TTC #3

Shellym · Aug 11, 2021

Clojo92 said:
I'm not sure whether Clomid is something I can take, it has never been mentioned and I think they prefer to use Letrozole as it has less side effects. Yes both cycles with Letrozole, second cycle on a higher dose too.

I already follow a lot of accounts on Insta but it's 99% people who are already doing IVF or IUI's. It's just a minefield and some of is just so... depressing. Even the success stories are just people who have done IVF several times and countless IUI's that have failed, it's just so much all the time!

Just seen your last post. I'm sending you lots of love

Hi There,

If it helps, my consultant had me on letrozole and gonasi (a HCG trigger injection). I couldnt take Clomid due to other health issues, but the consultant also said that he had better results with letrozole. We did this for 6 months (with the doses increasing), which ultimately did not work for us, but I have endo and we have since found out that I do not ovulate. It seems a bit strange that they only had you do 2 cycles of this - did they give a reason why?

Ive been switched to another injection called Rekovelle, which is also used in IVF, but just a lower dose in this case. It is also supported by a Gonasi trigger injection.

We have done 3 cycles of Rekovelle which havent worked, and we are now looking at IVF.

Having gone through the drug cycles and a lap procedure, I am confident in the approach, but not before all the other options were exhausted.

CinnamonBun · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

Sending so much love . Please never apologise for offloading here, we’re all here for you in the best way that strangers can be over the internet .

CNK · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

So sorry to hear that, I can't imagine the soul crushing hurt you must be feeling now after the happiness of finally getting a positive test. Definitely tell your Mam or your sister or a close friend, its hard to keep it all in sometimes x

Cooksie · Aug 11, 2021

I’m a few months into actually trying, not avoiding, and literally nothing so far not even a symptom of hope. I’m due my period on Monday which is also my birthday. I’m trying not to get my hopes up but I just know my birthday will be crap if I do come on. I know it’s silly but dreading it now.

My partner annoyingly told my uncle and aunt we are TTC when he’d had a drink and now I feel this crazy pressure that if I’m not by the time we see them again at Christmas it will just be another disappointment and for other people too.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this I just needed to type it out really!

Sallycinnamon_ · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

I’m so sorry, sending you love xx

instagramloverinlondon · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

Hey lovely, not trying to get your hopes up but apparently it doesn't change on CB digital until you're 5 weeks so please don't give up hope yet. Xxx

Vivian124 · Aug 11, 2021

@JLXRD do you think it's a chemical or a mc or??
My first test said 3+ weeks i nearly cried bc it should have only been 1-2 weeks and the leaflet said they can get it wrong off its twins or an ectopic, having previously had an ectopic i convinced myself this was another one, it wasn't, it was a healthy pregnancy now 10wk old baby. That's the day i learned that those pregnancy indicators just get it wrong. Im so sorry you're going through this anxiety and fear and i hope this too is wrong. Never mind those stupid strips they're open up interpretation and subjective. Unfortunately it's a waiting game whatever the outcome. Xxx

JLXRD · Aug 11, 2021

Thanks everyone for your kind messages. @fishsticks your message in particular has helped me so much to feel less alone.

I know some of you are just trying to help me have hope, and were it just the CB weeks, I may still have some - but even my FRERs which were blaring positives this time last week have faded to almost nothing. My symptoms are gone. My temp is dropping. I sadly do think it’s over for this pregnancy. It would hurt more to cling onto hope when all the signs are telling me not to.

I’ve cried for hours today. I’m beside myself, but I am prepared for what is coming and for that I feel grateful xx

Marymoo13 · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks everyone for your kind messages. @fishsticks your message in particular has helped me so much to feel less alone.

I know some of you are just trying to help me have hope, and were it just the CB weeks, I may still have some - but even my FRERs which were blaring positives this time last week have faded to almost nothing. My symptoms are gone. My temp is dropping. I sadly do think it’s over for this pregnancy. It would hurt more to cling onto hope when all the signs are telling me not to.

I’ve cried for hours today. I’m beside myself, but I am prepared for what is coming and for that I feel grateful xx

Ive been thinking about you all day, I hope you’re holding up best you can

You could ring your local hospitals early pregnancy unit and they might be able to offer some advice/ offer to give you a quick check over and test your hormone levels. but obviously it’s a totally personal decision wether you do that or not

JLXRD · Aug 11, 2021

Marymoo13 said:
Ive been thinking about you all day, I hope you’re holding up best you can

You could ring your local hospitals early pregnancy unit and they might be able to offer some advice/ offer to give you a quick check over and test your hormone levels. but obviously it’s a totally personal decision wether you do that or not

Thank you lovely I am considering calling my gp for advice if things don’t progress in the next few days. I don’t want to have to be in this limbo any longer than I have to.

Louk · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

I'm so sorry, I sincerely hope you are wrong and everything is OK. Can you get an early ultrasound? Really wish I could give you a big hug right now

fishsticks · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks everyone for your kind messages. @fishsticks your message in particular has helped me so much to feel less alone.

I know some of you are just trying to help me have hope, and were it just the CB weeks, I may still have some - but even my FRERs which were blaring positives this time last week have faded to almost nothing. My symptoms are gone. My temp is dropping. I sadly do think it’s over for this pregnancy. It would hurt more to cling onto hope when all the signs are telling me not to.

I’ve cried for hours today. I’m beside myself, but I am prepared for what is coming and for that I feel grateful xx

I'm so glad it's helped you. I felt so alone, I felt guilty, I overthought and scruitnised myself to the nth degree I googled so many different things trying to figure out what I had done wrong. Was it caffeine? Or did I eat cold meat. Maybe I shouldn't have ran that day or maybe I shouldn't have driven to the shops. Maybe I forgot to drink enough or take my vitamins. Or was it that I wore tight leggings once. My mind was a black hole of shit. The answer is unfortunately no one will ever know what happened, but I felt like I needed to know.

Stop the Googling and take a break to process all of this. I took myself off in the van, down to the beach where noone else was and I sat playing Animal Crossing in absolute tears. In fact, I think I spent all of that weekend crying. I think if I didn't take that time to sit and cry, to process,I wouldn't be in the hopeful place I am now.

The one thing I learnt is that you definitely know your own body. I knew I was pregnant, then I knew I just wasn't. It's difficult to understand until it happens to you. I guess it wasn't my time to be a mummy and it's so hard accepting that fact, but it's about trying to find some hope again. I hope I develop all the symptoms again. I know what to look out for, I know how things can go right and I know how they can go bad. I know the signs now.

My main advice would be to see your GP regardless. Heaven forbid it happens again to either of us, the drs have a record then. It hurts to see it in black and white on your records, but at least if investigation was required the support is there to prove you can go forward with that.

Please please don't feel like you need to rush into trying again. As soon as I stopped bleeding I was back on my husband like a dog in heat bcus I so desperately wanted to be pregnant again. Your body, no matter how far along you are, goes through a traumatic process and you need to allow it time to heal. My body's way of telling me that was a super long cycle and now I'm back into my normal cycle days, etc. Take your time, look after yourself and listen to your body.

Hope you're not feeling anything physically too bad. I know emotionally it is draining. xxxxx

calmyourritas · Aug 11, 2021

@JLXRD you are definitely not alone. We are all here for you in this crazy corner of the internet. I find writing my thoughts here to complete strangers genuinely helps 🤍🤍 I don’t have much more to add that others haven’t said, but please know I am thinking of you and wishing for the best xx

Louk · Aug 11, 2021

JLXRD said:
Hi ladies. I am fairly certain this pregnancy will not be progressing and I will be back with you all shortly, I just wanted to update you all.

I wrote last week that my tests weren’t getting darker and my CB digi was also stying in 1-2 weeks. I’m sad to say that my tests have still not darkened and this morning are nearly negative with very faint lines. CB digi has now said 1-2 weeks for 10 days. I know people say not to look at test darkness but for my tests to have been dark and now be coming back almost negative at 19dpo with multiple brands, it’s not looking good.

My symptoms have faded from last week - I know that means nothing but coupled with the tests, I am feeling fairly certain this will not result in a successful pregnancy.

I am obviously devastated and have spent the whole morning since testing just inconsolable. I never allowed myself to feel too happy as I was sure something was wrong, and I guess I was right. My husband has been so happy though and he is just crushed so I just feel incredibly guilty for his sadness, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done.

I am basically just waiting for the physical symptoms to start, which I’m pretty terrified about to be honest. I’m only 4+5 going by ovulation (or 6+2 from LMP) so I’m hoping it won’t be too physically painful. I have not gone through a loss before so I don’t know what to expect. This would have been our first baby.

I am rambling and I’m sorry for offloading here, but I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy and have no one to speak with about it, just feel like l can’t move forward at the moment.

I'm so sorry, I sincerely hope you are wrong and everything is OK. Can you get an early ultrasound? Really wish I could give you a big hug right now

calmyourritas · Aug 11, 2021

I’m out! Period just came… 2 days early xx

JLXRD · Aug 12, 2021

Thanks again all

This morning I’ve started bleeding. I am so very sad but I was prepared that this would happen.

I had a breakdown yesterday on a meeting as I was already muted and sobbing, then a close colleague announced her pregnancy and started talking about baby clothes she was buying. I had to dial off. I’ve taken today off work and will probably take tomorrow too.

The worst bit was waking up this morning and having that brief moment where I felt okay, and then remembering what was happening. It’s like having the realisation all over again. Also just having to get rid of the pregnancy apps on my phone, the pictures we took of us happy with the positive test - seeing how happy we were is just so sad.

I feel like I have taken that happiness from my husband. He cried with happiness when the test was positive and now he’s never going to have that moment again because he knows it won’t always end how you hope. I can’t help but feel guilt for that. I know that it’s not my fault, but it’s so hard.

Mrsbumble · Aug 12, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks again all

This morning I’ve started bleeding. I am so very sad but I was prepared that this would happen.

I had a breakdown yesterday on a meeting as I was already muted and sobbing, then a close colleague announced her pregnancy and started talking about baby clothes she was buying. I had to dial off. I’ve taken today off work and will probably take tomorrow too.

The worst bit was waking up this morning and having that brief moment where I felt okay, and then remembering what was happening. It’s like having the realisation all over again. Also just having to get rid of the pregnancy apps on my phone, the pictures we took of us happy with the positive test - seeing how happy we were is just so sad.

I feel like I have taken that happiness from my husband. He cried with happiness when the test was positive and now he’s never going to have that moment again because he knows it won’t always end how you hope. I can’t help but feel guilt for that. I know that it’s not my fault, but it’s so hard.

Sending you lots of hugs.

cecedoon · Aug 12, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks again all

This morning I’ve started bleeding. I am so very sad but I was prepared that this would happen.

I had a breakdown yesterday on a meeting as I was already muted and sobbing, then a close colleague announced her pregnancy and started talking about baby clothes she was buying. I had to dial off. I’ve taken today off work and will probably take tomorrow too.

The worst bit was waking up this morning and having that brief moment where I felt okay, and then remembering what was happening. It’s like having the realisation all over again. Also just having to get rid of the pregnancy apps on my phone, the pictures we took of us happy with the positive test - seeing how happy we were is just so sad.

I feel like I have taken that happiness from my husband. He cried with happiness when the test was positive and now he’s never going to have that moment again because he knows it won’t always end how you hope. I can’t help but feel guilt for that. I know that it’s not my fault, but it’s so hard.

I am so sorry , sending you so much love & hugs.

fishsticks · Aug 12, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks again all

This morning I’ve started bleeding. I am so very sad but I was prepared that this would happen.

I had a breakdown yesterday on a meeting as I was already muted and sobbing, then a close colleague announced her pregnancy and started talking about baby clothes she was buying. I had to dial off. I’ve taken today off work and will probably take tomorrow too.

The worst bit was waking up this morning and having that brief moment where I felt okay, and then remembering what was happening. It’s like having the realisation all over again. Also just having to get rid of the pregnancy apps on my phone, the pictures we took of us happy with the positive test - seeing how happy we were is just so sad.

I feel like I have taken that happiness from my husband. He cried with happiness when the test was positive and now he’s never going to have that moment again because he knows it won’t always end how you hope. I can’t help but feel guilt for that. I know that it’s not my fault, but it’s so hard.

Sending you so much love.

I still have the photos of our positive pregnancy tests. Some days I like to look back and remember that it did actually happen and it gives me some hope that we can conceive again. I hope it might bring you some hope too eventually.

Cry as much as you want. Cry until you can't anymore. You're human and your feelings are so valid as are your husbands.

I hope you're not in too much pain. Thinking of you x

calmyourritas · Aug 12, 2021

JLXRD said:
Thanks again all

This morning I’ve started bleeding. I am so very sad but I was prepared that this would happen.

I had a breakdown yesterday on a meeting as I was already muted and sobbing, then a close colleague announced her pregnancy and started talking about baby clothes she was buying. I had to dial off. I’ve taken today off work and will probably take tomorrow too.

The worst bit was waking up this morning and having that brief moment where I felt okay, and then remembering what was happening. It’s like having the realisation all over again. Also just having to get rid of the pregnancy apps on my phone, the pictures we took of us happy with the positive test - seeing how happy we were is just so sad.

I feel like I have taken that happiness from my husband. He cried with happiness when the test was positive and now he’s never going to have that moment again because he knows it won’t always end how you hope. I can’t help but feel guilt for that. I know that it’s not my fault, but it’s so hard.

I’m so so sorry to hear this. Take the time you need to heal and remember we are all here for you 🤍🤍

TTC #3

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