Toddler advice thread #5

[strawberrysunshine_x]

What clubs do your toddlers do? My 3 year old is currently on the waiting list for football club and swimming lessons. Struggling what else to look into while we wait for places

We used to go to football but he didn’t like it much and it’s expensive so I sacked it off. We don’t do any clubs. I didn’t go any clubs or activities until I was 6 when I started dancing
I’m not too bothered. I think from September I’m going to try & get swimming regularly with him. That’s something I’ve put off for some reason

 

[Bnbn. Th]

I thoughy BNBN was a mumsnet word for twins until I clocked your username

I can’t give advice, because I am a shouty mum. I really try to be calm, but these kids run rings around me, and sometimes I really just need to shout at them to stop. I’m definitely not one to judge on this!

Hahaha we love a biscuit what can I say yeah they're slightly feral which makes it eery difficult to not just lose my tit
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I too admit to having moments of shoutyness. You could look up Janet Lansbury for some tips? I found understanding the “why” actually helped me not be shouty at them, and trying to be firm when they blatantly disregard you is so hard!

Thank you I'll have a little look at her

 

[Definitelyme]

What clubs do your toddlers do? My 3 year old is currently on the waiting list for football club and swimming lessons. Struggling what else to look into while we wait for places

None! My eldest did a few at that age but I’ve never bothered with the others. We just make an effort to get swimming etc ourselves.
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I think from September I’m going to try & get swimming regularly with him. That’s something I’ve put off for some reason

I find it really hard to find time for regular swimming. During the summer I take the kids every week, but during term time it’s just so hard to find space to fit it in. I always say I’m going to try harder to find the time but end up never doing it. I see such a big difference in them from the start to end of summer though, so it’s well worth it

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Good morning everyone.
I've come here as it doesn't seem judgy, and I need some help.
My little BNBNs are being quite difficult lately, lots of shouting fighting and aggression (the joys of boys maybe?) and I'm finding I am screaming shouting and working myself up a lot.
So my issue, I do not want to be the screaming mum who's always feeling angry and flustered, but I find when I try a more gentle route of explaining getting to their level etc they won't listen to me at all. I'm wondering if maybe they're just not getting that parent enough?
We are a very loving house, it's just mother BN and babies we have lots of love yous cuddles and quality time but the bad behavior is getting more regular lately.

Basically, does anyone have any advice on how to switch from shouting to a more gentle route? Has anyone been through this and found a difference in their children? I understand they are probably shouting because I do monkey see monkey do I guess.

Sorry for the long one, hopeful for a response. Have a lovely Wednesday

How old are they? All behaviour is communication. I’d recommend thinking about what is causing them to fight. Do they need their own space, are they feeling overwhelmed, do they need some connection time with you etc. when you know why you can address it and hopefully they will fight less. I have two but mine are nearly 4 and 5 months old so haven’t hit this stage yet but have been through a big battle of challenging behaviour when the baby arrived and it is so tough!

When it comes to shouting, I’d work out your triggers. I find I shout more when I’m tired, hungry, overstimulated and in a rush. So I am working on not letting myself get to that reactive state. Can you sit down and work out what sets you off and how you can minimise this? It also helps to find ways to widen your window of tolerance. So finding ways to replenish your energy and stress levels. Can you carve out some time to do something for you? Not chores, not kid or household related. Maybe it’s an hour at the gym, or an art gallery, a drink with a friend. If you do end up shouting, (we all do, we’re human) then practice rupture and repair. This is a good article explaining more - https://www.mamamatters.com.au/blog...pair is a term,taking charge of these repairs.

Regarding gentle parenting, it doesn’t mean repeat yourself until you have to shout. If they aren’t responding to the first warning I would ask if they need help to stop fighting and if they still hadn’t stopped I would then use myself to separate them. Calmly state you won’t allow them to fight and put yourself between them. I found my daughter responded well to me holding her hands to stop her hitting when I told her I was doing so to keep her and everyone else safe. When everyone has calmed down you can then talk about it and problem solve together (depending on their age). As mentioned, Janet Lansbury is a great resource for boundary setting.

 

[ElektraWintour]

What clubs do your toddlers do? My 3 year old is currently on the waiting list for football club and swimming lessons. Struggling what else to look into while we wait for places

My 3.5yo has swimming lessons. Other classes I take her to are PAYG so I don’t have to commit. I’ve put her on the waiting list for rainbows, that starts from school age but it’s a long waiting list

 

[al255]

What clubs do your toddlers do? My 3 year old is currently on the waiting list for football club and swimming lessons. Struggling what else to look into while we wait for places

my 3.5 does swimming lessons on a Wednesday morning and a phonics class on Thursday mornings. That’s it. I think I’ll wait till she’s settled into school to decide whether to add rainbows as her swimming class time will change too

 

[noseypitch]

My oldest was diagnosed with ADHD from an early age. The advice given to us was to get him involved In sport to help with focus, communicating, somewhere to direct the copious amounts of energy in to. They play gaelic football and hurling. Over the course of a year they had transformed completely, like a diffrent person. Team sports and working towards goals as a group have been the answer. The only difficult part is running to training and games 3/4 times a week but so worth it.

 

[gossipgal21]

I don’t know if my toddler (20 months) is just normal-for-toddler fussy or… really fussy

He won’t eat (throws away) toast/bread, eggs, cheese, fruit, vegetables on their own. He wouldn’t even eat a lovely mini milk ice lolly when it was really hot so sadly I had to eat it He won’t eat meat/chicken on its own or chips.

He does eat porridge, cereal, crisps, yoghurt, breadsticks (anything crispy ), biscuits, and has an ok range of dinners - spag bol, fish/cottage pies, rice, veg mixed into sauces are ok etc.

I really struggle to know what to give him for lunches and snacks as I can’t just keep giving him crisps and biscuits!! wish he could just have a sandwich or like a bit of banana or something. I’d even love him to eat a chip sometimes!
He does drink a cup of milk in the day as well.

I guess I just have to keep offering? Any ideas?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don’t know if my toddler (20 months) is just normal-for-toddler fussy or… really fussy

He won’t eat (throws away) toast/bread, eggs, cheese, fruit, vegetables on their own. He wouldn’t even eat a lovely mini milk ice lolly when it was really hot so sadly I had to eat it He won’t eat meat/chicken on its own or chips.

He does eat porridge, cereal, crisps, yoghurt, breadsticks (anything crispy ), biscuits, and has an ok range of dinners - spag bol, fish/cottage pies, rice, veg mixed into sauces are ok etc.

I really struggle to know what to give him for lunches and snacks as I can’t just keep giving him crisps and biscuits!! wish he could just have a sandwich or like a bit of banana or something. I’d even love him to eat a chip sometimes!
He does drink a cup of milk in the day as well.

I guess I just have to keep offering? Any ideas?

Mine didn’t like sandwiches until he was 3!!! he did eat toast tho he used to have egg on toast or spaghetti on toast for lunches something like that. Sounds like yours a decent range of foods to be honest
Will he eat mash

 

[gossipgal21]

Mine didn’t like sandwiches until he was 3!!! he did eat toast tho he used to have egg on toast or spaghetti on toast for lunches something like that. Sounds like yours a decent range of foods to be honest
Will he eat mash

I think I’m just shocked cos like toast / sandwiches is the best ever food in my opinion

yes he does eat mash and jacket potatoes with beans etc.

I find I just struggle with lunch as he’s not hugely hungry anyway but seem to always be giving him crisps and biscuits! (Don’t tell the health visitor )

 

[WhatABore]

I don’t know if my toddler (20 months) is just normal-for-toddler fussy or… really fussy

He won’t eat (throws away) toast/bread, eggs, cheese, fruit, vegetables on their own. He wouldn’t even eat a lovely mini milk ice lolly when it was really hot so sadly I had to eat it He won’t eat meat/chicken on its own or chips.

He does eat porridge, cereal, crisps, yoghurt, breadsticks (anything crispy ), biscuits, and has an ok range of dinners - spag bol, fish/cottage pies, rice, veg mixed into sauces are ok etc.

I really struggle to know what to give him for lunches and snacks as I can’t just keep giving him crisps and biscuits!! wish he could just have a sandwich or like a bit of banana or something. I’d even love him to eat a chip sometimes!
He does drink a cup of milk in the day as well.

I guess I just have to keep offering? Any ideas?

My 2 year old is exactly the same.
She can't have dairy either so makes it even harder
Dinners, the only thing she'll eat is sausage and hash browns. Occasionally fish fingers. And egg on toast
She used to love pasta n sauces. But dairy. She used to love super noodles but they contain milk too.
Macaroni cheese in a tin, she used to love too.
None of it is healthy but at least she was eating something. Now we're so restricted and it's so stressfull.

None of my kids have eaten sandwiches until at least the age of 4

With lunch we basically shove a selection of things on a plate and hope she eats something out of the choices.

We give her smoothies to make sure she's having some fruit 'cause she wont even eat fruit apart from raisins.

 

[ElektraWintour]

My 3yo still isn’t keen on sandwiches, she has toast for lunch when she’s at home. To be honest I tend to stick with the breakfast and lunches that I know she’ll eat then I don’t have to give into the hundreds of snack requests all day. Dinner I try and change it up a bit and she’ll snack on plenty of fruit all day so I hope she’s getting all the good stuff there.

 

[gossipgal21]

I figure well at least he has a multivitamin and one day he’ll probably eat fruit ?

 

[Definitelyme]

I think I’m just shocked cos like toast / sandwiches is the best ever food in my opinion

yes he does eat mash and jacket potatoes with beans etc.

I find I just struggle with lunch as he’s not hugely hungry anyway but seem to always be giving him crisps and biscuits! (Don’t tell the health visitor )

Just feed home leftover dinners for lunch. So if you have spag Bol, save some for his lunch the next day. Offer some fruit or veg with it, and keep offering a range and eventually it will all come good. Eventually could well be in 6 years, but just keep offering.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Just wanted to give anyone who is worrying about their child being behind etc a little glimmer of hope

Since September my nursery have made us feel like he was totally different to the others - I mean he is and that’s ok but they made me feel like he was seriously behind the others his age
He’s doing so well with his potty training. He hasn’t had any accidents at nursery this week.
He has come on with his speech a lot. He wasn’t saying anything this time last year
He was naming colours and Thomas & his friends . He was counting. Letting me read books to him now
He repeats a lot of what I say to him

After all the worrying and anxiety I feel like he is really flourishing lately. I knew he would get there in his own time but the pressure from nursery & family members has been really hard to be honest. I’ve had loads of sleepless nights where I’ve been worrying about him

He’s an amazing little boy and I am so proud how far we’ve come. Not all children develop at the same time and I feel there is SO MUCH pressure on parents

 

[gossipgal21]

Thank you @strawberrysunshine_x that’s so lovely to hear about your boy and also very reassuring, I’ve been really worried about my boy and feeling a lot of pressure about milestones and developments etc. So encouraging to hear and makes me more determined to trust my own instincts more and just let him get there in his own time. You must be so proud and pleased xx

The pressure sometimes is awful isn’t it. I’ve cried even just recently thinking that it’s “my fault” my little one has done things a bit slower or not doing things that others do etc. what an awful way to feel about our parenting and not accurate either.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you @strawberrysunshine_x that’s so lovely to hear about your boy and also very reassuring, I’ve been really worried about my boy and feeling a lot of pressure about milestones and developments etc. So encouraging to hear and makes me more determined to trust my own instincts more and just let him get there in his own time. You must be so proud and pleased xx

The pressure sometimes is awful isn’t it. I’ve cried even just recently thinking that it’s “my fault” my little one has done things a bit slower or not doing things that others do etc. what an awful way to feel about our parenting and not accurate either.

I know!! I’ve had comments of my mum when he was around 1 saying he should be doing this by now etc. it is very draining
I know nursery have his best interests at heart but has been hard.
It’s a tough road but you’ll get there I’m sure 🩷. Parenting is tough enough without being so hard on ourselves

 

[al255]

I don’t know if my toddler (20 months) is just normal-for-toddler fussy or… really fussy

He won’t eat (throws away) toast/bread, eggs, cheese, fruit, vegetables on their own. He wouldn’t even eat a lovely mini milk ice lolly when it was really hot so sadly I had to eat it He won’t eat meat/chicken on its own or chips.

He does eat porridge, cereal, crisps, yoghurt, breadsticks (anything crispy ), biscuits, and has an ok range of dinners - spag bol, fish/cottage pies, rice, veg mixed into sauces are ok etc.

I really struggle to know what to give him for lunches and snacks as I can’t just keep giving him crisps and biscuits!! wish he could just have a sandwich or like a bit of banana or something. I’d even love him to eat a chip sometimes!
He does drink a cup of milk in the day as well.

I guess I just have to keep offering? Any ideas?

Sounds like my 3.5 year old! She rarely eats sandwiches, breakfast is cereal or eggs on toast. She rarely eats all of the toast unless it’s got jam on it, she won’t eat brown bread but doesn’t mind seeded. Cereal she’s fine with.

Lunch I usually do a smaller portion of spag bol that’s batch cooked, basically anything she will eat for tea in a smaller portion or ham with rice cakes and fruit / yoghurts.

She won’t really entertain potato, she hates chicken, she isn’t the type of child to eat Iceland fill
your freezer for £5 type meals either But I don’t mind her having spag bol cos I put loads of veg in it so i don’t worry just annoying when I’d love her to have an easy tea of sausges, chips and beans and she would only eat the sausage!

Meanwhile at nursery she eats whatever is in front of her

I don’t stress anymore over her eating, I was a fussy eater as a child and eventually she won’t be (I hope )

 

[ReginaPhalange4]

I live in Wales so it's a bit different to Scotland and England but here's my 2p.

Contact Citizens Advice. It's all based on circumstances but the average working couple are entitled to approximately £400 a month in universal credit to help with nursery fees. This is on top of child benefit. Could be just wales but it's worth asking the question.

Open a tax free account via the gov website. For every £8- you put in, they pay in £2-.

Both options aren't a lot but they will help. I got my nursery forecast this week and like you, I nearly fainted. Considered quitting work but £110- a day for 8 hours of no kids and hot coffee.... Ill sell a kidney if I have to

Yup he would get the 30 hours, he would have just turned 4 when we move. I can’t even wrap my head around him starting school yet if his birthday is in May would he start when he is 5 or 4? I have so much research to do!

it’s such a gross thing to profit from isn’t it

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Too add the tax free account is to pay childcare costs directly to the provider through. Not a bank account

 

[Megatron1298]

I live in Wales so it's a bit different to Scotland and England but here's my 2p.

Contact Citizens Advice. It's all based on circumstances but the average working couple are entitled to approximately £400 a month in universal credit to help with nursery fees. This is on top of child benefit. Could be just wales but it's worth asking the question.

Open a tax free account via the gov website. For every £8- you put in, they pay in £2-.

Both options aren't a lot but they will help. I got my nursery forecast this week and like you, I nearly fainted. Considered quitting work but £110- a day for 8 hours of no kids and hot coffee.... Ill sell a kidney if I have to


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Too add the tax free account is to pay childcare costs directly to the provider through. Not a bank account

Thanks I will take a look! Sometimes I consider quitting and then my toddler acts like an mole and I think yeah childcare is worth every penny lol
How bs that work and getting paid is easier than staying home with kids though