Vent about your partner, family member, sibling…

[TheGlossy]

I'm so annoyed at my sister, I'm going to lose my mind.

Our dad passed away 5 months ago and I've been doing my best sort out the probate process and various paperwork remotely as I live overseas. My 20-year old sister in college helps out with certain forms which are time sensitive for the most part. We've been communicating via email because I show her on a photocopy how to fill them in and she copies the info on the original forms then sends them out. However, these days she's been severely slacking saying she didn't see my emails or doesn't have time to check her emails. I usually wait 24-48 hours to chase her when I don't get an answer, but this is getting tiring to send her chasers saying: "Did you get my email with the forms? Can you please to as asked and confirm?".

I'm not getting any money from my dad's estate. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart for our (toxic) mom to get the money and on top of this, I have to constantly chase. I have a demanding full-time office-based job and still manage to be on top of the paperwork, so I don't see how a 20 year old student is so "busy" they can't check their emails.

I spoke to her last Monday about how exhausted I've been with managing work, life and all this paperwork and I didn't get any answer from her. She was silent the entire time. I was hoping for kind words of encouragement and she was just silent, so I ended up hanging up.

I'm very much annoyed with her because I'm bending over and backwards for my mom to get the money that will "benefit" her and my other siblings and I'm not getting any support whatsoever.

 

[annonymus]

I feel like I just can’t breath sometimes, my chest feels heavy and I feel like I’m loosing myself more every day, the only time I feel safe and happy is when I’m with my daughters and so called ‘partner’ is at work, we had just got into an argument, I was in the bath and asked him too bring me a towel up and he brought me up one which wasn’t clean, I knew it wasn’t clean because I’m the one who does the washing. So after my bath I went downstairs too get my phone charger and iPad too sit upstairs out the way too save an argument but he started anyway shouting at me not letting me get a word in and called me stupid, I stayed quiet and when he was done I said ‘ sleep downstairs tonight I don’t want you near me’ and left, i just constantly feel like I’m on egg shells around him and I can’t be happy, I’ve cried again and again too him and asked him too leave but he says no and that he will change but it never happens, I just want too be happy for my kids and he’s not someone who makes me happy, he’s someone who drags me down and makes me feel sad, he’s not the boy I fell in love with and I don’t enjoy being around him anymore, he’s fine so much too hurt me and I just feel like I want too feel free again not trapped not stuck with him and his negativity

 

[bunnyboo]

I feel like I just can’t breath sometimes, my chest feels heavy and I feel like I’m loosing myself more every day, the only time I feel safe and happy is when I’m with my daughters and so called ‘partner’ is at work, we had just got into an argument, I was in the bath and asked him too bring me a towel up and he brought me up one which wasn’t clean, I knew it wasn’t clean because I’m the one who does the washing. So after my bath I went downstairs too get my phone charger and iPad too sit upstairs out the way too save an argument but he started anyway shouting at me not letting me get a word in and called me stupid, I stayed quiet and when he was done I said ‘ sleep downstairs tonight I don’t want you near me’ and left, i just constantly feel like I’m on egg shells around him and I can’t be happy, I’ve cried again and again too him and asked him too leave but he says no and that he will change but it never happens, I just want too be happy for my kids and he’s not someone who makes me happy, he’s someone who drags me down and makes me feel sad, he’s not the boy I fell in love with and I don’t enjoy being around him anymore, he’s fine so much too hurt me and I just feel like I want too feel free again not trapped not stuck with him and his negativity

Hi annoymus I'm sorry to hear how trapped you feel I know this is a venting thread, not an advice giving one so feel free to disregard my message.

No-one should be made to feel like they're walking on eggshells. You have the right to feel safe and secure in your own home. And if you ask him to leave and he refuses to whilst making a string of unkept promises/talk of change, that is manipulative behaviour. I always believe in wisdom of Maya Angelou - “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”. If he demonstrates that he his incapable of making you happy and not the person you fell in love with, maybe it's time to consider moving on. But of course, this is all up to you.

As for staying for the sake of the children, I'm a behavioural scientist and trust me when I say this... There’s a lot of evidence suggesting staying together for a child may not be helpful when the relationships are strained, volatile, or violent.

Stay safe, and I'm here if you need to vent privately.

 

[WilmaHun]

I feel like I just can’t breath sometimes, my chest feels heavy and I feel like I’m loosing myself more every day, the only time I feel safe and happy is when I’m with my daughters and so called ‘partner’ is at work, we had just got into an argument, I was in the bath and asked him too bring me a towel up and he brought me up one which wasn’t clean, I knew it wasn’t clean because I’m the one who does the washing. So after my bath I went downstairs too get my phone charger and iPad too sit upstairs out the way too save an argument but he started anyway shouting at me not letting me get a word in and called me stupid, I stayed quiet and when he was done I said ‘ sleep downstairs tonight I don’t want you near me’ and left, i just constantly feel like I’m on egg shells around him and I can’t be happy, I’ve cried again and again too him and asked him too leave but he says no and that he will change but it never happens, I just want too be happy for my kids and he’s not someone who makes me happy, he’s someone who drags me down and makes me feel sad, he’s not the boy I fell in love with and I don’t enjoy being around him anymore, he’s fine so much too hurt me and I just feel like I want too feel free again not trapped not stuck with him and his negativity

I am so sorry you feel that way A relationship is supposed to lift you up, make you feel happy and secure. You should never feel trapped, like you're walking on eggshells or like you're losing yourself. If you're telling him how you feel, and showing him how hurt you are and nothing changes then don't wait around on the hope that one day things might change - they probably won't. Try and speak to him, be strong, tell him how you feel and that you're no longer happy and that the relationship is done - don't give him the choice to stay and say he'll change, you've got to be strong and firm and let him know it's not a choice - it's over. Your own happiness (along with your childrens) is always the most important thing, and if you're unhappy then your children will pick up on that. You've got to do what's best for you. You deserve to find your happiness and to feel safe and secure in your home. x

 

[annonymus]

Thankyou so much guys! I appreciate the advice I get on here so I’m about too ask for some now…
My partner never takes the kids out,they’re twins, and can be a handful sometimes but what kids aren’t! Anyway he messaged me saying that he’s taking the kids too the park next weekend with his mum and Nan, but I can come after I finish work if I want too, baring in mind I’m doing 10-4 so wouldn’t be much point, I said no too him because I don’t trust him too be prepared enough, with food drink snacks nappies and everything else, if any of you read here a lot I dont actually get along with his mum so that’s another reason, but I just don’t want the stress of that while I’m in work. Am I in the wrong? I feel selfish but also I feel my feelings should be valid considering he’s never once wanted too take them out alone with him or his family before in the 2 years since I had them…

 

[Smirkymirky]

Thankyou so much guys! I appreciate the advice I get on here so I’m about too ask for some now…
My partner never takes the kids out,they’re twins, and can be a handful sometimes but what kids aren’t! Anyway he messaged me saying that he’s taking the kids too the park next weekend with his mum and Nan, but I can come after I finish work if I want too, baring in mind I’m doing 10-4 so wouldn’t be much point, I said no too him because I don’t trust him too be prepared enough, with food drink snacks nappies and everything else, if any of you read here a lot I dont actually get along with his mum so that’s another reason, but I just don’t want the stress of that while I’m in work. Am I in the wrong? I feel selfish but also I feel my feelings should be valid considering he’s never once wanted too take them out alone with him or his family before in the 2 years since I had them…

Can you get him to send you a list to make sure he has everything

 

[annonymus]

Can you get him to send you a list to make sure he has everything

I could! But I just kind of think he should already know. It’s just made me upset

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thankyou so much guys! I appreciate the advice I get on here so I’m about too ask for some now…
My partner never takes the kids out,they’re twins, and can be a handful sometimes but what kids aren’t! Anyway he messaged me saying that he’s taking the kids too the park next weekend with his mum and Nan, but I can come after I finish work if I want too, baring in mind I’m doing 10-4 so wouldn’t be much point, I said no too him because I don’t trust him too be prepared enough, with food drink snacks nappies and everything else, if any of you read here a lot I dont actually get along with his mum so that’s another reason, but I just don’t want the stress of that while I’m in work. Am I in the wrong? I feel selfish but also I feel my feelings should be valid considering he’s never once wanted too take them out alone with him or his family before in the 2 years since I had them…

Just let him get on with it. I understand the apprehension but at the end of the day he’s their dad and despite bot getting on with his mum at least she will be there to help.
What you could do is maybe ask him to give you updates every couple of hours

 

[lastdis]

Thankyou so much guys! I appreciate the advice I get on here so I’m about too ask for some now…
My partner never takes the kids out,they’re twins, and can be a handful sometimes but what kids aren’t! Anyway he messaged me saying that he’s taking the kids too the park next weekend with his mum and Nan, but I can come after I finish work if I want too, baring in mind I’m doing 10-4 so wouldn’t be much point, I said no too him because I don’t trust him too be prepared enough, with food drink snacks nappies and everything else, if any of you read here a lot I dont actually get along with his mum so that’s another reason, but I just don’t want the stress of that while I’m in work. Am I in the wrong? I feel selfish but also I feel my feelings should be valid considering he’s never once wanted too take them out alone with him or his family before in the 2 years since I had them…

if he’s. The dad he has the right to take them out, maybe the reason he hasn’t is because of you not trusting him too, just pack him a changing bag so he’s got everything he needs, he will cope .

 

[TheGlossy]

I'm honestly tired of my entire family.

My mother has never had a job a day in her life and has been reliant on my dad's income and social welfare this whole time. My dad passed and she had tons of paperwork to fill in to continue getting her welfare payments, except she can't fill them in herself, so she is reliant on me 100% despite the fact she has three grown adults living with her (my two sisters in college currently on summer break and my jobless brother). Yet, she fully relies on me to do all her paperwork when I live overseas and have a full-time job so I certainly don't have the time to call different agencies and fill in paperwork all day.

Fast forward, my sister reached out to me on the 9th of July for some paperwork and told me to call the agency myself. Why can't she call herself? She's 21 and on summer break. She has plenty of time or better yet, go to the agency herself. She told me the deadline was "end of July" when I asked for a specific deadline. Fast forward, I tried to contact the agency twice last week and they were unavailable, so I thought this week would still be OK. I did a bit of digging and it turns out the deadline was last week, which my sister failed to tell me. My mom will therefore miss a good chunk of her welfare payment because of this. When I told my sister, instead of her saying "don't worry, we'll handle or drop by the agency to get this sorted asap", she's still relying on me to ring them or email them even though it entails my mom missing a good chunk of her monthly income.

I'm absolutely exhausted of these people quite frankly. I work 10-12 hours a day and none of them can lift a single finger to help me out when they're all at my mom's doing nothing all day. A true bunch of assisted co-dependent people seriously.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I'm honestly tired of my entire family.

My mother has never had a job a day in her life and has been reliant on my dad's income and social welfare this whole time. My dad passed and she had tons of paperwork to fill in to continue getting her welfare payments, except she can't fill them in herself, so she is reliant on me 100% despite the fact she has three grown adults living with her (my two sisters in college currently on summer break and my jobless brother). Yet, she fully relies on me to do all her paperwork when I live overseas and have a full-time job so I certainly don't have the time to call different agencies and fill in paperwork all day.

Fast forward, my sister reached out to me on the 9th of July for some paperwork and told me to call the agency myself. Why can't she call herself? She's 21 and on summer break. She has plenty of time or better yet, go to the agency herself. She told me the deadline was "end of July" when I asked for a specific deadline. Fast forward, I tried to contact the agency twice last week and they were unavailable, so I thought this week would still be OK. I did a bit of digging and it turns out the deadline was last week, which my sister failed to tell me. My mom will therefore miss a good chunk of her welfare payment because of this. When I told my sister, instead of her saying "don't worry, we'll handle or drop by the agency to get this sorted asap", she's still relying on me to ring them or email them even though it entails my mom missing a good chunk of her monthly income.

I'm absolutely exhausted of these people quite frankly. I work 10-12 hours a day and none of them can lift a single finger to help me out when they're all at my mom's doing nothing all day. A true bunch of assisted co-dependent people seriously.

I know it's difficult but just tell your family they need to sort it out as you are busy working. i understand it can be difficult but imo they are just using you

 

[TheGlossy]

I know it's difficult but just tell your family they need to sort it out as you are busy working. i understand it can be difficult but imo they are just using you

Yeah, I ended up just sending email to the concerned service and I'm going to leave it at that. You'd think that given their income is on the line, they'd move their butt themselves to get it sorted. I've decided not to handle anything else from this point on. I've been handling their affairs every single day for the last 6/7 months since my dad passed. I've spent tons of money on phone bills calling services overseas in addition to postage fees sending applications, documents etc. It's turning into a second job. I can't do this anymore. They can't even be bothered to make a simple phone call. Please.

I definitely feel used. I discussed this with some other people including my therapist and they told me the same. They're just a burden if I'm honest.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Yeah, I ended up just sending email to the concerned service and I'm going to leave it at that. You'd think that given their income is on the line, they'd move their butt themselves to get it sorted. I've decided not to handle anything else from this point on. I've been handling their affairs every single day for the last 6/7 months since my dad passed. I've spent tons of money on phone bills calling services overseas in addition to postage fees sending applications, documents etc. It's turning into a second job. I can't do this anymore. They can't even be bothered to make a simple phone call. Please.

I definitely feel used. I discussed this with some other people including my therapist and they told me the same. They're just a burden if I'm honest.

The thing with family is that we love them and feel obligated. But I hate how they can emotionally blackmail is to do things

 

[TheGlossy]

I think people who have a healthy family they "love" are very lucky. It's not as common as it seems.

My context is slightly different, but I agree on the emotional blackmail. Not good at all.

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

Yeah, I ended up just sending email to the concerned service and I'm going to leave it at that. You'd think that given their income is on the line, they'd move their butt themselves to get it sorted. I've decided not to handle anything else from this point on. I've been handling their affairs every single day for the last 6/7 months since my dad passed. I've spent tons of money on phone bills calling services overseas in addition to postage fees sending applications, documents etc. It's turning into a second job. I can't do this anymore. They can't even be bothered to make a simple phone call. Please.

I definitely feel used. I discussed this with some other people including my therapist and they told me the same. They're just a burden if I'm honest.

Seeing as you are not going to benefit at all from this I'd be inclined to let them sort their own stuff out from now on. Let them get on with it

The thing with family is that we love them and feel obligated. But I hate how they can emotionally blackmail is to do things

Being used like I was, let me tell you The Love eventually runs out. I had a very brief email exchange with my delightful sister after our 'lovely' father died after which I have no intentions of ever speaking nor corresponding with her or particularly her vile daughter EVER AGAIN (that creature was the sole reason Our Family was destroyed 8 years ago), likewise our idiot brother has not bothered with me since November so he can go swivel as well . I do not need people like that in my life any more thus it is done

If someone had told me this was how it was going to be one day I'd never have believed them - why would I when we were apparently a "close" family? And yet here we are all thanks to my sister's appalling daughter.

 

[Tea and Toast]

My partners "kids" are so flaky. .
They only ever contact either of us when they want something.
Its soooo difficult to have a conversation with either of them ( on messenger) you can see they've been "active" but left your message unread . . I wouldn't mind, they're not youngsters anymore, theyre late 20s, young adults . .
I could quite easily do without tbh, but its him whom I feel for . .

 

[HoGi]

My mum is going to my sisters AGAIN tomorrow to look after her dog. She is going out for dinner!!! The dog can be left alone for 3 bloody hours

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My mum is going to my sisters AGAIN tomorrow to look after her dog. She is going out for dinner!!! The dog can be left alone for 3 bloody hours

Maybe your mum enjoys it. I love looking after other people's pets

 

[queenbees]

Maybe your mum enjoys it. I love looking after other people's pets

same, I beg for my sister to let me doggy sit

 

[HoGi]

Maybe your mum enjoys it. I love looking after other people's pets

I wouldn't say she enjoys it although she does like the dog. Probably should have elaborated.

My mum is in her mid 70s and can't drive in the dark. So it means she has to stay the night and she moans about that a lot. She also has pets of her own she can't bring with her, so her pets get left alone overnight.

It's the fact my sister got this dog during lockdown. She said she is used to being left alone (ex breeder) and she is super chill etc. But my sister won't leave her unattended for for than 30 minutes.

My sister thinks it is acceptable for my mum to leave her pet overnight so hers is looked after while she goes out for dinner. This is what irks me the most