Hi all, I have creates this thread as quite a few of us on the Secret Celeb Gossip threads shared some stories regarding our upbringing and it seems many of us found it interesting and maybe even a little comforting to know we weren’t alone. Please feel free to share your experiences, thoughts and feelings in here. I hope that we can offer each other some solace. Personally speaking I find that my childhood caused me to have very low self esteem which led to all kinds of destructive behaviours. As I’ve grown older I have learned my triggers and do a much better job of regulating my emotions however there will always be a child inside of me desperate to be loved unconditionally.
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Glad you started this thread - I’m always looking for excuse to bash my parents for the tit things they did in my upbringing lol.
Great thread. My mum is difficult, she’s also a (barely) functioning alcoholic. I find she’s getting even worse as she gets older and I’m already having nightmares about what she’ll be like at 80.
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Feel free to share. I wouldn’t describe myself as having a narcissistic Mother. Mine was emotionally distant, un-affectionate, hyper irritable, critical and said some really hurtful comments when I was a very young child.
Its extremely difficult isnt it, i had alot of anger towards my mother, also an alcoholic. What upsets me most is when something good happens in my life, she will have a meltdown or create drama or become very down.
Hi, thought l would check in and offer my support to anyone struggling with difficult, toxic or whatever parents!
The sad thing is she was a very good parent in practical ways. We were always clean and had food in our bellies, if we need money for anything she’ll give it in a heartbeat. Stuff like that. But she is jealous and over sensitive to criticism or what she perceives to be criticism and has an overwhelming need to be in control of everything around her. I feel as though I’m in a constant battle of wills with her and can never truly be myself in her presence.
I have a love/hate relationship with my Mum. I had to move back home after my break-up last year (which I’m grateful for) but it’s hard some days. I’ve got her temper and we do clash! I won’t go into detail but I was pretty much brought up by my Nana as my Mum used to go out on a Friday and re-appear on a Monday. She knocked that on the head when she had my brother - since he was born she’s told me quite a few times I was a ‘mistake’.
Our relationship has improved since I’ve got older but I still hold some issues.
Our relationship has improved since I’ve got older but I still hold some issues.
Yes I got told in a fit of anger over something completely trivial that I was an accident. I’ll never forget that it was like a punch to the gut as it was said with such venom. I’ve learned after many many therapy sessions not to expect my mother to mother me. It took an awful lot of work but I have learned not to tell her my problems as I had always hoped she would have something reassuring or comforting to say, she never once did. Anything she did say back would make me feel worse than whatever the original thing did.
Does anyone else find that these mothers whilst being unavailable to mother you, expect you to provide emotional support and care to them? My mum does. She offloads on me, she is very negative and whinges all the time. It’s absolutely draining.
I find my mum wants to do things with me and I’ll happily go a long with it to try and spend time with her, but 9 times out of 10 she will shout at me in public. If I’m in a shop with her, say Primark, she walks off so I keep on looking round. 10 minutes later she is shouting my name at the top of her voice, like I’m a 5 year old she has lost. It’s really embarrassing. I ignore it but everyone is looking! I’m 28 years old, I end up walking off now. It’s like she is trying to cause a scene?
I planned on taking her shopping/drinks for her 50th this year but I imagine the above will happen, which sets my anxiety off.
I planned on taking her shopping/drinks for her 50th this year but I imagine the above will happen, which sets my anxiety off.
my mums just a complete narcissist. My childhood sucked. She was abusive to me my brother. My dad. No idea why he stuck with her. She kicked me out at 14 for the first time because I didn’t have a job. She was an alcoholic. I could go on but my my comment would be sooo long.
every So often she’ll maliciously report us to children’s services with the most horrendous and vile claims of child abuse. So we have to be investigated. All so she can try and get my son in her care. (She had a bedroom set up at her house for the day he “comes home”) over my dead body. tells everyone my son is hers.
thankfully the case is quickly closed and marked as malicious but the vile claims she spouts means we have to be investigated.
It’s like she ruined my childhood, now she’d trying to ruin my future and my sons life. we’re expecting our second now and I am terrified for when she finds out.
Thankfully all our other family members have seen through her now, and a lot of members of the community where she lives due to her own wrongdoings with them too.
honestly I could rant about her all day. I still feel so lost because I’ve never really had that motherly figure in my life. I’ve been told to stop blaming myself for that because it’s not my fault but it still hurts.
every So often she’ll maliciously report us to children’s services with the most horrendous and vile claims of child abuse. So we have to be investigated. All so she can try and get my son in her care. (She had a bedroom set up at her house for the day he “comes home”) over my dead body. tells everyone my son is hers.
thankfully the case is quickly closed and marked as malicious but the vile claims she spouts means we have to be investigated.
It’s like she ruined my childhood, now she’d trying to ruin my future and my sons life. we’re expecting our second now and I am terrified for when she finds out.
Thankfully all our other family members have seen through her now, and a lot of members of the community where she lives due to her own wrongdoings with them too.
honestly I could rant about her all day. I still feel so lost because I’ve never really had that motherly figure in my life. I’ve been told to stop blaming myself for that because it’s not my fault but it still hurts.
Im so sorry to hear this. We are conditioned to think all mothers are maternal from when we are born, as children we feel unloved and that we are the only ones that have strange mothers,which simply isn't the case. It has such a lasting affect doesnt it. I remember being so envious of the relationships my friends had with their mothers. It was painful.
Yes mine has always expected me to understand things from her point of view even when I was too young to understand anything. I realised very quickly that a lot of what my mother did, did not make sense so I was always very confused around her. She always used to get hysterically upset about things which set of my anxiety and made me switch off my emotions. As I got older she felt entitled to expect so much from me and even though I told her countless times I did not want to do A, B & C for her it would go over her head or she would get hysterically upset knowing I would just go along with things so she would stop. I’ve realised it was a form of emotional blackmail and I’ve learned to set boundaries but I do suffer from a massive guilt complex. I’m happy to say that as I’ve gotten older it’s gotten easier to step away from her and not let her inside my head.Part of the problem is that my mum didn’t have the best of childhoods herself. She didn’t live with her parents until she was two because my grandmother was ill. Then when she went back to them they massively favoured her sister over her. Not that this excuses that, but it’s been passed down through the generations.
The emotional blackmail card, works a treat for them, i to also get the guilty feeling when i set boundaries, its very conflicting emotions
It’s like they condition us to feel responsible for them. And yes
@Gym&Tonic it is true in my case too. My mother had her own damaging childhood and I do feel that her emotional growth was severely stunted because of this.
Hi all
coming on over after posting on the other thread.
I’m feeling really desperate for the mental health team to contact me. I’ve been referred for PTSD stemming from my crappy childhood. I have regular awful dreams where I am trying to escape the house and get social services to rehome me. And daily flashbacks.
I’m experiencing so much anxiety that I feel surreal and like I’m floating.
coming on over after posting on the other thread.
I’m feeling really desperate for the mental health team to contact me. I’ve been referred for PTSD stemming from my crappy childhood. I have regular awful dreams where I am trying to escape the house and get social services to rehome me. And daily flashbacks.
I’m experiencing so much anxiety that I feel surreal and like I’m floating.
I’m not an expert in any shape or form but it sounds like you may be experiencing disassociation, it can be the minds way of switching off from trauma. I’m so sorry to hear you are suffering
We are similar with harsh words being said to us. Plus same with holding issues its resentment. That fact those words were said I can never forget. I live with her too, so tension definitely exists.
Just put up with it sadly.