What do you want to rant about today? #12

[Thank(space)you]

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What do you want to rant about today? #11

Kin job ads.. in the last 5 mins I have clicked on 2 jobs I had saved on LinkedIN.. both of which take you to external websites to apply... the first one pulled from my CV allegedly but didnt pull my recent roles relevant to vacancy but a temp job i did in a solicitors decades ago, my first job...

tattle.life

 

[houdini]

@Brigitjonesbuttcheek I’ve also tried to be the laid back chill girl when that’s not really me and it never works well. The poor guy then doesn’t know what he’s got himself into when i inevitably stop being chill. Maybe it’s worth trying to talk to this guy about it. He might be receptive. And if not then it might free you to find someone who can love you for who you truly are. It’s important to communicate our needs and be able to discuss with our partners if we’re realistically able to meet each other’s needs. Otherwise it breeds resentment. And your need for communication is not unreasonable.

 

[cowtastrophe]

@InkHeart I know it’s easy to say but try not to take the volunteering thing too personally. I did some volunteering during covid and one of the leaders took against me for no reason that I could ever fathom. Every time i asked the most innocuous question she’d start rolling her eyes and sighing, then when I chased up (extremely nicely!) on a piece of equipment I was waiting ages for, she sent me an extremely stroppy reply copying in senior managers telling me I was rude and unreasonable. I just stopped bothering with it.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people involved in the organisational side of volunteering are a certain type who don’t interact well with others.

 

[Reality_tv_lover]

When you gain the confidence to say you won't be treated like tit and everyone thinks you have the problem because you no longer lay down like a doormat

 

[InkHeart]

Omg, I think I know what happened. This will sound conspiracy-level insane, but bear with me. Remember how my first post about this org I'm volunteering for was about how I was annoyed that the organisers had taken a tone with me in an email telling me they could not give me a lift and I ought to remember that I had agreed to provide my own transportation to events - but I literally hadn't asked them for a lift, I'd just asked what date it was on?

I worded the reply so nicely, but I of course had to basically say "Thanks, I wasn't asking for a lift, I was just asking when the date was."

I bet anything I own that the man in charge of the org is a severe narcissist. It would take too long to explain why, but I'm not just making that theory up out of thin air. With a severe narcissist, they will HIT THE CEILING if you point out that they made a mistake. That's what the weird pattern of emails is about...

1) First email, he just misunderstands and projects that I'm asking for a lift. He lays down the law in a passive-aggressive "official" tone, because he has to let me know who's boss and he has to make other people feel stupid.

2) I send a short, sweet reply, then quickly he fires off a "Great, looking forward to seeing you then" kind of email.

3) He spirals. If you've ever seen a narcissist, you'll understand. When they feel contradicted or talked down to - which can be from the tiniest thing - they may be ok at first, but they start boiling inside. They can't calm themselves down. They might spend hours pacing back and forth and coming up with all sorts of proposed perspectives and solutions. "Is she talking down to me because she's jealous of my intellect? Does she like humiliating men because she hates men? I bet she really did want a lift, but when I stood up to her, she decided to pretend she didn't!" On and on. They can't get settled, the only way they will get it out is by being drastically horrible to someone. That's what's with the afternoon of silence separating two completely different tones of email.

4) He sends me the short blunt "We have discussed with the team and we are not able to have you at [org]." He hasn't discussed with anyone, he just wants to put the blame away from him and make me feel like no one likes me. That's a narcissist's favourite thing to do. This is why it's so drastic, with no sorry, no "you seem nice but you're not the right fit", no advice about what I could do differently next time (because I hadn't done anything wrong). The thing wasn't a misunderstanding like I initially thought, it was deliberately designed to offer me no way back in, no way to talk to anyone else at the group and see if this was true, to make me feel like it was all my fault.

5) I send the email saying I'm disappointed and haven't done anything to be treated like this.

6) I get a longer email that begins with "Hi Inkheart. We understand that you seem confused about this decision, so we are happy to offer some clarification." Then just more vague "we base our membership on the group dynamics", with absolutely no examples of anything I did or said, or anything anyone had to say about me - just language to suggest that it was my fault. Again, he tells me I'm confused, because in his fantasies he has to be cleverer than everyone. He uses emotive language to try and upset me and distract from the fact that there is no factual basis for anything he says.

Huh! I know a lot of you reading this will think it sounds like I'm dwelling on this, but that's not how my brain works: I feel SO much better when something like this clicks in my head. I was dwelling on it when I was baffled, but as soon as it clicks into place, my head feels two stone lighter!

Ahh! (Again, I know this will seem crazy if you aren't used to severe narcissists, but if you've lived with one, you'll know.)

 

[Littleelf]

21 month old has been up since 1 pretty much. Today is going to be rough

And OH has the AUDACITY to tell me he is tired and wants to be left to sleep untill 6. No mate you can get up and feel just a tiny bit of my pain after being up all night.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

@Brigitjonesbuttcheek I’ve also tried to be the laid back chill girl when that’s not really me and it never works well. The poor guy then doesn’t know what he’s got himself into when i inevitably stop being chill. Maybe it’s worth trying to talk to this guy about it. He might be receptive. And if not then it might free you to find someone who can love you for who you truly are. It’s important to communicate our needs and be able to discuss with our partners if we’re realistically able to meet each other’s needs. Otherwise it breeds resentment. And your need for communication is not unreasonable.

I get so mixed up because most relationships I've been in before I've been loved bombed then controlled. So I've found it really hard being in a normal relationship. I've had to fight this constant need for adoration. And tbh I'd got used to it. I would say normally we communicate the appropriate amount.

But him just making no effort to contact me when his phone broke really hit a nerve.

I had this ex that would dissappear and turn his phone off for a few days if I ever didn't do what he wanted. Then he'd turn back up full of love bombing. It sorta remided me of that.

I am gonna mention something to my bf, but I don't think he really did anything that wrong in hindsight. I think it's me over reacting, I still feel really down and don't even know why.

 

[Melian]

How everything seems to be dismissed as anxiety these days

 

[Elle Woods]

Marketing emails like this, which are actively promoting the use of credit. It shouldn't be allowed.

 

[jojida]

I posted on the last thread yesterday about finding our dream home and then having a single payment in arrears noted by Simply Be on my credit file despite (yes, I paid late but by a week and so within the usual grace period as I stupidly just didn't notice it). This morning, my credit score has tanked into the fair category from excellent and our AIP which needed renewing today has been declined. I have contacted SimplyBe to ask them from the kindness of their hearts to remove this from my file but they may not reply for 72 hours.

My partner is so lovely and great and he's reminding me that if this doesn't work out, we will find something else and there's always a plan B but I want to cry. I feel like I've let him down completely and we could miss out on the amazing deal that we found over something as stupid as me missing an £11.89 payment. We have an appointment with a broker tomorrow to discuss our options and hopefully she can find us something but we had such an amazing deal with our last AIP and I've completely ruined it all, meaning we'll probably miss out on this house. I know I'm being dramatic but I haven't eaten or slept as I've just been so sick with worry. He's working away this week and all I want is a bloody hug.

 

[JE172]

Look up a site called When The Bank Says No, lots of advice on there and a whole section around getting mortgages with late payments, hope you get sorted!

 

[jojida]

Look up a site called When The Bank Says No, lots of advice on there and a whole section around getting mortgages with late payments, hope you get sorted!

You are an angel - I'm speaking to one of their advisors today

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Omg, I think I know what happened. This will sound conspiracy-level insane, but bear with me. Remember how my first post about this org I'm volunteering for was about how I was annoyed that the organisers had taken a tone with me in an email telling me they could not give me a lift and I ought to remember that I had agreed to provide my own transportation to events - but I literally hadn't asked them for a lift, I'd just asked what date it was on?

I worded the reply so nicely, but I of course had to basically say "Thanks, I wasn't asking for a lift, I was just asking when the date was."

I bet anything I own that the man in charge of the org is a severe narcissist. It would take too long to explain why, but I'm not just making that theory up out of thin air. With a severe narcissist, they will HIT THE CEILING if you point out that they made a mistake. That's what the weird pattern of emails is about...

1) First email, he just misunderstands and projects that I'm asking for a lift. He lays down the law in a passive-aggressive "official" tone, because he has to let me know who's boss and he has to make other people feel stupid.

2) I send a short, sweet reply, then quickly he fires off a "Great, looking forward to seeing you then" kind of email.

3) He spirals. If you've ever seen a narcissist, you'll understand. When they feel contradicted or talked down to - which can be from the tiniest thing - they may be ok at first, but they start boiling inside. They can't calm themselves down. They might spend hours pacing back and forth and coming up with all sorts of proposed perspectives and solutions. "Is she talking down to me because she's jealous of my intellect? Does she like humiliating men because she hates men? I bet she really did want a lift, but when I stood up to her, she decided to pretend she didn't!" On and on. They can't get settled, the only way they will get it out is by being drastically horrible to someone. That's what's with the afternoon of silence separating two completely different tones of email.

4) He sends me the short blunt "We have discussed with the team and we are not able to have you at [org]." He hasn't discussed with anyone, he just wants to put the blame away from him and make me feel like no one likes me. That's a narcissist's favourite thing to do. This is why it's so drastic, with no sorry, no "you seem nice but you're not the right fit", no advice about what I could do differently next time (because I hadn't done anything wrong). The thing wasn't a misunderstanding like I initially thought, it was deliberately designed to offer me no way back in, no way to talk to anyone else at the group and see if this was true, to make me feel like it was all my fault.

5) I send the email saying I'm disappointed and haven't done anything to be treated like this.

6) I get a longer email that begins with "Hi Inkheart. We understand that you seem confused about this decision, so we are happy to offer some clarification." Then just more vague "we base our membership on the group dynamics", with absolutely no examples of anything I did or said, or anything anyone had to say about me - just language to suggest that it was my fault. Again, he tells me I'm confused, because in his fantasies he has to be cleverer than everyone. He uses emotive language to try and upset me and distract from the fact that there is no factual basis for anything he says.

Huh! I know a lot of you reading this will think it sounds like I'm dwelling on this, but that's not how my brain works: I feel SO much better when something like this clicks in my head. I was dwelling on it when I was baffled, but as soon as it clicks into place, my head feels two stone lighter!

Ahh! (Again, I know this will seem crazy if you aren't used to severe narcissists, but if you've lived with one, you'll know.)

OMG! People are unbelievable! I know what you mean about your head feeling two stone lighter when it dawns on you what the problem is. Mine was an absolute epiphany brought about by a Tattler's innocuous remark.
It's so lovely to know you have people on here that believe you and don't tell you that you're imagining it. It's enabled you to unroll it and gradually make sense of it.

 

[rainbowlemon]

As predicted my mother is now kicking up a fuss about going to a hairdresser's appointment we have made for her and told her about for the past week.

This is the third booking for a service (we would pay for) - trying to get her to a better shape.

A simple thank you would just be nice.

If she wants to look like Hagrid fair enough, we will stop trying.

At this point I am seriously considering just hiring actors to meet my brother's girlfriend's parents.

 

[hytuhh]

I posted on the last thread yesterday about finding our dream home and then having a single payment in arrears noted by Simply Be on my credit file despite (yes, I paid late but by a week and so within the usual grace period as I stupidly just didn't notice it). This morning, my credit score has tanked into the fair category from excellent and our AIP which needed renewing today has been declined. I have contacted SimplyBe to ask them from the kindness of their hearts to remove this from my file but they may not reply for 72 hours.

My partner is so lovely and great and he's reminding me that if this doesn't work out, we will find something else and there's always a plan B but I want to cry. I feel like I've let him down completely and we could miss out on the amazing deal that we found over something as stupid as me missing an £11.89 payment. We have an appointment with a broker tomorrow to discuss our options and hopefully she can find us something but we had such an amazing deal with our last AIP and I've completely ruined it all, meaning we'll probably miss out on this house. I know I'm being dramatic but I haven't eaten or slept as I've just been so sick with worry. He's working away this week and all I want is a bloody hug.

Ohhh I am sending you hugs I had a similar situation with a late payment - it wasn't missed but it was late but got reported as a missed payment. The company promised to not report on it but lo and behold, it went on my credit report. I spoke with them and they did reverse it and got it fully removed from my credit report. Maybe this is a possibility for you? I know it doesn't solve your AIP situation immediately but it could help. Fingers crossed it gets resolved for you and please don't beat yourself up 🤍

 

[Hastaggifted]

Parents that rush to sit at the window of my child's sports group and then spend the whole time on their phones. I actually wanted to properly watch as it's the first time in a while I've managed to be there and I had to keep moving my head round theirs so I could see.
Just sit at the back

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I literally rant on here everyday!

Todays rant is some utter tosspot has driven into my parked car. Next door to me is an air bnb so he’s staying there temporarily. I saw it happen, to which he then drove off at speed not knowing my road is a cul de sac. I legged it out of my house to catch him- practically stood in the middle of the road to which he was getting mouthy and giving it the whole “I was going to stop” REALLY? Then why didn’t you just pull into the space behind my car then?

At this point, I’m pissed so I call the police who were absolutely bleeping useless. He tried to leave the scene of an accident but they couldn’t give a tit and basically told me just to get insurance details.

So I ask him for insurance, to which he gets all cagey on me still aggressive. Fine, I’ll call the police again if you aren’t willing to provide them. He then faffs about on his phone and explains he’s in a work van with temporary insurance. Ok, but you have insurance. Shows me his phone with an insurance company I’ve never heard of. Ok, I want to check that it’s valid then if it’s temporary. “I’ve bleeping shown you love!” No, I want to see the dates ITS VALID FROM. Manage to get his phone to see it’s just a screenshot. At this point, I’m like nah, this is dodgy. He then plays all nice and can we sort it out without insurance. I’m like BIG ALARM BELLS here, he’s not bleeping insured is he. Phone police who again refuse to come out. Manage to get pics of him, the reg of the car, make and this random insurance company but no policy number or name before he decides to duck off telling me he needs to go back to work.

So now, I’m bleeping reliant on him coming back later and paying for the damage either through his insurance (if he actually does have it) or out of his own pocket. I don’t really want to deal with him. Alternatively, if he doesn’t come back then I’m going to have to report to police and make a claim on my own insurance which will no doubt then make it go up next year so either way I’m fucked with damage to my car or having to pay out myself.

Im pissed with him as if I had hit someone’s parked car I would have owned up and taken complete responsibility. I’m pissed with the police too. I know they are up against it and if it was a simple accident and insurance info was exchanged then I wouldn’t dream of involving them but the fact he tried to drive off, is cagey about his insurance and got all aggressive with me (a young girl on her own) implies something isn’t quite right. I’ve now had a few incidences where I’ve needed the police and everytime they’ve been as useful as a chocolate teapot.

 

[flutternutter]

I literally rant on here everyday!

Todays rant is some utter tosspot has driven into my parked car. Next door to me is an air bnb so he’s staying there temporarily. I saw it happen, to which he then drove off at speed not knowing my road is a cul de sac. I legged it out of my house to catch him- practically stood in the middle of the road to which he was getting mouthy and giving it the whole “I was going to stop” REALLY? Then why didn’t you just pull into the space behind my car then?

At this point, I’m pissed so I call the police who were absolutely bleeping useless. He tried to leave the scene of an accident but they couldn’t give a tit and basically told me just to get insurance details.

So I ask him for insurance, to which he gets all cagey on me still aggressive. Fine, I’ll call the police again if you aren’t willing to provide them. He then faffs about on his phone and explains he’s in a work van with temporary insurance. Ok, but you have insurance. Shows me his phone with an insurance company I’ve never heard of. Ok, I want to check that it’s valid then if it’s temporary. “I’ve bleeping shown you love!” No, I want to see the dates ITS VALID FROM. Manage to get his phone to see it’s just a screenshot. At this point, I’m like nah, this is dodgy. He then plays all nice and can we sort it out without insurance. I’m like BIG ALARM BELLS here, he’s not bleeping insured is he. Phone police who again refuse to come out. Manage to get pics of him, the reg of the car, make and this random insurance company but no policy number or name before he decides to duck off telling me he needs to go back to work.

So now, I’m bleeping reliant on him coming back later and paying for the damage either through his insurance (if he actually does have it) or out of his own pocket. I don’t really want to deal with him. Alternatively, if he doesn’t come back then I’m going to have to report to police and make a claim on my own insurance which will no doubt then make it go up next year so either way I’m fucked with damage to my car or having to pay out myself.

Im pissed with him as if I had hit someone’s parked car I would have owned up and taken complete responsibility. I’m pissed with the police too. I know they are up against it and if it was a simple accident and insurance info was exchanged then I wouldn’t dream of involving them but the fact he tried to drive off, is cagey about his insurance and got all aggressive with me (a young girl on her own) implies something isn’t quite right. I’ve now had a few incidences where I’ve needed the police and everytime they’ve been as useful as a chocolate teapot.

The police are absolutely fcking USELESS these days. I'm so sorry this has happened, its so frustrating anyway but when people don't want to own up and they are being twats about it its 10x worse!

Its not damaged but when I went out to my car today its covered in kids hand prints on the front. My drive is about 3 cars lengths long and I park mine as close to the house as possible so the little shits have been right up my garden, touching my car and the sodding cameras and alarms havent gone off! Nice one eufy!

Even though its just hand marks I just dont want them touching my car. They only do it to antagonise people, their mothers a piss head and just screams at you when you have a go.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

The police are absolutely fcking USELESS these days. I'm so sorry this has happened, its so frustrating anyway but when people don't want to own up and they are being twats about it its 10x worse!

Its not damaged but when I went out to my car today its covered in kids hand prints on the front. My drive is about 3 cars lengths long and I park mine as close to the house as possible so the little shits have been right up my garden, touching my car and the sodding cameras and alarms havent gone off! Nice one eufy!

Even though its just hand marks I just dont want them touching my car. They only do it to antagonise people, their mothers a piss head and just screams at you when you have a go.

People have no respect for anything and it’s just getting worse as they know the police won’t take action or they just can do what they like even if it bothers someone. I used to respect the police but as time has gone on now I just think what’s the bloody point? They don’t do anything. There’s no consequence for anything.

I’ve had a drunk man get his dick out and wank off at me at 8am in the morning whilst kids have been on their way to school- police were useless and said at best they could get a translator to help him write an apology letter when he sobered up if I liked.

Had a break in two weeks ago at the flat below me, nothing done.

Had my car surrounded and circled by chavs on motorbikes who decided to kick my car in whilst I was still in it- nothing done.

Now this. Frankly, this country is going to the utter dogs. Everything is fucked. Police, NHS, Education. It’s all fucked.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Not so much a rant as more like a "woe-is-me" I have a really, really nice car. Didn't have it long and somebody scratched it, clearly accidental but still. And then today I noticed somebody has keyed my car on the front passenger side Why would anybody do this! I've not had words with anyone so just cannot fathom the reasoning behind this......I'm so sad