What has made you break up with your boyfriend/divorce your husband?

[Hobbitsies]

100% he should not be treating you like that! So what if you put too much on the plate? Now names can be jokes between partners but r*tard is in no way a nice name to call as a joke!

For my ex of multiple years it was none of the big stuff either and let me tell you it was big stuff. It was two simple facts. 1. We were going to move in together and every inch of my body was screaming no at me and 2. I stopped wanting to talk to him. Talking to him didn’t make me happy any more.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

To add to mine.. he was completely oblivious to anything.. like the time he tried to have sex with me the night I got home from having a general anaesthetic after having a pacemaker fitted (not cardiac). He didn’t even come with me or pick me up and then I had to wait 3 hours for him to come home so I could leave my parents with my daughter. Idiot.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I was bedridden for three weeks and ended up in hospital on a drip due to the flu and it just clicked in my head that we lived complete separate lives and I wanted more. I refused to see him again but we eventually met up after 7 months and I knew there had been nothing there on my part for years. It took him 18 months to accept it.
Together from 16-28.

 

[Ponponpon]

He should not be calling you names full stop.
I don’t know you obviously, but I already know you deserve so much better than that shit.

This, 100%. It's so easy to say this sitting from the outside, but if it hurts you then that's what matters. It's valid and accepted for you to feel hurt by that. It's not ok for your partner to invalidate your feelings and dismiss them because he doesn't agree.

If you're asking the question then you must have doubts about the relationship, but it's also really tough walking away from any relationship. Take time to think things through, talk with family/friends. Look after yourself x

 

[Aabbcc]

I left because after being with him for 6 years and there being no other reasons not to start trying I realised that I didn’t want him to be the father of my children. We had grown apart by this point and I didn’t feel like we’d be a team if we had kids, that held just expect me to do everything whilst he carried on doing his thing. It was the right choice.

 

[Instawhut!]

Iv just had enough and left my husband at the weekend. Things haven’t been great since last year, I found out he had been using our savings to buy weed and coke which I knew nothing about for months. He started disappearing for a night here and there and lying about silly things. However I tried to make it work on and we bn getting on ok then his mum passed away about 8wks ago. She was quite ill and tbh I had been expecting it but I think my husband was still in denial(also think using drugs was his way of dealing with her being ill) Anyway turns out his mum didn’t have any Life Insurance/savings so I offered to pay for the funeral from my own savings (I haven’t contributed to the joint acc since he spent all the money last year) and organised the full thing, then dealt with getting her house ready to be sold etc. He’s been off work and has been laying in bed til 1ish every day and staying up til 4am, Iv told him it’s not fair as we have 3kids and one has ASD and only sleeps 4-5hrs a night (if I’m lucky) meaning I’m the one dealing with it all. One night last week he told me he was going to the shop and didn’t come home, turned his phone off. He was gone 2days and I was gonna phone the police to report him missing when he appeared and honestly he didn’t give a damn about it. Told me I was selfish and only cared about myself! I couldn’t get a straight answer to where he had been or what he had been doing so I took the kids and left. I still love him but what he’s going through doesn’t excuse his behaviour and I need to put my kids first. Quite scared if I’m being honest as we have been together 11years but I do feel like I’ve been a single parent the last year anyway

Thats disgraceful, behaving like that when he has 3 children. I know people have troubles and go off the rails when greiving, but to have the audacity to call you selfish is just awful. You sound like a wonderful mum and person. Its very scary, moreso im sure with kids but you all deserve to be happy. I think you have been so bloody brave and good for you for standing your ground and leaving him.

Iv just had enough and left my husband at the weekend. Things haven’t been great since last year, I found out he had been using our savings to buy weed and coke which I knew nothing about for months. He started disappearing for a night here and there and lying about silly things. However I tried to make it work on and we bn getting on ok then his mum passed away about 8wks ago. She was quite ill and tbh I had been expecting it but I think my husband was still in denial(also think using drugs was his way of dealing with her being ill) Anyway turns out his mum didn’t have any Life Insurance/savings so I offered to pay for the funeral from my own savings (I haven’t contributed to the joint acc since he spent all the money last year) and organised the full thing, then dealt with getting her house ready to be sold etc. He’s been off work and has been laying in bed til 1ish every day and staying up til 4am, Iv told him it’s not fair as we have 3kids and one has ASD and only sleeps 4-5hrs a night (if I’m lucky) meaning I’m the one dealing with it all. One night last week he told me he was going to the shop and didn’t come home, turned his phone off. He was gone 2days and I was gonna phone the police to report him missing when he appeared and honestly he didn’t give a damn about it. Told me I was selfish and only cared about myself! I couldn’t get a straight answer to where he had been or what he had been doing so I took the kids and left. I still love him but what he’s going through doesn’t excuse his behaviour and I need to put my kids first. Quite scared if I’m being honest as we have been together 11years but I do feel like I’ve been a single parent the last year anyway

Thats disgraceful, behaving like that when he has 3 children. I know people have troubles and go off the rails when greiving, but to have the audacity to call you selfish is just awful. You sound like a wonderful mum and person. Its very scary, moreso im sure with kids but you all deserve to be happy. I think you have been so bloody brave and good for you for standing your ground and leaving him.

 

[tskiry56]

I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship which I wanted to leave for a while. I then got pregnant so decided to stay and try work things out. He wasn't physically abusive during the pregnancy. When the baby was about 2 weeks old he started going for me again even when i was holding the baby. One day I was sitting peacefully holding the baby and the vile person picked the jug of water up I used to cool the baby's milk down and just chucked it over us both. I know it was just water but it was the final straw for me. I packed our stuff and never went back. He's not seen or spoken to me or my daughter for years now which is for the best.

Well done for leaving it must of been incredibly tough to and taken a lot of strength!
Abusers are cowards!
I too was in a very similar situation to you.
I wasnt with the father of my child for long before I found out i was pregnant and was going to end it just before I found out. I ended up staying with him because I thought it was the right thing to do.
The bravest thing is to ever to stand up to an abuser it took me a few years and a cracked forehead but it was the biggest lesson.

 

[Ponponpon]

Iv just had enough and left my husband at the weekend. Things haven’t been great since last year, I found out he had been using our savings to buy weed and coke which I knew nothing about for months. He started disappearing for a night here and there and lying about silly things. However I tried to make it work on and we bn getting on ok then his mum passed away about 8wks ago. She was quite ill and tbh I had been expecting it but I think my husband was still in denial(also think using drugs was his way of dealing with her being ill) Anyway turns out his mum didn’t have any Life Insurance/savings so I offered to pay for the funeral from my own savings (I haven’t contributed to the joint acc since he spent all the money last year) and organised the full thing, then dealt with getting her house ready to be sold etc. He’s been off work and has been laying in bed til 1ish every day and staying up til 4am, Iv told him it’s not fair as we have 3kids and one has ASD and only sleeps 4-5hrs a night (if I’m lucky) meaning I’m the one dealing with it all. One night last week he told me he was going to the shop and didn’t come home, turned his phone off. He was gone 2days and I was gonna phone the police to report him missing when he appeared and honestly he didn’t give a damn about it. Told me I was selfish and only cared about myself! I couldn’t get a straight answer to where he had been or what he had been doing so I took the kids and left. I still love him but what he’s going through doesn’t excuse his behaviour and I need to put my kids first. Quite scared if I’m being honest as we have been together 11years but I do feel like I’ve been a single parent the last year anyway

Oh my goodness there are no words. You've been so brave. Sending many virtual hugs xx

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Cheating for a year with someone from work.

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

My grandad died 5 days after I started uni in a city 3 hours from home town, funeral was 2 weeks later. I came home for the funeral but as it was so early into the term I couldn’t stay home for long (got train back to my parents late the night before, funeral in the morning, stayed for the wake and went straight back to uni.) The boyfriend I was with at the time (he lived in my home town, we were together for around 5 months before I left for uni) was annoyed that I didn’t make time to see him on that trip home.
He cheated on me 3 days after I went to uni, had been messaging other girls before that. Not sure why I stayed with him until that point!

 

[Globe]

Constant bickering. He had a pain in the ass ex that wouldn't go away. Never lived together after years. Family weren't particularly fond of me. I could go on

 

[Boredofthegram]

I divorced my husband because we got married young (childhood sweethearts) and Just grew apart. Then I left my ex and father of my child after 12 years together because he cheated several times.

 

[Zenchick101]

This, 100%. It's so easy to say this sitting from the outside, but if it hurts you then that's what matters. It's valid and accepted for you to feel hurt by that. It's not ok for your partner to invalidate your feelings and dismiss them because he doesn't agree.

If you're asking the question then you must have doubts about the relationship, but it's also really tough walking away from any relationship. Take time to think things through, talk with family/friends. Look after yourself x

Thank you it's insightful reading all the replies this has gotten, I did talk to him about how it affected me and he apologized sincerely. I know that I deeply love him and so does he, but there are some question marks here and there about values matching up - I want kids and so far he hates them (ex)

 

[Mercedes12]

Iv just had enough and left my husband at the weekend. Things haven’t been great since last year, I found out he had been using our savings to buy weed and coke which I knew nothing about for months. He started disappearing for a night here and there and lying about silly things. However I tried to make it work on and we bn getting on ok then his mum passed away about 8wks ago. She was quite ill and tbh I had been expecting it but I think my husband was still in denial(also think using drugs was his way of dealing with her being ill) Anyway turns out his mum didn’t have any Life Insurance/savings so I offered to pay for the funeral from my own savings (I haven’t contributed to the joint acc since he spent all the money last year) and organised the full thing, then dealt with getting her house ready to be sold etc. He’s been off work and has been laying in bed til 1ish every day and staying up til 4am, Iv told him it’s not fair as we have 3kids and one has ASD and only sleeps 4-5hrs a night (if I’m lucky) meaning I’m the one dealing with it all. One night last week he told me he was going to the shop and didn’t come home, turned his phone off. He was gone 2days and I was gonna phone the police to report him missing when he appeared and honestly he didn’t give a damn about it. Told me I was selfish and only cared about myself! I couldn’t get a straight answer to where he had been or what he had been doing so I took the kids and left. I still love him but what he’s going through doesn’t excuse his behaviour and I need to put my kids first. Quite scared if I’m being honest as we have been together 11years but I do feel like I’ve been a single parent the last year anyway

Wow this sounds so difficult, I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this! I think you have definitely made the right decision and will be far better off in the long run.