It’s so annoying. Or making excuses and batting away suggestionsI’m used to it I have a friend who does the same
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We call ours a take a break chair. It’s something nursery mentioned they use so we got her a lovely chair from ikea and I have a basket next to it which has books, bubbles and little pop it toys. It’s in the living room so she never ends up having to leave the room or is seen as a punishment, sometimes if I can see she’s getting overwhelmed or emotions are running high, she now takes herself off or I step in and say shall we take a break and blow bubbles/pick a story. It’s really helped us combat the overload of emotions most of the time and gives her a little time to calm down, process and take some time to do stuff she enjoys
This is such a lovely ideaWe call ours a take a break chair. It’s something nursery mentioned they use so we got her a lovely chair from ikea and I have a basket next to it which has books, bubbles and little pop it toys. It’s in the living room so she never ends up having to leave the room or is seen as a punishment, sometimes if I can see she’s getting overwhelmed or emotions are running high, she now takes herself off or I step in and say shall we take a break and blow bubbles/pick a story. It’s really helped us combat the overload of emotions most of the time and gives her a little time to calm down, process and take some time to do stuff she enjoys
I don’t use a naughty step either.
I usually get my little girl to crouch on the floor, pop the laundry basket over her and pile aloud of heavy objects on top so that she can’t leave and can have a good think.
JK.
I usually get my little girl to crouch on the floor, pop the laundry basket over her and pile aloud of heavy objects on top so that she can’t leave and can have a good think.
JK.
Mine still struggles taking his pants down for a wee but he can pull them back up aftwards. I don’t really have much advice apart from maybe just keep showing him?What age could everyone's toddler take their own shorts/trousers off/down?
We have managed quite a few wees on the potty, but only because he's predictable about running into our en-suite after a bath/shower and piddling on the floor, so I popped one in there. So not really counting that. Randomly he woke up one morning a few weeks back shouting for the potty and went when I popped him on, absolute fluke though.
I've got the feeling his readiness is going to align with the dead of winterbut need to do far more work on the clothing element this summer before things can progress.
How old is he now? It’s a definite skill that takes a while. I would say up to age 3 and that’s for elasticated waists.What age could everyone's toddler take their own shorts/trousers off/down?
We have managed quite a few wees on the potty, but only because he's predictable about running into our en-suite after a bath/shower and piddling on the floor, so I popped one in there. So not really counting that. Randomly he woke up one morning a few weeks back shouting for the potty and went when I popped him on, absolute fluke though.
I've got the feeling his readiness is going to align with the dead of winter
Thank you, he didn't have a fever last time but still ended up having a seizure. Gonna have him sleep in my bed that night so I can keep a closer eye on him.
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I put my issue out here as I value the different types of advice and I am learning - aren’t we all!… but someone telling me my child is behaving this way cos she’s tired, when it’s literally been the same for the last god knows how long doesn’t make sense to me.
We’ve always been off Wednesday and Thursdays and a long while ago I realised our days were SO full on, we didn’t have literally an afternoon to just chill and I was as exhausted as she was. (That’s advice I got off here and I took it on board and made sure we had more chill time) .. I find now when we chill and stay inside, her behaviour is worse and she’s climbing the walls even if I engage in playing with her and the iPad goes away etc, she’s got a playroom with loads to do, games we can both play together, outside in the garden we’ve got outside games we can do, she’s got loads of stuff to do with me. To some people our week might be heavy but it’s always been this way. She’s used to doing swimming on a Wednesday and riding lesson in an afternoon. We aren’t one for being at home whereas some people love nothing more than being in the comfort of their house. If I thought in any way the reasons for her behaviour was due to tiredness I would cut it back - but infact being at home makes her behaviour worse. We went to my family members for her riding lesson and she was a different child compared to this morning, but with that being said - I shouldn’t have to take her out to a park etc for her to be well behaved just so she doesn’t have meltdowns.
We all parent differently - what works for one family/child won’t work for someone else’s.
I use the naughty step it works for her once she’s calmed down cos she will talk to me calmly about how she feels etc and the bottom step is away from tv, toys, iPad, anything that can distract her from speaking to me about it and giving me a hug and saying sorry.
I am not however willing to stand and repeat myself 100 times to her as to why she can’t have an ice lolly over and over again, or why she can’t go outside the front garden in her underwear in the pouring rain.. I tell her several times as to why and give her alternatives and other options but it doesn’t help the meltdowns. I am doing my best (thanks to advice on here) to give her more choices and options so she feels like she’s getting control over things and it helps but sometimes she won’t back down no matter if I give her 10000 alternatives.
I do appreciate the advice I get on here as I’ve said in the past.
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And as for not giving advice all the time - why would I? I don’t feel the need to repeat what others have said just to say something. It’s not a rule of tattle to HAVE to give advice.
Sometimes I skim through the thread at work and I think oh I’ll make sure I reply to that later and then people have said what I’d say. Other times I feel I have nothing to give as I’ve only been a parent for 3.5 years and I’m still learning. Maybe I should go onto the baby thread to give advice cos been there done that
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I can only give you advice as I said earlier you sound a lot like me and my eldest, and I’m trying to help you, like I would anyone in your situation. I don’t think she’s being anything other than a 3.5 year old pushing boundaries. And I do think 3 days at nursery, 2 days doing different activities and weekends at her dads sounds very full on and would exhaust meLong post -
I put my issue out here as I value the different types of advice and I am learning - aren’t we all!… but someone telling me my child is behaving this way cos she’s tired, when it’s literally been the same for the last god knows how long doesn’t make sense to me.
We’ve always been off Wednesday and Thursdays and a long while ago I realised our days were SO full on, we didn’t have literally an afternoon to just chill and I was as exhausted as she was. (That’s advice I got off here and I took it on board and made sure we had more chill time) .. I find now when we chill and stay inside, her behaviour is worse and she’s climbing the walls even if I engage in playing with her and the iPad goes away etc, she’s got a playroom with loads to do, games we can both play together, outside in the garden we’ve got outside games we can do, she’s got loads of stuff to do with me. To some people our week might be heavy but it’s always been this way. She’s used to doing swimming on a Wednesday and riding lesson in an afternoon. We aren’t one for being at home whereas some people love nothing more than being in the comfort of their house. If I thought in any way the reasons for her behaviour was due to tiredness I would cut it back - but infact being at home makes her behaviour worse. We went to my family members for her riding lesson and she was a different child compared to this morning, but with that being said - I shouldn’t have to take her out to a park etc for her to be well behaved just so she doesn’t have meltdowns.
We all parent differently - what works for one family/child won’t work for someone else’s.
I use the naughty step it works for her once she’s calmed down cos she will talk to me calmly about how she feels etc and the bottom step is away from tv, toys, iPad, anything that can distract her from speaking to me about it and giving me a hug and saying sorry.
I am not however willing to stand and repeat myself 100 times to her as to why she can’t have an ice lolly over and over again, or why she can’t go outside the front garden in her underwear in the pouring rain.. I tell her several times as to why and give her alternatives and other options but it doesn’t help the meltdowns. I am doing my best (thanks to advice on here) to give her more choices and options so she feels like she’s getting control over things and it helps but sometimes she won’t back down no matter if I give her 10000 alternatives.
I do appreciate the advice I get on here as I’ve said in the past.
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And as for not giving advice all the time - why would I? I don’t feel the need to repeat what others have said just to say something. It’s not a rule of tattle to HAVE to give advice.
Sometimes I skim through the thread at work and I think oh I’ll make sure I reply to that later and then people have said what I’d say. Other times I feel I have nothing to give as I’ve only been a parent for 3.5 years and I’m still learning. Maybe I should go onto the baby thread to give advice cos been there done that
I may have missed it, but where did someone say you have to give advice as well as receive it? That’s most certainly not the case…
Pick your battles wisely. It’s only going to get worse
I think everyone parents differently and only you know your own child. My daughter tantrums over stuff I can't even remember tbh. I just let her get on with it then when I think she's calmed down I offer her a cuddle or usually food 
Although the other day she was SO grumpy about something (can't remember) and I was like I think you need to go lie down for five minutes not thinking she would ACTUALLY take herself up to her room but she did! And fell asleep for like two hours
Although the other day she was SO grumpy about something (can't remember) and I was like I think you need to go lie down for five minutes not thinking she would ACTUALLY take herself up to her room but she did! And fell asleep for like two hours
This is what my friends daughter is likeI think everyone parents differently and only you know your own child. My daughter tantrums over stuff I can't even remember tbh. I just let her get on with it then when I think she's calmed down I offer her a cuddle or usually food
Although the other day she was SO grumpy about something (can't remember) and I was like I think you need to go lie down for five minutes not thinking she would ACTUALLY take herself up to her room but she did! And fell asleep for like two hours
. She said they have sent her to her room before cos she’s been a horror & when they’ve gone to check on her she’s fast asleep 
Wish someone would send me to my room so I can napThis is what my friends daughter is like
It went suspiciously quiet so I went and checked and she was flat out. It was when it was super hot as well so I don't think that helped!This is what my friends daughter is like
Please don’t feel like you have to stop posting here. You obviously are looking for help and trying to do things differently. It’s so hard when it’s so different to how you were parented, it doesn’t come naturally. I am in the same boat there.Long post -
I put my issue out here as I value the different types of advice and I am learning - aren’t we all!… but someone telling me my child is behaving this way cos she’s tired, when it’s literally been the same for the last god knows how long doesn’t make sense to me.
We’ve always been off Wednesday and Thursdays and a long while ago I realised our days were SO full on, we didn’t have literally an afternoon to just chill and I was as exhausted as she was. (That’s advice I got off here and I took it on board and made sure we had more chill time) .. I find now when we chill and stay inside, her behaviour is worse and she’s climbing the walls even if I engage in playing with her and the iPad goes away etc, she’s got a playroom with loads to do, games we can both play together, outside in the garden we’ve got outside games we can do, she’s got loads of stuff to do with me. To some people our week might be heavy but it’s always been this way. She’s used to doing swimming on a Wednesday and riding lesson in an afternoon. We aren’t one for being at home whereas some people love nothing more than being in the comfort of their house. If I thought in any way the reasons for her behaviour was due to tiredness I would cut it back - but infact being at home makes her behaviour worse. We went to my family members for her riding lesson and she was a different child compared to this morning, but with that being said - I shouldn’t have to take her out to a park etc for her to be well behaved just so she doesn’t have meltdowns.
We all parent differently - what works for one family/child won’t work for someone else’s.
I use the naughty step it works for her once she’s calmed down cos she will talk to me calmly about how she feels etc and the bottom step is away from tv, toys, iPad, anything that can distract her from speaking to me about it and giving me a hug and saying sorry.
I am not however willing to stand and repeat myself 100 times to her as to why she can’t have an ice lolly over and over again, or why she can’t go outside the front garden in her underwear in the pouring rain.. I tell her several times as to why and give her alternatives and other options but it doesn’t help the meltdowns. I am doing my best (thanks to advice on here) to give her more choices and options so she feels like she’s getting control over things and it helps but sometimes she won’t back down no matter if I give her 10000 alternatives.
I do appreciate the advice I get on here as I’ve said in the past.
---
And as for not giving advice all the time - why would I? I don’t feel the need to repeat what others have said just to say something. It’s not a rule of tattle to HAVE to give advice.
Sometimes I skim through the thread at work and I think oh I’ll make sure I reply to that later and then people have said what I’d say. Other times I feel I have nothing to give as I’ve only been a parent for 3.5 years and I’m still learning. Maybe I should go onto the baby thread to give advice cos been there done that
If she’s always been preoccupied she may need time to get used to the feeling of being bored and might need some time to then figure out what to do about that. It also sounds like she has big energy, like my daughter. I used to go out everyday with her but have massively cut back once she started preschool and since having her brother and it was a big adjustment for us all. Now I’ve had to be creative with finding ways to harness that energy or she does act up. We’ll play Simon says or I’ll set a timer and see how many star jumps she can do.
Definitely don’t get caught up arguing or repeating yourself. I think you’d appreciate Janet Lansbury’s unruffled philosophy. She says to hold the feelings, state your boundary and move on. You’re the leader you can say no and not give an explanation. They are allowed to be upset about it and you can validate that without giving in to it or getting swept into the feelings. She has a blog and loads of really helpful short articles for specific problem solving.
Sorry I’ve gone on again but I do really relate to your situation as sounds very similar to my daughter and these are approaches that have helped me.
Thank you xx
I agree with you completely and it sounds like we are similar with our girls. I will have a look at Janet too and see how I get on x
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Motherhood is hard enough without being tough on ourselves tooThank you xx
I agree with you completely and it sounds like we are similar with our girls. I will have a look at Janet too and see how I get on x
You’re doing a great job
I don’t really know what you want people to say because you seem really set in how you’re doing things. People can only offer advice based on personal experiences and finding out what’s worked for them through trial and error. I’ve been there, I’ve been the angry, frustrated mum who wonders why the defiant 3 year old won’t listen to what I’m saying.Long post -
I put my issue out here as I value the different types of advice and I am learning - aren’t we all!… but someone telling me my child is behaving this way cos she’s tired, when it’s literally been the same for the last god knows how long doesn’t make sense to me.
We’ve always been off Wednesday and Thursdays and a long while ago I realised our days were SO full on, we didn’t have literally an afternoon to just chill and I was as exhausted as she was. (That’s advice I got off here and I took it on board and made sure we had more chill time) .. I find now when we chill and stay inside, her behaviour is worse and she’s climbing the walls even if I engage in playing with her and the iPad goes away etc, she’s got a playroom with loads to do, games we can both play together, outside in the garden we’ve got outside games we can do, she’s got loads of stuff to do with me. To some people our week might be heavy but it’s always been this way. She’s used to doing swimming on a Wednesday and riding lesson in an afternoon. We aren’t one for being at home whereas some people love nothing more than being in the comfort of their house. If I thought in any way the reasons for her behaviour was due to tiredness I would cut it back - but infact being at home makes her behaviour worse. We went to my family members for her riding lesson and she was a different child compared to this morning, but with that being said - I shouldn’t have to take her out to a park etc for her to be well behaved just so she doesn’t have meltdowns.
We all parent differently - what works for one family/child won’t work for someone else’s.
I use the naughty step it works for her once she’s calmed down cos she will talk to me calmly about how she feels etc and the bottom step is away from tv, toys, iPad, anything that can distract her from speaking to me about it and giving me a hug and saying sorry.
I am not however willing to stand and repeat myself 100 times to her as to why she can’t have an ice lolly over and over again, or why she can’t go outside the front garden in her underwear in the pouring rain.. I tell her several times as to why and give her alternatives and other options but it doesn’t help the meltdowns. I am doing my best (thanks to advice on here) to give her more choices and options so she feels like she’s getting control over things and it helps but sometimes she won’t back down no matter if I give her 10000 alternatives.
I do appreciate the advice I get on here as I’ve said in the past.
---
And as for not giving advice all the time - why would I? I don’t feel the need to repeat what others have said just to say something. It’s not a rule of tattle to HAVE to give advice.
Sometimes I skim through the thread at work and I think oh I’ll make sure I reply to that later and then people have said what I’d say. Other times I feel I have nothing to give as I’ve only been a parent for 3.5 years and I’m still learning. Maybe I should go onto the baby thread to give advice cos been there done that
I’ve learnt to accept half the time she can’t give a flying duck if I say no, she’s gonna go and try it anyway, because she wants to do it and she is in control. But I am in control then of whether that is plausible. Be it a trip to the park after nursery, a third ice lolly, to do painting straight after nursery instead of after lunch. She doesn’t understand why she can’t do those things if I say no. She hasn’t checked the weather forecast, it’s going to rain at pickup time, I want to go right now mum, not tomorrow. She doesn’t care that she’s already had two ice lollies and a chocolate bar, she wants another ice lolly so I’m going to reject that offer of fruit thanks Mum. She wants it, can’t understand why that can’t happen and so she’s going to be really pissed off, but she doesn’t understand why she feels that way either.
I think sometimes it’s good to take a step back. Give them the safe place to tantrum. Let them scream, shout and cry. Let her process it. Don’t interrupt her, make sure you’re both safe and just let it happen. She is learning how to process some very big feelings, loss of recently gained control and no understanding whatsoever that sometimes things have to be done a certain way, at certain times and they can't always have what they want.
I guess what I’m trying to say is lower the expectations and the standards of what we feel is acceptable. She is still so little, the world is still so big and even when you have her at her worst, it’s overwhelming you, and her. You also get her at her best. X
Just wanted to say I love reading your posts, and really value the things you share
He’s 19 months now (! how) and is taking more of an interest in dressing/undressing, but apart from removing socks or loosely putting on a hat it all seems such a way off yet.
I’m consciously choosing easy clothes for his next size up to try and help him grasp it. Just seems unfair that the closer he gets to cracking it, the more layers I’ll be adding, but it is what it is.
Thank-you 🩵
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