Toddler advice thread #4

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

How would you all feel about a practitioner telling you your three year old was being spiteful at pick-up. I asked how she meant and she was throwing toys, snatching and running through the other kids. Not her best behaviour but I wouldn’t call it spiteful.

She is really struggling atm and we’re seeing the same type of behaviour at home. The last week has been quite bad and I even went to speak to a health visitor last week who was pretty unhelpful. I’m debating whether to pull her out of going all year round and persevere this next term as she moves to a different room in September with free access to the garden.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

How would you all feel about a practitioner telling you your three year old was being spiteful at pick-up. I asked how she meant and she was throwing toys, snatching and running through the other kids. Not her best behaviour but I wouldn’t call it spiteful.

She is really struggling atm and we’re seeing the same type of behaviour at home. The last week has been quite bad and I even went to speak to a health visitor last week who was pretty unhelpful. I’m debating whether to pull her out of going all year round and persevere this next term as she moves to a different room in September with free access to the garden.

God I wouldn’t say throwing toys is spiteful. All kids throw toys at some point. sorry you’re struggling. I have never found my health visitor helpful either.
would pulling her out confuse her
Maybe she just doesn’t like it?

 

[Higuyswelcometomychannel]

How would you all feel about a practitioner telling you your three year old was being spiteful at pick-up. I asked how she meant and she was throwing toys, snatching and running through the other kids. Not her best behaviour but I wouldn’t call it spiteful.

She is really struggling atm and we’re seeing the same type of behaviour at home. The last week has been quite bad and I even went to speak to a health visitor last week who was pretty unhelpful. I’m debating whether to pull her out of going all year round and persevere this next term as she moves to a different room in September with free access to the garden.

I’d say that’s just normal “big feelings” behaviour, they all go through similar!

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

God I wouldn’t say throwing toys is spiteful. All kids throw toys at some point. sorry you’re struggling. I have never found my health visitor helpful either.
would pulling her out confuse her
Maybe she just doesn’t like it?

I don’t like that word used at all and wonder if they would use it for a boy. Sorry I wasn’t clear. She goes all year round 3 afternoons a week but understands the school holidays. So I think I’ll pull her from going all summer and start new in the new room sept. Most of the kids will be doing that anyway.
She struggled when she first started and then settled in after a few months but has now regressed to not wanting to go, struggling to go in at the door and now her behaviour when there. She’s now saying she doesn’t like it and I’m at a point now where if I think it will improve her behaviour at home I’d rather she didn’t go. They talk a big talk of how they do outdoor walks and go to the garden but it’s rare she actually leaves the room and she’s cooped up at home those mornings as I try and keep it calm plus there’s not much time by the time I get us all ready and out the door. Sorry for the essay I am really at my wits end with it all.
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I’d say that’s just normal “big feelings” behaviour, they all go through similar!

Thank you that’s my thoughts as well. Tonight has been awful with meltdown after meltdown. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it. Doesn’t help my baby is unwell and I can’t put him down. Bedtime isn’t going well.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don’t like that word used at all and wonder if they would use it for a boy. Sorry I wasn’t clear. She goes all year round 3 afternoons a week but understands the school holidays. So I think I’ll pull her from going all summer and start new in the new room sept. Most of the kids will be doing that anyway.
She struggled when she first started and then settled in after a few months but has now regressed to not wanting to go, struggling to go in at the door and now her behaviour when there. She’s now saying she doesn’t like it and I’m at a point now where if I think it will improve her behaviour at home I’d rather she didn’t go. They talk a big talk of how they do outdoor walks and go to the garden but it’s rare she actually leaves the room and she’s cooped up at home those mornings as I try and keep it calm plus there’s not much time by the time I get us all ready and out the door. Sorry for the essay I am really at my wits end with it all.
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Thank you that’s my thoughts as well. Tonight has been awful with meltdown after meltdown. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it. Doesn’t help my baby is unwell and I can’t put him down. Bedtime isn’t going well.

It sounds like she doesn’t like it. That must be awful for the both of you.
maybe it would be a good idea to do what you think then with taking her out until September. Sounds like she may benefit from it . Hope it goes well.
I would probably do the same if I was you. She will get used to the summer holidays anyway when she’s in pre school etc so may as well start now
Bless her I wonder what’s going on inside her little brain


god we went to play group today and mine just always manages to find a small group and he likes to join in with them. Anyway they kept running off from him and he kept following and they told him to stop following and to go away. They were a little bit older maybe a year older and I had to ask them if he could play with them and it broke my heart seeing them run away from him. He was a bit excited cos he’s not been to a play centre for agessss. It happened last week at the park as well this group of boys kept telling him to go away. He just always wants to join in bless him🥹. I’ve been a bit sad about it actually this afternoon. Is that pathetic.

 

[Definitelyme]

How would you all feel about a practitioner telling you your three year old was being spiteful at pick-up. I asked how she meant and she was throwing toys, snatching and running through the other kids. Not her best behaviour but I wouldn’t call it spiteful.

She is really struggling atm and we’re seeing the same type of behaviour at home. The last week has been quite bad and I even went to speak to a health visitor last week who was pretty unhelpful. I’m debating whether to pull her out of going all year round and persevere this next term as she moves to a different room in September with free access to the garden.

Noooo I wouldn’t be having that at all. A three year old can NOT be spiteful. I think I would be going back to them about this as that is totally inappropriate, and I would want to know exactly how it was dealt with. I would actually ask to speak to the manager about it tbh, and ask how spiteful fits in to their positive behaviour policy.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

@strawberrysunshine_x no that’s not pathetic. They’re our babies and we never want to see them hurting. I don’t have any advice, my kid has the one telling kids to go away. She just wants to play on her own

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

@strawberrysunshine_x no that’s not pathetic. They’re our babies and we never want to see them hurting. I don’t have any advice, my kid has the one telling kids to go away. She just wants to play on her own

There was three of them who had come together.. I know kids are a bit funny about outsiders but it’s happened a few times now and it makes me sad. Thankfully everyone at nursery is lovely it only happens when we go out and about

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Noooo I wouldn’t be having that at all. A three year old can NOT be spiteful. I think I would be going back to them about this as that is totally inappropriate, and I would want to know exactly how it was dealt with. I would actually ask to speak to the manager about it tbh, and ask how spiteful fits in to their positive behaviour policy.

Thank you I am really angry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve had comments about her at the door. They were brushed off at our last meeting but I’m not going to let it slide this time. I’m this close to pulling her completely but god knows where she’d get a place now. She has a year before she starts school and I wanted her to get used to being away from me for a full day before then but it’s actually just making us all miserable.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you I am really angry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve had comments about her at the door. They were brushed off at our last meeting but I’m not going to let it slide this time. I’m this close to pulling her completely but god knows where she’d get a place now. She has a year before she starts school and I wanted her to get used to being away from me for a full day before then but it’s actually just making us all miserable.

Oh gosh this makes me very sad for you. Are there any other places near you? You could enquire just in case.
but usually if you need to have a word it makes you feel better and its always had a positive outcome when I’ve had to complain. What other things have they been saying

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Oh gosh this makes me very sad for you. Are there any other places near you? You could enquire just in case.
but usually if you need to have a word it makes you feel better and its always had a positive outcome when I’ve had to complain. What other things have they been saying

Thank you, I will contact the manager tomorrow and ask for a meeting as it can’t go on like this. I’ll have a look around and see if there is anywhere but most places are booked up so far in advance.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Thank you, I will contact the manager tomorrow and ask for a meeting as it can’t go on like this. I’ll have a look around and see if there is anywhere but most places are booked up so far in advance.

From personal experience, get your complaint to them in writing too, along with their response

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

From personal experience, get your complaint to them in writing too, along with their response

Oh really. What happened with you if you don’t mind me asking. This is all new to me. Should I email them outplaying my concerns and ask for a meeting or is a WhatsApp message ok? We usually use WhatsApp to talk.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Oh really. What happened with you if you don’t mind me asking. This is all new to me. Should I email them outplaying my concerns and ask for a meeting or is a WhatsApp message ok? We usually use WhatsApp to talk.

I would prefer face to face if it was me. i feel like I don’t get my point across on email very wel.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you I am really angry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve had comments about her at the door. They were brushed off at our last meeting but I’m not going to let it slide this time. I’m this close to pulling her completely but god knows where she’d get a place now. She has a year before she starts school and I wanted her to get used to being away from me for a full day before then but it’s actually just making us all miserable.

I would be raging, I would be typing a letter and smoke would be coming out of the keyboard with the rage. Honestly, it’s unbelievable. Yes, she had a bad day, and had behaviours which aren’t the best, but the labelling, the comment at the door, the whole thing just is wrong.

Tbh, and I’m not in any way having a go at you personally, but I’ve never understood the "get them used to being away" thing. If they are going to struggle, they will struggle based on their personality, and so I want to keep that at bay for as long as possible, and allow them the chance to mature a bit more so maybe it’s not so much an issue rather than putting them in early. Does that make sense? I haven’t probably explained very well. But if that’s the main reason you have her in, I’d take her out.
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Oh really. What happened with you if you don’t mind me asking. This is all new to me. Should I email them outplaying my concerns and ask for a meeting or is a WhatsApp message ok? We usually use WhatsApp to talk.

I would email, and I would make it formal.

 

[xoxo GG]

Thank you I am really angry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve had comments about her at the door. They were brushed off at our last meeting but I’m not going to let it slide this time. I’m this close to pulling her completely but god knows where she’d get a place now. She has a year before she starts school and I wanted her to get used to being away from me for a full day before then but it’s actually just making us all miserable.

I do wonder if potentially her experiences and the language they’re using towards her/about her at nursery are playing in to her behaviour at home x

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Oh really. What happened with you if you don’t mind me asking. This is all new to me. Should I email them outplaying my concerns and ask for a meeting or is a WhatsApp message ok? We usually use WhatsApp to talk.

We had quite a few issues with my daughters care, like them letting her spend the day in soiled trousers after an accident when she had spares, using the words ‘naughty’ to her when she had an accident, she told me some of the workers were ‘cross with her’ and when I asked what she meant she said they got cross when she had an accident. Lots of these little incidents and we’d mention it to the staff at the door and they’d always promise to address it. But then there was a day where there was a ‘final straw’ incident so I contacted the manager via email and basically she wasn’t aware of any of our previous complaints, which was a massive red flag to me (as the staff weren’t following proper reporting procedures but instead covering for each other which is a huge safeguarding issue). Once it was in writing, the manager had to address it officially whereas when we had just spoken at the door, they’d been able to dismiss it/not address it. So I’d just make sure any issues you’ve spoken about are also written down in some way so you have a record of it and they’re accountable for it

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I would be raging, I would be typing a letter and smoke would be coming out of the keyboard with the rage. Honestly, it’s unbelievable. Yes, she had a bad day, and had behaviours which aren’t the best, but the labelling, the comment at the door, the whole thing just is wrong.

Tbh, and I’m not in any way having a go at you personally, but I’ve never understood the "get them used to being away" thing. If they are going to struggle, they will struggle based on their personality, and so I want to keep that at bay for as long as possible, and allow them the chance to mature a bit more so maybe it’s not so much an issue rather than putting them in early. Does that make sense? I haven’t probably explained very well. But if that’s the main reason you have her in, I’d take her out.
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I would email, and I would make it formal.

Thank you, I was shocked at the time. I told my partner last night but after a very rough evening with her and an unwell 4 month old we were both emotionally tapped out. I will write a letter and have a meeting and see what they say but I’m not optimistic. I messaged them last week letting them know she was having separation anxiety and if they had any resources or ideas like the hv told me to do and they didn’t reply.

I agree with what you’ve said about if they’ll struggle. Her dad said yesterday it will be hell if we take her out then send her to school as she’ll be in for a shock. But I can’t see how forcing her to go somewhere she hates for over a year will make that experience better. All she’ll think is this is what school is like I don’t want to go!
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I do wonder if potentially her experiences and the language they’re using towards her/about her at nursery are playing in to her behaviour at home x

It’s definitely not helping. We had turned a corner after her brother was born and it’s exploded again. I’ve worked so hard on making the adjustment as smooth as I can.Now I spend half the week getting her prepped to go in and then dealing with the fall out when she comes home. It’s exhausting for her and for me. She only gets one childhood and this isn’t how I want it to be. She’ll be in school next year and now I’m thinking she’s going to be less prepared as what is it doing to her self esteem to be told every time you leave how awful you’ve been.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you, I was shocked at the time. I told my partner last night but after a very rough evening with her and an unwell 4 month old we were both emotionally tapped out. I will write a letter and have a meeting and see what they say but I’m not optimistic. I messaged them last week letting them know she was having separation anxiety and if they had any resources or ideas like the hv told me to do and they didn’t reply.

I agree with what you’ve said about if they’ll struggle. Her dad said yesterday it will be hell if we take her out then send her to school as she’ll be in for a shock. But I can’t see how forcing her to go somewhere she hates for over a year will make that experience better. All she’ll think is this is what school is like I don’t want to go!

God as if they didn’t reply that’s shocking. Hope they take this time seriously.
if you take her out will she be at home with you? Do you know much about the new room can you meet with staff before you take her out for summer hols and discuss your concerns? Or do you think you’ll find somewhere new if you can

If it helps my niece went to a nursery which closed down and then didn’t manage to find another one so my mum looked after her during the week and she was awful at drop offs at my mums, she just wanted to be with her mum. But when she was starting school a few months after she was excited she couldn’t wait to make friends and kept saying she was excited to start. So taking them out doesn’t always end in tears.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

We had quite a few issues with my daughters care, like them letting her spend the day in soiled trousers after an accident when she had spares, using the words ‘naughty’ to her when she had an accident, she told me some of the workers were ‘cross with her’ and when I asked what she meant she said they got cross when she had an accident. Lots of these little incidents and we’d mention it to the staff at the door and they’d always promise to address it. But then there was a day where there was a ‘final straw’ incident so I contacted the manager via email and basically she wasn’t aware of any of our previous complaints, which was a massive red flag to me (as the staff weren’t following proper reporting procedures but instead covering for each other which is a huge safeguarding issue). Once it was in writing, the manager had to address it officially whereas when we had just spoken at the door, they’d been able to dismiss it/not address it. So I’d just make sure any issues you’ve spoken about are also written down in some way so you have a record of it and they’re accountable for it

I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I hope things are better now. Your poor little girl. Then getting cross with her just hurts my heart I can’t imagine how that felt for her.