Why do people read a message & then not respond?

[rainbowlemon]

I do this. It's because I want to see what the other person is saying, but I need to be in the right head space before I can answer.

One of my friends I get back every two- three weeks. It's okay because it works for us and I don't expect straight away answers from him though we will have moments where do reply almost instantly.

Oh if it's work related then I think a normal response time should be within 5 days.

 

[idk2]

I used to be that person to reply to messages and notifications straight away but as I got older and busier, I found it so mentally draining. I also felt like people used to expect me to reply all the time and when I didnt, they would get annoyed or think I was ignoring them. It took a long time for me to break people of that habit of expectation for me to text them back. It used to really irritate me how they thought I should drop everything to reply just because I've seen they've texted me something. If it was important, I will but if its just a meme or telling me about something in general, I'll come back to it when I can. I just cant stand the entitlement some people feel to my time.

 

[Ab235]

Interesting read. If everyone responded straight away we would never be off the phone! I dread even the thought of how draining that would be. Also friends should be comfortable enough to not talk for a while then continue like no time passed at all.

 

[Pinkblush]

I think people have got so used to messaging that they'e forgotten when a phone call is required or when a message will do.
Two years ago my mum was hit by a car and was taken to hospital with a broken arm and ankle. I was informed by a family member in a whatsapp message which is an appalling way to recieve bad news. I nearly fainted on reading it and I was standing on a tube platform at the time. At that point all it said was she'd been hit and taken to hospital because the injuries weren't known at that stage so I didn't know what state she was in and then when I went outside and tried to ring they didn't answer.
When I questioned them later they said ' I don't do phone calls'. I think this is totally wrong especially when delivering bad news. Have the back bone and human decency to break such news gently.

People don't realise the damage they do. Its taken me a long time not to feel panicky when a message pops up. It killed all the good that convenience messaging is about

I nearly deleted whatsapp after a while because i dreaded opening messsages and it was messing with my head but I've since made it clear to all my contacts if its urgent call me if its not then send a messsage.

Sorry, the point i was trying to make is people moaning about blue ticks and no replies. Pick up the phone and call if you think you should be afforded an immediate response

 

[WilmaHun]

I think people have got so used to messaging that they'e forgotten when a phone call is required or when a message will do.
Two years ago my mum was hit by a car and was taken to hospital with a broken arm and ankle. I was informed by a family member in a whatsapp message which is an appalling way to recieve bad news. I nearly fainted on reading it and I was standing on a tube platform at the time. At that point all it said was she'd been hit and taken to hospital because the injuries weren't known at that stage so I didn't know what state she was in and then when I went outside and tried to ring they didn't answer.
When I questioned them later they said ' I don't do phone calls'. I think this is totally wrong especially when delivering bad news. Have the back bone and human decency to break such news gently.

People don't realise the damage they do. Its taken me a long time not to feel panicky when a message pops up. It killed all the good that convenience messaging is about

I nearly deleted whatsapp after a while because i dreaded opening messsages and it was messing with my head but I've since made it clear to all my contacts if its urgent call me if its not then send a messsage.

Omg, I don't normally answer or make phone calls but in those circumstances I definitely would have picked the phone up rather than sending a text or whatsapp! That family member was out of order then in my opinion!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I respond to people when I want to unless it’s urgent, again relating back to an abusive relationship when I was expected to always reply as soon as I’d received a message and getting blocked or else questioned why I wasn’t responding... to be away from that relationship, part of me changed. I reply when I want to and it’s not me being rude but sometimes I just can’t be bothered messaging or responding. I think the only person I do rely straight away to is my mum

 

[Raininvain]

I think people have got so used to messaging that they'e forgotten when a phone call is required or when a message will do.
Two years ago my mum was hit by a car and was taken to hospital with a broken arm and ankle. I was informed by a family member in a whatsapp message which is an appalling way to recieve bad news. I nearly fainted on reading it and I was standing on a tube platform at the time. At that point all it said was she'd been hit and taken to hospital because the injuries weren't known at that stage so I didn't know what state she was in and then when I went outside and tried to ring they didn't answer.
When I questioned them later they said ' I don't do phone calls'. I think this is totally wrong especially when delivering bad news. Have the back bone and human decency to break such news gently.

People don't realise the damage they do. Its taken me a long time not to feel panicky when a message pops up. It killed all the good that convenience messaging is about

I nearly deleted whatsapp after a while because i dreaded opening messsages and it was messing with my head but I've since made it clear to all my contacts if its urgent call me if its not then send a messsage.

Sorry, the point i was trying to make is people moaning about blue ticks and no replies. Pick up the phone and call if you think you should be afforded an immediate response

How arrogant and rude of your relative to do that and say I dont do calls to you. It beggars belief that people like this really exist. I hope your Mum made a good recovery. I'd be blocking that rude POS as well.

 

[Pinkblush]

How arrogant and rude of your relative to do that and say I dont do calls to you. It beggars belief that people like this really exist. I hope your Mum made a good recovery. I'd be blocking that rude POS as well.

Thank you, and yes I'm glad to say she made a full recovery. She gave the nurse her pin code to get my brother's number. The nurse hit on a cousin's name by mistake and its a cousin I've never warmed to so no surprise. But I do think there should be an some sort of etiquette when its comes to bad news. I've heard people finding out about a death of a family member on social media first. Awful

 

[Ab235]

I think people have got so used to messaging that they'e forgotten when a phone call is required or when a message will do.
Two years ago my mum was hit by a car and was taken to hospital with a broken arm and ankle. I was informed by a family member in a whatsapp message which is an appalling way to recieve bad news. I nearly fainted on reading it and I was standing on a tube platform at the time. At that point all it said was she'd been hit and taken to hospital because the injuries weren't known at that stage so I didn't know what state she was in and then when I went outside and tried to ring they didn't answer.
When I questioned them later they said ' I don't do phone calls'. I think this is totally wrong especially when delivering bad news. Have the back bone and human decency to break such news gently.

People don't realise the damage they do. Its taken me a long time not to feel panicky when a message pops up. It killed all the good that convenience messaging is about

I nearly deleted whatsapp after a while because i dreaded opening messsages and it was messing with my head but I've since made it clear to all my contacts if its urgent call me if its not then send a messsage.

Sorry, the point i was trying to make is people moaning about blue ticks and no replies. Pick up the phone and call if you think you should be afforded an immediate response

So glad to hear your mum made a full recovery!
That is absolutely thoughtless to leave you hanging like that, I think when you might have questions them they were too stubborn maybe but hopefully made them think for the future

 

[Sunflower91]

I’m bad for this but also get anxious about people being mad for me not replying so usually end up with around 30 unread messages a week. For me it feels like a bit of a vicious cycle.
Part of it is I work a job where I stare at a screen all say, get a tonne of emails a day then there’s the Microsoft team messages. The other part is just not feeling able to socialise with people sometimes. If I read and don’t reply it’s not a problem with the other person, it’s a problem with myself. And if the people around me don’t understand that then they’re not the kind of people I need in my life right now.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Genuine question. Why read a message & then not respond? If you have not annoyed the person, there is no reason for that. But they read your message and then continue throughout the day to be on the messenger and not respond. It really annoys me. At least say, I’m super busy today but I will get back to you when I have time later. Not just ignore your message. It’s rude.
What are the reasons for it?

Because you, know, life.

 

[bolimepipi]

i have read this thread, but i'm not going to respond!

 

[Babyyoda88]

Sometimes I read a message quickly in work but don’t have time to respond and think I’ll respond when I’m home from work (unless it needs a urgent reply). Then I’m shattered and drained after work I want to have a chat with my partner, and a mental rest before going on social media and chatting again. And I completely understand when my friends are tired and might not respond to the next day. It’s not personal.

this day of age we are too accessible with having phones. No one is entitled to an immediate response from someone. There’s lots of reasons they don’t respond right away, the sooner you accept this the more at peace you’ll feel.

Unless that persons been funny with you in person to make you question that they’re ignoring you, just accept there could be many reasons for a late reply and you just have to wait!

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Probably because they have other priorities. You sound as if you expect others to respond to you instantly; you are probably not the centre of their lives and you should not expect people to reply to you urgently.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

i have read this thread, but i'm not going to respond!

I am still trying to figure out your account name. Clearly you're a threat to national security, lol

 

[judsmum]

It’s usually because I can’t be arsed. Similarly, if any one doesn’t reply to me I assume they’re busy, can’t be arsed or just don’t want to. No harm done.

 

[birdiefly246]

It depends what it is with me. I don't care if it's just generic conversation but there is nothing more annoying than when you're trying to arrange a meeting someone (pre-covid) and they aren't replying! The amount of times I've made arrangements with someone to meet on a certain day and then I message them on the day to ask if they're still on and what time and they don't answer. Pisses me right off. I don't want to spend my day sat around waiting for you to bleeping repsond!

 

[sapphiccharm]

Not to sound like a stuck up cow but I'll reply in my own time. No one is entitled to my time and energy anymore and if I'm not feeling like talking or having to deal with small talk or a full blown conversation through text, then I won't. Messages can wait.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

We live in a world of instant gratification. We need answers asap. Doesn't matter what our interlocutors might be doing elsewhere, we want them to reply instantly to our most "urgent" demands!

Yeah
Right

 

[Mountrushmoor]

I have social anxiety and work for a mental health charity. For many people, a quick reply isn’t just a quick reply. I like to think about my messages, even something as simple as ‘I’m busy text you later!’ would need thought for me. I write and read everything back a few times before I send - it’s time consuming. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be social - even on WhatsApp, it’s not on you, it’s me. It’s not rude. The fact that people think like this is what fuels social anxiety. It’s so judgmental. I have a friend who also suffers social anxiety, we can go days without replying and only reply when we feel able to. We never judge. We understand. And I’ve told her never to apologise for not responding sooner. If something is urgent, ring or say. And if a friend does need me urgently I’ll of course always be there. I never expect replies either. People are busy, they have kids, jobs, housework, families, worries, stress, expecting an instant reply is just sometimes not possible. I am in my 30s and have been friends with my close circle for 10+ years and luckily they are very understanding and most think like me, we’re all friends, we don’t need to reply straight away. Also just to say I do have my moments of being extremely social and will send about 500 messages in one go - there is no inbetween! Also just a thought, but if someone always had to reply instantly how would you ever end the conversation!? How would you get anything done!