Unplanned pregnancy

[Thetruth123]

TRIGGER WARNING - Termination is discussed

Hi all,
Never did I think I would be this confused about being pregnant.

Little back story , I’m 35 hubby and I have a 19 year old 15 year old and 3 yr old. Our son has recently been diagnosed autistic and has quite high needs.
From the time we had a middle child in 2008 to 2019 we tried and tried for a baby and just as we were going to go down the ivf route I fell pregnant with him. The ttc days I’ll never forget though, the longing and grief feeling and feeling like a failure of not being able to fall pregnant.
roll on now and 7 months ago I had a gastric sleeve and lost a significant amount of weight. But still resounded myself that my fertility was shot and I honestly just thought I would never fall pregnant again. My own naivety I should of gone on contraception in hind sight
Remembrance Sunday parade I faint, putting it down to the nasty cold I had at the time. But next day I was googling fainting for no reason and it says early pregnancy can be a reason, took a test and it is the quickest positive I’ve ever had!!!

now my dilemma, I’m petrified I’ll just be taking on too much my son is extremely hard work firstly , and selfishly I am scared this baby could also be neurodivergent. We are already a bedroom short for him , so would have to look for a mutual exchange, we run our own construction business which I run the office , the fact it feels like I’m going back to the beginning and I do feel like an old mum now 🫣🫣
The finances of another child …… bigger car , due date would be around when we have a holiday booked ….i know it does sound selfish but we had our first kids as teenagers, we have worked bloody hard to start up our business from nothing and only now are we starting to feel the benefits,

but I just think back to the old me who used to sit and cry at all the negative tests what would she say ?

my teenage girls are so excited , hubby to be honest isn’t fussed either way he says it’s my decision, my heart says yes but my head says no! But when push comes to shove could I go through with a termination ?

 

[aggytha]

now my dilemma, I’m petrified I’ll just be taking on too much my son is extremely hard work firstly , and selfishly I am scared this baby could also be neurodivergent. We are already a bedroom short for him , so would have to look for a mutual exchange, we run our own construction business which I run the office , the fact it feels like I’m going back to the beginning and I do feel like an old mum now 🫣🫣
The finances of another child …… bigger car , due date would be around when we have a holiday booked ….i know it does sound selfish but we had our first kids as teenagers, we have worked bloody hard to start up our business from nothing and only now are we starting to feel the benefits,

Hi! I wish I had some wise words for you, but I just wanted to say that nothing you have said sounds selfish. You are more than entitled to feel the way you do. Your feelings are perfectly valid.

Only you can decide what is best for you. I really hope you have support from your husband during this confusing time.

I wish I could be of some sort of help but hopefully venting and expressing your feelings has helped you a little!

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It sounds like you may have a little time to think about this @Thetruth123

All you can do is have an open and honest conversation with yourself and your partner. Youve parented older children so you know the joy and heartbreak that brings. You need to ask yourself if you want to do all of it again for the next 18 years + or not. You have a 3 year old so its not going back to the beginning again, i have a 4 year gap between my kids and do find it quite a good and manageable gap. My eldest child is ND as are both myself and the childrens Dad too. So it is v overwhelming at times.

There is no right or wrong answer here. No judgement from me. Dont worry about past you struggling to conceive. That was in the past and you had the baby you desperately wanted from that.

This baby wasnt planned, so there is no shame in saying no this isnt what I want. Equally despite them not being planned they can slot in and be part of your family.

Take care of yourself xxx

 

[Whatever123]

TRIGGER WARNING - Termination is discussed

Hi all,
Never did I think I would be this confused about being pregnant.

Little back story , I’m 35 hubby and I have a 19 year old 15 year old and 3 yr old. Our son has recently been diagnosed autistic and has quite high needs.
From the time we had a middle child in 2008 to 2019 we tried and tried for a baby and just as we were going to go down the ivf route I fell pregnant with him. The ttc days I’ll never forget though, the longing and grief feeling and feeling like a failure of not being able to fall pregnant.
roll on now and 7 months ago I had a gastric sleeve and lost a significant amount of weight. But still resounded myself that my fertility was shot and I honestly just thought I would never fall pregnant again. My own naivety I should of gone on contraception in hind sight
Remembrance Sunday parade I faint, putting it down to the nasty cold I had at the time. But next day I was googling fainting for no reason and it says early pregnancy can be a reason, took a test and it is the quickest positive I’ve ever had!!!

now my dilemma, I’m petrified I’ll just be taking on too much my son is extremely hard work firstly , and selfishly I am scared this baby could also be neurodivergent. We are already a bedroom short for him , so would have to look for a mutual exchange, we run our own construction business which I run the office , the fact it feels like I’m going back to the beginning and I do feel like an old mum now 🫣🫣
The finances of another child …… bigger car , due date would be around when we have a holiday booked ….i know it does sound selfish but we had our first kids as teenagers, we have worked bloody hard to start up our business from nothing and only now are we starting to feel the benefits,

but I just think back to the old me who used to sit and cry at all the negative tests what would she say ?

my teenage girls are so excited , hubby to be honest isn’t fussed either way he says it’s my decision, my heart says yes but my head says no! But when push comes to shove could I go through with a termination ?

Ultimately it’s whatever you believe will work best for your family but you need to take into consideration how you would cope mentally for the rest of your life with either decision.

if you call your GP and explain your concerns, they can refer you to abortion councillors who will discuss your concerns either way xx

 

[Kaylarina]

Have you considered talking to BPAS or NUPAS? They would talk to you impartially about all your options and try to help in any way they can. 03457 30 40 30 (BPAS) or 0333 004 6666 (NUPAS).

I would just say, no matter what choice you make, please do not feel any guilt. You are making a choice at this moment, and what feels right for you and your family. You are a different person now than the one who had to go through the heartache of negative pregnancy tests so please do not give yourself a hard time.

 

[Phil I Buster]

TRIGGER WARNING - Termination is discussed

Hi all,
Never did I think I would be this confused about being pregnant.

Little back story , I’m 35 hubby and I have a 19 year old 15 year old and 3 yr old. Our son has recently been diagnosed autistic and has quite high needs.
From the time we had a middle child in 2008 to 2019 we tried and tried for a baby and just as we were going to go down the ivf route I fell pregnant with him. The ttc days I’ll never forget though, the longing and grief feeling and feeling like a failure of not being able to fall pregnant.
roll on now and 7 months ago I had a gastric sleeve and lost a significant amount of weight. But still resounded myself that my fertility was shot and I honestly just thought I would never fall pregnant again. My own naivety I should of gone on contraception in hind sight
Remembrance Sunday parade I faint, putting it down to the nasty cold I had at the time. But next day I was googling fainting for no reason and it says early pregnancy can be a reason, took a test and it is the quickest positive I’ve ever had!!!

now my dilemma, I’m petrified I’ll just be taking on too much my son is extremely hard work firstly , and selfishly I am scared this baby could also be neurodivergent. We are already a bedroom short for him , so would have to look for a mutual exchange, we run our own construction business which I run the office , the fact it feels like I’m going back to the beginning and I do feel like an old mum now 🫣🫣
The finances of another child …… bigger car , due date would be around when we have a holiday booked ….i know it does sound selfish but we had our first kids as teenagers, we have worked bloody hard to start up our business from nothing and only now are we starting to feel the benefits,

but I just think back to the old me who used to sit and cry at all the negative tests what would she say ?

my teenage girls are so excited , hubby to be honest isn’t fussed either way he says it’s my decision, my heart says yes but my head says no! But when push comes to shove could I go through with a termination ?

Oh love. I had a termination ten years ago. Since then I have struggled with recurrent pregnancy loss and fertility problems. Does it make me regret my decision ten years ago? Not once. Not even for a moment. The timing, the situation, the person was all wrong.

Nothing you have written sounds selfish. In fact, the very fact that you didn’t put how YOU felt first but spoke about others and the impact, shows how it isn’t selfish.

Im sending a hug to you

 

[Stimpii]

I fell pregnant accidently earlier this year. My first thought was termination as having another child just wasn’t right for me or our family. I was waiting for an appointment for a termination when I had a miscarriage. Child number 3 was also an accident but I felt totally different that time. I knew this time that having another child just wasn’t an option.

I’ve suffered miscarriages before so like you the thought of ending a pregnancy when I’d been desperate to be pregnant in the past felt so strange.

Ultimately the decision is yours. You’re the one who has to go through it all. I hope you make a decision you are happy with