25,000 views with many in the 35,000 range even touching 80,000. This last trip was more like 14,000 views for a video. You're telling me YITS viewers with their "duck Joe Biden" flags don't want to learn about Delaware? Will should find out what his videos are eating. The only thing losing weight is his channel.
I think we have finally made it back to Sevierville (dammit!). If you're Will, you're upset about being back home. Also, if you're Will, you weren't invited to the party for the grand opening of Azul. I don't know if this was funny or sad. What am I saying? It was bleeping hilarious!
So basically every Smoky Mountain vlogger and media outlet was invited to the ribbon cutting ceremony and grand opening of Azul Cantina in The Mountain Mile, a combination strip mall and sling shot (a weird sentence, but it's accurate). Will is going to tell you that he was out of town. I'm going to tell you that he's full of tit. He has done this after every long trip: he hides at home and releases videos like he's still on the road. He was home for the ceremony. He clearly went to the Mountain Mile and ate at the owners other restaurant in hopes of getting invited. Wisely for Azul, they realized that Will in his Columbia Santa Claus shirt wasn't exactly going to class up the joint. Will could have told everyone how he just got back from Cozumel, spending time with some weirdo in a blue head-to-toe bodysuit. You've never done that? You're missing out! MSC Cruises have everything, even a clear bridge at the end of the ship!
YITS ate chips. Which aren't deep fried. I don't know if you know this but Will and Dawn are on a diet and exercise plan! They haven't had fried food. The bacon on the Anakeesta chicken sandwich? Not fried. The fried chicken Dawn ate at Anakeesta? Not fried. The French Fri... nevermind.
Will said he had a doctor's appointment. What did that doctor say to Will? He claims that he's been to the doctor before. Every time he comes back he says that he and Dawn are in great health. Now, suddenly, he's worried and, at least temporarily, trying to make some changes.The fact that Will's dad passed away young didn't scare him. Passing out while mowing the lawn didn't scare him. Standing and sweating didn't scare him. All I can think of is the doctor must have said Adam the Woo only fucks skinny people.
Will and Dawn are on a health kick. They have been walking every night...or every other night...or every third night. It changes depending on Will"s story. Since August 1st they have been walking for miles. Just the other night, Will said they walked 3.5 miles. The sign said halfway was .64 miles. That makes the walk 1.28 miles. In case you were wondering, Will is as bad at math as he is at grammar... and hygiene...and picking a wife.
14lbs in 18 days. Will and Dawn claim they've lost 14lbs in 18 days all the while eating french fries, bacon, chips and heavy food. 14lbs just by walking. You know it's true because Dawn is using her step counter that I think was made by Atari. My wife got a new iPhone and she needed a new iWatch because her old one (just a few years old) was already obsolete. I doubt Dawn's Commodore 64 is counting anything but days before it goes to the junkyard. I'm surprised it doesn't connect to AOL "You've got... obesity!"
They also used their E-Bikes on Pedal Assist One on a flat surface through Knoxville. Even with help, Will had to stop every ten feet to read plaques or say, "There's a boat!" Will claims to be "distant relative to Dr Seuss" and you can tell because he points out the obvious. There's a lamebrain near the train!
Speaking of not being able to count, Yankee in the South has just reached over 90,000 subscribers! Such a momentous occasion, Will and Dawn had to be told by a viewer. If you remember a few months ago, Will had big plans.
To build a deck?
No
To go on a Dis-uh-ney Cruise?
No.
To spend a month at some random relative's castle in Ireland?
No.
I mean, yes, all of these are true, but I'm taking about Will's big contest plans.
Remember? He was going to give away hundreds (or was it thousands?) of custom tumblers from a viewer's business called Crimson Creations. Tshirts, Tumblers and whatever else she could make on her bleeping Cricuit Machine. The poor woman was naive enough to send Will some samples of her work. Will remembers some stupid foam 'house of the future' that looks like boobs from 40 years ago in Gatlinburg, but he can't be bothered to apologize to the poor woman who thought she could do business with the guy who wanted to scam the Amish into building his deck and drove CATS away because he was such a leach. Do these people get a different livestream? It's obvious he's a cheap ass, right?
Like we all predicted, Will half-assed his way into his contest. Basically, he's giving a $50 gift card away every month or so. Woo. Hoo.
Ryan AIOT is giving away a season pass to Dollywood, Will found stuff in a drawer.
Will took entirely too long to explain his contest. I tend to believe he did that as to confuse people about the number and frequency of his prizes. It sounded like six gift cards a week. Nope. It's six gift cards total. These cards last until YITS reaches 100,000 sus-cribers. Which Will estimates could be in March. That's six cards in eight months. Big spender.
The grand prize is dinner somewhere with Will and Dawn! Maybe The Hatfield's & McCoy's! Maybe Dolly's Stampede! Probably not Jason Al-uh-deen's Ruff-Top Bar and Grill.
Will can't be bothered to put effort into The Smokies. Can't be bothered to put effort into learning anything about the new places he goes. Can't even be bothered to put effort into his contest. Apparently he thinks he's losing weight by using half his ass.
Is he going to be at The Jeep Invasion? It's starting now, but he hasn't looked at this year's event calendar. Is he going to be at The Rod Run? When is that again? What about The Chili Cook-Off? Well... he's hoping for a better offer. Maybe a deal on a cruise. He's looking forward to the buffet, even though they don't like buffets.
I lost 14lbs trying to keep up with all the lies.
Will says that first times are what excite him. He says that you can tell he's excited by his editing. How? Is it the same music he uses? Is it the same shots of pointless flowers? Is it the same mispronunciations of words? Yeah, I can't tell the difference.
Will, YouTube is a job. Nobody likes their job. It's why it's called a job and not Super Happy Easy Fun Time. You don't have one boss. You have thousands of them. Looking at your numbers, I'd say you're on probation. Your co-worker Ryan AIOT is doing a better job. He's nice and he tries but he's not amazing. He's fine. You can't even surpass him and you had a giant lead. People compare. It's what they do. People see Ryan AIOT is giving away better prizes more often. People see Ryan AIOT mostly stays in The Smokies. You're trying to lose weight. Congratulations. But you're going to have to find a way to balance exercise and content. Because exercise isn't content. It's called juggling work and life. Welcome to adulthood. You don't have kids. You don't have to pay a mortgage or for your crappy cars. You have it pretty easy. Consider yourself lucky.
You're going to get your YouTube plaque. Then what? You are limping across the finish line. Except it's not the finish. You have confused your brand. You don't offer information about The Smokies or anywhere really. Why should people watch and subscribe? That's the question.
You're excited about the first time. Great. It's not the first time for the viewer. Everything has been vlogged. There are better Salem, The Breakers or Delaware videos. Watching you bumble through things is only going to attract hate-watchers. Stay in the Smokies. It's your identity and the only thing that you sort of know. YouTube has changed and you're acting like it's 2019.
The good news? You'll lose 25lbs catching up and putting your channel back together.
So get out your official ATW Calorie App and your Step Counter that connects to your flip phone, it's time to walk, stop, point and bullshit our way through more excuses with Will and Dawn!
