TTC’ers #2

[Clickbait]

Had a little break but need to share with someone. Had our appointment with the fertility clinic this week and got told that our only hope of a pregnancy based on my age and my partners test results (which is ironic as he already two kids which were conceived naturally and quickly) is to have IVF. Was a bit of a blow to be honest, we knew it was a possibility but was quite hard to hear. Not sure it’s even an option for us, would be self funded and the chances of a successful pregnancy are under 10%, if we wait even longer that’ll drop even more. They also reckon we’ll possibly need 2-3 cycles, so need to have £15k available, not sure that’s an option for us
I just feel so sad. I’m an only child and I just always assumed I’d have a baby at some point, my Mum had me at 41 so I’ve always been quite blasé about it
My partner doesn’t seem to get why I’m so upset, he’s always been happy enough to have another child but he just doesn’t seem to get why I’m so bothered by it...we argued the other night and he suggested I’d best ‘go and find myself someone that isn’t a jaffa’ that’s not even a consideration for me but would just like him to realise how difficult I’m finding this

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve dipped in and out of these threads but found them quite triggering - a mixture of anger and anxiety - and not really identified with anyone posting.

I’m in the process of booking for a fertility MOT privately, particularly because I don’t think I’ll get much support from the NHS. I’m also furious about their IVF stance for those forty+ but have to try and not let that bubble up too much.

My partner too has two (adult) children which would have also counted against us. He says he wants it for me but honestly I don’t find him as supportive as he could be.

I am dreading being told bad news but I need to rip the plaster off and know what I’m dealing with. I’m not sure how we’ll afford to pay for it but I know I’d have to try at least once because the idea of never having even one child is too awful to bear. For those of you in this thread who have been upset about difficulty in conceiving number two or maybe three, please never lose sight of how lucky you are to have one child in the process.

May I ask how you found the testing process? I presume it was an AMH blood test and ultrasound scan? When they said it may require 2-3 rounds what did they base it on?

Thank you, and good luck with it all x

 

[Boutros-Boutros Ghali]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve dipped in and out of these threads but found them quite triggering - a mixture of anger and anxiety - and not really identified with anyone posting.

I’m in the process of booking for a fertility MOT privately, particularly because I don’t think I’ll get much support from the NHS. I’m also furious about their IVF stance for those forty+ but have to try and not let that bubble up too much.

My partner too has two (adult) children which would have also counted against us. He says he wants it for me but honestly I don’t find him as supportive as he could be.

I am dreading being told bad news but I need to rip the plaster off and know what I’m dealing with. I’m not sure how we’ll afford to pay for it but I know I’d have to try at least once because the idea of never having even one child is too awful to bear. For those of you in this thread who have been upset about difficulty in conceiving number two or maybe three, please never lose sight of how lucky you are to have one child in the process.

May I ask how you found the testing process? I presume it was an AMH blood test and ultrasound scan? When they said it may require 2-3 rounds what did they base it on?

Thank you, and good luck with it all x

It’s nice to speak to someone in a similar position. I definitely find these threads hard, this one isn’t too bad but I had been on mumsnet and had to delete my account, reading about someone in their mid 20s who hadn’t manage to conceive after a couple of months wasn’t really helping me. I had read up about the IVF stance so I was prepared and went into the testing process expecting them to say it was me, after all my OH has 2 kids which were conceived easily. I think I’d said previously I wanted answers so could think about next steps.
I’be had all the blood tests and an ultrasound. Semen analysis for the OH. Started about 6 months ago but frustratingly they put a stop to all fertility services and as there’s only the one clinic here that does NHS and private they didn’t take anyone on. I wanted to pay for it privately as I figured we were going to be paying for any treatment anyway but they literally shut up shop, so had to wait for them to reopen to get all of the results look at and a discussion about next steps. The Dr did say that we may conceive with IVF first time, but because the odds are so low she said to prepare for the 3 attempts (emotionally and financially) and anything less is a bonus. They’ll only do a max of 3. Also not really got a huge amount of time to weigh up our options as the odds get really bad over 43 (about 8% I think) and although they will treat me she said I’d have to have my expectations managed as to the chance of a successful pregnancy. We’re not really in a position financially to afford it. I’m at a bit of a loss what to do at the moment, originally I’d said IVF wasn’t for me but now the thought of never having a child is really getting to me.

And good luck to you too. It’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with x

 

[fluffybaffling]

It’s nice to speak to someone in a similar position. I definitely find these threads hard, this one isn’t too bad but I had been on mumsnet and had to delete my account, reading about someone in their mid 20s who hadn’t manage to conceive after a couple of months wasn’t really helping me. I had read up about the IVF stance so I was prepared and went into the testing process expecting them to say it was me, after all my OH has 2 kids which were conceived easily. I think I’d said previously I wanted answers so could think about next steps.
I’be had all the blood tests and an ultrasound. Semen analysis for the OH. Started about 6 months ago but frustratingly they put a stop to all fertility services and as there’s only the one clinic here that does NHS and private they didn’t take anyone on. I wanted to pay for it privately as I figured we were going to be paying for any treatment anyway but they literally shut up shop, so had to wait for them to reopen to get all of the results look at and a discussion about next steps. The Dr did say that we may conceive with IVF first time, but because the odds are so low she said to prepare for the 3 attempts (emotionally and financially) and anything less is a bonus. They’ll only do a max of 3. Also not really got a huge amount of time to weigh up our options as the odds get really bad over 43 (about 8% I think) and although they will treat me she said I’d have to have my expectations managed as to the chance of a successful pregnancy. We’re not really in a position financially to afford it. I’m at a bit of a loss what to do at the moment, originally I’d said IVF wasn’t for me but now the thought of never having a child is really getting to me.

And good luck to you too. It’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with x

I know what you mean, I’d never wanted children until I’d turned 32 and then it hits you, even though I had tests a couple of years ago for PCOS I didn’t think about conceiving too much! I’ve been off the pill for 5 years and still no baby, although we weren’t trying until December last year, I always hoped we’d have a happy accident rather than having to try and getting disheartened each month your period arrives!! My hubby and I had a convo about IVF and I don’t think we’d go down that route personally, but who knows at the end of the 12 months before we go to the doctors. I personally think my progesterone is too low as I have all the symptoms, but I don’t think that is as recognised in the UK as in the USA.

 

[Clickbait]

It’s nice to speak to someone in a similar position. I definitely find these threads hard, this one isn’t too bad but I had been on mumsnet and had to delete my account, reading about someone in their mid 20s who hadn’t manage to conceive after a couple of months wasn’t really helping me.

*Exactly this* Everyone has their own problems, but having age and money (in the form of the NHS) on your side makes this that much easier.

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it x

 

[Boutros-Boutros Ghali]

I know what you mean, I’d never wanted children until I’d turned 32 and then it hits you, even though I had tests a couple of years ago for PCOS I didn’t think about conceiving too much! I’ve been off the pill for 5 years and still no baby, although we weren’t trying until December last year, I always hoped we’d have a happy accident rather than having to try and getting disheartened each month your period arrives!! My hubby and I had a convo about IVF and I don’t think we’d go down that route personally, but who knows at the end of the 12 months before we go to the doctors. I personally think my progesterone is too low as I have allthe symptoms, but I don’t think that is as recognised in the UK as in the USA.

I’ll admit being a bit blasé about it all. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 35 so although I knew I’d like a baby it also wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, I wanted to enjoy our relationship not just get pregnant ASAP because my biological clock was ticking. My Mum didn’t have me until she was 40 and my partners Mum had her daughter at 48 so I just thought it would happen. Obviously not. I need to make peace with it I think because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking what if, or regretting not trying sooner etc but I do feel quite sad about it

*Exactly this* Everyone has their own problems, but having age and money (in the form of the NHS) on your side makes this that much easier.

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it x

And I’m definitely not criticising them, I spent my twenties dreading getting pregnant....how times change. I just think people start to lose perspective a bit, not helped by the fact people on social media seem to blink and they’re pregnant! Hoping we all get the outcome we want x

 

[Pikaboo]

My AF is now 6 days late which is very usual for me but I have had a BFN. I used ovulation sticks last month and did not get the peak static face at all but did get the flashing face, I am not convinced I ovulated as had none of the usual signs. I also have some mild cramping/shooting pain which has been ongoing for around 2 weeks but not the usual AF pain.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? My doctor said to contact them again in a week...

 

[Alexaj]

My AF is now 6 days late which is very usual for me but I have had a BFN. I used ovulation sticks last month and did not get the peak static face at all but did get the flashing face, I am not convinced I ovulated as had none of the usual signs. I also have some mild cramping/shooting pain which has been ongoing for around 2 weeks but not the usual AF pain.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? My doctor said to contact them again in a week...

I've had mild cramping for nearly 2 weeks now which isn't usual.

 

[Pikaboo]

My AF is now 6 days late which is very usual for me but I have had a BFN. I used ovulation sticks last month and did not get the peak static face at all but did get the flashing face, I am not convinced I ovulated as had none of the usual signs. I also have some mild cramping/shooting pain which has been ongoing for around 2 weeks but not the usual AF pain.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? My doctor said to contact them again in a week...

I meant unusual for AF not usual

 

[elloelloello]

I’m 2 days late and no sign of it coming! I am going to hold off taking a test for a week or two (don’t know how I’ll manage that) because this is my first period since my mmc so I am just going to wait because I know my body is probably still adjusting back to normal and my cycle could be all over the place, don’t want to get my hopes up but it’s so hard

 

[Vivian124]

Take a test!!!

 

[elloelloello]

Take a test!!!

I want to but I honestly am quite scared! The fear of a miscarriage is over riding my judgement I think! I’ll take one over the weekend x

 

[Vivian124]

It's ok. I was scared of my life when my bfp came up afraid of my life it would be another ectopic.

 

[elloelloello]

It's ok. I was scared of my life when my bfp came up afraid of my life it would be another ectopic.

I’ve had one too so I should know better really. tit I really want to take a test now haha

It's ok. I was scared of my life when my bfp came up afraid of my life it would be another ectopic.

also how far pregnant are you now following your ectopic, if you don’t mind me asking? Congratulations

 

[Vivian124]

I’ve had one too so I should know better really. tit I really want to take a test now haha


also how far pregnant are you now following your ectopic, if you don’t mind me asking? Congratulations

31 wks

 

[Clojo92]

Anyone got any advice on how to deal with people (mainly family members) who insist on a ‘positive attitude’ to get through ttc? It has been well over a year for us and the constant ‘if you don’t think about it, it will happen’ advice is really starting to grate on me, especially as they know I have PCOS so its a bit more than just a positive attitude?

 

[Ashx]

Lurker here - hi everyone! So basically I had pinky brown discharge a week before my period was due the Saturday just gone (and light cramping in my stomach for days and tender boobs which I never get before a period ) .. took two clear blue ultra early detection tests, one Sunday and one Monday both negative after the 5-10 minutes but an hour later showed faint blue lines.. I know they are supposed to be invalid after the time period but reading other ttc forums people are saying mixed things and I'm just so confused I'm just wondering if anyone else has experience this? AND your gonna think I'm daft but I bled quite heavy on Tuesday - looks like I've come on 4 days early but then I've read stories again that implantation bleeding was heavy for them?? I am just losing my mind. I'm just holding to any hope really.

 

[Sunshinegal]

Anyone got any advice on how to deal with people (mainly family members) who insist on a ‘positive attitude’ to get through ttc? It has been well over a year for us and the constant ‘if you don’t think about it, it will happen’ advice is really starting to grate on me, especially as they know I have PCOS so its a bit more than just a positive attitude?

Wow I feel this!
The whole 'just relax' 'forget about it' 'stop thinking about it' 'it'll happen when it's meant to' yep you've been saying that for over a year now your advice ain't worked????
Also really pisses me off when it's someone who got pregnant straight away and tells me I need to relax. They have NO IDEA what TTC for a long time feels like. I have one who actually acts a bit annoyed with the 'I've told you to just relax!!' When I have mentioned it a few months later again. Like as if I just did that it would happen and its annoying having to tell me again. Just feel like saying duck off

 

[Clojo92]

Wow I feel this!
The whole 'just relax' 'forget about it' 'stop thinking about it' 'it'll happen when it's meant to' yep you've been saying that for over a year now your advice ain't worked????
Also really pisses me off when it's someone who got pregnant straight away and tells me I need to relax. They have NO IDEA what TTC for a long time feels like. I have one who actually acts a bit annoyed with the 'I've told you to just relax!!' When I have mentioned it a few months later again. Like as if I just did that it would happen and its annoying having to tell me again. Just feel like saying duck off

I have a friend who started trying around the same time as us, she fell pregnant on the 2nd cycle and has a beautiful baby girl, but I had to bite my tongue when she said “when I stopped thinking about it, it happened!” Like SERIOUSLY?!

It’s made me really angry and bitter towards anyone who are ttc! I get jealous when I see people talking about ‘oh trying for no.2’ like I can’t tell you how badly I just want one!! It’s so difficult and tiring.

 

[elloelloello]

31 wks

Omg! So close to the end now! This gives me so much hope, you must be so excited!

Lurker here - hi everyone! So basically I had pinky brown discharge a week before my period was due the Saturday just gone (and light cramping in my stomach for days and tender boobs which I never get before a period ) .. took two clear blue ultra early detection tests, one Sunday and one Monday both negative after the 5-10 minutes but an hour later showed faint blue lines.. I know they are supposed to be invalid after the time period but reading other ttc forums people are saying mixed things and I'm just so confused I'm just wondering if anyone else has experience this? AND your gonna think I'm daft but I bled quite heavy on Tuesday - looks like I've come on 4 days early but then I've read stories again that implantation bleeding was heavy for them?? I am just losing my mind. I'm just holding to any hope really.

Hey! Every pregnancy I’ve had I’ve always had implantation bleeding! Mine is quite heavy, usually a couple of times after I go for a wee and it is very dark, sounds like implantation to me! try a first response test with your first wee in the morning

 

[Makeupaddict5]

I have a friend who started trying around the same time as us, she fell pregnant on the 2nd cycle and has a beautiful baby girl, but I had to bite my tongue when she said “when I stopped thinking about it, it happened!” Like SERIOUSLY?!

It’s made me really angry and bitter towards anyone who are ttc! I get jealous when I see people talking about ‘oh trying for no.2’ like I can’t tell you how badly I just want one!! It’s so difficult and tiring.

At the moment I’ve only told one friend I am actively trying after my mmc. She’s knows I am trying as I mention it but we don’t have deep discussions unless I need some advise but I know she can’t advise me on much as she got pregnant straight away and only had one child.
I can’t be bothered to explain myself to people or other friends. Sometimes they do mean well just their words can trigger your emotions.
It can be annoying but I wouldn’t share your journey with them if that’s how you feel. Or you can tell them exactly how you feel and how you find it insensitive and triggering when they nonchalantly tell you need to relax. After all If they are your friends you should share how you feel.
I prefer not sharing makes it a little easier. Less drama.