Why do people read a message & then not respond?

[CarrieW24]

In my personal experience sometimes I mentally can't respond to messages, even to say 'sorry I cant talk atm' 'cause it does use a lot of mental energy.

This day and age people send messages and expect instant replies but you shouldn't have to be constantly in demand even if it is showing you online.

If you need a reply urgently try contacting the person another way or just send another message saying you need a reply.

100% this.

I don't like the idea of being available on demand. Like others have said, the very concept of it is invasive, strange, and well... demanding.

Escaping/Switching off is a necessity, especially in the modern world. We all need dull, non-alert down time. Browsing the internet, and watching movies are my escape, for example. Reading and responding to messages requires attention, alertness, thoughtfulness, and the anticipation of a continued conversation. Sometimes I just don't have the energy and desire at that moment to engage. I read the message because I always check and clear off my notifications, but I just don't feel like engaging for no other reason other than I don't feel like it right at that moment. Never anything personal.

 

[LittleMy]

Either I’m busy with my children/housework/shopping, asleep (I work nights), or my anxiety has kicked in and stopped me from responding. Sometimes I just cba, unless it’s something clearly urgent. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. Do I care? Not really. I’m not the most sociable person, and I’d never flip out on someone for leaving me on “seen” as we all have our reasons. You have to switch off some of the time.

 

[Gertrude]

100% this.

I don't like the idea of being available on demand. Like others have said, the very concept of it is invasive, strange, and well... demanding.

Escaping/Switching off is a necessity, especially in the modern world. We all need dull, non-alert down time. Browsing the internet, and watching movies are my escape, for example. Reading and responding to messages requires attention, alertness, thoughtfulness, and the anticipation of a continued conversation. Sometimes I just don't have the energy and desire at that moment to engage. I read the message because I always check and clear off my notifications, but I just don't feel like engaging for no other reason other than I don't feel like it right at that moment. Never anything personal.

I feel exactly like this!

If something is urgent and needs an immediate response, then I will respond as soon as I see it. But it rarely is an emergency.. as a lot of you have mentioned if it is a genuine emergency, then surely it's better to call?

Due to Covid, a lot of my friends are not working at the moment, so usually they will just be messaging just for a chat as they are bored. And it is usually loooooooooong messages, which I just don't have the mental energy for. Often I will just call them back, if I have the time. I've never been into having long back and forth texting conversations though, even when I was younger. I always prefered to just call and chat.

Since March I've been wfh so am infront of my computer screen 100% of the day, everyday, which I also find really draining. This adds to my not wanting to look at my phone and spend the entire evening texting. Again, I just don't have the mental energy.
Back when I was going into the office, I'd get time away from the screen for meetings or a quick coffee break with a colleague. I'm really trying to discipline myself and have that 10 minutes away from my screen every few hours, but I am really bad at it.

 

[Moolo]

I rarely reply straight away, I'm busy, or I need time to think of my answer and/or be in the right headspace to reply. I don't think its rude at all - seems very demanding to want a reply straight away tbh.

People are busy - just because we have access to stuff 24/7 doesnt mean we are able to reply 24/7.

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I used to have great deal of anxiety around not receiving responses straight away - not in the sense that I demanded response but I would often overthink (especially if it's a friend I haven't seen in a while) that they had died or were seriously ill. It sounds so embarrassing on paper but I get these thoughts really badly and the only way I can 'control' it at times is to ignore messages I receive until the anxiety passes. I've gotten better at it now though.

I always find it tough to know what to talk about over text. I don't do a lot so I feel I don't have much to say!

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Another consideration is that if you reply almost immediately to an "urgent" email/message, then the sender will think you're not overly busy, or that you consider the sender as a priority. Therefore the sender will probably continue to add the word "urgent" in future correspondence whether its genuinely urgent or not.

It's a form of exploitation that you have to be very wary of not falling into.

Moreover, since going self-employed I have taken on board a far more merciless/rigid approach to emails and messages because it is very easy to find yourself working from 7 in the morning until 10 at night. Purely because you're trying to be too amenable to people's demands, even though in some instances those very same people are probably at home watching TV or socialising and not caring about the "urgent" problem at all.

Do we live to work, or work to live?

 

[judgejohndeed]

Moreover, since going self-employed I have taken on board a far more merciless/rigid approach to emails and messages because it is very easy to find yourself working from 7 in the morning until 10 at night.

I’m self employed, I put in my signature that I only check emails/respond on X and Y day between X and Y time. If the query is urgent, please call. I get many emails but barely ever any calls, and when I do, they are genuinely urgent. It’s worth a try tbh, you’re right you have to protect your work time. I do actually check my emails more often just in case, but I set my responses to reply during my email hours if I reply then. It’s all about managing the expectations of others and I find having certain ‘email periods’ works really well

 

[WhatABore]

If I'm on my phone and not busy, I will respond straight away, but if I'm doing something or not using my phone, I will pick it up, read the message, and then continue whatever I'm doing and reply when I've got time.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

I'm only in my late 20s, and it struck me how people coped prior to the arrival of the internet and mobile phone?

Technology was supposed to make our lives easier, less paperwork, better efficiency etc. But I wonder if that is really is the case compared to the good old days?

 

[JodieGreen123]

I've turned off 'read receipts' for everything as I can't stand having to respond straight away, there is just too much pressure and I find it draining!

 

[Gertrude]

I'm only in my late 20s, and it struck me how people coped prior to the arrival of the internet and mobile phone?

Technology was supposed to make our lives easier, less paperwork, better efficiency etc. But I wonder if that is really is the case compared to the good old days?

I'm 35 and I remember a time before everyone had mobiles/smart phones (haha sound old typing that) As great as they are for a lot of things, I often wish we didn't have them. Especially when I am out with someone and they have their phone out on the table and are constantly looking at it - I absolutely loathe that.
Although, not sure how I managed to ever get anywhere without Googlemaps. So if I could have a smartphone, with just Googlemaps, I'd be happy!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I'm 35 and I remember a time before everyone had mobiles/smart phones (haha sound old typing that) As great as they are for a lot of things, I often wish we didn't have them. Especially when I am out with someone and they have their phone out on the table and are constantly looking at it - I absolutely loathe that.
Although, not sure how I managed to ever get anywhere without Googlemaps. So if I could have a smartphone, with just Googlemaps, I'd be happy!

Its social media thats our downfall, I think. Its just taken over, apps for everything and constantly being 'on'. Now theres the growing popularity for mindfulness because we are overstimulated

 

[MaxieMoo]

So interesting to hear everyone's thought on this. This has been such a tough crappy year. I'm thinking ahead about positive changes I can make for the new year and I think less time using / checking my phone needs to be a priority.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

Its social media thats our downfall, I think. Its just taken over, apps for everything and constantly being 'on'. Now theres the growing popularity for mindfulness because we are overstimulated

From a personal basis I have moved well away from the usual social media websites - far too much of a distraction these days, and the very name is nothing more than an oxymoron.

If it wasn't for the fact I need business-related social media sites I would barely have any need for it at all.

 

[judgejohndeed]

So interesting to hear everyone's thought on this. This has been such a tough crappy year. I'm thinking ahead about positive changes I can make for the new year and I think less time using / checking my phone needs to be a priority.

I recently deleted most social media apps from my phone. With lockdown and being at home so much more, I found I started to get so miserable spending a long day on a screen for work then watching a screen in the evening (TV and phone) people posting more on social media as everyone’s bored means more to keep up with it. It was really getting me down. I don’t miss it or regret it though, think it’s the FOMO that feels scariest

 

[Herefortheteeeee]

So interesting to hear everyone's thought on this. This has been such a tough crappy year. I'm thinking ahead about positive changes I can make for the new year and I think less time using / checking my phone needs to be a priority.

this is exactly why I asked the question. It does really piss me off when people ignore my question but I think that is a reflection on me, more than them.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’m awful, I tend to leave messages as unread for days so people don’t get annoyed over read them and not replied.

I’m dyslexic and find messaging quickly back and forth stressful. I make spelling mistakes and miss words out as my brain gets ahead of me. Not many people know I am so it’s just embarrassing.

I’ll wait until I get a quiet moment and reply to everyone together.

 

[Upintheair83]

I've turned off 'read receipts' for everything as I can't stand having to respond straight away, there is just too much pressure and I find it draining!

Me too. Iv had so many people say to me ‘oh you’ve turned your blue ticks off and last seen’ on WhatsApp and I’m like So what?! It’s like it’s a scandal if you do this!But I just find it unnecessary.

 

[Base2019]

Genuine question. Why read a message & then not respond? If you have not annoyed the person, there is no reason for that. But they read your message and then continue throughout the day to be on the messenger and not respond. It really annoys me. At least say, I’m super busy today but I will get back to you when I have time later. Not just ignore your message. It’s rude.
What are the reasons for it?

It’s a hard year for everyone this year. Don’t place so much emphasis on why people don’t respond to you straight away, this is an expectation you are setting yourself. you shouldn’t take it so seriously as more often than not it’s nothing personal.

 

[Ohflogoff]

Unfortunately in this day and age, everything is expected now. Like right now.

Just because I read a message/email, it doesn’t mean I am obliged to reply immediately. I may be in the middle of doing something else. I may need to think of a response. I may get side tracked and forget. I may not want to reply straight away. You get my gist.

Makes a lot of sense...