Toddler advice thread #4

[Definitelyme]

Thank you, I was shocked at the time. I told my partner last night but after a very rough evening with her and an unwell 4 month old we were both emotionally tapped out. I will write a letter and have a meeting and see what they say but I’m not optimistic. I messaged them last week letting them know she was having separation anxiety and if they had any resources or ideas like the hv told me to do and they didn’t reply.

I agree with what you’ve said about if they’ll struggle. Her dad said yesterday it will be hell if we take her out then send her to school as she’ll be in for a shock. But I can’t see how forcing her to go somewhere she hates for over a year will make that experience better. All she’ll think is this is what school is like I don’t want to go!
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It’s definitely not helping. We had turned a corner after her brother was born and it’s exploded again. I’ve worked so hard on making the adjustment as smooth as I can.Now I spend half the week getting her prepped to go in and then dealing with the fall out when she comes home. It’s exhausting for her and for me. She only gets one childhood and this isn’t how I want it to be. She’ll be in school next year and now I’m thinking she’s going to be less prepared as what is it doing to her self esteem to be told every time you leave how awful you’ve been.

That is it, sending them to struggle early doesn’t actually help at all. It just brings the struggle forward and puts it on them at an earlier age when they aren’t anywhere near emotionally equipped to deal with it.
None of mine went to anything before they started education (luckily we were able to do that, i know it’s not always possible) and my now 7yo and my 4yo both struggled. But sending them somewhere early would have meant the same struggles… just a year earlier.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

God as if they didn’t reply that’s shocking. Hope they take this time seriously.
if you take her out will she be at home with you? Do you know much about the new room can you meet with staff before you take her out for summer hols and discuss your concerns? Or do you think you’ll find somewhere new if you can

If it helps my niece went to a nursery which closed down and then didn’t manage to find another one so my mum looked after her during the week and she was awful at drop offs at my mums, she just wanted to be with her mum. But when she was starting school a few months after she was excited she couldn’t wait to make friends and kept saying she was excited to start. So taking them out doesn’t always end in tears.

I know! She will be home with me and her brother which won’t be easy but I think it will be easier than this. I can ask her nanny to take her out for a day once a week too so she gets a break from us.

Thank you that does really help. I can take her out for the school holidays and then she’ll start in the new room in sept so maybe the break and the fresh start with new practitioners might help. It depends on what they say at this meeting.

Just wanted to say thank you to you and all the ladies on this thread who take the time to reply so sincerely. It means a lot.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I know! She will be home with me and her brother which won’t be easy but I think it will be easier than this. I can ask her nanny to take her out for a day once a week too so she gets a break from us.

Thank you that does really help. I can take her out for the school holidays and then she’ll start in the new room in sept so maybe the break and the fresh start with new practitioners might help. It depends on what they say at this meeting.

Just wanted to say thank you to you and all the ladies on this thread who take the time to reply so sincerely. It means a lot.

That sounds good then. She might feel better after she’s been with you for a bit at home. It breaks my heart to think of a child not enjoying nursery . Least you are wanting to do something about it. You sound like a brilliant mum.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

That is it, sending them to struggle early doesn’t actually help at all. It just brings the struggle forward and puts it on them at an earlier age when they aren’t anywhere near emotionally equipped to deal with it.
None of mine went to anything before they started education (luckily we were able to do that, i know it’s not always possible) and my now 7yo and my 4yo both struggled. But sending them somewhere early would have meant the same struggles… just a year earlier.

I am lucky I can keep her home. I have enquired at a forest school for my son and they have a space for him for when he starts but I need to do the registration. I wish I could have sent her there but I wasn’t driving when I could have got a space for her.
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That sounds good then. She might feel better after she’s been with you for a bit at home. It breaks my heart to think of a child not enjoying nursery . Least you are wanting to do something about it. You sound like a brilliant mum.

Thank you that really means a lot. I’ve been really hard on myself recently.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you that really means a lot. I’ve been really hard on myself recently.

Sounds like you’re having a hard time but it’ll get better. I’m sure you’ll see a difference when she’s at home.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I hope things are better now. Your poor little girl. Then getting cross with her just hurts my heart I can’t imagine how that felt for her.

Thank you, it broke my heart too. We’ve moved her to another setting now and whilst she never appeared to be unhappy at the old one she’s really happy at the new one and I completely trust them

 

[LilyRose1234]

I am lucky I can keep her home. I have enquired at a forest school for my son and they have a space for him for when he starts but I need to do the registration. I wish I could have sent her there but I wasn’t driving when I could have got a space for her.
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Thank you that really means a lot. I’ve been really hard on myself recently.

For what it’s worth, I think it’s better for her to be at home with you than in the wrong setting for her, and that room at least doesn’t sound like the place for her. Imagine calling a toddler spiteful ffs, breaks my heart for you! If you’re lucky enough to be in a position to keep her off with you until she starts school that might be a good way to go rather than her associating leaving you with going somewhere she hates, better to wait until she can associate it with something positive!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Thank you, it broke my heart too. We’ve moved her to another setting now and whilst she never appeared to be unhappy at the old one she’s really happy at the new one and I completely trust them

I’m so glad it worked out for you
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For what it’s worth, I think it’s better for her to be at home with you than in the wrong setting for her, and that room at least doesn’t sound like the place for her. Imagine calling a toddler spiteful ffs, breaks my heart for you! If you’re lucky enough to be in a position to keep her off with you until she starts school that might be a good way to go rather than her associating leaving you with going somewhere she hates, better to wait until she can associate it with something positive!

Thank you, I agree. I’m going to do some research the next few days and plan how it will look with being at home with the two of them. In my heart I think it’s the right decision. There is quite a big homeschooling community here and there is lots of things put on by the children’s centre to prepare for school readiness which I can take her to. I also could enrol her in the forest school for one day a week. That will cost me as not funded but would be a good opportunity for her.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m so glad it worked out for you
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Thank you, I agree. I’m going to do some research the next few days and plan how it will look with being at home with the two of them. In my heart I think it’s the right decision. There is quite a big homeschooling community here and there is lots of things put on by the children’s centre to prepare for school readiness which I can take her to. I also could enrol her in the forest school for one day a week. That will cost me as not funded but would be a good opportunity for her.

I agree so much with @LilyRose1234 being at home with you will be great for her.
Over the summer is also a great time to have everyone home, lots of dry days means it’s easy to be outside and you’ll be surprised how quickly the days go!
In terms of school readiness I really wouldn’t worry too much. I have 3 in school now, and the main thing they’ve always asked is that your child is independent in terms of their self care - they can put on shoes and coats, and toilet by themselves. That’s it. They teach them everything else there.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I agree so much with @LilyRose1234 being at home with you will be great for her.
Over the summer is also a great time to have everyone home, lots of dry days means it’s easy to be outside and you’ll be surprised how quickly the days go!
In terms of school readiness I really wouldn’t worry too much. I have 3 in school now, and the main thing they’ve always asked is that your child is independent in terms of their self care - they can put on shoes and coats, and toilet by themselves. That’s it. They teach them everything else there.

Thank you, I’m aware of that. I struggle to get out the house some days if I don’t have a plan or if the weather isn’t great. She’s growing out of he playgroups I take her to so just planning ahead. The school readiness groups are just pe activities or stories and crafts with a focus on phonics, maths etc so quite similar to what they do at preschool. I just want to keep her stimulated and having fun. We start school so early in the UK, even preschool they’re expected so much of!

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you, I’m aware of that. I struggle to get out the house some days if I don’t have a plan or if the weather isn’t great. She’s growing out of he playgroups I take her to so just planning ahead. The school readiness groups are just pe activities or stories and crafts with a focus on phonics, maths etc so quite similar to what they do at preschool. I just want to keep her stimulated and having fun. We start school so early in the UK, even preschool they’re expected so much of!

My 5yo didn't go to nursery/pre school.
She's also a very nervous person and struggles with change, but she absolutely adores school and didn't struggle with it at all!
She couldn't read a single word when she started and she's now in year 2 for her phonics/reading!

We have never really gone out much either or been to any playgroups so don't put too much pressure on yourself as she will be fine!

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you, I’m aware of that. I struggle to get out the house some days if I don’t have a plan or if the weather isn’t great. She’s growing out of he playgroups I take her to so just planning ahead. The school readiness groups are just pe activities or stories and crafts with a focus on phonics, maths etc so quite similar to what they do at preschool. I just want to keep her stimulated and having fun. We start school so early in the UK, even preschool they’re expected so much of!

It’s always good to know what you’re doing, especially with little ones. I am definitely not the sort of person who can get up in the morning and say “ok let’s go!” Without having thought about it all the night before. It’s great that you have a nice home ed community round you, they always seems to have the best activities going on. You guys are going to have a lovely time together

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

My 5yo didn't go to nursery/pre school.
She's also a very nervous person and struggles with change, but she absolutely adores school and didn't struggle with it at all!
She couldn't read a single word when she started and she's now in year 2 for her phonics/reading!

We have never really gone out much either or been to any playgroups so don't put too much pressure on yourself as she will be fine!

Thank you it’s nice to hear of other kids with the same temperament doing well! Well done her on her phonics.

I’m definitely getting better at being at home more. I do find it hard all day as she is so full of energy and we don’t have a garden. She was good with independent play before the baby was born but now she wants me to play allllll the time and there’s only so much playing with dolls I can do

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you, I’m aware of that. I struggle to get out the house some days if I don’t have a plan or if the weather isn’t great. She’s growing out of he playgroups I take her to so just planning ahead. The school readiness groups are just pe activities or stories and crafts with a focus on phonics, maths etc so quite similar to what they do at preschool. I just want to keep her stimulated and having fun. We start school so early in the UK, even preschool they’re expected so much of!

The library is always good if you have one. They often have little classes on like rhyme time or something and she might meet another child there

your last sentence is soooo true!! Honestly I have been stressing so much about mine starting school cos there are ones his age in pre school who can add up a little bit and write numbers and mine just isn’t there. But he’s only 4!! Why is there so much pressure on them it’s not fair I don’t think.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

The library is always good if you have one. They often have little classes on like rhyme time or something and she might meet another child there

your last sentence is soooo true!! Honestly I have been stressing so much about mine starting school cos there are ones his age in pre school who can add up a little bit and write numbers and mine just isn’t there. But he’s only 4!! Why is there so much pressure on them it’s not fair I don’t think.

Love a library rhyme time! She has lots of opportunities to meet other children. The problem is she doesn’t want to she’s better with older girls but like your son she gets run away from. I understand why as I used to run away from my little sister but still feel sad for her.

There’s so much pressure on them, and no evidence that they do better than other countries who go later! Your son will do so well, I’m not convinced they’re learning or it’s actually memorising. Some mums are so competitive with it too! Couldn’t think of anything worse than forcing my three year old to do that!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Love a library rhyme time! She has lots of opportunities to meet other children. The problem is she doesn’t want to she’s better with older girls but like your son she gets run away from. I understand why as I used to run away from my little sister but still feel sad for her.

There’s so much pressure on them, and no evidence that they do better than other countries who go later! Your son will do so well, I’m not convinced they’re learning or it’s actually memorising. Some mums are so competitive with it too! Couldn’t think of anything worse than forcing my three year old to do that!

Awww bless her. I wish mine and yours could be friends haha. Mine likes older ones too. A few smaller kids always come up to him but he’s not interested. It’s strange isn’t it.
I know my boyfriend, his dad always tells me not to worry and he’s going to learn everything in school and to let him be a kid. I know he’s right but I feel the pressure from the nursery teacher when she tells me he’s behind. But I’m hoping when he starts reception and now he has his EHCP he will flourish with the right guidance. Nursery have told me they don’t have the staff to do 1:1 with him

 

[PillowsofFluff]

So little miss is 3.5 and suddenly scared of everything.
Won't go on a big toilet unless it has a child seat (which makes going to the toilet when out difficult) - literally cries and sits on the floor.
Terrified of hand dryers and hair dryers and hoovers - to the point of running away crying. She's never been like this before, never had an issue with loud noises.
Is this just a thing?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

So little miss is 3.5 and suddenly scared of everything.
Won't go on a big toilet unless it has a child seat (which makes going to the toilet when out difficult) - literally cries and sits on the floor.
Terrified of hand dryers and hair dryers and hoovers - to the point of running away crying. She's never been like this before, never had an issue with loud noises.
Is this just a thing?

Mine also doesn’t like hand dryers bless him. He runs out of the toilets when they’re on
Can’t really think of any other noise he doesn’t like. It’s probably just a phase for her.

 

[PillowsofFluff]

Mine also doesn’t like hand dryers bless him. He runs out of the toilets when they’re on
Can’t really think of any other noise he doesn’t like. It’s probably just a phase for her.

Thanks for replying. We went to a petting zoo thing at the weekend, and the minute we stepped foot in the sink area she just went crazy, sobbing her heart out and covering her ears and no one was even using the hand dryer! It was just because there was a hand dryer in there.

 

[Jellybean093]

So little miss is 3.5 and suddenly scared of everything.
Won't go on a big toilet unless it has a child seat (which makes going to the toilet when out difficult) - literally cries and sits on the floor.
Terrified of hand dryers and hair dryers and hoovers - to the point of running away crying. She's never been like this before, never had an issue with loud noises.
Is this just a thing?

I had the hand dryer issue with my 7yo and he stopped being scared of them when he started primary and will use them happily now. We are going through the same with our 3yo now