Toddler advice thread #5

[Definitelyme]

Oh that is fantastic. Bless him. Fingers crossed he is on the right track

he still hasn’t had a wee at nursery that is on the potty!!! He had 1 accident in his pants yesterday. But they said they are confident he will do it and one of their own sons was the same and wouldn’t wee at nursery to start with
I do think they are pressuring him a bit cos they said they have got him sitting down etc but I’ve told them the way he likes to do it

he is doing really well at home still . He claps and says yay really enthusiastically when he’s done something at home. He is just too cute.

It is amazing to see how proud they are of themselves! Such a joy (when it goes well!)

Does little strawberry just hold his wee in when he’s at nursery? A bladder of steel?! My nephew is similar, he really has struggled to get to grips with peeing a nursery even though he’s been using the toilet for about a year. My SIL says he usually comes home soaking (not sure why they don’t change him?)

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

It is amazing to see how proud they are of themselves! Such a joy (when it goes well!)

Does little strawberry just hold his wee in when he’s at nursery? A bladder of steel?! My nephew is similar, he really has struggled to get to grips with peeing a nursery even though he’s been using the toilet for about a year. My SIL says he usually comes home soaking (not sure why they don’t change him?)

No he has a few accidents. One day last week he held it all day. He had 1 accident in his pants yesterday but they have said he just won’t wee for them on the potty . But I’ve said to them it is literally instant when he needs a wee there isn’t much time
In a way I’ll be glad when it’s September & he has a 1:1 with him all the time. It’ll be better for him
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It is amazing to see how proud they are of themselves! Such a joy (when it goes well!)

Does little strawberry just hold his wee in when he’s at nursery? A bladder of steel?! My nephew is similar, he really has struggled to get to grips with peeing a nursery even though he’s been using the toilet for about a year. My SIL says he usually comes home soaking (not sure why they don’t change him?)

No he has a few accidents. One day last week he held it all day. He had 1 accident in his pants yesterday but they have said he just won’t wee for them on the potty . But I’ve said to them it is literally instant when he needs a wee there isn’t much time
In a way I’ll be glad when it’s September & he has a 1:1 with him all the time. It’ll be better for him

 

[al255]

View attachment 2270771For anyone who needs to hear this

I’m honestly feeling so deflated and I’ve had enough at the moment. We had 3 meltdowns before swimming this morning, she wouldn’t get her clothes on for swimming and 2 over other stuff.

she wanted another ice lolly and I said no, she already had one after lunch and she was banging her spoon against the freezer, then cos I was washing up not retaliating as I’d already explained the reasons why she can’t have another ice lolly she then started hitting me with her hands and spoon. I took her to the naughty step and told her not to move, she kept getting up and by the end of it I was stood behind the living room door and she was SCREEEEAMING blue murder and hitting the door. I didn’t give her any conversation or even acknowledging it all, I just stayed behind the door until she’d calmed down and eventually we got a sorry and I asked her why she hit me and we don’t hit, kick, push mummy.

She’s got her horse riding lesson in an hour and I’m dropping her off with my Dad and going to the gym.

I’m fed up of feeling like this every single week. From September she’s gunna be with my dad in a morning then nursery in the afternoon and I can’t wait. 1 less day I’ll have to put up with major meltdowns. I’d honestly rather be at work at this point cos time with her isn’t enjoyable at the moment. Sorry if this comes across as harsh but I’m sick of feeling so deflated and fed up!

 

[Jellybean093]

I’m honestly feeling so deflated and I’ve had enough at the moment. We had 3 meltdowns before swimming this morning, she wouldn’t get her clothes on for swimming and 2 over other stuff.

she wanted another ice lolly and I said no, she already had one after lunch and she was banging her spoon against the freezer, then cos I was washing up not retaliating as I’d already explained the reasons why she can’t have another ice lolly she then started hitting me with her hands and spoon. I took her to the naughty step and told her not to move, she kept getting up and by the end of it I was stood behind the living room door and she was SCREEEEAMING blue murder and hitting the door. I didn’t give her any conversation or even acknowledging it all, I just stayed behind the door until she’d calmed down and eventually we got a sorry and I asked her why she hit me and we don’t hit, kick, push mummy.

She’s got her horse riding lesson in an hour and I’m dropping her off with my Dad and going to the gym.

I’m fed up of feeling like this every single week. From September she’s gunna be with my dad in a morning then nursery in the afternoon and I can’t wait. 1 less day I’ll have to put up with major meltdowns. I’d honestly rather be at work at this point cos time with her isn’t enjoyable at the moment. Sorry if this comes across as harsh but I’m sick of feeling so deflated and fed up!

I think maybe it’s time to stop doing so much with her. I know horse riding is expensive, but if my child acted like that, I wouldn’t be sending them and I would be staying home with them
We are also in the thick of delayed terrible 2s (he’s nearly 4!) and it’s tough, but we try to ignore it, although Mr B threatens him with the step, but it’s always a bit too far

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

@al255 i agree with @Jellybean093 is it possible you are doing too much. It sounds like you have a jam packed schedule. I mean swimming and horse riding in one day!? That seems a lot to me for a 3 year old. Maybe she is tired? . Im not having a go just my opinion x

mine actually doesn’t do an activities. We used to go to football but he didn’t like it much and was getting upset so I stopped

 

[sodit]

What age could everyone's toddler take their own shorts/trousers off/down?

We have managed quite a few wees on the potty, but only because he's predictable about running into our en-suite after a bath/shower and piddling on the floor, so I popped one in there. So not really counting that. Randomly he woke up one morning a few weeks back shouting for the potty and went when I popped him on, absolute fluke though.
I've got the feeling his readiness is going to align with the dead of winter but need to do far more work on the clothing element this summer before things can progress.

 

[al255]

I think maybe it’s time to stop doing so much with her. I know horse riding is expensive, but if my child acted like that, I wouldn’t be sending them and I would be staying home with them
We are also in the thick of delayed terrible 2s (he’s nearly 4!) and it’s tough, but we try to ignore it, although Mr B threatens him with the step, but it’s always a bit too far

I don’t pay for it, it’s my family members farm and they have stables, she’s been doing it every week since she was 2 and to be honest - I’m glad of the hour break. As she’s showing next year she needs to do the lessons or else it’ll have a knock on effect.

She’s always done swimming and riding lesson on a Wednesday unless it’s been school hols. She’s not tired she’s just kicking off over me saying no over another ice lolly.

We only do swimming for half an hour (lessons) in a morning from 9:30-10 and then it’s home time, she just sits on the iPad or we play a game, whatever she wants to do. Then Wednesday afternoon she has half an hour riding lesson and we just chill after that. Thursdays we go to a toddler phonic class and the afternoon we don’t do much either. I’ve really got used to just letting us “chill” ..

 

[Jellybean093]

I don’t pay for it, it’s my family members farm and they have stables, she’s been doing it every week since she was 2 and to be honest - I’m glad of the hour break. We only do swimming for half an hour (lessons) in a morning from 9:30-10 and then it’s home time, she just sits on the iPad or we play a game, whatever she wants to do. Then Wednesday afternoon she has half an hour riding lesson and we just chill after that. Thursdays we go to a toddler phonic class and the afternoon we don’t do much either. I’ve really got used to just letting us “chill” ..

But she is also at nursery the other days? She is busy everyday. You aren’t listening to anyone when they are saying you are doing too much with her. You completely ignore good advice regularly.

 

[al255]

But she is also at nursery the other days? She is busy everyday. You aren’t listening to anyone when they are saying you are doing too much with her. You completely ignore good advice regularly.

Monday & Tuesday nursery. Wednesday is the only day she can do riding and swimming lessons, inbetween that it’s not like she is on the go.

Thursday is only the morning a 45 min class and then rest of the day we don’t do much. Friday she’s at nursery. Her behaviour is worse when we are “stuck in” all day. She isn’t one for being indoors, the days where I try and get her to sit and watch a film or something easy that is just relaxing she wants to play or go outside.

I don’t think her behaviour is cos she’s tired, she just seems to think she can have endless ice lollies and when I say no she goes mental! Whilst I appreciate people saying it’s a lot - we’ve always done it like this and she’s used to it.

 

[Jellybean093]

Monday & Tuesday nursery. Wednesday is the only day she can do riding and swimming lessons, inbetween that it’s not like she is on the go.

Thursday is only the morning a 45 min class and then rest of the day we don’t do much. Friday she’s at nursery. I don’t think her behaviour is cos she’s tired, she just seems to think she can have endless ice lollies and when I say no she goes mental!

I know you know your own child better than a stranger on the internet, but I believe you’re wrong. She’s still so little. I work full time and I’m exhausted and ratty as duck. Difference between me and a toddler is I can articulate how I’m feeling. They can’t

 

[paulaschoice]

I don’t pay for it, it’s my family members farm and they have stables, she’s been doing it every week since she was 2 and to be honest - I’m glad of the hour break. As she’s showing next year she needs to do the lessons or else it’ll have a knock on effect.

She’s always done swimming and riding lesson on a Wednesday unless it’s been school hols. She’s not tired she’s just kicking off over me saying no over another ice lolly.

We only do swimming for half an hour (lessons) in a morning from 9:30-10 and then it’s home time, she just sits on the iPad or we play a game, whatever she wants to do. Then Wednesday afternoon she has half an hour riding lesson and we just chill after that. Thursdays we go to a toddler phonic class and the afternoon we don’t do much either. I’ve really got used to just letting us “chill” ..

It sounds like there’s deeper issues here tbh

 

[I’mThankyou_]

 

[al255]

It sounds like there’s deeper issues here tbh

what do you mean? .. I love the days where she will sit inside and play with me and we can play happily together but at the moment god forbid I do something wrong it’s ww3.
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Even when she was littler she’s always hated being stuck indoors playing.. it’s just the way she is. The days I try and do little so we can both chill she just gets moody that we are stuck in and say she wants to go out

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

what do you mean? .. I love the days where she will sit inside and play with me and we can play happily together but at the moment god forbid I do something wrong it’s ww3.
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Even when she was littler she’s always hated being stuck indoors playing.. it’s just the way she is. The days I try and do little so we can both chill she just gets moody that we are stuck in and say she wants to go out

I think that’s just normal 3 year old behaviour. I personally wouldn’t punish a child for having a meltdown. It sounds like you’re missing her stress cues and she’s having to resort to hitting to get your attention. Her brain isn’t fully developed enough to handle these emotions, it’s our job to help them.

Get down on her level and validate her feelings, while holding your boundary. I would say “You really want another ice lolly. It’s hard to hear no. We can have another lolly tomorrow.” And then cuddle her if she’s ready for that or let her have space and be near for when she is. If she is hitting I will hold her hands and say something like “I won’t let you hit me. I’m holding your hands to keep you safe.” When she’s calm I talk it out with her as to how she can let me know she’s struggling and needs help, usually while playing as I get more of a response from her. Now she will often say “I’m having a hard time” and we move to a connection restoring activity.

It takes practice, and it’s draining but eventually she will have less of those moments as she learns how to regulate herself through you. She sees me take some deep breaths before I respond often as my brain sees it as an emergency and needs to be shut down. That’s something I’m working on. Some days I get it wrong and that’s when I practice rupture and repair.

 

[al255]

I think that’s just normal 3 year old behaviour. I personally wouldn’t punish a child for having a meltdown. It sounds like you’re missing her stress cues and she’s having to resort to hitting to get your attention. Her brain isn’t fully developed enough to handle these emotions, it’s our job to help them.

Get down on her level and validate her feelings, while holding your boundary. I would say “You really want another ice lolly. It’s hard to hear no. We can have another lolly tomorrow.” And then cuddle her if she’s ready for that or let her have space and be near for when she is. If she is hitting I will hold her hands and say something like “I won’t let you hit me. I’m holding your hands to keep you safe.” When she’s calm I talk it out with her as to how she can let me know she’s struggling and needs help, usually while playing as I get more of a response from her. Now she will often say “I’m having a hard time” and we move to a connection restoring activity.

It takes practice, and it’s draining but eventually she will have less of those moments as she learns how to regulate herself through you. She sees me take some deep breaths before I respond often as my brain sees it as an emergency and needs to be shut down. That’s something I’m working on. Some days I get it wrong and that’s when I practice rupture and repair.

I wouldn’t ever stop her from doing her riding lesson, or swimming, or anything else as it has a knock on effect for the future. I’ll take your comments on board about the way I can do it when she hits me. Thank you x

 

[LilyRose1234]

what do you mean? .. I love the days where she will sit inside and play with me and we can play happily together but at the moment god forbid I do something wrong it’s ww3.
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Even when she was littler she’s always hated being stuck indoors playing.. it’s just the way she is. The days I try and do little so we can both chill she just gets moody that we are stuck in and say she wants to go out

I’m not even going to pretend to be a toddler expert as mine is literally 2 this week so I’m fully aware I have a lot of it to come mine is actually far worse behaved if we don’t do much, she loves being out (even if just the garden, doesn’t have to be out out) but then gets too overtired and has a meltdown, it’s such a hard line to follow I find!
The only advice I’ve heard that I’ve stuck with, is that if it’s a big deal to them and a small deal to you, then just go with it e.g wearing wellies to nursery, “helping” to mop the floor, even with ice cream, she’s currently scoffing her second mini milk of the day, she’s eaten pretty well so far, plenty of fruit and veg etc and it’s quite muggy so I wasn’t going to argue over another ice lolly when I’d also have 2 (luckily I despise mini milks so no choice ). The tantrums have cut down, and maybe it’s completely the wrong approach and appeasing her, but sometimes feels we say “no” to them for the sake of it when actually if you think about it, what difference does it make if she wears wellies out? (I take shoes in case her feet get hot but you get my gist haha). I’m not sure what I’m trying to say really just that I completely relate with how hard dealing with meltdowns can be and I’ve found not just saying no for the sake of it has made life easier!

 

[al255]

I’m not even going to pretend to be a toddler expert as mine is literally 2 this week so I’m fully aware I have a lot of it to come mine is actually far worse behaved if we don’t do much, she loves being out (even if just the garden, doesn’t have to be out out) but then gets too overtired and has a meltdown, it’s such a hard line to follow I find!
The only advice I’ve heard that I’ve stuck with, is that if it’s a big deal to them and a small deal to you, then just go with it e.g wearing wellies to nursery, “helping” to mop the floor, even with ice cream, she’s currently scoffing her second mini milk of the day, she’s eaten pretty well so far, plenty of fruit and veg etc and it’s quite muggy so I wasn’t going to argue over another ice lolly when I’d also have 2 (luckily I despise mini milks so no choice ). The tantrums have cut down, and maybe it’s completely the wrong approach and appeasing her, but sometimes feels we say “no” to them for the sake of it when actually if you think about it, what difference does it make if she wears wellies out? (I take shoes in case her feet get hot but you get my gist haha). I’m not sure what I’m trying to say really just that I completely relate with how hard dealing with meltdowns can be and I’ve found not just saying no for the sake of it has made life easier!

it’s just a phase with this behaviour, when she turned 2 and to 3 years old it was a doddle compared to this!! Like your child she prefers being outside and whilst our days seem “busy” to others,she’s used to this. In fact they used to be busier and I’ve cut it down a lot to make sure we both have some chill time and not on the go all week!

 

[LilyRose1234]

it’s just a phase with this behaviour, when she turned 2 and to 3 years old it was a doddle compared to this!! Like your child she prefers being outside and whilst our days seem “busy” to others,she’s used to this. In fact they used to be busier and I’ve cut it down a lot to make sure we both have some chill time and not on the go all week!

Hahaha I’m just thinking back to this mornings tantrum because I put her water in the wrong beaker and truly wondering how it could get worse (lesson learnt, I now let her choose her beaker rather than assuming she might want the blue one )
It’s a learning curve for them, and a learning curve for us too tbh!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I wouldn’t ever stop her from doing her riding lesson, or swimming, or anything else as it has a knock on effect for the future. I’ll take your comments on board about the way I can do it when she hits me. Thank you x

I mean putting her on the naughty step or ignoring her and shutting her in her room. Taking away something because she had a meltdown wouldn’t help stop them happening either. She would have no way to link that as a consequence for her behaviour.

 

[al255]

I mean putting her on the naughty step or ignoring her and shutting her in her room. Taking away something because she had a meltdown wouldn’t help stop them happening either. She would have no way to link that as a consequence for her behaviour.

She goes on the naughty step after several warnings. It’s my final resort and after it we talk about the behaviour when she’s calm (and me)