Reminds me of the two nuns who were sitting on a park bench when a man walked by, opened his mac and flashed them. Ones of the nuns had a stroke.
The other one couldn't quite reach it.
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The other one couldn't quite reach it.
Former pop star Elvis Costello is now working in quality control for Mcvities biscuits.
Apparently he is watching the digestives!
Apparently he is watching the digestives!
What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
A pat on the head.
A wealthy man met a beautiful woman and knew straight away that he wanted to marry her. He proposed on their second date.
”But we don’t know anything about each other.” she said.
”No matter, we will learn about each other as we go along. That’ll be part of the fun.”
So she agreed and they got married. After the ceremony, they went on an expensive honeymoon to the finest hotel in Mauritius. On their first morning they went to the hotel pool. He climbed to the top of the diving board and with an elaborate double somersault, plunged into the water. As he surfaced, he said to his new bride: “Impressive huh? You see I used to be an Olympic diving champion. I told you we would learn things about each other as we went along.”
Then she jumped into the water and proceeded to complete 25 lengths of the pool without breaking sweat. As she climbed out, he said: “Wow! That was fantastic. We’re you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
”No” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”
”But we don’t know anything about each other.” she said.
”No matter, we will learn about each other as we go along. That’ll be part of the fun.”
So she agreed and they got married. After the ceremony, they went on an expensive honeymoon to the finest hotel in Mauritius. On their first morning they went to the hotel pool. He climbed to the top of the diving board and with an elaborate double somersault, plunged into the water. As he surfaced, he said to his new bride: “Impressive huh? You see I used to be an Olympic diving champion. I told you we would learn things about each other as we went along.”
Then she jumped into the water and proceeded to complete 25 lengths of the pool without breaking sweat. As she climbed out, he said: “Wow! That was fantastic. We’re you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
”No” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”
I was in a park one day and wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger and bigger... and then it hit me !!
An inflatable boy attended an inflatable school that had inflatable students, inflatable teachers and inflatable furniture.
One day he brought a pin and after ten minutes he was in deep trouble. The principal looked at him sternly and said, " You've let your teachers down, your fellow students down, yourself down and the whole school down... "
One day he brought a pin and after ten minutes he was in deep trouble. The principal looked at him sternly and said, " You've let your teachers down, your fellow students down, yourself down and the whole school down... "
Craig David is representing Team Gb at the Olympics at archery.
He is the Bow Selecter.
He is the Bow Selecter.
I think I saw Michael J Fox at my local garden centre this morning.
Not 100% sure if it was him though as he had his back to the fuchsia's....
Not 100% sure if it was him though as he had his back to the fuchsia's....
