Uninviting wedding guests

[Littlemisadoughnut]

It is done! I toyed with the idea of writing a massive explanation about how we had drifted, but just couldn't deal with the finality. So I said that we are downsizing due to finances / social distancing concerns, which is the truth in reality. So book is closed, but not completely shut.....

 

[Ellsbells123]

Yes, exactly that

I just wouldn’t send invite and say that you have had to cut back numbers. You are guaranteed to upset somebody, but at the end of the day it’s your wedding so it’s your way! We struggled when we got married and I even left my brother and sister in law out, they hadn’t spoken to any of the family for years, but the my sis in law put a massive post on Facebook basically saying what a bitch I was

 

[Jelly Bean]

Could you not say (if you have to bother to explain) that the pandemic has forced you to have a look again at finances and numbers of guests and your original plans have changed. However you really really don't have to explain yourself and don't owe anyone an explanation.

 

[Randy77]

If you don't want them in your life, delete the WhatsApp group and don't send them an invite or let them know that you are still going ahead with the wedding, however you have cut numbers.

It's normal to out grow friendship. I don't pay much attention to some uni friends and it's great!

 

[Jelly Bean]

It is done! I toyed with the idea of writing a massive explanation about how we had drifted, but just couldn't deal with the finality. So I said that we are downsizing due to finances / social distancing concerns, which is the truth in reality. So book is closed, but not completely shut.....

Well done! Now don't give it a second thought and just concentrate on your lovely wedding and life together. You did the right thing.

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

OK so basically me and my fiance are getting married next year. I felt under pressure from a lot of my old uni friends to invite them and sent them save the dates but after time in lockdown have decided I don't want them there. The friendship group is toxic and I don't want to continue it.

How would you go about delivering this news? I know the friendship will be impossible to repair but I've given it thought and I'm OK with it. 3 live abroad and I haven't seen them in years, the other 3 are in contact all the time and bitchy as hell, and I'm stuck in this weird limbo between the groups, not quite in, not fully out.

Also I appreciate this is a total etiquette disaster, aware I am a weak bitch for inviting them in the first place, and aware that this all makes me a horrid person.

 

[DoctorWho]

I’d just tell them the wedding is being rearranged or something then block them

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

I’d just tell them the wedding is being rearranged or something then block them

Aha that has crossed my mind! We are all in a joint whatsapp group as well that has been running for nearly 10 years. In actual fact leaving that is proving equally as hard to navigate! Think I'm gonna send a goodbye and good luck message and leave the group, and not mention the wedding... And then if any of them send me a follow up message asking about it be clear. Hoping that doesn't happen though and that the littlemisadoughnut has left the chat will suffice

God I feel like I'm back at school and I'm pushing 30!

 

[Blackbird]

Ghost them. And set up a new Whatsapp group without them.

 

[Homesweethomesweethome]

Friendships come and go and chances are once you remove yourself from the puzzle many others will too. I’ve learnt it’s not normal to have friends that are in your life forever, you can be best friends and then merely acquaintances, if even that. And it’s ok. Doesn’t make you a crappy person, it makes you human that is ever evolving and growing choosing your own mindset. Weddings are precious and if I could go back and remove certain people that would be a grand saved!

 

[urghmummybloggers]

I’m invested in this - how did you exit the WhatsApp group?

 

[summersuzy]

Thanks all, I haven’t reacted at all- I’ve surprised myself they’re very boastful and keep up with the jones types always have been, materialistic id call them and we aren’t. We’ve worked for everything we had yet they’ve had hand outs. Hub thinks it’s coz they now think they’re better than us but who knows can’t be annoyed with that I’m content with little and I like it that way.
well done on doing your wedding your way frig everyone else x

 

[hrh89]

I mean... as long as they don’t like live round the corner from you?? yeah just leave the chat and end that page of your chapter. If they really are toxic then better out I’d say. Don’t have anyone at your wedding you don’t want you’ll only be annoyed about it later on wishing they weren’t there good luck x

 

[Leita]

It’s your wedding, your day. Just don’t invite them. Save the date is just that... the invite is the official thing. As for WhatsApp just leave the group.

 

[Prgirl_cesca]

You definitely need to say something. As save the date means literally that they will be saving the date and they may not book holidays or other committments and that may really upset them.

I would blame corona and just say you have been planning and thinking about the wedding and you are scaling right back and won't be having such a big wedding. Sorry to let you down, but at least you can do other things next summer blah blah

Send the text individually. Then dont reply to group chat for a while, mute it and slowly forget about it.

 

[summersuzy]

Summersuzy I am in a similar position.
I was in an extremely abusive relationship which ended abruptly when he was sectioned for holding a gun to someone’s head (!) About a week later I found out I was seven months pregnant.
About three years later I got together with another boy in our friendship circle, we have been married for ten years now.
My ex was very charismatic and popular and I know lots of them blame me for his demise and don’t like me at all. They didn’t see what happened behind closed doors.
All you can do- all I can do- is ignore it. They don’t know your life story. People think what they think. Sorry for derailing! And OP I’m really glad you have found a way to exclude the group you don’t want there x

Sorry to hear you had to go through that and I’m so glad you are happier now What’s that saying what others think of us is none of our business or something like that

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

You definitely need to say something. As save the date means literally that they will be saving the date and they may not book holidays or other committments and that may really upset them.

I would blame corona and just say you have been planning and thinking about the wedding and you are scaling right back and won't be having such a big wedding. Sorry to let you down, but at least you can do other things next summer blah blah

Send the text individually. Then dont reply to group chat for a while, mute it and slowly forget about it.

That's exactly what I did ahhh yes love that we are on the same page!!!! No one really pushed back, I'm probably getting slated in some mini chat somewhere but hey
... If they're gonna hold that against me, it kinda confirms I didn't want them there anyway right?!

 

[Ellsbells123]

Have you only sent save the dates and not the official invite?

 

[summersuzy]

On the topic of friends hubby has a group of friends since his teens but recently we’ve noticed we’ve been excluded from their child’s birthdays and not invited to anything. I made a new fb and none accepted me, one of the mums who my hubby has known years and would have always been in their house has deleted him off fb too. They made excuses not come to our children’s party. We don’t know how to navigate it hubby is non confrontational but I feel their problem is me I really don’t know what I’ve done but it does annoy me. Photos uploaded of all the “friends” and us excluded is just plain nasty. Any tips?

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

WELL DONE! Yep, doesn't matter anymore.

Good luck with the wedding. What sort of venue are you getting married at? Have you done much planning?

Thank you so much it is a destination wedding in Greece, ceremony and reception are booked but after that our planning has halted.... We are supposed to fly out later in the year and view the venue, will make more decisions over styling and extras at that point hopefully. In the back of my mind I still feel like even in 2021 getting this pulled off is going to be hard! Even with the shorter guestlist. We started planning before I had ever heard the words corona virus, weirdly feels sickeningly indulgent now to be going ahead with the current state of the world